Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

 

Ah. The kids finally went and had some water-play fun time at Miniapolis, Kelapa Gading!

Not that spacious a place, but it surely entertained the two older kids for a good 2.5 hours, straight.

Here’s sharing with you more photos of Miniapolis Kelapa Gading!

 

 

One of the kids’ favourite feature : the ‘big splash’ from the huge bucket.

Brie was scared of it though, haha.

She chose to stay away and play elsewhere =)

 

[Feeling safer when away from the big bucket =)]

 

Btw, we bought the entrance tickets from Groupon, and it was worth it!

Cost us less than Rp200,000 for all four of us.

(Personally, I feel its normal admission fee is too pricey. Wouldn’t go to this place without any promotional vouchers)

 

As the place is not too spacious, we chose to go there on a WEEKDAY! =)

And yes, it was GREAT! Hardly any crowd on a Tuesday afternoon!

There were only like, 4 other kids there!

 

After her water-play, Brie went on to play at the playground.

Spacious and clean.

*I like*

I like the seating areas by the water-play area.

We parents can stay dry while watching the kids inside the water area.

The shower cubicles are relatively clean too!

 

…

INFO & TIPS:

> Here’s their official website : click HERE!

> Adults who accompany the kids would still need to pay. I sat around waiting for the kids (pictured above), and yes, I paid (Again, it was a really good deal we got from Groupon!)

> Bring along extra clothes, towel, shampoo and body soap, snacks, drinks, etc.

> If I remember it correctly, there’re about 4 shower cubicles next to the water-play area. They are clean!

> The place is closed at 6pm on weekdays, and at 7pm on weekends. I’d recommend going there on weekdays, to avoid the big weekend crowd.

(I made sure the kids have cleared their school work before leaving =)

…

Verdict :
Yes, if there’re promo vouchers again in the future, we’ll grab them and visit Miniapolis, Kelapa Gading! =)

 

 

So how has it been raising Brie who is now 3 years and 5 months old?

Hmm. Let’s see.

Here’s how I’d describe what she’s like these days:

… chatty

… LOVES dancing

… LOVES singing and making up songs with her own words

… pronounces words quite clearly by now

… increasing vocabulary

… at times surprises us with her phrases, eg. When our car just avoided a close ‘touch’ with a motorbike, she said, ‘Puji Tuhan kita ga apa-apa ya, Mommy’ (Indo for : ‘Thank God we’re alright, Mommy)

… had three cavities treated last week! The first kid in the family who has problems with her teeth at such a young age!

It was her first time ever getting ‘treated’ at a dentist, and she did very well, I thought.

(The first time she sat on the dentist chair, she wanted to hold my arm for comfort. And I did sit next to her, opposite the dentist. After 3 minutes, she’s all fine)

 

 

… can pick her own clothes, put them on, comb her hair, brush her teeth, put on her shoes, all ready to go out

… likes to dance in front of the mirror (and make silly faces)

… likes to change her home clothes to a DRESS, though we are at HOME (Seriously, we never encourage her to be ‘princess-y’ at all. Brie somehow has this love for girly stuff since she’s little for some reason =)

… remembers things quite well (eg. When we passed one particular place, she’d tell me how she’s been there and who she’s with when she’s there)

 

 

– when it comes to writing (eg. Learning to write the alphabets), she is not one who can focus for very long. Not yet so far. I mean, she’d try and write for one minute, then she’d prefer to get up and move around. More like her older brother in this case.

… recently, Brie can get extra tantrum-y. She’d cry over… over I-don’t-know-what. Can be countless times a day. It is quite mind-numbing when such episodes happen. May God help me.

… when interacting with others, I notice she often displays quite a ‘confidence & persistence’ in what she wants, eg. Brie can insist on something (when arguing with another girl her age – a good friend) and the other girl could end up crying for not getting what she insisted on Brie. Found out about this from the girl’s Mom. Interesting discovery of Brie’s character.

– Loves to play with her sister and brother. Anya and Vai lately have this ‘urge’ to be Brie’s teacher at home! They’d teach her alphabets, maths, chinese and all sorts of other ‘school subjects’. Quite cute to watch, though I’m not sure if Brie ‘gets it’ though haha.

 

 

Well.

I say, Brie is this happy, smiley and chatty little girl who likes to dance and move to the groove.

How we thank God for this.

