Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

 
We don’t visit Taman Mini Indonesia Indah (TMII) often.

Actually, ever since we’ve moved to Jakarta back in 2012, I think we’ve only been to TMII err … 3 times?

I’d personally recommend it to tourists, though. And if you’re a local, I think it also is worth visiting with your family. At least once a year? TMII has a lot of places to see, and it’s a good place to learn more about Indonesia’s cultures.

ANYWAY.

The other day, we went to check out this Reptile Park (Taman Reptilia) at TMII.
 

 
The Reptile Park is open from 9am to 4pm and entrance fee is Rp25,000 per person

(Here’s the link to TMII’s entrance ticket prices >> http://tamanmini.com/page/tiket)
 

 
This place has a two-storey indoor exhibition area (where we could see various exhibits and read about frogs, toads, snakes, tortoises and lizards from different parts of the world), and an outdoor area, for viewing of live reptiles.

The dark room pictured below is actually located on the ‘outside’. It’s for live reptiles that mostly live at night, I guess.
 

 
The walkway towards this ‘dark exhibition area’ looks like it’s a pathway towards restrooms, though =(

And, the thought that crossed my mind each time we visit public parks/places of attraction in Indonesia came to mind again, ie. I really wish this place can be better managed and maintained, and the live animals are better cared for, because they are NOT just ‘exhibits’.
 

 
Btw, the park has this ‘Taman Sentuh’, a place where you can touch real reptiles (To hold an animal, and take photos with it, it costs Rp5000 per person).

Obviously crocodiles are not pets. What if this one happened to snap its jaw at our hands or fingers when we’re holding it?When we were there, the only animal available to be carried by the public was this crocodile, which despite its small size, was NOT a baby crocodile! It’s 3 years old, capable of growing to be very long, more than 2m, we were told.

Hmm.

Obviously crocodiles are not pets. What if this one happened to snap its jaw at our hands or fingers when we’re holding it?
 

 
The handler said, this crocodile is fed once a week, and it is day 5, so it is ‘safe’ to be handled.

Hmm.

The handler said, this crocodile is fed once a week, and it is day 5, so it is ‘safe’ to be handled. Hmm.
He said, actually after it is fed, it’s best not to be handled by the public, because the movements could could cause it to vomit.

(I saw how the handler was gentle with the croc, which was a good sign of someone who genuinely cared for the animal, I thought)

So we put our ‘faith’ on what he said =) and each of the kid got a chance to gently handle the crocodile.

Interesting how it really was ‘still’ (ie. Didn’t wriggle or move its tail much at all, but it looked alert, not sleepy).

The kids got to observe the crocodile up close, which was great, because they could see the mouth, the ‘closed up’ throat, the teeth, the layers of the crocodile eyes, the skin textures, etc.

(You see, I don’t expect all my kids to LOVE animals, but I hope they have positive encounters and are educated about them)

 

 
Anyway.

When it comes to handling animals, here’s one super important thing to note:

Please, please, educate our children (and ourselves) on the importance of handling all animals GENTLY!

Please educate our children (and ourselves) on the importance of handling all animals GENTLY
Don’t jerk the animals, or be rough.

Don’t scare them by our silly sounds and screams.

And please, do NOT DROP them!

They are living beings, NOT just ‘things’.

If our child is easily scared (unsure of handling an animal), perhaps it is best to NOT carry/lift the animals just yet. Gently petting the animals is a good learning experience, too. Reading more about it, its habitats, its habits, will also familiarise our kids with the animals
 

 
Unfortunately, I’ve seen too many incidents (happening in front of my very eyes), of children and adults not handling animals well (at petting zoos or ‘touch ponds’). Often, they do it ‘purposely’ because they thought it’s funny =(

Like:
– Picking up a starfish from a pond and recklessly throw it somewhere.
– Knocking on the glass window to wake a sleeping owl!
– Shining the flashlight from a smartphone to an animal’s eyes to make it ‘move’
– Throwing pebbles towards birds or animals, so that the animals can make some ‘noise’
– Scaring an animal in a cage with a loud ‘BOO!!!’

