Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

‘Gee, I can’t talk to my kids! They simply don’t listen to me!’

‘They just don’t obey me!’

‘I can’t get through to my kids.’

…

Here’s one common issue parents face today , that is: the LACK of authority at home.

Parents are the adults. Not the kidsWhich simply means, there is a problem in exercising authority in the family.

Parents (whom are NOT obeyed by their children) often place the blame on the kids, when in fact, the issue hugely lies on the parents themselves who ‘fail’ to exercise authority since day one.

Read: Parents are the adults. Not the kids.

Children are the ones entrusted into the care of a husband and a wife. AND, the parents need to be actively involved in their children’s lives to understand their habits, their tendencies, their strengths, their weaknesses, and to exercise authority, discipline, as well as justice and love.

It can’t be done when the parents spend little time with the children It can’t be done when the parents spend little time with the children.

It can’t be done if the parents delegate their parental duties to a third person, eg. A nanny, a domestic helper, or even grandparents.

Food for thought.

(Inspired by a sermon by Rev. Ivan Kristiono)

Jakarta’s new governor is US-educated, former Minister of Education, admired by many for his eloquent speech.

He promoted unity for ALL citizens during his campaigns and debates.

I truly wanted to stay positive about this new administration.

BUT, Anies Baswedan’s first speech as Jakarta’s governor yesterday was FAR from uniting the people.

And it made me wonder, how can he embrace everyone and promote peace if he repeatedly emphasised the idea of ‘natives vs colonisers’ in his FIRST official speech as a governor?

I try to not be negative about the newly sworn governor and vice governor of Jakarta.

We need to see their work and grow our trust.

Having said that.

It is a beautiful country where different kinds of race, religion, and tribe unite!One of the reasons Anies-Sandi won 58% of the people’s votes is so that they can ‘fix the current divisions’ in the society, said their voters.

In Anies’ first speech as the governor of Jakarta, he talked about how the ‘native Indonesians’ (‘pribumi’) has been opressed all this while and must take back the control of this country.

Wait, … what?

The word ‘Pribumi’ has always been understood as those who are NOT chinese.

So, who are these ‘natives’?

As an ‘academic’, he must have known what his chosen words meant.

…

Indonesia is NOT about a particular race or a particular religion.

It is a beautiful country where different kinds of race, religion, and tribe unite!

Or has he forgotten about the motto ‘Bhinneka Tunggal Ika’? (ie. Unity in Diversity)

…

If as the new governor and vice governor, you truly wish to bring the people together, then you must DISMISS groups and racist banners, including those which said ‘The rise of Muslim Natives’.

This country desperately needs words and actions that UNITE diversities from its leaders.

God, please have mercy on Jakarta and its people 🙏🏻

…

Related newspaper articles:

http://jakartaglobe.id/news/jakartas-new-governor/

https://www.cnnindonesia.com/nasional/20171016201247-20-248841/anies-dulu-pribumi-ditindas-dan-dikalahkan/

https://news.detik.com/berita/3686774/anies-kini-saatnya-pribumi-jadi-tuan-rumah-di-negeri-sendiri

http://www.straitstimes.com/asia/se-asia/jakarta-governor-anies-baswedan-sworn-in-amid-calls-from-hardliners-for-islamic

Here is one sad reality:
Our society generally sees childhood as a RACE against time.

‘What do you mean?’, some asked.

Well, let’s see.

Have you ever heard of someone saying, ‘The sooner your child enters school the better!’

And, if a child can finish primary 6 at the age of 10, it’s a big WOW filled with praises. She’s a genius, they’d say! How I wish my kids are as smart (perhaps silently uttered in the parents’ minds)

If someone’s 2yo can read and write, other moms would wish their kids can do the sameIf someone’s 2yo can read and write, other moms would wish their kids can do the same.

Some grandparents would even encourage the parents to send the 2yo grandchild to reading lessons just so that he can be ‘smart’, like ‘THAT boy who can read at 2yo’.

It is a RACE for these little humans, literally.

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Each case is different and it depends on the child’s readiness and maturity, too

The reality is, every child is unique.

No two children are the same.

When it comes to SCHOOL matters for example, I truly believe NOT every child is ‘ready’ to enter primary one at the age of 6yo (ie. Child turns 6yo when he is in primary one, which means he could be sent to primary one at the age of 5.5 yo)

It all depends on the child’s readiness and maturity, too.

Some 6yo children find it hard to sit and listen for 10 minutes, let alone listen to a teacher telling him stuff from the front of the class for a good 5 hours every weekday!

Some 6yo children find it hard to sit and listen for 10 minutesSome 5.5yo children still struggle with reading, writing and counting.

To me personally, IF a child needs to delay entering Primary School by one year, just so that he’d be a year older and more ready to learn in a classroom environment, … then it is absolutely OK (yes, even if others disagree with you).

