Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

Someone once said,

We probably should not say that we are raising kids. We should say that we are raising ‘adults’.

Because with that mindset, we teach little ones to be adults one day, and not keeping them from growing up by ‘taking away’ responsibilities and skills which they could certainly learn since little.

I don’t know if you agree with me, but I feel the above is more common in Asian families.

Asian parents have this tendency to pamper / do things FOR their children.

Instead of letting the children learn certain skills since young, the tasks are completed FOR them.

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A 1.5yo can learn to put on their own shoes, instead of having the parent or helper put the shoes on FOR them.

A 2yo can learn the importance of responsibility and consequences of own action by wiping his own accidental spills (perhaps with a little help from Mom too in the end), instead of having self-created mess cleaned by someone else all the time.

A 1.5yo can learn to put on their own shoes, instead of having the parent or helper put the shoes on FOR themA 5yo can already learn about the need to return her plates/bowls/spoon back to the sink after use, instead of leaving everything on the dining table and having someone else clean up after her.

An 8yo can learn how to be a helpful member of the family by helping to chop some garlic / onion / carrots for the family dinner, instead of always having his meals prepared for him and placed on the table.

Often, without realising the potentially negative impact of their deeds (done in the name of love), parents ‘take away’ their children’s ability to do many things, ie. When they do things FOR the children.

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What do you think?

Anyway.

All I can say is, may God help us allThe above principle is something that we hope to apply in our family, ie. Teaching our children since young on the importance of being responsible and learning to accomplish different tasks all on their own. The joy of being a helpful member of the family and society.

It’s a long process.

And, parents’ consistency, patience and perseverance are needed all the time.

Well, all I can say is, may God help us all.

Because it sure is not easy.

What if one day, your child came home from school and told you:

‘Mom, my friend’s friend ever tried raping a girl on GTA!’

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I had that encounter recently, and I tried to keep cool about it.

(read: restrain my shock and keep my tone of voice cool).

Then I asked, ‘Oh … your friend or your friend’s friend tried to do what?’

*calm tone and continued driving*

When I heard the same thing twice, I was like, ”Whattt?’ (in my head)

And I felt this sudden warm rush to my brain.

Sigh.

‘What’s happening to these children?’, I thought.

(My kids and I continued to chat about this during our car ride, and frankly in my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about that child, and how much of his/her mind and heart have been ‘affected’ by what he/she played)

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Players who make use of this mod, CAN in fact do things that the original creator of the game didn’t allow. One of them is rapeI don’t know how much you know about Grand Theft Auto, usually known as ‘GTA V’, but here are two things about GTA V that I’d like to share with you today.

1. Can players of the game ‘rape’ others?

Some gamers would say: NO, YOU CANNOT. You are not able to rape another on GTA.

But then I discovered (do correct me if I’m wrong), hackers do what they love best, and they’ve created ‘mods’ (modifications) where players who make use of this mod, CAN in fact do things that the original creator of the game didn’t allow.

One of them is rape.

Here are two sample sources I found.

http://theconversation.com/virtual-rape-in-grand-theft-auto-5-learning-the-limits-of-the-game-30520

http://www.dailydot.com/geek/grand-theft-auto-rape-mod

2. Another interesting write-up I found was an advice given by an under-aged gamer to another under-aged boy who wanted GTA for Christmas (he needed his mother’s ID to buy the game of the shelf)

This was his advice:

You can go to a strip club and get the dancers to like you so you can have s*x with themLet’s get one thing straight, THERE IS NO RAPE IN GTA 5. There are 2 s*x scenes in the game and you can’t even see the privates. You can pick up prostitutes and pay for s*x but you can’t rape them.

You can go to a strip club and get the dancers to like you so you can have s*x with them but YOU CAN’T RAPE THEM. However you can look at their boobs, but that’s about it.

I recommend you buy the game from Target or Walmart, all they ask your parents for is their ID to buy the game depending where you are from, no questions asked.

Of course it all depends who the cashier is and if they will try to persuade your parents not to buy it or not ( I have never had a walmart or target employee persuade my parents not to buy an M game for me)

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Are then games where there are strip clubs and enactment of s*x scenes okay for our young children? Some people may say, ‘See, there’s no rape in GTA V.’