It’s really sad, and at the same time, annoying =(

One concern of mine:
When children treat animals in such a way, many parents do NOT say anything to correct/educate/rebuke them. Worse, they giggle along with the kids. Sigh. If you ask me, it’s most likely because the parents themselves think it is okay to treat animals in such a way.

Anyway.

Let’s educate ourselves and our children on the importance of caring for animals.

Because, although they are not humans, they do deserve proper handling and care by us humans, yes?

‘Water!! I need to drink!!!’

‘Tissue!!’

‘I’m thirsty!!’

Some children yell similar words when they need something.

Like, when they need to drink, EXPECTING someone to quickly provide them with the requested glass of water.

Whenever that happens in our family, NO one responds by giving him/her a glass of water, because:

1. The child does not say WHOM he/she is talking to

2. The child is not a king/queen/prince/princess whom everyone else comes to serve at a slight scream

3. The child is displaying an attitude of a spoiled child (refer to point no.2)

4. The child is not showing respect towards others through his/her language and tone of voice (ie. When he/she needs help from another person)

…

All 3 kids had gone through phases when they displayed the above attitude.

And what I usually say as a response is:

‘Who are you talking to, btw? If you need help, please say the name, ask for help politely, and with a ‘please’.’

Only when the child says something like:

Then, a ‘thank you’ and ‘you are welcome’ would need to follow.

…

A long-winded process just to give a child a drink, some parents say.

Easier to just pass the glass in 2 seconds.

To us, this is a necessary process, needs to be consistently repeated, too, … in the name of educating every child on the importance of respecting others, and basic mannerism and communication.

Habits that children will carry till they are adults.

Food for thought.

…

Additional notes:

Questions some parents ask:
-‘What if the glass is too high / too far from the child?’

I’d say, ‘Still, ask the child to properly ask for help, then we help and get the glass of water for him. Do place plastic glasses within easy reach at home, so we can remind the child to get the drink himself, too.’

– ‘What if the water bottle is just next to us, can’t we just pass the water bottle to the child?’

I’d say, ‘Yes, it’s easy to just pass the water bottle to the child. But the point we’re teaching the child is, he needs to learn how to address others respectfully and ask for help properly. Only then, help is given.’

– ‘Some kids don’t drink much. And I need to remind my kids to drink.’

I’d say, ‘Reminding our kids to drink is of course okay, and it is in fact a totally different matter from asking the child to ask for something / ask for help respectfully.’

 
Recently, all five of us went to ‘Mount Gede’ (Gunung Gede, West Java), together with 16 others.

Yes, including our 6yo Brie.

We trekked for hours and hours, and over the 3-days-2-nights trip, we also reached the peak, at 2958m above sea level.

Have we done it before?

No. It was a new experience for all 5 of us.

An physically exhausting and mentally challenging one, yet it was so worthwhile.

…

Now, the big question is: WHY?

WHY DID YOU BRING YOUR THREE CHILDREN MOUNTAIN HIKING?

Aren’t you city people? You hardly even walk in Jakarta!

…

 
There are many reasons why we chose to join a group of friends and go mountain hiking with them, with the 3 kids in tow.

And, if I were to share just three reasons, here they are:

>> Get away from daily city routines, and be in the outdoors

Day in, day out, we live in tiny spaces.

We move from one small space with 4 walls, to another.

We live in an apartment. We get into a car. We get off the car and go into classrooms. Or to church.

We spend minimal time outdoors.

So that we share memories together, good and bad experiences, stories that we can talk about years and years to come
We hardly even extend our arms and really fill our lungs with fresh air.

We hardly see and feel the beauty of God’s creation out there.

To Wilson and I, it’s a must to experience the outdoors because we spend most of our days and months in small spaces in the city.

We NEED the open air and interactions with nature.

(How to love and appreciate nature and God’s creation, if we hardly see, feel nor interact with it?)

We need to have THAT balance.

(I guess, it’s different if we live in countries like New Zealand or Australia, where we can enjoy the outdoors much more frequently)

…

 
>> Do something different, as a family

This is our first time going for the mountains. I mean, really hiking / trekking towards the mountain peak.

