Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

Some dogs are designed to be big and huggable!

Love.

…

PS:
This one year old American Akita x Samoyed belongs to my sister.

Am grateful for Brie’s school’s literacy programme where all students need to read a book during a given period.

They are asked to read a book “outside of school hours”, too.

For Primary School students like Brie, each week she needs to submit a “signed report” where her parent would need to ask questions related to the books she reads (before signing the report).

Questions like:
– Who are the main characters in the book?
– In what ways can you relate what happens in the book to something that happens in real life?
– Who is your favourite character? Why is he/she your favourite?
– Do any of the characters remind you of people in real life? Which ones?
– Which part of the story that you don’t really like? Why?
– Did the ending of the book match your expectation?

Personally, other than giving parents and children opportunities to chat, I think such questions also encourage the kids to think about the books they have read and speak about them.

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Praying for a better generation that reads, thinks, observes, analyses, shares, empathises, and leads with love and compassion.

I feel guilty.

As a Mom, I do feel guilty every now and then.

Guilty for not being able to spend time with my youngest as much as she would want to.

I mean, deep inside I know I spent so much more time with the other 2 kids when they were younger, back in Singapore.

But, things are different in Jakarta.

Though I am WITH the kids at home, I also have work to do, classes to teach, housework, etc. … and too often, I have too little energy left to play tickles, read long books, or paint WITH the youngest in the family.

“Excuses!”, some may say.

Well, whatever others may say, I know I feel bad for not being able to spend more time with the youngest.

I know she longs for more, … more than daily big hugs and cuddles, more than me reading Aesop fables for her, more than just “being together” at home.

…

And so today, we “finally” did something together.

We created a drawing (pointillism) using watercolour and cotton swabs.

It was a simple activity.But I guess, it was something she treasured.

“How do you know?”, some may ask.

Because the first thing she said when we prayed together tonight was,
“Thank you God because Mommy and I could paint together earlier today.”

Moms and Dads,
We have less and less time with our little ones as they grow older.

Let’s cherish what we have, and spend time together, doing things together.
Because memories are to be created, and relationships are to be built and nurtured, intentionally, since they’re young.

…

A self reminder.

And hopefully, food for thought for you.

May God help us all in our daily struggles to be the kind of parents God wants us to be.

…

PS: Did this one activity make me feel like I’ve spent “enough” time with my youngest? Far from it. I still need to work on my time management, juggling my time and energy better so that I can spend time with EACH KID while juggling other responsibilities (I need to get rid of “daily time wasters”). May God help me.

“If you clean up your room, I’ll give you $2.”

“If you don’t fight with your siblings for the whole week, everyone gets an ice cream each on Sunday!”

“Each time you get 90 and above in your exams, you can choose a toy from a store.”

…

I know there are families who choose to do the above, i.e. giving rewards (money/something that the children would want to have) in return of good behaviour/improvements on grades/completion of housework, etc.

Our family chooses to avoid such approach, however.

Here are some thoughts to share:

Our children need to know that each of them is a precious member of the family, one who needs to be involved and contribute. i.e. They help out with housework, NOT because they’re “paid” to do it, but because they are a responsible member of the family.

It is not about how much money the parents have, or how little a value we think a certain amount of money is.

e.g. If parents happen to have the money, then when a 12yo asks for the latest iPhone in the market, purchasing it is not an issue?

“Oh, it’s only $2, anyway. What’s $2 for us? It’s nothing. Giving out $2 to our son, and he then happily washes the dishes should do no harm.”

When we dangle such a carrot in order to get a child to do what we ask them to (which should’ve been their responsibility, e.g.), then we are indirectly “contaminating” the child’s motivation (and, encouraging them to be materialistic, too.)

i.e. “If the reward is discontinued, if I’m not paid, if I don’t get a toy at the end of the work, then there’s no reason for me to do it.”

Rev. Tong once said, “We need to be stewards of the money entrusted by God.”

Just because we “can” buy something, it doesn’t mean we “need to buy it”.

We are called to carefully and wisely use our money, including for ministry and for the good of others.

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Having said that, it doesn’t mean that we avoid rewards altogether. e.g. our kids know that Daddy will cook some yummy steak for dinner after their week-long exams are over.

It’s something nice for the family to look forward to, but it’s not a carrot we dangle in front of our kids “in order for them” to perform or do something beforehand.

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Food for thought.

May 2011 and August 2021.

*love it*

“Mommy, I need to make a mind map (for a school assignment). Can you send me an example of a mind map?”

*10 minutes later*

“Have you sent me the mind map?”

“Not yet. I had to restart my computer, and before I send you an example of a mind map, I want to first explain to you what it is, how it works, how to create it, because you’ve never seen one before, right?”

*Annoyed face*

“I only need an image, but you haven’t given it to me.”