Well, let’s say that rape is in fact ‘not allowed by the original creator of GTA’. Let’s say there are no mods created by hackers.

Then my question is this:
Are then games where there are strip clubs and enactment of s*x scenes okay for our young children? (since no privates can be seen, right? Only visuals and audio of the s*x scenes, and they’re harmless because they’re all virtual?)

I thought there are good reasons why GTA V is rated 17+?

Anyway.

As I’ve always shared with the kids, what we play, what we watch and hear, all this is like ‘food to our soul, to our mind and our heart’.

If we wouldn’t want to shove rubbish down our throat, why should we do the same to our mind and heart?

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I know some parents who read this post may feel the complete opposite to what I’ve shared.

My child knows what’s right and what’s wrong.

My kids know what’s real and what’s not real.

Gee, it’s just a game! Why are you so serious?

I used to play games like that and I turn out fine!

My son plays with his friends, and I trust him. It’s harmless, he won’t do THOSE things on GTA!

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Well, ultimately, it’s your child. It’s your family. It’s your call.

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But, since this is my blog, I’d like to urge fellow parents to see this as a wake up call.

This is the kind of offers that our children and their friends may get any day, everyday.

(And mind you, GTA V is one of the most popular games played around the world!)

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Let’s be involved in our children’s lives, NOT as a police, but as loving parents who care very much about the childrenParents,

Let’s slow down from our daily busyness and get into our children’s world.

What are their true struggles? What pressures do our children get from their peers? What games do their friends play? What games do they see as ‘fun’?

Do we truly know our children, the magazines they read, the games they play and the kinds of clips they watch on Youtube? (That is, IF they’ve been allowed to surf the internet on their own, on their smartphones, iPad, PC or laptops)

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Food for thought:

Let’s be involved in our children’s lives, NOT as a police, but as loving parents who care very much about the children.

Let’s be in the know of what’s happening in our children’s world.

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We can teach them to choose their friends carefully, but we cannot stop anyone from shoving lewd images and clips in front of their eyesFrankly, this is a strong self-reminder.

I need to pray for my children more fervently.

Because really, we can teach them values and principles, but we cannot watch over them for 24 hours.

We can teach them to be aware of negative influences, but we cannot totally shield them from negativity.

We can teach them to choose their friends carefully, but we cannot stop anyone from shoving lewd images and clips in front of their eyes.

We can’t be there for them all the time, but God can.

And we sure can ask Him to protect our children from harm – physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological harm.

Anything.

May God have mercy on us and on our little ones whom He has entrusted into our hands.

May God help us.

This is us, walking down a super long (and old) bamboo bridge at Desa Muara, Tangerang, West Java.

It’s called ‘Bagan Fajar’, and the bridge is usually used by fishermen to go further towards the sea when they go fishing. It’s also a way for them to board their fishing boats.

If you often see ‘Mind the Gap’ signages on Singapore trains, well … that is also something we must do here as we tread along the bamboo bridge =)

The kids didn’t seem to have any problems walking along the bridge though …

(Perhaps it’s because they’re used to being brought out to explore such places outdoors? May be)

Anyway.

I credit this adventure walk to my hubby who is always very open to exploring new places.

Like, when we reach a particular place (eg. A camping ground, or a fishing area), he’d usually be the one who checks out the surrounding, chats with the locals, and gets us all to explore new areas together as a family.

Instead of just arriving at one point and being familiar with just one particular spot, he gets us all to see the ‘bigger picture’ of the area.

And I appreciate that.

Because I’m sure, the kids too benefit a lot from such explorations of nature and new adventures.

Especially when the initiatives come from Daddy, the head of the family.

These days, we see an increase in marital issues that lead to separation and divorces.

Sad, but true.

Why do marriages break down in the first place?

Is keeping a marriage healthy and alive THAT hard?

Yes.

At least, I believe so.

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Often, what happens is, the married man and woman have become moms and dads, and are no longer husbands and wivesWhen kids are little, all are busy with minding the kids.

Often, what happens is, the married man and woman have become moms and dads, and are no longer husbands and wives.

When they talk, the topic is most likely about the kids, their school, their misbehaviours that day, etc.

Life revolves around the kids. Everyday.

In other words, romance and enjoying each other’s company as a couple seem to be out the window to many. Because, well … by the end of each day, everyone is just so exhausted from focusing on everything else BUT their relationship with their spouse.

