Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

Vai is 7 years and 2 months old right now, and last weekend he had a ‘real’ tennis competition.

A big milestone for him, and for us.

I called it a ‘real’ competition, because it’s not about playing tennis against kids within his tennis school.

It’s about playing against other kids (all were under 8yo) who came from other cities (eg. Bandung, Semarang, Samarinda)

And, it was a whole new learning experience for him (and for me)

For the first time, I watched my kid competed in a tournament, and I admit, I cheered and went ‘JIA YO!’ when Vai hit the ball real well.

Hah.

Not that elegant of me, but I didn’t care. I was one supportive mom! =)

But.

Well, I soon found out that there must be NO noise (however encouraging!) when they’re till playing! Oops! =)

Okay. Lesson learned.

PS: Yeah I watch tennis matches on TV, but I somehow forgot about how spectators are all quiet when the players are playing =)

Anyway.

Vai played in singles and doubles.

And he managed to go as far as getting into the Semi Finals (doubles).

Which to us, was a great achievement already!

Now, when it comes to sports and competitions, this is what Wilson and I believe in (and what we instill in our kids so far):

– It’s not just about winning.
Of course we must always practice to our best capability, and strive to win, BUT even if you didn’t win, it’s okay as long as you’ve done your best. ie. We won’t love you ‘less’ simply because you don’t win the games.

– In life, there are times when we can be playful, and there are times when we need to serious and focused.
Being in a tournament is one such time when we must learn to focus and concentrate and do our best.

(This is something that Vai learned a lot, because he did have the tendency to get distracted easily)

What’s more important is though, we must never give up– We must never focus on just competing and beating the other team.
We must learn and apply what positive sportsmanship on court is like, eg. We must learn to not be angry / verbally abusive towards the winning team. If they did well and win, then learn to shake their hands and genuinely congratulate them. And, if we win, don’t be a smug! Respect the other team.

– We must always be eager to do our best, in everything, including in tournaments.

– Things in life don’t always go according to our expectation.
What’s more important is though, we must never give up. We must learn to NOT talk negatively to self too when we seem to not do well in the match (because it’ll distract you from playing better towards the end. You know, if the game has not ended, there’s still a chance to win)

…

Phew.

So much to learn, huh?

Well, those things are what Wilson and I TRY to apply in our lives too (of course, our own learning journey is still looongg)

And so, they are the values that we instill in our kids. Naturally.

Ah I think, it’s just great that Vai was in that tournament, because it is through such events that he (and us) could experience and learn.

Let me start by saying this : No one would imagine themselves being frail, sick or unhealthy.

Because naturally, everyone of us wishes to be healthy.

Question is, do WE have full control over our health condition?

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Here’s sharing with you a little about me.

When I was in my teens and early twenties, I was into all sorts of sports. I was the most active in the family. Volleyball, basketball, softball, rollerblading, and even picking up skiing and snowboarding just before Wilson and I got married.

(And went snowboarding at Coronet Peak in New Zealand for our honeymoon! What a GREAT and refreshing 2 weeks it was!)

But.

What do you know?

One week after our honeymoon, my right knee was swollen, and it hurt so bad that I couldn’t even half-squat!

I was twenty-five at the time, and that was when I found out about my potential problems with my ligaments, joints and bones.

(My family and I were like, ‘Huh? Seriously? At that age? Isn’t that something that happens to ‘old people’?’)

And you know what’s the possible explanation for my condition?

Well, it’s highly possible that it’s due to my family.

My maternal grandpa has problems with his legs and joints (but then, I thought it’s because of old age?)

My mom has problems with her legs too. They’re now so weak that she gets from one point to another mostly supported by a helper or she’d be on her wheelchair.

Now.

I sure never imagined that out of the four kids she had, I’d be the one with higher potentials to have bone, ligament and joint problems!

(Btw, by now I’m all okay, but as advised by my Doc since 2001, I must avoid exercises / activities that will place too much impact on my feet and knees. Plus, it’s best if I consume enough calcium daily, and other essential nutrients, like Vitamin D, Magnesium, etc, that will strengthen my bones)
…

Well.