We’ve never done it before, and it is something that Wilson and I feel we should do, as a family.

Why as a family?

– So our children can see their parents struggle too, through situations that THEY themselves go thorough

– So that they see for themselves HOW their parents choose to face challenges and go through them

– So we can learn more about children, their mindset, their attitudes, see how they respond towards challenges, and guide them along

– So that we share memories together, good and bad experiences, stories that we can talk about years and years to come

…

 
>> Some lessons in life must be personally experienced. They simply cannot be taught verbally.

No proper toilets or bathroomsIf we want our children to push themselves beyond their comfort level, then we believe they really have to be in situations where they actually are BEYOND their usual comfortable situations.

To name a few, here are some ‘different’ situations that we experienced during our 3-days-2-nights hiking trip:

– Trek for hours
– Eat simple, emergency food (Our menu: rice and instant noodles, Tim Tam for snacks, water from the mountain streams)
– Sleep in tents, on hard, rocky ground (we found out how sleeping bags are not THAT thick)
– No proper toilets or bathrooms (Hello bushes!)
– No phone signals or the internet
– Experience physical exhaustion and the need to keep going till the end
– Spend time doing something similar with other people (other than your own family)

…

 
Really. During the trip, Wilson and I got to discover more about ourselves and our children.

Like, we get to see:
– How we respond towards discomfort
– How we treat others when we ourselves are not in comfortable situations
– How we persevere though we feel tired, and how we eventually manage to reach our destination, however slowly
– How we adapt to different routines and still manage, despite the lack of facilities
– How we are amazed by the hundreds and thousands of stars in the night sky
– How we work in a group situation, etc

All of the above can only be discovered when our limits are pushed beyond our normal level.

(Unfortunately, they’re not discovered when we sit comfortably in front of our TV, in our air-conditioned room, eating yummy ice-cream)

…

If we’re asked, ‘Would you recommend such a trip to other families?’

I’d say, ‘Yes! Go for it!’.

(In a separate blog post, I’ll share some tips and thoughts on how Wilson and I prepared our children BEFORE the trip and DURING the trip)

…

Discover more about ourselves and our childrenOverall, I’d say:
I think our family is so blessed to have had this hiking experience recently.

We learned and discovered so much, about ourselves, others, about God and His amazing creation.

No regrets.

And, looks like there’ll be more =)

We are created as social beings.

But the reality is, some people may feel that they can survive ‘on their own’, that they do NOT need other people’s help.

That, getting help from others means we are weak.

…

As a parent, I always teach our 3 kids the importance of ‘doing things on their own’.

All kids knew how to put on their socks and shoes before they turned 1.5yo. They started eating on their own before they turned 2yo. They could shower and bathe themselves by 3yo. They learn how to cook for the family, wash their dishes, etc.

And, we always remind them about the importance of ‘trying and not giving up so easily when things get tough’, ie. Don’t easily ask for help when you haven’t tried to do it again and again.
 

 
Learning and knowing how to do things on their own does NOT mean they must never get help from others, though.

This is one value that we instill in them since young, too.

ie. There are times when we have to do things on our own, without anyone’s help. And, there are times when we need other people’s help, and it’s totally okay. 

…
 

 
Like, when I had this interview shoot with Rev. Aiter for Reformed 21 TV, it was one of those days where dependence upon other people’s help was needed, and greatly treasured.

A make-up artist friend performed some magic on me.

The crews did their work and supported the whole production.

Good friends of ours went out with the kids and welcomed them at their home while I had my shoots.

…

Really.

With such support and help given at times of need, … how can I not feel blessed?
 

 
We say, children are blessings from above.

It’s true.

But, we are no perfect people.

Our children are no angels.

And as parents, we deal with children and their misbehaviours every single day.

…

If you’re a parent, I’m sure you agree how dealing with tantrums, screaming, bad moods and crying is mentally exhausting.

