Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

Brie is now 3 years and 3 months old.

And for the past few months, she’s been an active helper whenever we are at a restaurant or a supermarket =)

“She’s still so small, what does she do exactly?”, some did ask me personally.

Well, here are some examples of the things she’s been doing:

1. At a restaurant

– Goes to the cashier and asks for the bill from the staff

(only when the cashier is within a good distance, ie. Where we can still watch her)

– Goes over to the cashier with the cash and bill (usually accompanied by sister / brother if they’re around)

– Gives us the change

– Orders the drinks (verbally to the waiter/waitress)

(It’ll be a simple, ‘Sir, one Teh Botol, please. Thank you.’ =)

2. At a supermarket

– Goes over to the weighing station and gives the plastic bag / vegetables to be weighed

– Waits for the staff to give her back the bag, gives the bag to me

– Arranges (tidies up) the stuff we buy (while she’s inside the trolley)

– Picks up the stuff from the trolley (while standing inside the trolley) and places them onto the cashier counter

– Gives the ATM card to the cashier staff, receives the receipt and passes it to me

(Btw, Anya and Vai also were introduced to such activities since they’re little. And by now, they help by picking the groceries I need to get, etc)

Now.

“Why would you introduce your small child to such activities?”, some ask.

Let’s see.

Here are some values and principles that we hope to instill in our children:

> Letting children feel a positive sense of achievement

When Brie successfully completes a task, and sees a big smile on my face, I can see how proud and happy she feels. It’s like, ‘Wow! I’ve helped Mommy! I could do it!’

> Allowing them to gain more confidence when speaking to strangers (eg. Restaurant staff), and communicating their requests clearly to others

When a waiter actually understands their request and gives them what they ask (eg. Two packets of tomato sauce at McDonald’s), I can see their confidence in themselves increases. It’s like, ‘Whoa! They listened and understood me!’

These things may seem simple, but they matter a lot to little children and their self-esteem.

> Instilling a sense of responsibility and the need to help others

We hope our children always feel: “I need to take part and help out others, too.”

(Especially since it doesn’t always come naturally!)

When they see how others are ‘positively impacted’ by their ‘helpful actions’, we believe it will encourage them to help others more and more. We hope.

> Letting them exercise good manners

Through such activities, the kids really do learn about queuing up, waiting for their turn, about thanking the staff upon receiving help, saying ‘please, etc.

Children are never ‘too young’ to learn such values, … yes?

[3.5yo Vai ordering his ice cream cone on his own]

> Instilling independence since young

I must say, sometimes we parents ‘underestimate’ the abilities of little children, don’t we? So much so that we often ‘disallow’ them from doing much for themselves and for others.

Basically, the question is: do we often discourage them from contributing much to the family?

In our family, we believe that our children, since young, need to learn how wonderful it is to be independent, to do things themselves, … because it also means they’re helping others, eg. When Brie puts her clothes on by herself before going out, she’s also giving Mommy the time to get ready before going out).

…

Btw, here are some past blog posts on this topic that I’ve written:

> Parenting: Encouraging Responsibility and Independence
https://www.oureverydaythings.com/2010/03/parenting-encouraging-responsibility-and-independence/

> Parenting: Letting children do their own stuff
https://www.oureverydaythings.com/2013/09/parenting-letting-children-do-their-own-stuff/

> Getting kids involved around the house
https://www.oureverydaythings.com/2008/05/getting-kids-involved-around-the-house/

> Parenting: Encouraging kids to help out around the house (Part 1)
https://www.oureverydaythings.com/2011/02/parenting-encouraging-kids-to-help-out-around-the-house-part-1/

> Parenting: Encouraging kids to help out around the house (Part 2)
https://www.oureverydaythings.com/2011/02/parenting-encouraging-kids-to-help-out-around-the-house-part-2/

…

Happy parenting, everyone! =)

Anya had this art project from school.

She’s to make a doll using a recycled bottle.

Basically, her art teacher asked his class to create a doll, of any kind, using a recycled bottle (those 500 ml ones) as the body, and a pingpong ball as the head.

And this was what Anya made at school, all on her own.