Now.

When the kids are all grown up, then … what happen to the husbands and wives IF they’ve never quite worked on their relationship and communication since the beginning?

Through out the many years of raising the children since they’re born, the ‘mom and dad’ forget to connect and build on their husband-wife relationship and communicationThe reality is, … many often find themselves feeling somewhat clueless and awkward with each other when left alone, ie. When the kids are no longer living in the same house.

Reason?

Most likely because, through out the many years of raising the children since they’re born, the ‘mom and dad’ forget to connect and build on their husband-wife relationship and communication.

While they’re busy with their daily chores, work and bonding with the kids, they’ve most probably forgotten to bond as a couple and enjoy each other’s company as ‘husband and wife’.

Self-sacrifice.

Putting others’ need before own.

Choosing to be quiet first at moments of anger.

Asking for forgiveness.

Respecting and loving our spouse.

Encouraging and showing appreciation.

Communicating and making an effort to always connect with our spouse.

These too are often forgotten.

Perhaps it’s also because they’re hard to do by self-centred people like us?

Electronic media and technology nowadays enter the homes and everyone’s daily lives, so much so that attention, time and energy are spent more on flat screens than on real peopleAdded to the above is the fact that electronic media and technology nowadays enter the homes and everyone’s daily lives, so much so that attention, time and energy are spent more on flat screens than on real people.

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Anyway.

Food for thought.

Let’s reflect on ourselves, our relationships, and work HARD on our marriage.

Because, really, keeping a marriage that’s healthy and alive ’till death do us part’ IS hard.

May God help us and have mercy on us all.

Do you live in Manila? Or do you plan to visit Manila in the near future?

Well, here’s one dining place I’d like to share with you : Circles Event Cafe at Makati Shangri-La Hotel.

(Just in case you’re not yet familiar with where Makati City is, it is about 7 km from Manila International Airport, also known as the Ninoy Aquino International Airport)

Click HERE to see the map of the hotel.

The five-star hotel is easily spotted as it is located near Makati City’s popular malls: Greenbelt, Landmark, Glorietta and SM.

And, it’s within a short walking distance to MRT (Metro Rail Transit) – Ayala Station.

We had their breakfast buffet at the Circles Event Cafe , twice, and it was (always) awesome! =)

I especially love how the Cafe is spacious, the food stations are orderly and neat, AND they offer such a wide range of food and drinks.

Okay, I’ll let my photos do the talking yeah =)

Here are some shots I took during our two breakfast sessions there at the Cafe!

Okay. I need to say something here.

The Japanese food station at the Cafe is my favourite! =)

I loveeee having my hot miso soup first thing in the morning.

And their miso soup is sooooo yummy.

Not to forget, their sashimi and sushi.

It was sooo good.

Fresh and good!

(Ah, if only I can describe what I eat and how they taste in better words. No wonder I’m not a food blogger!)

Cold appetisers. Seafood. Western cuisines. Asian. Desserts.

Fresh juices.

You name them. They have it.

Here’s some info to share with you, if you have kids:

If you stay at the hotel, your kids (under the age of 6) can enjoy complimentary buffet meals, if accompanied by a paying adult (up to a maximum of 2 children).  In excess of 2 children under the age of 6 and for all children above 6 and below 12, a 50% discount of the buffet price will be given.

If you’re not registered hotel guests, then 50% discount will be given on buffet meals for children under the age of 12.

So, there you go … Circles Event Cafe at Makati Shangri-La Hotel, Philippines.

Go and check it out with your friends and families yeah!

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CIRCLES EVENT CAFE

Ground Floor, Makati Shangri-la, Manila

Contact No: 814-2580

www.facebook.com/MakatiShangrila

 
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For more photos and stories on our Makati Shangri-La experience, click HERE!

Let’s ask ourselves these three questions:

1. Do my children play video games, or any kind of games online, and freely access the internet?

2. Do I know the kind of games they play (on their own or with their friends)?

3. Am I aware of the kinds of ‘impact’ the games will have on my children?

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I’d like to share with you one of today’s most popular games called ‘Grand Theft Auto’ or GTA.

It is known as a violent bestselling video game and its latest version (GTA V) allows players to do all ‘sorts of things’, from a player point of view.