And, It IS easier to respond by doing one of the following (or ALL, depending on our mood at the time?):

– send the child to his/her room (or to a corner for a few minutes)
– scold the child, ‘Don’t do it again! Off you go!’
– give a quick slap on the hand (and our ‘I’m so not happy with you!’ stare)
– yell, ‘Stop it!’ and leave the room

…

The right behaviour that’s expected of the child is shown and explainedWhen it comes to parenting, I realise one thing:
As much as I wanted to, it’s not ‘good for the child’ if we just do the above as our response to a child’s misbehaviour.

And mostly because, they receive no guidance as to WHY what they did was wrong and HOW they should better behave in the future.

It’s our ‘quick fix’ to a potentially mind-numbing misbehaviours and tantrums.

But our quick fix apparently, is not doing any good to the child.

…

As a parent of three, I learn how we need to make sure:

– Misbehaviours are addressed, consistently

– Disciplinary actions are explained to the child (if the child is still tantrumy, then explanation comes AFTER the child has calmed down)

– Impacts of the child’s action or words towards others are explained

– The right behaviour that’s expected of the child is shown and explained

– Pray with and for the child

(For a person a faith, like me, I’d also explain how disobedience, tendencies to hurt others or be selfish are all due to our sinful nature, and that’s why we need Jesus Christ in our lives, who has conquered over sin)

I guess the point is, our child needs to be guided towards feeling ‘sorrowful’ towards the past ‘offence’.

…

This whole process takes a very LONG time, though.

Which means, we need to repeat ourselves again and again =\

Being patient, yet at the same time consistent and FIRM towards our children’s disobedience, is not easy. But it’s possible.

(May God give us wisdom and patience in handling our children’s daily misbehaviours)

…

How can I not learn to be patient and consistent with my kids
You know, often, I feel like I’ve failed as a parent.

Like, as if what I’ve said, instilled and taught all these years have no impact whatsoever on the child.

I try to remind myself though, that God goes through the same (long and tiring!) process when HE’s dealing with me and MY misbehaviours, too.

Yet, HE is always so patient and merciful towards me.

Yes. Me.

So how can I not learn to be patient and consistent with my kids, too?

…

Food for thought.

Do our children say ‘Thank You’ and ‘Please’ at home?

Do they thank their Mom for cooking their dinner?

Do they say ‘Please’ when they ask their Dad or brother to play the CD in the car?

…

Parents who teach their children to say ‘Thank You’ and ‘Please’ to others outside the home may unconsciously NOT remind their children to do it for family members at home.

May be it’s because we see each other all so often every day?

Or may be, it’s because parents automatically assume that it’s their duty to help and provide for their kids, so they need not say ‘Thank you’ or ‘Please’?

…

Personally, I believe children must be taught to say ‘Thank you’ and ‘please’, even at home.

(And, we of course must do it ourselves, too!)

Why?

Because, although we cook and provide for the children, ‘responsibilities through thankful gestures’ need to be taught and exercised early.

They may not say it ‘all the time’ and not for every single help they get from family members. Nevertheless, appreciating those at home is what they need to learn and do.

…

Food for thought:
If they don’t say thanks to the people they see, how do they thank God whom they cannot see?

 
Brie,
I thought of writing this post as a letter to you. You know, so you can read it later and remember what it’s like when you turned six.

Well, let me start by telling you, … did you know that you’ve been counting the weeks and days towards your sixth birthday? =)

‘Mommy, in FOUR days, I’ll be SIX!’Like when we had our regular ‘family sleepover’ where we all cramped into one bed and you’d be next to me, you woke me up in the morning, smiling, and say, ‘Mommy, in FOUR days, I’ll be SIX!’

You said you’re excited because you’d be BIG, … BIGGER than before! =)

(Well, being the youngest in MY family, I totally know what you mean, Brie. When I was your age, I too looked forward to my birthdays, because it meant I got a little older, like my sisters)

Anyway.

That photo at the top, that’s taken the night before your birthday.

We celebrated it ‘early’ because Daddy had to travel for work the next day. He didn’t want to miss getting together for your birthday! (Yes, that’s how much he loves you!)
 

 
Then, some five days later, you celebrated your birthday with your K2 friends.

(Why FIVE days later? Because Mommy was so very busy that week, and day 5 after your birthday was the best date for everyone =)

Anyway, you looked forward to THIS one, too.