(I particularly liked how she did the hair =)

She basically used :

– A pingpong ball as the head

– A recycled bottle as the body

– Brown wool yarn as the hair (the only closest colour to ‘real hair colour’ that we have =)

– Googly eyes

– Felt (pink and yellow for the inner and outer layer of doll’s dress)

– White felt as the scarf (to cover the otherwise visible ‘bottle neck’)

– Tiny red felt for the mouth

– Tiny beads as doll’s coat decorations

– And, hmmm, I don’t know what you call those frills in English – you know, that piece at the bottom of doll’s inner dress =)

What a cute project, I thought! =D

Hope this post somewhat inspires you to create your own Recycled Bottle Doll too with your little one =)

The other day, I was listening to an audio sermon on Chinese Philosophy (by Rev. DR. Stephen Tong), and this statement caught my attention:

The younger generation today tend to IGNORE basic mannerism.

Well, I have to say, I totally agree.

…

Stand up while shaking hands with others, especially if they’re older than youYou see, I am an Indonesian of Chinese descent. My grandparents were born in mainland China in the early 1920s.

And since I was 14 years old, I mostly lived away from my family, spending 9 years in Australia, 13 years in Singapore and the last 2 years back in Jakarta.

Now.

Looking at the different ‘phases’ of my life and the kinds of cultures I was exposed to while growing up, I must say that, by now, I have consciously chosen to adopt a mixture of both western and eastern cultures (as much as I possibly and consciously can, the better ones of each culture =)

And.

Ever since I became a mom 10 years ago, I realise I’ve consciously passed down these values and principles to my three children too.

What kinds of values, some may wonder.

Here are three basic ones that I’d like to share with you today.
(I hope to share the others in a different post =)

1. Stand up while shaking hands with others, especially if they’re older than you

When someone older than us says ‘Hello!’, approaches us and extends his arm towards us, be sure to stand up while shaking hands with him.

Because it’s a way to show our respect.

2. Always, always, look at people in the eye when you shake hands with them, when you talk to them, when you say thank you, when you apologise, etc.

No matter what you’re doing at that moment, if you’re shaking hands with people, smile and look at them in the eye. It’s our basic gesture of respect and appreciation towards others.

The same applies when we say thank you or sorry … look at them in the eye, because it means you mean what you say.

3. Always say ‘Hello!’ and greet others (family or friends), especially those who are older than you, when you meet them for the first time that day (enter their car, their homes, etc)

Like, when someone is giving you a lift, and you’ve just hopped into the car, you must greet everyone, eg. ‘Hello Auntie XYZ!’ (and always say ‘Thank you’ before getting off)

Or, when we’re visiting other people’s homes, or when people are visiting our home, as we / they enter the home, … greet and say hello. Even better, greet them by name, eg. ‘Hello Uncle ABC …’

Another example, if you can extend it further and politely greet the bus driver as you hop on, … it’s even better.
(You never know if you’ve just made someone’s day just by doing a simple gesture of appreciation)

…

we’re now living in an era where there’s a strong tendency to disconnect with those around usYou may wonder, why so much emphasis on ‘greeting others’ and teaching the kids to look at people in the eye?

Well, because I feel , we’re now living in an era where there’s a strong tendency to disconnect with those around us, to feel more comfortable when interacting with machines than with other human beings.

And, it is somewhat easier (and regarded as ‘normal’ by many, too) to focus on ‘my own world’ than appreciating the presence of others in ‘our world’.

…

Anyway. While we’re on this topic, I remember how someone said to me the other day,

‘Children these days are so different. They are not as polite as before. When they meet people, when they’re called, when people say hello and want to shake their hands, these days, it’s common to see children / youngsters who continue to play their games, not lifting their eyes off the screen!’

To the above statements, my thoughts are: it all comes back to the parents, their main caregivers, the kinds of exposure they receive everyday, and the kinds of values and principles instilled in these children since young?

I mean, children’s basic behaviours are inevitably influenced by ‘how’ they’re brought up and their surrouding, yes?

…

They need to learn important values and principles from us parents, while we too walk our talk everydayIf you ask me, I say, all children need guidance.

They need to see genuine living examples.

They need to learn important values and principles from us parents, while we too walk our talk everyday.

The thing is, we are all far from perfect ourselves.

So, what should we do?

Well, I believe, as long as we try and struggle everyday to do what we believe as right, … that is the start we all need.

Also, when our children see how we too genuinely struggle, just like them, everything becomes more real for them, … and together we learn to depend on God’s help even more.

Food for thought.

Any thoughts to share?

Here’s one of Anya’s must-bring items when we go out and about : her Squids sunglasses =)

They fit so well, and guess what?

They come in different colours and in smaller sizes too, like, for children 0 – 3 years old!