Players are in 3D, enacting ‘real scenarios’.

If you haven’t heard about the game, or if you don’t know much about it, I’d really recommend that you search and find out more about what the game is about, today.

Because with this post, I’d like to share with you how this game is totally NOT for children.

Not for adults too, if you ask me.

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Here are some of the reasons WHY:

> This game glorifies crime and violence. 

As the player, you can hit, kill, butcher others, violently. Players are regularly exposed to killing acts, blood and gore.

 
> This game contains strong and explicit s*xual content

‘Seriously? Like …. what could possible be done in a game children play these days?‘, you may wonder.

Any sane parents out there feel this is all okay and ‘MERE ENTERTAINMENT’ for their children, since ‘it is just VIRTUAL’?Here is just one example:

GTA V allows the players watch as a prostitute (or someone’s wife) performs s*x acts on them! Complete with explicit images and sounds! Audio represents the player AND the prostitute during the s*x act!

And wait, there’s more:
Apparently the players can AFTERWARDS murder the prostitute – gruesomely – and take back their money.

GTA V allows players to use their game controller to rape, kill, beat women, hire prostitutes, visit strip clubs, cheat on their spouse, amongst many other acts.

Seriously, I don’t know if any sane parents out there actually feel this is all okay and ‘MERE ENTERTAINMENT’ for their children, since ‘it is just VIRTUAL’? (read : It’s not like they actually are doing it, right?)

3. Constantly strong languages

When researching about this game, I only needed to listen to ONE minute of a GTA V gameplay clip on Youtube to decide that such vulgarities / crude dialogues should never be heard or accepted as ‘normal talks and behaviours’ by children.

At least not by ‘my’ children.

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Regardless of whether we have any faith in anything or not, would we watch an R-rated movie with our young children? Parents,

Do we know what’s going on in our children’s lives?

Do we nurture and build a strong relationship and open communication with our children, so much so that we can discuss the danger of such games (and the virtual world in general) with them?

I feel something is just so wrong if children (or even adults) can :
– laugh at a sight of someone being butchered or shot to death
– chuckle and find it funny upon seeing an old woman being hit by a car
– feel it is okay to rape and torture someone since it is just a ‘virtual game’

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Now.

“What if the player is a 13-year-old and the parent said:
‘My son knows what’s right from wrong, and he knows what is reality and what is fantasy! Other kids who don’t play GTA also can turn out to be worse than kids who play!’

To such parents I’d probably reply:

As a parent, I know I’m accountable to God for everything that I do and say to my childrenIt is entirely up to the parents to decide what is best for their children. Others can write and say about anything, and at the end of the day, it’s each to their own. 

It’s just I would choose to do things differently though.

Because even if I know what’s right from wrong, … I believe what I play, watch, listen and read are like ‘food to my mind, heart and soul’.

If I wouldn’t touch rubbish with my bare hands, if I wouldn’t put rubbish into my mouth, then why would I feed rubbish into my mind, heart and soul?

Yes, our children can turn out to be ‘anything’ as they grow up (may God have mercy). They are not robots. 

But as a parent, I know I’m accountable to God for everything that I do and say to my children. And this game (and I’m sure there are heaps more out there) is one kind of exposure I believe would do more damage than good.

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I don’t know about what you believe in.

But regardless of whether we have any faith in anything or not, would we watch an R-rated movie with our young children?

Would we allow our children to visit strip clubs, kill, steal and rape?

If we disallow such acts to be done in the real world, then why doing them in the virtual world be any different?

The thoughts, intentions, or worse ‘pleasure’, from such acts are real, though done virtually.

(Click HERE to read the article on dailymail.co.uk where teachers report parents who let their kids play GTA to the police)

I myself am a Christian Mom, and I find such games to be in total conflict with the faith that I have in Christ.

Many may disagree with me, but to me personally, exposure to such games is tremendously destructive to one’s mind and heart.

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Parents,

This is the kind of world that we live in. The kind of world that our children live in.

May God have mercy on us all and protect our little ones from harm, be it in the real world, or virtual.

So this was what happened when we tried to travel out of Jakarta during the one-week Hari Raya holiday last month.

You see, the initial plan was to have a day out at Anyer Beach, West Java.