(Because we can’t ‘make her grow’. Her health and life is in God’s good care and grace)

She’s such a blessed little girl.

And we feel blessed too that she’s in our family.

Looking forward to going through her growing up journey together with her.

Living in Jakarta, I find myself spending a lot of time with the kids ON THE ROAD.

And after a while, I kind of realised that that’s where we discuss many issues and important values too.

Now recently, this thought crossed my mind : It’d be nice to remember the kinds of things we talk about in the car.

Or even, the kinds of values we share with the kids.

So.

That’s the reason why I’m starting my ‘Car Talks’ blog post series!

(I don’t know how ‘consistent’ I’ll blog about this , but oh well … we’ll just see, I guess =)

…

>> Daily parenting situation:
I find myself needing to repeat my instructions again and again for things to be done.
And quite often, they still are not done.
Drives me nuts.

…

>> Thoughts shared with the kids, on our way to school:

– Generally, there are three types people:

1. Even though he has been told/reminded to do something (ie. His responsibility), he still doesn’t do it.

2. He does his responsibility, ONLY when someone tells him to do it.

3. He proactively does what he needs to do, even BEFORE anyone asks or tells him to do it. He does it automatically, because he knows how it is part of his responsibility.

 

– The worst is group no. 1, because he simply does not care about anything. He is not responsible and the list of his excuses is usually endless.

– The better one is those in group no. 2. He does his work, his responsibility, whenever others tell him to do it. But, he doesn’t do anything if no one tells him to do it.

– The best out of the three is those in group no. 3, because these people not only know what their responsibilities are, they also proactively DO them WITHOUT being asked / told.

 

>> In reality, even adults – many of them – are in group 1 and 2.

eg. They ignore their responsibilities and/or they’d only work when they’re told what to do. They don’t initiate ideas, etc.

 

>> Main emphasis shared with the kids:
We should always strive to be like those in group no. 3, ie. Become someone who does NOT need to be told again and again about what he should be doing.

Someone who does his responsibilities without being told.

– Mommy and Daddy need to be like those in group no. 3, too. We still need to learn too, to be proactive, to be responsible in all things.

– Once we realise that we’re still in group no. 1 and 2, then we must try our very best to change towards the better, with God’s help.

…

So there you go.

The first of my ‘car talk’ series =)

Years from today, when our children read my posts, including this one, I hope they’ll remember the mornings, afternoons and nights we spent together on the road and the kind of things we chat about =)

 

To Anya, Vai and Brie,
We love you and we hope … together as a family, we learn to care for one another better, and strive to be better people, the kind of people God wants us to be.

Amen.

 

I saw this the other day as I drove past a hospital.

A man in his 50s helped a frail-looking middle-aged woman on a wheelchair (his wife, may be?) to get on a ‘Bajaj’, this three-wheeled public transport in Jakarta.

He folded the wheelchair and slowly placed it in the narrow and cramped ‘backseat’. Hardly any space for the woman’s legs.

Then, he himself went to sit ‘in front’, sharing the tiny driver seat meant only for the Bajaj driver.

Frankly, I’ve never seen such a sight before.

 

 

Within a second, these two thoughts crossed my mind:

> If everyone could ‘choose’, I assume NOBODY would want to ride a cramped, super ‘shaky’ and hot Bajaj home from a hospital.

> What a helpful Bajaj driver! The front area was meant for just one person, but he willingly took on these passengers, knowing that he had to share his tiny seat with the man!

(Seriously, if you’ve been on a Bajaj before, you know what I mean)

…

What I saw the other day got me thinking:

Nobody wants to be sick *obviously*

Nobody wants their loved ones to be sick too.

But the reality is, ‘everyone COULD fall sick’, and especially for those in Indonesia, millions of people do NOT have the privilege of having a cleaner home, acceptable hospital facilities, nor enough finance to cover for basic treatments of specific terminal illnesses.

Many simply don’t have access to them.

…

Sigh. You see, this is the reality for many, MANY people in Indonesia.

And as I often shared in my blog, (sadly) there is minimal facilities available (free and good ones) for families with children.

I mean, I truly can’t imagine how super tough things would be for me, if let’s say, one my kids are really sick (this alone is a heart-breaking, draining and tough phase to go through!) and I could only afford to take a Bajaj every time all of us visit the hospital for regular treatments =(

…

Having said that though, the other day I saw something encouraging.