And, here are some of their featured highlights:

> Comes in 2 sizes : 0 – 3 years (Mini Squids) and 3 – 10 years (Squids)
> 100% UV protected lenses
> Water Resistant with high flex frames that FLOAT in water (great for beach and pool plays!)
> Comes in 6 vibrant colours: Blue, Pink, Yellow, Green, Red and Silver
> Comes with PVC pouches in different colours
> Australian design

Personally, I love the ‘water resistant’ feature the most, because it practically means, Anya can continually wear her sunnies even when we’re on the beach and during water-plays (without me worrying if they’re going to be ‘damaged’ by the waters).

(Read and see more photos HERE!)

Where you can get these:

Singapore :
> Liferacer
> http://babyonline.com.sg
> http://www.agapebabies.com

Indonesia:
> Ken Mum Shop
> Milk Baby Shop
> http://www.manhattanbabyandbeyond.com

…

PS : They make great gifts too, I reckon =)

Our three-year-old Brie saw me did some sewing the other day.

And she was curious.

She saw the needle and thread going in and out, yet she knew (read: was taught) how she couldn’t touch them just yet.

So.

I thought, why not make a simple ‘sewing’ activity for her?

The idea is, to basically allow her to put the ‘thread’ in and out the different holes.

And, I made this for her! =)

A recycled cardboard with holes PLUS a string (I used our pink wool yarn, since Brie loves pink so much)

Voila!

One simple and almost free ‘toy’ that allows the child to concentrate, create different patterns, and exercise her hand-eye coordination skill!

Ah. Feels good to create and recycle at the same time!

Have fun making your very own ‘sewing board’!

…

PS: When making your own, the shape can always vary, depending on how you’d like to have it done, eg. If your child loves fishes, why not make a fish shape using the cardboard? Happy creating!

Four days ago, our little Brie turned 3 years and 3 months old.

Here are some quick updates on her:

She speaks quite fluently in Indonesian.

She knows her colours, and is learning the alphabets.

She loves to hug and shower us with her kisses.

She loves to dance and jump around when she listens to music.

She loves to cut paper and doodle.

And.

Just like all other three-year-olds, she goes through periods when she strongly asserts her wants.

She’d frown, whine, throw tantrums and cry to get what she wants, eg. An extra candy, or simply wanting the book that’s in her sister’s hand right NOW, etc.

Question is, what do we do when it happens? =)

Well, it varies.

Some of our responses would be:

… Ignoring the act till she’s over it minutes later because she gets no response from us.

… Distracting her and asking her questions, that she forgets what she’s crying for.

… Giving her our unhappy look and asking her to stop.

… Asking her to tell us what she wants nicely (because otherwise we can’t listen to what she’s saying).

… Sometimes the big sister comes into the picture, and manages to calm her down (by playing with her, distracting her or something)

… At times when the crying gets worse (and we know it’s because she’s asking for something that she can’t have), she does get moved to a separate place, eg. A corner somewhere, where she needs to calm herself, stop screaming, before we asks her to come back to us.

(In all cases, we don’t give in when she throws her tantrums. Our basic principle is, ‘B’ doesn’t happen when ‘A’ is not done, eg. She asks me to read her a book, but that won’t happen, until she calms down and stops the tantrums)

Ah. Three-year-olds.

They can be tough at times, but alas, aren’t they so little and cute too?

While we stay firm in raising her, we do enjoy her little-ness.

I mean, Brie is going to be THREE only this once. And time will pass real fast.

We love her little hands and feet.

We love how she can sit on our laps and her body fits so nicely within our arms.

We love her laughter and giggles.

…

We are counting our blessings.

And we thank God for entrusting her into our little family.

*blessed*

The day that our little man has been waiting for finally arrived!

Two days ago, Vai turned EIGHT! =)

He’s been talking about it since last month.

What kind of cake will Mommy be making? Can I please have a Lego cake? What will be the cake inside? Can I get a present too? Can I give my friends some goodie bags? Can I see how the cake look like at home? When will you start making the cake?

Exciting times for the young man! =)

But, here’s my confession.

I had very, very little time to prepare for the cake.

The goodie bags, plates, and everything were done the day before the little celebration at his school.

But, not the cake. Not the fondant.

I’ve been so busy (and physically drained) that whole week that I only managed to bake the 2 rectangular cakes some 8 hours before the celebration itself!

I mixed the coloured fondant and prepared the cake some 2 hours before I left for his school.

And.