Parents need to be the ones who work out what’s best for each child whom God has entrusted into their loving care.

The emphasis here is: we must work out what is best FOR THE CHILD.

…

Really.

We should NOT send our children to primary one because of these reasons:

– Just so that other people (neighbours, friends, grandparents, in-laws, etc) will NOT talk badly about our family.

ie. We want to make sure that we do things ‘according’ to other people’s standards and expectations.

I know this doesn’t sound nice, but it’s the harsh reality to many families, and the children sadly become the ‘victims’ who bear the consequences of  decisions made by the adults around them =\

– Neighbours’ or friends’ kids (similar age to our kid’s) have started going to primary one, so by right, my kid also must enter primary one. Errr, right?

– So our child could finish school at a younger age, start work at a younger age, be independent and be successful at a young age

Children can always take extra lessons and tuitions to cope with schoolEg. Some children are sent to enter primary one at the age of 5 years and 2 months. This means, she’d be 6yo at the end of primary one. They are very playful, haven’t learned how to put their clothes on by themselves, can’t listen or concentrate for more than 15 minutes.

In such cases, many parents feel everything is fine because their children can always take extra lessons and tuitions to cope with school.

…

The above are only three possible reasons parents may have when they send their children to primary one.

I’m sure there are a lot more reasons out there.

Again, as I always say, every family is unique, and so is every child.

The parents should be the ones who sincerely ask themselves these questions: 

WHEN is it best for my child to enter primary one?

Am I making decisions based on what is truly good for the child, or based on what is good for me, my convenience, my preferences?

…
 

 

Am I making decisions based on what is good for the child, or based on what is good for me?For our family, we have chosen to NOT rush our kids when it comes to starting primary one.

We believe: the more ready a child is when he enters Primary One, the better he would cope with the demands of school work / responsibilities, etc.

Because to us, it is important for the child to know what’s going on at school. To learn and pack his own school bag for the next day. To know why he’s studying and why it is important to be responsible in their learning journey.

And, to not rely on tuitions to cope with school (because we don’t send them to any, well … perhaps for learning Mandarin one day, because we are hopeless at it =).

…

‘But but … what if your child is slightly older than his classmates? Can they still play along?’, some asked.

YES, they are fine.

What if your child is slightly older than his classmates? Can they still play along?
Some children are naturally more mature, and more responsible than others. They simply need to learn to cope with different kinds of characters, attitudes, friends that they meet at school.

(Kind of like our real life too, isn’t it? We have to deal with different kinds of colleagues in our office and work with them, too)
…

Anyway.

Food for thought.

Love its colour and texture.

…

Created in sixth grade

What stage of parenthood are you facing right now?

Do you have a child who cares more about what he likes?

Or perhaps, a teenager who finds it hard to get along with her siblings?

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Change takes timeEver felt you have failed as a parent?

Ever felt like you’ve come to a dead end, not knowing how else you could teach your kids just so that they could display better kindness / appreciation towards others, etc.

…

If you ask me, YES, I have felt the above.

(ie. I sometimes wonder if all the values that we’ve instilled all these years ever ‘sink in’ and make a difference in their mind or heart, at all)

Anyway.

When such feelings (of failing as a parent) are around (like, today!), here are some thoughts that I feed into my mind:

Children are not robots.

They can’t be programmed to change according to the values we instill over the years.

Young Johann Sebastian Bach was only 20 years old when he decided he must hear Buxtehude play music LIVE!

So who was Dietrich Buxtehude?

I did a little research and here’s a bit about Buxtehude:
– a Danish-German organist and composer of church music
– one of the most brilliant, esteemed and influential composers of his time
– His organ works represent a central part of the standard organ repertoire and are frequently performed at recitals and in church services.
– Born in 1637 and died in 1707

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What would YOU do if you were Bach?Buxtehude’s concert was however held in another city, far far way from where Bach lived.

Bach lived in Arnstadt and Buxtehude’s concert was held in Lubeck.

Lubeck was not just some ten miles away.

It was in fact around 250 miles away!

That’s about 400 km!

Bach would love to get on the train to get there, but alas, he couldn’t afford to buy the tickets at the time!

…

Now, what would YOU do if you were Bach?

What would our kids do in such a situation?

Feel disappointed and not go?

Give up?
 

Bach decided that he would WALK the 400 kilometres distance to get to Buxtehude and hear him play music, LIVE!

Lubeck was in fact some 250 miles awayAnd Bach did walk all the way for days to watch the two-hour concert.

Was it worth the walk?

Yes, it was.

At least to Bach it was.

Bach saw the precious opportunity that he must not miss, and he did all that he could. He did what we would probably never think of doing!

Talk about determination and grabbing precious opportunities with all your might and energy!

…

Young Bach was indeed inspired by Buxtehude’s concert.

It was life changing and had a huge impact on Bach’s music.