At McDonald’s!

 

 

I saw how Ronald McDonald House Charities (RMHC) is running this ‘Stripes for Love‘ global campaign to help sick children ‘heal faster through love’.

I read on and found out that :

> Basically, RMHC is a non-profit organisation and it is NOT at all the same as McDonald’s the restaurant

> RMHC aims to create, discover and support programs that will directly increase children’s well-being and health, wherever they are.

> In Jakarta, RMHC has apparently built this ‘Family Room’ in 2012 at a government hospital (Rumah Sakit Cipto Mangunkusumo), with a hope to:

– provide better facilities and togetherness amongst families with sick children, so the children feel better and hopefully heal faster

– encourage (physically and emotionally) exhausted parents who need to care for their sick children everyday, and accompany them during regular treatments

(If you’ve been to government hospitals in Indonesia, you’d totally know what I mean when I say there’s MINIMAL (read: nearly zero)  facilities available for families with sick children!)

 

 

So I thought, okay, let’s do this!

Let’s support the cause!

We found out that to raise funds, they sell 2 things, at McDonald’s outlets:

1) This cute ‘Love Bear’

Selling price: Rp75,000 nett

(Btw, this ‘Love Bear’ comes with a special pen that you can use to draw and write encouraging notes on the bear. Children are then encouraged to give the bear – with the encouraging notes – to the children in the Family Room)

 

 

2) Shirts, selling at Rp55,000 nett each

 

 

Now wait, what does ‘Stripes for Love’ mean, you may wonder.

This is the specific theme of the charity drive in Indonesia, ie. The lines represent the children’s life line.

When children are sick (due to cancer or other illnesses), they spend so much of their childhood at the hospital.

And as this is something they must go through, RMHC aims to add : Love, Joy, Hope and Smile to their lives.

Hence, those words are on the shirts.

I thought it was a beautifully encouraging.

 

 

The shirts come in adults and children sizes. And in two colours: red and white.

At the McDonald’s outlet we went to, they only had Extra Large sizes available for kids.

Small, Medium, Large and Extra Large sizes are still available for adults.

And for each T-Shirt colour, you can choose which of the four words you’d like to have on it.

 

 

And so we ended up buying four shirts – two whites, two reds – with the four words on them, hehe.

Joy. Love. Hope. Smile.

(No smaller-sized shirts for Brie, and she insisted on wearing the smallest one, and it looked more like a dress on her =)

 

 

Ah.

Glad that our kids get to learn about this charity drive and be ‘involved’.

We feel as their parents, it’s so important for them to realise that millions of other children do not have the same opportunities (or good health) as our children do.

And this is something that we as a family choose to support, willingly.

(And I hope more and more families contribute and support too)

 

 

Now.

The day after we got our shirts, I took Brie to the government hospital where they have their ‘one and only Family Room’ in Indonesia.

I mean, since it’s not THAT far away, and if I could see what I’m supporting, it’d be even better!

(The two of us went when Anya and Vai were at school)

…

It was my first time ever visiting this hospital.

I parked near Lobby C and walked quite a looong way towards the Radio Therapy Department where the Family Room is located.

Btw, as I walked past the long hospital corridors, I must say, the feeling was all gloomy and everything was just … serious.

 

 

No wonder our 3yo Brie shrieked in excitement when she saw this signage! Haha.

She was like, ‘Mommy! Mommy!! Look!! Let’s go in and see!!’

Yes, it was nice to finally see some HAPPY COLOURS at a government hospital here in Indonesia! =)

 

 

As we walked into the room, I was  pleasantly surprised!

Seriously.

I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if we saw this … say, back in Singapore.

But for this to EXIST in a government hospital in Jakarta, it was really, REALLY nice!

Ah. Even I felt very happy! =)

 

 

Check out the books!

And the toys!

(Being a Mom myself, I’m happy to say that they’re all of GOOD quality! Which again is very, VERY hard to find in any free ‘children places’ like this here)

 

 

There’s a ‘kitchen’ corner where parents can grab some snacks, and make some tea or coffee for themselves.

Children can too have some boxed drinks or milk. All freely provided by the Family Room.

 

 

And guess what?

Brie found a friend! =D

Nelly is about the same age as hers, and she has cancer, which means Nelly needs to repeatedly (VERY often!) come for therapies at the hospital!