But alas, the traffic towards Anyer was bad!Sand. Sun. Friends. Bodyboarding. Coconuts. Perhaps a good massage.

But alas, the traffic towards Anyer was bad!

And I mean, really bad.

Seemed like the hundreds and thousands of Indonesians who’re enjoying their one-week Hari Raya holiday really went out to all corners of our local places =)

So, not wanting to be stuck in traffic for another 3-4 hours (not counting the hours and hours needed to drive back to Jakarta), we turned back against the heavy traffic and went towards Merak instead.

We googled and found a spot called ‘Pantai Kelapa Tujuh’, Pulorida at Merak.

Let’s go there instead, we thought!

Once we got there, first thing that struck our eyes : the CROWD WAS HUGE!

Seriously, there were like thousands and thousands of people.

People by the beach, people sitting on mats. People everywhere.

So, what did we do?

We asked around and found out that there’s an island nearby.

There’re chartered boats available, and the boatmen said, the island is just some 8-10 mins away.

So, we chose to check out the island!

We bargained and agreed on Rp20,000 per adult (SG$2), and Rp5000 per child (SG$0.50) for a two-way trip by boat.

The deserted island is called ‘Pulorida’, I think.

Honestly I wasn’t too sure if Pulorida is the name of the deserted island OR the name of the beach area =)

Well, one thing is for sure though, it is totally deserted.

I mean, there’re NO shops, NO facilities. Just a tiny little island.

We were there for a good 2 hours under the sun.

Really, really UNDER THE SCORCHING SUN!

It was glary and it was very warm, but somehow it didn’t matter =)

The kids and their friends built sand castles, complete with tunnels.

The boys made their version of forts and castles and put their hermit crabs on them.

(Anya, Vai and Brie bought 3 tiny hermit crabs for just Rp5000. We released them on the beach before we left the island)

Anyway.

Here’s my verdict:

Perhaps Pantai Kelapa Tujuh is not all that bad if WITHOUT the huge Hari Raya crowd.

Because seriously, it was really really crowded, and one sad part about it was, I saw piles and piles of rubbish everywhere =(

Sigh. I guess it’s not totally the beach visitors’ fault since I myself couldn’t find rubbish bins anywhere?

We carried our rubbish in plastic bags and threw them in a bin that we FINALLY found quite a distance away from the beach.

Another challenging thing about our beach visit was the ‘wash area’.

It was more for washing your feet, and it’s far from clean.

Again, it was probaby because of the huge crowd that day?

Now.

Would I recommend this beach to you?

Errr, it’s hard to say, because I haven’t seen it without the crowd.

Perhaps it IS a nice white-sand beach.

The Pulorida island itself is nice. I like it.

(Tips: Rent a rattan mat before leaving by boat towards the beach. You’ll need the mat when you want to rest and sit down under the trees on the island)

And one last thing, I’d strongly recommend this:
Do AVOID visiting such beaches and places of interest during the one-week Hari Raya holiday!

Well, unless you don’t mind heavy traffic jams and huge crowds everywhere =)

PS: If you do check out this beach on days OTHER than the Hari Raya holiday, do share your story and photos with me yeah. I’d love to hear about it! =)

This week, our days will be packed with a week-long event called the ‘National Gospel Convention for the Youth’!

(In Indonesian: Konvensi Injil Nasional Pemuda 2015)

The kids, as usual, tag along with me.

eg. If I’m at the Art Gallery presenting the statue of ‘Venus the Milo’ and Da Vinci’s painting, the kiddos will roam around and listen to the talks at different posts.

If I have shoots etc, they’ll usually stay and play nearby, or help out by standing at both ends of the corridor to (nicely=) block people from walking towards our shoot area, hehe.

Seriously though, I must say I am truly thankful that our efforts all these years – though often exhausting – in training them to come along with us, and support Mommy and Daddy’s ministries ‘pay off’ by now!

(Though of course, they could still ‘disrupt’ us here and there at times)

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Anyway.

The evening session is broadcast LIVE on Reformed 21 TV.

Do catch it wherever you are from this online streaming link: www.reformed21.tv

(Tuesday – Friday, 4 – 7 August, 7pm Jakarta time!)

It’ll be in Indonesian =)

Hope it’ll be a blessing to you all, wherever you are!