Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

I don’t think my kids are ‘happy’ everyday. In fact, my husband and I don’t aim to make our kids happy.

That’s weird, some say. Bad parenting, others say.

I know. Our beliefs, as stated in my opening sentences, actually are AGAINST many parents’ beliefs, ie. Parents who say, ‘All we want to do is to make our children happy.’

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Most likely, there are things that we need to say to them, decisions that we need to make for them, that they don’t likeSo why don’t we aim to make our children happy?

Because most likely, there are things that we need to say to them, decisions that we need to make for them, that they don’t like.

There will be attitudes that we need to rebuke constantly.

There will be perceptions or thinking that we need to correct.

And, there will be habits that we need to build.

Yes, all that, despite their rejection and display of unhappiness.

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We do want to be fun parents. Parents whom our children can happily say to their friends, ‘My Mom and Dad are like a friend, our best friend!!’

But.

If becoming ‘their best friend’ means we agree and support everything that they say, do and decide … well, then it’s okay if our children don’t see ‘best friend qualities’ in us.

It’s part and parcel of being a parent, if you ask me.

(Our children are now 12, 10 and 5yo, btw)

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Many parents choose to avoid getting in uncomfortable conflicts / disagreement with their children
This morning, when alone with son in the car, after staying quiet for 10 minutes while driving, I said:

Today is October 4th 2016 and you’re 10. When you’re 20 or 30yo, you most likely won’t remember what’s happened today and many other days when you’re growing up.

I just want you to know that, things we say when you’re growing up WILL shape how you’ll be and the kind of person you’ll become when you are 20 or 30yo.

We do what we do, we say what we say, because we love you.

Mommy and Daddy choose to still say what we say, decide what we decide and do what we need to do because:
– We love you
– We need to be responsible to God when raising you, because HE has has entrusted you into our hands

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We share our thoughts and reasons for our decisions with our children, but frankly, I don’t ‘expect’ them to understand our position nor our decisions.

They are after all, children.

But, if they DO understand, that’s awesome.

And really, that’s pure grace from above.

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Parenting is not easy.

May God help us to be consistent, wise and patient.

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Food for thought.

 
Are you on Instagram?

I am. And one of the things that I don’t like about Instagram is how the texts (in the caption) CANNOT have any paragraph spacing, ALTHOUGH I’ve typed ‘return’ to create the paragraph spacing.

Like this.
 
 

BUT.

Today, I discovered how to CREATE SPACE between paragraphs!

WOOT!

(If you already know this trick, then scroll down and read my other posts! I’m excited to have found this trick okay =D)

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This is how you do it:

> Add a period (fullstop) between the lines of the texts

> Make sure there is NO SPACE at the end of your line/sentence.
 
 

That’s it!

Try and edit your ‘text heavy’ Instagram caption to see if this trick works!
 
 

PS: Btw, here’s the LINK TO MY INSTAGRAM. Most welcome to follow my posts =D

Newly married couples don’t normally think about marital affairs. Unless they’re forced into marriage, newly married couples most likely are in love with each other.

The question is, why then do affairs happen?

(Regardless of whether you’ve been married for 5 years, 15 years or 25 years)

I feel this is a very real question and if we are married (or in a relationship), we should really give this question a good thought.

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Do we feel the need to delete our text messages so they’re not read by others/our spouse?Recently I read an article on WHY emotional affairs take place in marriages (including christian marriages).

(Note: Affairs could be ’emotional’, not necessarily ‘physical’)

Here is one common reason:

Reliance on outsiders (especially when the spouses have to spend much time apart)

When we start to depend on the opposite gender other than our spouse to meet our emotional needs, temptations tend to creep in.

Affairs could happen between us and anyone with whom we spend large amount of timeAnd, affairs could happen between us and anyone with whom we spend large amount of time, eg. Co-workers, old school friends, personal trainers, etc.

What started out as an ‘innocent friendship’ could lead to an emotional dependence, and hence, an emotional affair.

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So what are the warning signs that we should watch out for?

> Start to negatively compare our spouse with others
Be aware of that increasing thought or feeling: ‘He listens to me better than my husband’, ‘She speaks lovingly to me every time we chat’ or ‘We can laugh out loud and connect so well with each other!’

> A need to hide aspects of a relationship
Do we feel the need to delete our text messages so they’re not read by others/our spouse? Are we excited about secretly receiving a call or text messages from another person other than our spouse?