You asked me (so many times) about the kind of birthday cake I’d be preparing for you.

Can it be Frozen? Or Little Pony? It’s okay if it’s just Olaf.
 


 
And, my answers have always been, … we’ll see later what it’ll be like, ya. Whatever it is like, we need to be thankful for all the blessings that we get.

My week was a crazy busy one that it seemed impossible for me to plan anything for your birthday at schoolBrie, I need you to know something.

I really wanted to bake a cake for your birthday. I wanted to bake birthday cakes for all my kids while I still can. But, my week was a crazy busy one that it seemed impossible for me to plan anything for your birthday at school.

I thought of just buying a cake off a shop. I mean, at least we have a cake, right? It’s okay if it’s bought or made, … yes?

Well, somehow, I still wanted the privilege, … the privilege of preparing birthday cakes for you. After all, it’s just ONCE a year … I sure can think of something, yes?

And so THIS was what I managed to create.

I remember seeing the big smile on your face when you saw us bring it to your class. You gave us big hugs and said, ‘Thank you, Mommy! Thank you, Daddy!’. Such a rewarding feeling.

Thank you, Brie, … for saying thank you, and for loving what I’ve made for you.

…

Btw.

I thought you should see some behind-the-scene photos =)

I’ll start with this photo of your pink pocky birthday cake.
 

 
And the photo below, is how the actual cake looked like on the INSIDE.

Nothing fancy =)

There were TWO cakes: vanilla strawberry cake, and chocolate marble cake below it.

Instead of baking your birthday cake this year, I bought these two at the supermarket. I thought this is the best solution to my ‘not-enough-time-to-bake-a-birthday-cake’ situation.

With NO time spent on baking the cake, I only needed to put the whole ‘decoration’ together.

This is do-able, I told myself.

I lined up the pocky sticks around the cake, using strawberry jam as the ‘glue’ (this is just me experimenting. The jam apparently didn’t help much).
 

Here’s one thing you must know: it was difficult to get the sticks to ‘stand’ (ie. Not fall to the sides).

So I used my ‘ round baking pan’ to help hold the sticks up. It sort of helped in the beginning, but I couldn’t use the baking pan to hold ‘all’ the sticks, because the pan was bigger than the cake itself.

So I decided to use my pink wool yarn to hold the sticks together.

It worked!

When I managed to get the sticks all around the cake, I used a new pink wool yarn to tie the sticks together (and threw the old yarn I used earlier).
 

 
The next thing I needed to do, was to find something to fill up the ‘hole’ in the middle of the cake.

You see, I wanted to cover the top of the cake with fondant and decorate it with your name and all, but I couldn’t do it if there’s still a big hole.

Thank God for the glass of mineral water I saw on the kitchen top.

It fit the hole perfectly! =)
 

 
After this, it was pretty much straight forward.

I used a bit of fondant to cover the cake’s top. Then, with some food colouring, I made just enough pink fondant to make your name, the big number ‘6’ and two stars.

Oh, and I purposely bought tall candles to make your cake look more … ‘special’ =)

Voila!

This is how it looked when it was done!
 

 
Brie,
That was how your cake was created.

Buying one off a shop would have been a quick solution for everyone, but I knew if had done that, I would’ve regretted not hand-making your birthday cake, while I still can.

So, this was the best that I could come up with, given the little time we had.
 

 
Celebrating your birthday with your K2 teachers and friends was another blessing, btw!

You chose the song ‘L.O.V.E.’ (which everyone sang and danced to). You also chose the birthday ‘newspaper’ game.

It was so fun to watch!

(At the same time, I felt a little tug at my heartstrings. I realised it was your last birthday in Kindy. You’re growing up too fast, Brie)
 

 
So there you are.

You’re six.

I really thank God for you, and for everything that He has blessed you with.

Always remember, you are so blessed. Don’t ever forget to thank God for everything.

Remember too, that we love you, and that one of our prayers is, for you to grow up and be the kind of person God wants you to be, to know Him personally, to be a blessing to others, giving all your God-given talents back, for the glory of God.

Amen.