 

 

Really, we all could see how Nelly was just SO happy playing away there in the Family Room while her mom sat nearby.

Nelly was chatty and cheerful, just like any other happy 3-year-old girl would be!

 

 

As I sat there and observed the children (busily playing with the toys), I spoke with one of the parents there. She shared how her 4yo son is undergoing treatments due to a tumor on his left eye.

I thought, an eye tumor on a 4-year-old?

Sigh.

Anyway, I listened on.

She shared how her son has a series of 12 treatments at the hospital, and they’re there for the 4th treatment.

She also said, when she watched her son play and make new friends there at the Family Room, it’s such an encouragement.

It keeps them going!

*May God help these parents and children and give them hope, always*

 

 

I met the staff of RMHC too who happened to be there that day (usually there’s always one who stays at the Family Room throughout its opening hours)

And how nice it was to hear from them about their future hopes to build more facilities for families and children.

I mean, THIS is what we need.

And I’m glad to see that Ronald McDonald House Charities is contributing something positive for families with children here in Indonesia.

…

(Btw, the Family Room is open on weekdays, from 9am to 4pm. They regularly bring children there, ie. Those who stay at the hospital as well as out-patients)

 

 

Anyway.

Brie herself had so much fun in the Family Room that she REFUSED to go home!

There was so many things to play with, she said.

And when we finally managed to leave (with tears in her eyes), she asked, ‘Mommy, can we please come back and play again there tomorrow?’

Ah.

Inside I felt blessed to see such a Family Room is available at the hospital for other children like Brie.

These children may be down with serious illnesses, and their parents may be feeling discouraged or simply feeling exhausted from the endless treatments and doctor visits, but these children can at least do what children do best, … they can happily play, even for just a moment.

As for the parents?

They too can have some rest at the Family Room. They can sit back, and hopefully be re-charged and encouraged too, especially when they see how their little ones enjoy themselves, just being normal little children, there.

Anyway, here’s wishing them all speedy recovery and extra strength from above!

 

 

Do check out their websites for more info on how you too can contribute and support this cause yeah!

Stripes for Love: www.stripesforlove.com

Ronald McDonald House Charities: www.rmhc.or.id

All I’d say is, the benefits are real and they go straight to the children and their families.

 

 

And what else can you do to support?

Two other things =)

1. Send your motivational greetings and wishes to these children.

Simply go to www.stripesforlove.com and leave your messages there!

 

 

2. Come on over to any McDonald’s Restaurants across Jakarta on Wednesday, 15 October 2014 in your ‘Stripes for Love’ shirts!

Share photos of you wearing the shirt and show your support for these kids.

I know I will =D

…

Have a great week ahead, everyone!

 

Many children I know started to learn how to play the piano since young.

Like, before they’re 6yo?

It’s a little different for our case though, because Anya, our firstborn, had her first ever piano lesson only after we’ve moved to Jakarta.

When she was 8.5 yo.

…

Now. Why ‘not earlier’, some may wonder.

I remember a friend asking me about this last year:

Wasn’t she interested in learning how to play when she was younger?

She was. Actually she asked and asked about WHEN she could have piano lessons since she’s around … 6yo.

Then why didn’t she have any piano lessons at the time, when she’s still in Singapore?

Mmm. I’ll be totally honest. Because we couldn’t afford it.

…

I assume everyone agrees with me if I say, piano lessons are not ‘cheap’.

Here’s one simple comparison:

Swimming lessons, 4x a month (one hour each lesson) = $50

One 45-min piano lesson = $40

Also, to learn the piano, you usually have one lesson a week.

Plus, you need to practice everyday, at home. Which means you’d need to own one at home too.

AND, once you start, it’s a continuous journey for many, MANY years (With extra expenses too, like exam fees, books, etc)

The reality was, given our limited financial resources, we had to prioritise ‘more urgent expenses’So for us at the time, as much as we would LOVE to give her piano lessons, and as much as most people probably wouldn’t believe it, … we couldn’t afford it just yet.

(I am being blatantly open about this)

The reality was, given our limited financial resources, we had to prioritise ‘more urgent expenses’.

Family’s daily meals, school-related fees, monthly home-related bills/payments, were more ‘urgent’, than … piano or tennis lessons (which to us were ‘extras’, ie. Not ‘basic necessities’).

*I felt sad actually, not being able to let her have lessons*

Anyway.

