Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

‘When is Mommy coming home?’

‘Is Daddy on his way home?’

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Upon hearing it, some people may go, ‘Awwww, so sweet!’

It sounds sweet to hear a child asks for his/her parents like that.

*cue for heart emoticons*

❤️❤️❤️

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Now.

If your child sometimes asks such a question, I recommend you do a little observation: What does he/she ask from the parent within 5-10 mins of Daddy/Mommy’s arrival at home?

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If the child asks for play time, hugs, help with homework/test, listening ears. Then, … YAY!!

But.

If the child asks for, eg. Money, gifts (parent just traveled overseas), or parent’s phone (because game apps are only downloaded on the parent’s phone) … then to me, this needs some heart to heart parent-child talk.

Because, the child – consciously or unconsciously – is actually NOT longing for the PERSON (the parent), but more for what they can get FROM the parent.

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Gadgets or games should never replace the importance of family time, communication and interpersonal relationshipsAre you still reading my post?

Up to this point, do you say, ‘Aiyoh … it’s normal, isn’t it? Kids always want something from their parents, right??’

Well.

True.

But in our family, we hope to instill higher value for relationships over material things.

Eg. If our child keeps asking, ‘Is Daddy coming home soon?’ because he/she WAITS FOR his phone, NOT for Daddy’s presence (detected from the request for Daddy’s phone soon after he arrives home), … then we need to have a good talk with the child to instill the importance of each other’s presence OVER material things/wants.

(And, perhaps, to help the child, it may be necessary to delete one or two games off Daddy’s phone)

Because he/she WAITS FOR his phone, NOT for Daddy’s presenceThe point is, we parents need to observe and learn to ‘detect’ what is in our children’s heart and mind (although they don’t say it out loud to us).

Learn to ‘read between the lines’.

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Personally I find it crucial to teach our children about the importance of relationships over material things.

Relationship with the CreatorBecause as the child grows up (physically and spiritually), we hope that he/she also learns to long for a relationship with the Creator, NOT putting utter importance on receiving material blessings from above.

(Read: Learn to put relationship with God first and above material blessings from God. A lesson that we parents need to apply and struggle with day to day, too)

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Anyway.

If you’ve been following my blog or social media, you’d know how we are not against the use gadgets or games on phones.

Because to us, the key questions we need to first ask are:
– At what age does the child need to start playing
– When do we play (after chores / responsibilities are all completed?)
– What kinds of games do we play
– How long do we play the game for
– Are we addicted to it, etc

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Gadgets or games should never replace the importance of family time, communication and interpersonal relationships.

Yes? =)

I guess we are now closer to ‘reality’ than 17 years ago.

On the left:
We’re well-dressed, in an air-conditioned studio, standing by a piano, and asked to look out a window (with no view, haha).

Things ‘had to’ be nice and sweet for newly-weds, they say.

On the right,
We carried supplies and things that could help us go through rocky tracks and difficult terrains.
We trekked, felt tired every now and then, but we never gave up till we reach the top together.

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Frankly I prefer the picture on the right, heh.

It represents our determination, hardwork, and struggles in our relationship better ❤️

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As we all know, marriage journey itself is never smooth.

And, it is very much like a journey to the mountain top.

It seems fun in the beginning, but you feel tired after a while.

Some may even dread and wonder WHY they agree to the mountain climbing in the first place!

But, there should never be any giving up.

No backing out or turning back.

If you’re exhausted, take a quick rest, fill your lungs with loads of air, and keep going!

And by God’s grace, beauty and awesomeness await.

…

 
Looking forward to more life adventures with this man – plain, boring, thrilling, anything.

Here’s to more years together! ❤️

Brie came along to my office during NRETC last week, and she left some toys on my desk (read: She didn’t put the toys back into her bag when we went home)
 
The next day:

Me: ‘Brie, when you drop by my office today, don’t forget to bring your toys back ya.’

‘YOU didn’t bring them back with you yesterday when you left?’

