Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

The other day I was invited to share my thought and experience as a user of a particular brand of service.

It was for a workshop on Marketing and Branding, facilitated by Indonesia’s Marketing Guru – Hermawan Kartajaya, and organised by his Marketing Consulting Firm called Mark Plus Inc.

All three kids went along, and waited around in a different room (one of the staff ‘babysat’ them =)

It was an interesting and insightful session.

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Am thankful for such an opportunity to learn and share.

(Thankful too that all three kids behaved alright there =)

Do you often take family photos ?

Like, a nice shot with EVERYONE in it?

As much as I often take photos of my family (especially, of the kids!), I realise I have very few good shots of all five of us!

So.

I got Photoshop’s little help and put everyone together in one shot! =)

And, I updated my Facebook Page profile photo! Heh.

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And, the moral of the story is …

– Whenever you can (read : regularly), take nice photos of your whole family, NOT just of the kids.

– Check out Our Everyday Things’ Facebook Page and LIKE it if you haven’t =)

Cheers!

Our 23-month-old Brie likes to scribble and draw.

And so, we did this together today :

On a drawing paper, I drew a tree with branches using a brown crayon.

As I scribbled, I explained to Brie that I’m drawing a tree, and that she’s to draw fruits and flowers ON the branches.

Then, I let her scribble circles on the branches, while I also did the same.

Yes, super simple activity for a toddler.

But, this way, I can see how she’s slowly learning the concept of seeing and placing ‘fruits / flowers’ ON the branches.

ie. Not just ‘anyhow’ scribble circles on the paper =)

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Will be sharing more activity ideas for toddlers every now and then with you =)

Babyhood passes in a blink of an eye.

They really do grow up SO FAST.

But.

Thank God for cameras.

Because at least we can capture and treasure their babyhood days, for many years to come!

Now.

Here’s one photography idea to capture their babyhood moments :

Have your hand and your little ones’ together, while they are asleep.

(Oh how I LOVE sleeping babies! =)

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I have quite a few of such shots with all my three kids when they’re babies.

The size comparison, the tender moment, the baby sleeping in the background …

It’s magical.

Here’s one milestone I’d like to remember in years to come:

Brie is now COMPLETELY weaned of breastfeeding!

Officially, it’s been three days since she was last nursed.

(Read: By yesterday, she no longer asks for “Ooh-ooh Mommy’ – her way of saying ‘Susu Mommy’, Indo for Mommy’s milk =)

And, how do I feel?

Err … let me start by sharing how I aimed to slowly wean her off breastfeeding before she turned two years old.

And yes, I’ve succeeded.

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Anya was weaned off when she was 14 months old.

Vai was weaned off when he was 22 months.

And now, Brie is weaned off at 22.5 months.

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BUT.

I can’t deny that somehow there’s this sad feeling inside me.

I mean, I don’t feel ‘YES! I’m finally done with it!’

It’s more like, ‘Awww … no more nursing my baby, EVER??’

Perhaps it’s because I feel the closest bond I ever get with my baby is when I’m breastfeeding her.

Perhaps, it’s because  I know Brie is our ‘last baby’, and so I will no longer hear ‘requests/cries’ for Mom’s milk anymore.

And perhaps, it’s around ‘that time of the month’, so I’m simply feeling more emotional (and hormonal) than usual right now.

(Just in case you’re wondering, … no, no plans for baby no. 4 =)

[Love this nursing dress from Mamaway Indonesia! I can definitely still wear it though I’ve weaned Brie off breastfeeding =) Oh, it can be worn during pregnancy too, btw!]

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If you ask me, I’d say, it’s amazing how God creates our body in such a way that it can produce milk!

And those first 5.5 months when all my three kids ONLY drank breastmilk day in and day out? They actually grew big and healthy!

It’s just beyond what I can understand.

*God is amazing!*

So blessed to have been able to breastfeed all my three kids without much complications all this time.

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Having shared all the above, I feel I should also add that I have friends who tried to breastfeed their babies, went through painful ‘breastfeeding attempt’ moments for many MANY days and weeks, but for some reasons, they simply couldn’t.

I felt for them, and I totally admired their ‘fight’.

And those friends I know, they bonded well with their babies while feeding them formula milk in a bottle.

They are great moms, and the kids grow up well and strong too.

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Anyway.

Brie is 23 months tomorrow!

One month away from turning TWO!

*Yikes!*

Don’t grow up too quickly, Brie.

Mommy is very much enjoying your little-ness everyday.

I will probably get his video clip on Youtube some extra views by writing about it like this.

But anyway, here goes.

Psy has just released a new music video. And I must say, this time round (actually, the original Gangnam Style music video too!), it’s  really is NOT suitable for kids to watch.

My personal opinion?

The overall portrayal of men and women (okay, especially the women!), the sexual connotation throughout the music video … err, the video clip is really not meant for young children.

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Do I let my kids listen to Gangnam Style?

Well, the song is played ‘everywhere’ across the world, and here in Jakarta we heard in the radio, malls, even supermarkets when it was a real hit. And yes, I too agree that it IS  a catchy song!