NO ONE KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON IN THE INSIDE OF OUR BODY.

We could assume we’re all healthy and well, and suddenly, WHAM! We discover there’s something not quite right inside.

And hey, such problems don’t just happen to ‘old people’, do they?

It can strike anyone, at anytime.

(So, if you’re all healthy and all, really … it’s totally because of God’s grace!)

…

Anyway.

Is there anything that we can do?

If you ask me, well … we can always try to :

> keep an active life
> eat a well-balanced diet
> and make sure we get all the necessary vitamins (including essential ‘bone strengthening nutrients’!) everyday

I mean, THOSE are the least that we can do?

Adding to the list above, I feel reading up and knowing more about what’s happening in our body at different stages of our life is also equally important.

Like, for example, when I was pregnant with my three kids (and breastfeeding all three of them afterwards), I did wonder if my babies were ‘sucking up’ all my calcium, making my bones all frail later in life!

(I remember thinking, I MUST consume extra Calcium and other good nutrients when another human being is growing inside and feeding on me, right?)

Because seriously, did you know that if a mom does not get sufficient intake of calcium during pregnancy (and breastfeeding phase), calcium needed for the baby will be drawn from the mom’s bones instead!

AND, of course, not to forget the big M for ‘Menopause’ that all women will have to go through (a phase that I still have yet to read more about).

Well, I don’t know how much YOU know about Menopause and what happens to our bodies when it takes place, but anyway, check out this article excerpt, from womentowomen.com:

Our bones naturally break down and rebuild themselves on a daily basis, and until women reach the age of 30, the building of bone outweighs breakdown. Shortly after peak bone mass is reached — somewhere around our 29th birthday — we begin to lose bone density. This loss seems to accelerate in many women during the menopause transition.

(When I read it, I thought, if we cannot stop our bone density loss, then we can at least consume and do things that can ‘slow down’ the process, yes?)

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Anyway, here’s more important info to share with you:

> Our bones are living tissues which are renewed daily.

>  Our body loses calcium through daily functions, BUT it is also replenished from calcium-rich food we consume everyday. If we don’t consume enough for our body to replenish itself,  our body will draw calcium from our bones.

(Click HERE to read more on bone health, pregnancy and breastfeeding)

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In our quest to find out more about Calcium, here’s a quick summary of our kids’ conversation with each other =)

”

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When it comes to calcium or anything that’s good for the bones, somehow there’s one brand that comes to my mind almost immediately. And it’s Anlene.

And you know why?

Because since a couple of decades ago, I’ve already seen a tin of Anlene on the breakfast table, at my mom’s place! =)

It’s just such a familiar name at home. My grandparents would drink a glass of it every morning (They still do till today! They’re btw 88yo and 92yo, and are still actively traveling around the world!)

The other day, as the kids and I walked down the supermarket aisles, doing our usual grocery shopping, they stopped by the Anlene shelves and took a closer look.

And Anya, our 9.5yo, spotted a pack of four ‘Anlene Concentrate‘, and said, ‘So Mommy, can I drink this once a day?’

Well, one is never too young to start consuming good stuff? =)

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INFO:
Each packet of Anlene Concentrate contains:
> 4x Calcium than regular milk
> Essential bone strengthening nutrients like Calcium, Vitamin D, Magnesum and Zinc
> And oh, it’s recommended to have two packets a day

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Now, before I end this post, I’d like to highlight to you this upcoming event – ANLENE 1 MILLION STEPS CHALLENGE!

Here’s more info:

On this year’s World Osteoporosis Day, Anlene is challenging all Singaporeans to take 1 million steps to stronger bone health!

It’ll be a national exercise and there’ll be stepper machines for everyone to participate in, at 4 Anlene Carnivals held island-wide.

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Also, when you post a photo of your feet taking steps on Instagram, with a “#anlenesteps”, you’ll contribute 50 steps directly to the count too!