If it’s something that you’d need, it’s impossible for God NOT to give it to youSo, every time she asked about ‘when she could start having piano lessons’, I shared the above thoughts with her, and also this: 

Let us pray about it? God knows what’s best for you, and for our family.

And, sometimes we just need to learn to … wait.

If it is something you need and we could give it to you, it is impossible for us NOT to support and give it to you.

If it’s something that you’d need, it’s impossible for God NOT to give it to you.

Let’s learn to pray and tell God our wishes.

Learn to wait and see the plans God has for you.

 

 

Anya and I had such conversations many, MANY times.

Naturally, it wasn’t easy for a 6 – 8 year old to wait and not know if it’ll ever happen, but well … life is not about getting whatever we want, whenever we want, right?

…

To cut the story short, she finally could start her first piano lesson at the end of 2012!

After some 2.5 years of waiting, wishing and hoping.

Private one-to-one lessons. Once a week.

And I am glad we found a dedicated music educator who believes in exploring a child’s talent and passion for music, instead of simply ‘getting the certificates’ and passing the piano exams (which totally is NOT our philosophy when it comes to learning music, or learning anything, really)

And you know what?

All that waiting, not getting what she wanted ‘immediately‘, and praying and countless conversations … it allowed her to better appreciate her opportunity when it finally came.

 

Supporting her comes with a cost and sacrifice by othersTill today,  I still share with her these thoughts and values:

… Not everyone has the opportunities that she has.

… Not everyone has the privilege to have a family, to learn this and that, etc.

… As the parents, we’ll work hard to support her, in exploring her talents. Just as long as she is responsible in practicing at home, and doing her best.

… If she is not serious about learning (I need to force / scream at her to practice, etc), then we do need to consider not continuing with the lessons, because we could allocate the expenses to other family needs.

… Basically, we’ll do our part willingly, and she needs to learn to do her part responsibly.

(She does know and can very much see how we the parents have to juggle everything and work hard to support her, ie. Supporting her comes with a cost and sacrifice by others)

…

All I know is, it is a God-given opportunity. She is willing to be committed. And, we are willing to support her all the way as long as she is serious about it.So far, it’s been close to 2 years since she last had her first piano lesson.

And thank God, she has been committed and responsible so far.

Will she be consistent and continue with her piano journey for many years to come?

I don’t know.

All I know is, it is a God-given opportunity. She is willing to be committed so far. And, we are willing to support her all the way as long as she is serious about it.

So I guess, it is a journey, not just for her, but also for us her parents.

 

 

ANYWAY.

Anya had her second piano concert performance last weekend.

She performed at Erasmus Huis with other students of Miss Jelia, her piano teacher (There were a few other performers too)

It was a nice late afternoon spent together by our family of five.

 

 

Am anyway very thankful too that through the concert experience, she learned a lot.

Remembering her notes. Facing her fear of being watched by the crowd. Managing the stress and pressure prior and during the performance. Managing her emotions when she made mistakes. Managing her post-performance feelings.

All the above, to us, means so much more than just ‘delivering a great performance’.

Thank God for life’s lessons learned by our little family.

 

 

When I compare how Anya and Vai grew up in Singapore and how Brie started living in Jakarta at the age of 10 months, I notice something different.

Brie has SOOO much less exposure to the outdoors here in Jakarta.

1. She doesn’t walk as much as Anya and Vai did back in Singapore

We could spend the whole day walking and taking the buses/trains when we’re in Singapore, while we travel mostly by car here in Jakarta.

 

 

2. She misses out on a wide variety of different activities we had when we’re in Singapore.

Back in Singapore, we could watch street performances along Orchard Road. We’d watch live stage plays, even free art performances at Sentosa Island.

We could go to museums and nice libraries, spend the whole day at Sentosa, and the kids could easily enjoy water plays at those nice playgrounds at the malls or parks.

Anya and Vai could rollerblade/cycle by the beach, and they rode their bike/scooter everyday to the nearby market.

We could do all these, anytime of the week if we wanted to.

 

 

Sigh.

I soooo miss those.

And I feel bad that Brie had to miss out on those too.

You see, as much as we’d love to, we can’t have such a lifestyle here in Jakarta, because … such a lifestyle simply is not possible.

eg. We can’t walk around with the kids safely and conveniently. We are mostly indoors. Nicely maintained and free children play areas outdoors are hard to find.