And Bach today, as most of us know, is recognised as this famous German composer and musician of the Baroque period, perhaps the greatest composer of all time!

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Lessons I learned:

Always, always carefully assess opportunities, and see which ones are worth our energy, time and even money, and which ones are not.

Ask for wisdom from God, so we don’t miss out on the precious ones.

Learn to NEVER let inconveniences or difficulties hinder us from grabbing precious opportunitiesLearn to NEVER let inconveniences or difficulties hinder us from pursuing or grabbing precious opportunities.

Don’t easily complain and give up when faced with difficulties.

(This is especially tougher to do now that we live in an era where most things are instant and convenient, where many parents shelter their children from discomfort and life’s inconveniences. I feel we seriously need to train ourselves and our children even more on this ‘life skill’)

If it’s truly precious, it is worth our sacrificeIf it’s truly precious, it is worth our sacrifice, and for sure we will not regret going for it.

These are lessons I will definitely share with my kids.

I can’t believe the littlest in the family is now in Primary School!

I mean, Brie now spends an average of 5 hours at school, packs her own school bag, does her own homework, AND … wait for it, … the other week she did revisions at home to prepare for her mid-semester exams!

Like, … she has had her mid-semester exams? Already??

We often say to Brie (and the other 2 kids, of course) how life is not just about school, though.

I mean, yes school is important and we must be responsible in our studies by doing our best, BUT, there are other things in life, too, other than school.

Like, … exploring nature, music, arts, spending time with the family, and doing sports.

Staying active, basically.

We took the kids (yes, Brie came along, at 6 years old) camping and hiking recently, conquering Mount Gede in West Java (2958m above sea level).

And it was a wonderful trip!

A great way of letting the kids bond with family and friends, get away from their daily routines, explore nature, explore their own potentials, and push their limits beyond their usual comfort level.

Yes, it was physically exhausting as some point, but it was a good learning journey for all! =D

Personally, I happily recommend this activity to families out there! =)

As Brie’s mom, just like all other moms in the world, I do hope she stays active, AND grows up well and healthy.

I’d imagine all the cells in her body, including her brain cells, are growing so quickly at this age.

And naturally, one of the things that matters at her age is good nutrition intake.

The ‘slight problem’ with Brie is, she doesn’t eat as much as other kids her age.

I mean, she eats her vegetables, meat and fruits.

From broccoli, spinach, lettuce, to pork, beef, chicken and fish. She eats papayas, apples, pears, grapes and dragon fruits.

Brie is basically not too picky about what she eats and drinks. It’s just that I notice, when she eats, she eats less than other kids her age.

Does it matter if she doesn’t eat much? 

Well, to be honest, I think it is not a serious problem if Brie doesn’t eat as much as other kids. I mean, every child has different appetite levels. Different ‘tummy size’. So to me, as long as Brie eats different kinds of healthy food, and grows up healthily, that matters more.

(She hardly falls sick, too. Thank God for that.)

Having said that though, as her Mom, I do want to make sure that Brie gets her necessary vitamins and other good stuff into her body daily.

That’s why I encourage her to drink her milk every day.

This way, I hope, IF Brie somehow doesn’t get enough nutritional intake on any particular day from what she consumes, I hope she gets that extra boost from the milk she drinks.

This is what Brie drinks at the moment.

It is vidoran Xmart 5+, which basically is milk powder meant for kids between 5 to 12 years old.

(Note: It’s important to choose the right kind of milk for our kids’ age. And this one from vidoran is their new variant, designed for kids between the age of 5 to 12 years old)

Here’s what’s good in vidoran 5+:

It contains Cod Liver Oil!

Cod Liver Oil is great for the developments of our kid’s brain, vision, bones, skin and heart.

And, it can also help raise the kid’s appetite level!

vidoran 5+ contains Omega 3 (DHA & EPA) and is high in iron, zinc and calcium (for healthy bones and teeth!) as well as in other vitamins (B1, B2, B3, B5 B6, B9 and B12).

And, the fact that its price is affordable is an added bonus! =)

(Btw, it comes in two flavours: chocolate and honey)

We don’t have a live-in domestic helper, btw, so our kids learn to do things themselves around the house since young.

Including Brie, who is 6 years and 4 months. She prepares her milk after school, all on her own.

After she’s taken her shower and changed into her home clothes, she’d usually say, ‘Mommy, I want to drink some milk now yeah…’ Then she heads over to the kitchen.

(She likes her milk cold, with a few ice cubes in her favourite pink glass =)

INFO:

vidoran Xmart 5+ is available for sale at places like Carrefour, Yogya, Alfamidi, Hari-Hari, etc.

It’s also available online from Tempo Store, at blibli.com and Lazada.co.id

Anyway.

Hope your kids are all well and growing up healthily!

Stay happy and active!

Have a blessed day, everyone!