So.

I do let the kids watch, but at  home we only occasionally play the ‘Mom and Son’s version of Gangnam Style’ (the one on the Ellen Show).

And no, I never play the original music video and let the kids watch it.
PS: If our kids ever caught glimpses of the original Gangnam Style music video, it’s because we walked past TV shops and video walls in malls that played the music video.
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How about the latest music video by Psy?

I have no idea why anyone would produce such a music video.

The message, the actions and the overall content is just … bad.

Totally NOT for children.

Really.

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… although we cannot control what’s happening outside, I hope we all can be more ‘sensitive’ in selecting what our children are exposed to at home 

I can only say, … although we cannot control what’s happening outside, I hope we all can be more ‘sensitive’ in selecting what our children are exposed to at home, what they listen to and what they watch when they’re with us.

Because, through their eyes and ears, all sorts of values and imagery are absorbed.

And we all know, it’s harder to ‘erase’ bad values and imagery from the head, than teaching and instilling positive and constructive values.

There’s a moment today,

When I felt unsure.

Unsure of what’s ahead of me, and how certain things will turn out later.

Then as we drove out of the carpark, I looked up and saw HIS greatness.

I got out of the car,

And took this shot.

It struck me.

I was reminded how God has always and will always be there for me,

and I should never worry about the future, or about anything.

Because if God entrusts us something, HE will provide, strengthen and make a way.

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I.am.still.learning.to.trust.and.obey.

[Daddy is often ‘more fun’ than Mommy, but as parents they must always be on the ‘same team’!]

Have you heard or come across a situation like this :

> A child ASKS one parent for something
> That parent says ‘NO’
> The child then goes to THE OTHER PARENT, and asks for that same something (ie. Hoping to get a favourable answer)
> The other parents says ‘Yes’

(And, at times, when the other parent also says ‘No’, the child then continues to say, ‘But Mommy, Daddy says that … ‘

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Kids being kids, they do have this tendency to sometimes try to play one parent against the other, in their attempt to get what they want (eg. Playing their games a little longer, wanting to buy a particular thing at a mall, etc)

And, if both parents are not consciously careful about this, such a situation can potentially cause tension between the couple.

One parent becomes the ‘good guy’, while the other becomes the ‘bad guy’.

Tough parenting indeed.

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Anyway.

I thought of sharing these five parenting thoughts, ie. Ways to prevent our kids from playing us against our spouse.

1. Both parents MUST learn to be on the same page

And this basically means, we need to talk things out with our spouse and agree on how we view and address different issues.

(We may need to compromise and ‘meet in the middle’, and it’s sometimes not easy, BUT, it will surely be worth it in the long run).

Because really, when children see how their parents are on the same team, they are less likely to try to play one parent against each other.

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2. Make important decisions TOGETHER

Sometimes a child may need to wait for hours before he/she can get an answer to an important decision, and to me, that’s perfectly fine AS LONG AS both parents get to talk about the issue and come to a decision together.

For our case, my older kids know that when it comes to big decisions, I’d usually say, ‘I’ll need to speak to Daddy first.’

(Also because I’d like to my kids to see that Mommy respects Daddy’s decision and Daddy is the leader in the family)

PS: If the issue has been discussed in the past, then usually one parent can make the decision immediately.

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3. Communicate and keep your spouse updated

When a decision has been made (eg. As part of a disciplinary action, a child is not to play any mobile phone / iPad games for a week), it is important to let our spouse know about it. The sooner the better.

There were times when I forgot to update Wilson (eg. On that ‘no games for a week’ decision), and as I came out from the shower, I saw how Wilson’s home and that kid’s already playing on his iPhone!

When reprimanded, the child’s usual excuse was, ‘I forgot that I’m not supposed to play for a week.’

Then, what most likely happened next is that Daddy would give a quick, firm response, like, ‘You shouldn’t ask for my phone if you knew you’re being disciplined on this!’ And after that, the kid usually remembers the day and date of when he/she can play again (because he/she knows that if it is to happen again, their one week can become two weeks of ‘no games’, and they don’t want that to happen!)

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4. No arguments in front of the children, please!

This is tough to do, but it’s an important one.

When couples often argue in front of the kids, they can see how their parents are divided and hence, there are opportunities for the kids to play their parents out.

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Some parents feel that they need to make their children feel happy all the time, and so they feel ‘bad’ if the children are ‘angry’ with them for saying ‘No’ to what they ask.

5.  It is OKAY if a child is ‘unhappy’ when we have to say ‘No’ to something he/she asks

Some parents feel that they need to make their children feel happy all the time, and so they feel ‘bad’ if the children are ‘angry’ with them for saying ‘No’ to what they ask.

And what potentially happens next is, one parent will eventually give in and become more lenient, in his/her attempt to calm or please the ‘unhappy’ child.

What really happens here is that the parent is :

– creating bigger possibilities for the child to play the parents against each other the next time round

– ‘trivialising’ the other parent’s decision (which can potentially make the child be ‘less respectful’ towards that parent too)

– NOT doing what’s best for the child

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Anything else to add to the list?