‘No. I put them all neatly on one side. You brought your toys along, you need to bring them back today, okay?’

*I reminded her once or twice about it that day,and … she forgot to bring her toys back*

 
The very next day.

Me (knowing she didn’t bring them home): ‘Did you get your toys from my desk?’

‘Mommy, why didn’t you last night?’

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Now at this point, I know many parents could simply say, ‘Okay, I’ll bring them back for you later’, and case is closed.

One precious opportunity to rebuke, shape her character, and instill valuesBut Brie clearly was doing 2 things here:

– She left her belongings and forgot to bring them back on day 1 and day 2, despite being reminded about it (in our family, we emphasise the importance of looking after our own belongings, packing own stuff before leaving, etc)

– Instead of acknowledging what she should’ve done, Brie placed the responsibility (blame) on someone else for ‘forgetting to get the toys’ (and ordering another person to bring the toys back FOR her)

…
 
And so I replied:

‘Brie, … I reminded you about getting your toys from my desk, yes?’

‘Yes’

‘So who’s supposed to get the toys? Mommy or Brie?’

*Brie stayed quiet and then she said …*

‘If YOU had brought them with you, the toys wouldn’t have been left at the office.’

(Tsk. This girl ah.)

Simply say, ‘Oh no, I forgot. I’ll get them today!’ and I’ll be fine with that‘Brie, when you say, ‘MOMMY should’ve brought home the toys’, when you know YOU should be doing it, you are passing your neglected responsibility on someone else. We don’t pass blames on others. If we’ve forgotten to do something, we need to own up and simply say, ‘Oh no, I forgot. I’ll get them today!’ and I’ll be fine with that.’

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Some probably assume that Brie at this point would realise what she had done and apologise?

Noooo

My conversation with Brie went on for another 5 mins. She insisted that ‘Mommy’ should’ve done the work for her (even though she sat at my desk every single day during NRETC) ‍♀️

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It might seem to be a simple incident, but I saw it as one precious opportunity to rebuke, shape her character, and instill values, on the the importance of being responsible and NOT passing blames on others when she’s the one who neglects / forgets.

(That night when we’re in my office, I mentioned about her toys and she packed them all into her little bag)

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The journey is still long ahead. And parenting often means ‘repeating ourselves’

But as what we always tell our kids, ‘It’s not just you who learn, Mommy and Daddy constantly need to learn, too. As long as we’re still alive, we never stop learning and changing towards the better.’

May God help us parents …

Conflict is an integral part of married life.
Inability of couples to handle & resolve their differences is a bigger problem than the conflict itself.
– Salvador Minuchin

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NO ONE can make us happy ALL THE TIMEMany people enter marriage with ideals.

They imagine ‘happily ever after’ marriage.

And some even dwell in thoughts like, ‘I can finally be happy!’

In reality, NO ONE can make us happy ALL THE TIME.

Because, we live in a world full of sin, sinners, sinful desires and temptations.

When two sinners marry, there will surely be conflicts. It is part and parcel of all marriages.

And, conflicts themselves are actually normal, as emphasised by Salvador Minuchin, a famous family therapist.

What’s more important is our ABILITY to handle and resolve differences that will surely occur between two individuals united in one sacred marriage.

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What’s more important is our ABILITY to handle and resolve differencesSo, let’s not give up!

Let’s keep on WORKING ON our relationship, communication, expression of care, love and respect, etc.

May God help us married couples and shower us with His mercy and love.

 
Being the middle child in the family is not easy.

First-borns get all the attention, because they are the FIRST child in the family.

The last-born, well .. he/she is the littlest, so naturally many parents choose to go quite easy on him/her, and give the ‘baby in the family’ lots of attention. After all, babies need more care, yes?

As for the middle-borns?

Since they enter the world, they never get their parents’ FULL attention (because the older sister/brother is already there before them).

They never get their parents’ FULL attentionThey are the ‘littlest’ in the family, FOR A WHILE. And when there’s another little one in the family, the middle-born naturally gets LESS time overall (because now the parents’ time and energy need to be split between THREE kids).