And, although we do have beautiful outdoors (paddy-fields, etc) here in Indonesia, braving the traffic to go out of Jakarta is a big turn-off for us (read: More possible if done during the school holiday, not quite on a normal ‘weekend’)

 

 

Anyway.

I tell myself, we need to accept what we have.

And, most importantly, be thankful for the many things we now have that we didn’t have back in Singapore.

eg. Kids spending more time with their aunts, uncles, grandparents. Cheap food. The school our kids go to. Our ministries. Etc.

We could always complain about everything. BUT, we could also be thankful for many, MANY thingsI mean, we could always complain about everything.

BUT, we could also be thankful for many, MANY things.

Plus, I believe God has a beautiful purpose for everything, and our family is in Jakarta for a reason.

So, I choose to learn to do the latter.

To learn and be thankful.

…

And btw, we decided to get Brie a scooter last week =)

Because well, if she can’t ride a bike to nearby markets like Anya and Vai did back in Singapore, at least she gets to ride her little scooter here and there? =)

*Learning to appreciate simple things in life, as a family*

Have a nice weekend, everyone!

 

I was sitting all alone when I noticed a 3-year-old boy walking out of a hall, with his nanny (in uniforms) a few steps behind him.

The boy then made a turn and slowly walked further away from the hall (a children party was happening inside)

Then I noticed this:

Nanny: *stern voice* Eh! There’s a clown there! Don’t go there!

Boy : *stopped walking for a few seconds, and continued to walk away from the hall*

Nanny :  Eh eh! The clown is there! He will catch you! Come this way!

Boy : *stopped, turned and walked towards the hall, following the nanny*

…

To some people, this scenario may totally be okay and acceptable.

Because, the nanny is simply trying to get the boy to obey her, to stop venturing out further away from the party where he’s supposed to be.

And you know what, such a scenario (between young children and their helpers/nannies) IS indeed common, isn’t it?

I’ve even personally seen a helper spoon-feeding a 3-4 year old girl, and when the child didn’t quite open her mouth, or when she ate rather slowly, the helper said things like:

… Hurry up and eat your food lah! Police coming!

… Quick! Open your mouth! Or satan will come and take you!

… Eat faster! Mommy coming! She’ll beat you!

 

Yes, I’ve heard those – loud and clear – with my own ears.

 

 

What is wrong with the above, some may wonder.

Well, everything, if you ask me.

Here are some of my personal thoughts on this:

> Young children believe what adults say to them. Adults are their source of ‘truth’. So naturally, everything that they’re exposed to (words and actions) will somewhat shape and influence them in one way or another.

> In the above scenarios, the helper said those things to get the child to OBEY.

And, the easiest and fastest way to get a young child’s attention and obedience is through … fear and threat, isn’t it?

I mean, yes, the use of fear and threat will most likely get the child to obey and do what you ask them to do, BUT :

– This also means the child is subjected to unnecessary lies, fears and false images of many things

A police is out to catch little children who don’t obey their nanny?

Clown is scary and can take you away?

Satan is near you and will take you if you don’t eat quickly?

Daddy will later come home from work and beat you?

And it’s not a surprise if, as the child grows bigger, the nanny / helper uses bigger lies and threats to get them to obey

Sigh.

My heart goes out to all young children who are subjected to such fear and lies, day in and day out =(

 

 

Helpers / nannies are not our children’s parents. We are.Many children here in Jakarta (and I guess, around the world too?) get the best toys and the most fun birthday celebrations, … but day to day, are they spending most of their time with people who resort to lies and threats in their attempt to have control over the child?

…

To parents who engage nannies / helpers to care for the children everyday, may I ask some quick questions (which I hope serve as a reminder to us parents):
 
– How much time does your nanny / helper spend each day with your child?
(because young children are truly like sponges, absorbing everything around them)
 
– Are you aware of HOW your nanny / helper gain control over your child?
(eg. What do they say/do when your child disobey? What do they do to get your child to obey? In many cases, helpers/nannies are ‘helpless’ without their threats, because … the kids often simply don’t listen to them)
 
– Does your child look for the nanny / helper for information and help, more than they ask you, the parents?
(Is the child closer physically and emotionally to the helper/nanny? Does the helper/nanny override your decisions, even secretly perhaps?)
 

 

Ah.

Raising children is not easy, isn’t it?