“Brie, I’m trying to help you. I only want to explain how to create mind maps before I give a sample image to you.”

*The girl frowned and obviously looked annoyed*

(Thoughts inside my head)

“What’s going on inside the head of this girl? I talk to her nicely, and yet she gets so annoyed.”

*Stayed calm, though struggling inside to NOT get irritated by the attitude*

“This is something new for you, Brie, and I’m trying to help and explain what it is to you. I don’t understand why you feel annoyed about it.”

*Silence. Frowned and annoyed face stared back at me*

“I only asked for an image.”

“So you’ll learn it yourself then?

*pause*

“Okay, I’ll send it over to you now.”

And so the 10yo girl got up and walked away towards her laptop. No thank you.

…

I admit, I felt irritated.

A few things went through my mind.

“I can’t believe how proud she is.”

“I’m trying to help, for her own good, and yet she refused? She has never made any mind map before!”

…

The thought of “reprimanding” her and telling her to quit the attitude did cross my mind.

The thought of “forcing” the explanation to her also crossed my mind.And, the thought of correcting her attitude right there and then (“while it happens”) crossed my mind, too.

In the end, within those short seconds, I chose to just bite my tongue, stay calm, and send over the image.

And so I told myself, a few times, “Kids are kids. If they refuse an explanation, forcing it down their throat will only create resentments and bitterness. I’d seem to “win”, but the relationship suffers.

Anyway, the worst that can happen is she fails her assignment (if she creates the mind map wrongly).

Talking to her when she’s annoyed will not work. I’ll need to talk to her about the attitude of the heart later.

Things do not need to always go according to “my way”. And, I need to learn to not make a big deal out of this.”

…

Do I still feel annoyed inside?

A little.

But I guess this is something that I need to settle within my own heart and mind.

(Often, it’s the parent who needs to learn )

…

**UPDATE**
– Some 30 mins after “the incident”, she was all normal like nothing happened.

She went to the kitchen, took out an apple, and I casually mentioned how I would want some, and soon after she gave me a plate full of sliced apples.

“Oh, do I just take some of these?”
“All of them are for you, Mommy.”
“Thank you, Brie.”.

– 45 mins after “the incident”, Brie came, showed me the assignment and asked me to explain to her how to create a mind map.

She totally welcomed the explanations and we discussed it together. Everything went very nicely.

Weird, I thought. But that’s what happened.

…

All this got me thinking.

IF I had yelled and reprimanded her earlier, IF I got all emotional and angry because “my child gave me an attitude!!”, it would’ve damaged the relationship and communication.

Our morning would’ve been unpleasant for all.

I mean, if I had “forced” her to listen to my explanation (of how to create mind maps), Brie would’ve “heard” my explanation (most likely given to her in an “angry, impatient mode”), and she would’ve gone away feeling bitter, misunderstood, blamed, etc.

Looking back, I’m SO SO SO glad I didn’t yell at her.

Was she right when she gave me the attitude? Of course not.

But then again, she is the child, and I am the adult, am I not?

If children are childish and selfish, isn’t it “normal”?

(I need to remind myself of this when tougher parenting moments take place!)

…

Now that I think about it, it sure was better when I was the one who needed to “swallow” my emotion and learn to control it “inside” this morning.

As for the talk about her attitude problem, I’ll wait till there’s a good timing later today, when she’s done with her homework, etc.

…

Phew.

Done with their second dose of vaccination!

(Sinovac)

The two of them queued up, and went through the whole process from the start, all on their own.

Unaccompanied by us.

Done in two hours.

This was held at JI expo Kemayoran.

Crowded, but spaced out, orderly and systematic, they said.

Organised by the military (TNI).

Well done.

Online school.

What’s our response to online school?

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“Urgh. When will this pandemic end?!! Our kids need to be back at REAL school!!”

“This whole online school is such a waste of time!”

“It’s kind of like homeschooling nowadays, isn’t it? The kids get to do more things at home now compared to before. No traveling time is spent. No one is stuck in traffic.”

…

Whether we realise it or not, our view of online school affects our children’s response to their daily online school.

Do we despise it?

Are we “okay” and “at peace” with the idea of our children attending school, online, during the pandemic?

…

I’m sure we all hope that the pandemic is over soon so our children can be back to “normal” again, … meeting their friends face to face, learning from teachers who stand in front of them, laughing, being silly, etc.

I’m also sure that not all kids “enjoy” online schools.

But.

If we ourselves despise the idea, or verbally “curse” it every now and then, especially in front of our kids, their views will naturally be impacted, too.

And, since we all have no idea when the pandemic will end (esp. in Indonesia, where all schools need to go online since March 2020), finding positive aspects of the current situation would be a better choice?

Food for thought.