Just so happened, immediately after the birthday celebration, I had two scheduled interview shoots.

Which meant, I had to prepare the questions and everything for the production too.

While having a 3yo girl with me throughout the rush (and all three of them throughout the shoot)

Seriously. It was beyond what I imagined I could do, and I just shrugged, laughed it off and tried to clear one thing at the time.

So, I baked the butter cake using the recipe I tried before.

I made the letters ‘L’, ‘E’, ‘V’, and ‘I’ using his Lego bricks. Grabbed some other Lego from his box as cake decorations.

Twirled the blue fondant and made an ‘8’.

No butter cream. Just some strawberry jam between the fondant and the cake.

Deep inside, I felt a little guilty because the shape of the ‘Lego bricks’ are not ‘nice and square’. The colours are not exactly Lego brick colours too.

But, as I rushed everything and reached his school, as I went into his classroom and opened the cake box, I saw the birthday boy’s eyes widened when he saw the cake for the first time.

He then looked at me and smiled.

I gave him a big hug, and felt it was all worth it.

(Thank God that everything went well, including the shoots too =)

Note to our birthday boy:

Vai,
You love to make people laugh and smile. You can easily make new friends, anywhere.
You’re the joker in the family. That’s you, and that’s your strength for sure.

You are progressing so well in tennis too. You beat bigger and older players in tennis games and competitions, and we’re so proud of you.

As we have always shared with you, in everything you do in life, do your best.
It’s not about getting any medals or trophies. It’s more about developing and maximising God’s given talents. About being responsible with what we’ve been blessed with.

And, just like how you focus on doing your best in tennis, learn to do the same in other aspects in life. The skill to focus, concentrate and pay attention to smaller details is something that we all need to have.

Also, don’t forget that we always pray for you too.
Our prayer is that you’ll grow and become a man who’s after God’s own heart, someone who personally experiences God’s goodness, strives to be Christ-like, and becomes a blessing to many.
(I always look forward to the day all five of us can serve God together as a family!=)

Anyway.
Happy Birthday, Vai.
Always remember, that whatever happens, we all love you very, very much.

Who do our young children spend their most time with everyday?

Mommy? Grandparents? Nanny?

(Or, TV? Electronic Media, like iPads?)

…

Ever realise that children, especially young children, love to imitate the behaviours of people around them?

Especially those whom they spend quite a lot of time with everyday.

I was reading an article somewhere the other day and I was just again reminded that … before we ‘complain’ about children’s behaviour, let us observe who and what surrounds them too.

And most importantly, let us first ‘look at ourselves’ in the mirror.

Are we temperamental?

Do we ourselves treat our spouse or others around us with kindness, and respect?

What are the words, even phrases, that are commonly said around the home?

What kind of games or TV characters are they exposed to, if any, everyday?

Before we ‘complain’ about children’s behaviour, let us first ‘look at ourselves’ in the mirrorYou see, whether we like it or not, our children absorb everything that they hear and see – consciously and unconsciously.

They are like a dry sponge!

They especially ‘read’ what our lives are like.

These little ones God has sent and entrusted into our care ‘watch’ what we do.

They observe the words that come out of our mouths.

They are most probably very good too in spotting whether we ‘do what we ask them to do’ ourselves.

Well, what kind of characters do we wish to see in our children?

Kindness? Righteousness? Courage? Compassion?

When we wish to build and encourage positive characters in our children, the reality is, it is not just about THEM.

It is very much about US, the parents, too.

(And of course, also the kinds of other exposure that we allow to enter into the children’s daily lives)

If we wish for our children to be kind, thoughtful and thankful, then our children need to see those qualities in our lives too.

They need to see how we ourselves are walking our faith and are dependent upon God in every decision we makeAnd if we talk about our children’s spirituality, they too need to see how faith matters in our lives. They need to see how God IS relevant to our daily situations as well as theirs.

They need to see how we ourselves are walking our faith and are dependent upon God in every decision we make.

Do we pray and seek God’s help when faced with financial difficulties?

Do we ask God (and our child) for forgiveness when we unnecessarily lose our temper?

Do we display any self-control in what we say and do?

…

Parenting seems ‘impossible’ whenever I think about it this way.

But, thank God we are never left alone.

God is with us.

Let’s learn to depend on Him. However tough things may seem.

May God give us His wisdom and strength everyday.

And, may God shower our family with His mercy and grace, everyday, so we can be the kind of people He wants us all to be.