One thing I always remind myself though : God gave our children to US, so it is only natural that we the parents are the ones with the calling to PARENT our children.

ie. WE are the ones with the big responsibility to raise, guide and educate our children, according to God’s ways.

Helpers / nannies are not our children’s parents.

We are.

And here’s another thing: Parenting is never about paying for the children’s meals, school and tuitions.

It’s not about giving the best toys.

Nor is it about throwing the best birthday parties.

It’s about giving our TIME, our attention, and taking the initiatives to be actively involved in raising our children, since day one.

Yes, however hard and tough our parenting days can be.

…

May God help us all, and give us the patience, joy and wisdom we all need everyday, to be the kind of parents HE wants us to be.

Because, as we all know, parenting is never easy.

…

PS: All four photos in this post were shared on my Instagram, taken in 2011 – 2014. Treasuring family moments with the kids.

 

Here in Jakarta, I find myself ‘stuck’ in car rides (and traffic) with the kids a LOT. Everyday.

And this, naturally, can be draining. For the mom. Who is also the driver.

Like when the older ones bicker, or when the youngest one whines and cries over unreasonable matters (if you’re a parent, you’ll know what I mean =)

But, having said that, I must say that car rides offer a great opportunity for us to discuss many, many issues, correct wrong thinking, and instill values in the kids.

I mean, since everyone is ‘trapped’ in the car for a period of time, we might as well use that time to build a habit of talking and sharing with each other, yes? =)

 

 

In our case, the conversation topics can be about anything really.

Sometimes they’d re-tell stories/jokes they read from books at the library.

Often, they share the happenings at school. eg. What their teachers say in class, what they play during recess, how their friends respond towards another friend’s work, etc.

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I hope they too get the message that I’m interested in their lives, not merely in their ‘academic results’Btw, since each child started going to nursery school, I made it a habit for them to ‘share their day’ as soon as they see me after school. Also, I ask not only about their homework or tests, but more about their day : what happened to their friends, how they feel about their teachers’ reactions, how they feel about certain subjects that day, etc. And I learn to just, listen.

And if they did anything wrong at school, I’ve personally asked them to tell me about it, as I’d appreciate THAT better than hearing about it from others or their teachers.

All this is just my personal way of nurturing a habit of open communication and sharing with the parents since young. And I hope they too get the message that I’m interested in their lives, not merely in their ‘academic results’.

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Car rides offer a great opportunity for us to discuss many, many issues, correct wrong thinking, and instill values in the kidsAnyway. Back to the kids.

Sometimes, they ask us random questions too, eg. ‘Why are there beggars on the street of Jakarta’, or ‘Why my friends did THAT at school and no one told them off?’, ‘Why do we have to study THAT subject at school’, etc =)

And, most of the time, we share values and principles with them too, … like, adults and teachers can make mistakes too, why looking after your brother and sister is super important, how we should feel confident when doing the right things, and how we should never stop learning, including Mommy and Daddy who must continually learn too.

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When the TV is ‘regularly’ switched on soon after the kids enter the car, there goes our precious opportunities to talk and communicate with them.Anyway.

I just want to say it again: car rides are really OUR opportunity as parents to build that communication habit with the kids.

Which, btw, is why we personally disagree with having TVs or portable DVD players in the car.

I mean, we all for sure know how such ‘technology’ can easily ‘entertain’ the kids sitting at the back seat (allowing us adults to rest and talk about OUR topics with less interruptions from them).

 

 

But.

Whether we realise it or not, when the TV is ‘regularly’ switched on soon after the kids enter the car, there goes our precious opportunities to talk and communicate with them.

I mean, the kids can’t go anywhere once they’re inside our car, yes?

So why should we let go off such a precious opportunity to share values, chat and know them better?

(Btw, if it is a looong car ride, eg. A 4-hour drive out of town or something, then I guess, watching TV during the car ride helps them ‘kill time’? I don’t know. I mean, I personally wonder, … doesn’t watching TV while the car is moving give you a headache?)

Ah anyway.

Just sharing a personal thought on this.

And me, … I am learning to be thankful.

Learning to be thankful for daily moments where we can exchange thoughts and simply … chat, with the kids.

Yes, even though being stuck in mad traffic everyday is frankly NOT a choice I’d love to make =)

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PS: Photos were safely taken when we’re at a complete stop (read: stuck in a traffic jam =)