In the end, upon achieving 1 million steps target, Anlene will donate $20,000 in cash and kind, to Family Life Centre, to help the less fortunate families in Singapore stay strong and mobile with healthy bones!

So there, your ‘steps’ do count and can make a difference in other people’s lives!

And and and.

You can grab a set of Adidas sports merchandise worth $59 with every accumulated spend of $59 on Anlene products!

*Whoopeee*

Read more about it HERE!

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Have a great week, everyone!

And here’s to healthier families! Cheers!

With today’s mobile phone web cam and everything, my guess is, nearly everyone has taken a selfie at least once in their lifetime by now =)

(read: a self-taken photo)

My question is, when did you last take a selfie, with your kiddo?

If you can’t quite recall when you last took it, I’d like to encourage you to take one, two, three or more shots, TODAY.

Or everyday =)

I took these two shots with Brie last week.

And I loved them.

I love how she wrapped her little arms around my neck.

(You know, the length of her arms is, just right, at this age!)

I love how she gave her big, sweet smile.

I love how she gave me a big kiss.

I love how it reminds me of how little and cheeky a toddler she is, how despite her terrible-two tantrums (a daily menu for us these days), she’s still the sweet, smart and playful girl that we have been blessed with.

I love how I got to capture those moments with her, for I know I’ll look back and treasure them even more, years and decades from today.

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However old your child is today, go and take a selfie with them today.

Treasure the moments, despite the parenting challenges you might probably be facing daily.

Because parenting headaches won’t last for decades, and in the end, you’ll treasure these selfie shots, the captured sweet moments, even more, when you look at them … years from today.

Have a great week ahead, everyone!

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I’m creating a hashtag ‘#SelfieWithFamily’ on Instagram and Twitter. Do share your captured moments with your kids, spouse, and loved ones and tag it there yeah!

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen these in person:

… A maid putting on the socks, for a TEN-year-old child (and no, he’s not injured or anything)

… A Dad waiting by the tennis court side with a towel in hand, diligently wiping the forehead of an EIGHT-year-old child

… A Mom reaching out for the fried chicken, and de-boning it, for her TWELVE-year-old son’s lunch

… A Mom watching her SEVEN-year-old child go for soccer practice, and as he runs around the field, Mom screams out ‘Stay out of the sun! Careful! Don’t run too fast!’ (and no, the child is not sick or anything)

… A maid carrying the many school books and bags of a teenager, while he/she walks hand-free (oh, with a phone in hand, of course)

…

As parents wish to cling onto their children, … it’s not a surprise to see them treating and helping their bigger children – even teenagers – like they’re still below fiveWatching our child grow up so fast in front of our very eyes is not easy.

Feeling them drifting further away from us, needing less and less ‘help and care’ from us, is not easy for many parents too.

So as parents wish to cling onto their children, not quite willing to see them grow and be independent, it’s not a surprise to see them treating and helping their bigger children – even teenagers – like they’re still below five!

The thing is, when we don’t let them do their own stuff, we are actually:

– NOT teaching them what responsibility and problem-solving is

– robbing off their opportunities to grow and be independent

– taking away their ‘feeling of satisfaction’ from achieving something all on their own (yes, even if the result is not as ‘nice’ as we’d like it to be)

– implicitly telling them that they’re NOT capable of doing many things in life

– raising children to be adults who will tend to always depend on others for help

Well, it sure is not easy for parents to see our children grow up. I know it’s not easy for me.

But as much as we enjoy seeing them cling onto us and needing our help, our children do grow up, and there will come a time (no, don’t wait till they’re seventeen!) when we need to sit back, step away and watch/let them do their own stuff. Since they’re young.

For their own good.

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What say you?

I was checking our old photos and I found this.

A shot of our cheeky little Vai who was just 3 years old.

Can’t help but feel, ‘Awwwww …’

I MISS those days when he’s so little.

I miss his chubby cheeks. His cuteness. His cheekiness.