> Less willingness to be intimate with our spouse
Intimacy requires closeness, and such an intimate relationship cannot happen if a spouse gives his/her closeness to someone else outside of their marriage.

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What can do we do to guard ourselves against such temptations then?

Here are some tips and thoughts:

Avoid spending a lot of time alone with anyone of the opposite gender1. Avoid spending a lot of time alone with anyone of the opposite gender (especially if we are somewhat attracted to him/her)

2. Avoid spending more ‘quality time’ with another person than we do with our spouse.

3. Avoid sharing intimate details of our life with anyone before sharing it with our own spouse.

4. Stay transparent, ie. Do everything as if our spouse were there with us.

5. Do not entertain fantasies about other people. Shoo away thoughts that are not pure.

6. Stay connected with our spouse by making extra efforts to build emotional and physical closeness (eg. Plan activities that you can do together as husband and wife, daily/weekly/monthly)

Having been married for ‘many years’ should not be our excuse for taking our spouse for granted7. Keep an open communication throughout the day, share your activities or thoughts and daily things that make you excited or sad. Grow that ‘enjoyment’ of sharing your life with each other. Be each other’s best friend.

(For those who hardly ever stay in contact with their spouse during the day, this may mean checking your phone and taking the time to contact or REPLY your spouse’s text messages)

8. Appreciate our spouse. When was the last time you genuinely cuddle, hug, kiss or say ‘I love you’? Having been married for ‘many years’ should not be our excuse for taking our spouse for granted.

9. Have a community of positive and loving married couples where you can be strengthened and encouraged by them, while you do the same towards other couples.
(In our case, we are blessed to have a group of married couples with whom we have regular Bible studies and discussions)

Do everything as if our spouse were there with us10. Last but not least, if you’re people of the faith like us, do devote personal time to prayer. Ask God to protect our marriage, while we ourselves make the effort to build and nurture our relationship with our spouse.

(I’m sure there are more tips out there. You’re welcome to add more to the list)

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Everyone is so prone to emotional affairsI’m not a marriage expert.

I simply know that everyone is so prone to emotional affairs, no matter how ‘strong’ we assume our marriage is. And that’s why we need to always stay alert and be aware of the signs.

Let’s continually nurture our relationship with our spouse.

May God have mercy and help us all.

Brie keeps growing into this colourful little girl.

Very chatty.

Full of wits and bright ideas.

And being the youngest, she often shows her determination in getting what she wants, too.

This is where we repeatedly instill values in the family, that regardless of your age, we will say, ‘Yes’ if it’s a ‘Yes’, and ‘No’ if it’s a ‘No’.

We won’t bend our rules and make special exceptions just because the youngest in the family demands something and throws tantrums.

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Oh well.

Life of a parent, is as colourful as Brie’s hair in these photos =)

Brie is now in Kindergarten (K2) and I just love how she gets to do some ‘show and tell’ presentations in front of her class (with a given topic) every 3 weeks or so.

(In these photos, Brie just did ‘food that’s good for our body’ =)

To me, such activities exercise the child’s memory skills, add on her knowledge of a particular topic, allow her to remember it better and longer, as well as train her articulation and confidence in public speaking too. 

And, the fact that it’s done in a fun, ‘non-competitive’ manner makes it even better, I reckon!

Brie, you are blessed! 

 
I’ve always loved afternoon sun shots.
 
The rays. The golden look.
 
It makes our otherwise plain shots look … a little magical =)

How is our home?

Are we there for our children when they come home from school, or are they kept busy with after-school programs (or television and games) day in and day out that they have very little time with us?

Have we (moms) ever felt that we have WASTED our ‘talents and brain’ because we have chosen to raise the kids ourselves, and forgo ‘opportunities to be useful elsewhere’?

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On this matter, a woman named Dorothy Patterson once said:

It is true that many ‘perfect jobs’ may come and go during the childrearing years, but only one will absolutely never come along again – the job of rearing your own children and allowing them the increasingly rare opportunity to grow up at home.

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Do our children grow up in a home where the parents are present and are actively involved in their lives?

It’s interesting to read about how this situation gets increasingly rare.

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To me personally, I believe every family is unique and every mom needs to struggle with her decisions with regards to her roles in her children’s lives.

May God grant us the wisdom to make the right choices everyday, however tough, however easy.

Food for thought.

Because life should be full of colours? 🙂

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Brie: 5 years, 3 months