Can’t believe that FOUR YEARS have gone by since that shot was taken!

…

At the same time, I thought to myself :

you know what, four years from today, when Vai is eleven years old, … I’d look at a photo of him taken TODAY, and I’d most likely feel the same way!

I’d miss the days when he’s still seven. 

The days when he’s still little, silly and cute.

as difficult as I feel Vai has been these past few weeks, I’m sure four years from today, these ‘challenging days’ won’t matter much anymore!And as difficult as I feel Vai has been these past few weeks, I’m sure four years from today, these ‘challenging days’ won’t matter much anymore!

Because, most probably, four years from today, I’ll be faced with new challenges that are tougher and more complicated?

I don’t know.

Whatever it is, I’m reminded to TREASURE my days with my kids TODAY.

To not be OVERLY bothered about daily challenging moments (by thinking, they are kids. They’ll of course be irritatingly childish at times).

To learn to be more cool-headed when handling our parenting challenges (by keeping in mind that everything will soon pass).

before I know it, they’ll ALL be young adults, living their own lives away from us.Because, time will keep on ticking away.

Because, our kids WILL GROW UP.

And before I know it, they’ll ALL be young adults, living their own lives away from us.

And by then, I’ll be sitting in front of the computer, looking at ‘old photos’, photos which probably are taken in the year 2013, and miss the moments spent with the children ‘while they’re still little’.

Sigh.

Now excuse me.

I’m going over to the kids’ bedroom to give them a big cuddle.

We checked out this ‘playground’ the other weekend, a little outside the city of Jakarta.

It’s at Sentul City, just across Taman Budaya Sentul.

Now. I know it’s not that long ago, but I somehow can’t quite remember how much we paid (Yes, one of the reasons I’m blogging is my rusty memory!)

If I remember it right, entrance fee per person is only Rp8000 (that’s less than S$1!)

And you’d only need to pay between Rp6000 – Rp10,000 per person per ride!

My honest opinion of this place?

Alam Fantasia is housed at such a big piece of land. But, I do feel sorry for it because it desperately needs better maintenance (and perhaps … ‘financial investment’ to revamp the whole place?).

The cars, the trains, the paints, and everything are generally old and ‘run down’. Quite a few of the rides are not working anymore, and many of them had ‘no staff’ attending the rides.

Having said that, whatever other rides that ‘still work’, they cost so little. And I think the kids still love the rides anyway.

Well. Brie and Vai loved the playground.

And Anya and Vai loved the bumper car rides! =)

(TIPS : Late afternoon visits are recommended, because it’s simply unimaginable to be at this place under the scorching afternoon sun)

And, before we left, we even braved ourselves and went on the ‘sky train’!

Haha. That’s right!

We went on those small trains, about 8-10m above the ground, which basically went around the park.

Cost us only Rp6000 per train! (A maximum of two people on each)

Oh, the train could wobble btw, haha, and I kind of hoped everything was stuck well on the tracks and we’re brought back to the ‘station’ safely =)

(The male staff who attended our ‘sky train ride’ was very friendly! That’s a bonus point =)

How to get to Alam Fantasia by car:
– From Tol Jagorawi, exit at Sentul Selatan gate
– Turn left and drive towards Sentul City gate
– Go straight ahead (about 2km from the gate), and you’ll see Taman Budaya Edutainment Centre.
– Alam Fantasia is just across Taman Budaya Sentul.

Alam Fantasia
Jl. Siliwangi, Taman Budaya Sentul City
Sentul Selatan, Bogor – Jawa Barat
Tel. 021-87961579

My recent two weeks have been tough.My recent two weeks have been tough.

Mentally exhausting.

And it’s more about handling and dealing with kid number 2 and 3.

The thing with Vai, our kid no. 2?

I need to deal with his attitudes. Correcting, disciplining, rebuking, encouraging, complimenting.

AND, getting him used to the idea of going to school (he just started Primary One 2 months ago). Reminding him about doing homework. Teaching him for tests and exams. Dealing with his reluctance and complaints and intentional disobedience. Every single day.

*SO HARD!*

Brie is going through this yucky Terrible Two phase! ‘I thought Brie – kid no. 3 – is all sweet and good?’, you may thought.

I tell you, Brie is going through this yucky Terrible Two phase!

She’d cry and cry when she doesn’t get what she wants.

She’d scream at me (and her siblings, even Daddy!) if she’s not happy about something.

She’d go and slap someone’s arm, leg or head, to show her unhappiness about something.

*Great!*

THANK GOD, in recent weeks, our 9.5yo daughter has somehow become a much more mature girl. To my surprise, frankly. Lately she somehow is able to see my parenting struggles, and more or less … understand.

(read: Instead of dealing with three kids with bad behaviours, I deal with two. God has mercy on me!)

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I’m left with little to NO energy by night time. By the time everyone goes to sleep at night, I just feel SO exhausted.

Defiant toddler. Whiny brother. Traffic jams. Mental notes on the piles of work waiting to be done. Dinner preparation and washing up. Ensuring all school work is done. Coaching the brother for next day’s tests. Struggling with defiance and negative attitudes again before bedtime.

Argh.

I’m left with little to NO energy by night time.

(Thank God Wilson is often home by 7pm these recent weeks! He helps out with the kids when I feel like banging my head on the wall!)

…

Okay, I’ll be fair to the kids and say this, … Vai and Brie are not *always* defiant and difficult.

Read: There are *many* terrible episodes everyday, but these kids are not like that ‘every single hour’.

There ARE cute and cuddly toddler moments.

There are times when Vai comes over and gives me a hug.

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Simply put, I don’t want to be a mad monster Mommy who screams at my kids for their bad behaviour.

I want to be more understanding. I want to be more cool-headed.

Instead of always looking at the kids as the source of the problems, I need to look at the bigger change that needs to start from me. I want to be the kind of a mom God wants me to be.

And so yesterday, as I thought about all the negativity that has been happening at home, I told myself:

I need to pray more for my kids, for the family.

I need to depend on God’s help and strength even more.

And, I need to refresh/renew/change my heart, my mindset, my perspective of everything, my parenting approach.

Instead of always looking at the kids as the source of the problems, I need to look at the bigger change that needs to start from me.

…

I went to read a chapter of the book ‘Shepherding a Child’s Heart’ by Tedd Tripp, and I was immediately rebuked, especially on how I’ve been handling my 7 year old.

I’d like to share these thoughts with you:

– The finest art of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts. It is learning how to draw out the thoughts of another.

Your objective in communication must be to understand your child, not simply to have your child understand you. – Your objective in communication must be to understand your child, not simply to have your child understand you. Many parents never learn these skills. They never discover how to help their children articulate their thoughts and feelings.

– Your first objective in correction must not be to tell your children how you feel about what they have done or said. You must try to understand what is going on inside them. Since the Scripture says that it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks, you must engage your children to understand what is going on inside.

You must try to understand what is going on inside them. – What is important in correction is not venting your feelings, anger or hurt; it is, rather, understanding the nature of the struggle that your child is having. Understanding the ‘why’ of what has been done or said. Look at the world through his or her eyes.

GAH.

The more I read the book, the more I feel I have drifted away from what I should’ve been doing as a parent to my kids.

Time to shift my parenting gear.

May God help me. And every parent out there.

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Are you struggling too these days? How do you manage and overcome things?

We made use of our big ‘bubble tea’ straws the other day!

We cut the straw into three short pieces.

I placed a piece of paper on the ground, and using the straws, Brie started stamping away.

I drew oval shapes on the piece of paper, so Brie can learn to stamp within the lines too.

I also gave her crayons so she could draw her own oval shapes.

So there you go.

One simple activity at home for your toddlers, using something that’s already at your home! =D

Have fun!

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A Quick Note to Self:
Brie is now 2 years and 3 months old. And she’s 12.5kg.