So yes, … doing something with a parent (or both) without the siblings, is precious for middle-borns.

So is getting the parents’ uninterrupted listening ears, eg. Because it makes them feel … accepted, and loved.

Not ‘left out’.

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They all are equally loved, and they each need to know and experience itHusband and I still have a LOT to learn in juggling time and energy for all three kids.

In loving, raising and guiding the eldest, the youngest, AND the middle-born in the family.

They all are equally loved, and they each need to know and experience it.

May God help us.

 
‘Mommy, can I join this year’s Bible Camp?’, our middle-born asked.

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Levi recently went for a 3day-2night trip organised by our Sunday School team (Kudos to the team for their hard work and dedication!)

When he came back, he shared tonnes of stories over dinner, our one-on-one date last night.

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You see, our initial plan was to pick Vai up after Bible Camp and go to a friend’s sibling’s funeral.

But the buses were caught in traffic jams and arrived late.

Glad that we chose to split our duties – Wilson went to the funeral with the girls, while I waited to pick Vai up and spend time with him.

Such one-on-one time where he could tell me everything about his experience was very much needed by him, I’m sure. Good for our relationship, too.

(Yes, even though we both had to ride motorbike taxis, separately, and head for McDonald’s for dinner =)

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A little note to share:

Middle-borns simply don’t get as much ‘time alone’ with parentsMiddle-borns ‘exist’ between an older sibling and a younger one.

In general, one common feeling middle-borns share is, ‘I often don’t feel Mommy&Daddy love me as much as my siblings.’

Perhaps, with 3 kids in the family, middle-borns simply don’t get as much ‘time alone’ with parents, which causes them to feel that way.

Whenever possible, we try to arrange one-on-one time with our kids.

Alone with Mommy to the supermarket. Alone with Daddy to fix tennis rackets, etc.

Whenever possible, we try to arrange one-on-one time with our kidsHugs, cuddles and verbal assurances of their acceptance in the family hopefully strengthen the bond, too.

It’s the least we can and should do for our kids.

And oh, whenever the middle-born is involved in ‘conflicts’ with any of the siblings, they ALL are rebuked, ie. Not just one person getting the scolding.

(The common complaint we hear from middle-borns is, ‘You only scold me, but not my sister!’)

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Anyway.

Parenting is never an easy task.

May God help us all to be the kind of parents He wants us to be.

 
Everyone,

Here’s a backpack by Gaston Luga.

Swedish. Minimalist. Functional.

One of the bags I’ve been bringing out and about with me.
 

 
I don’t know about other moms, but I don’t quite like changing bags.

Before I go out the door, usually I only have around 30 seconds to pick a bag and plonk in all the stuff I need to bring into it.

And I like this backpack.

Spacious, yet not too big.

Nice for casual wear AND formal enough to come along with me for shoots, where I’d often bring along my iPad, scarves, and an extra cardigan.
 


 

Btw, this model is my personal favourite.

I like the material, colour and minimalist design.

Great for work, school, and travel.

(There are other models and colours to choose from, for both men and women)
 


 
And oh.

If you’re a mom with young kids, this backpack would be a nice ‘diaper bag’, too.

I’d totally use this backpack if my kids were still toddlers, and I still needed to bring along little toys, extra diapers and spare kids’ clothes!
 

 
Anyway.

Do check out their website: http://www.gastonluga.com

Pick the backpack you love and enjoy:
 
– FREE shipping (DHL Express or Fedex)
 
– 20% off as tax rebate (from non-EU country)
 
– 15% off on the remaining price after tax rebate when you use ‘leonny15’ code!
 
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As always, … good things are to be shared!

ENJOY! ❤️

 
The easiest way to break our future generation and their hope for ‘potential joy and happiness in a lasting relationship while on this earth’, is to break marriages.

Break husband-wife relationships.

Make them NOT forgive each other.

Make them quarrel over matters, big and smallMake them focus on their own personal happiness instead of their spouse’s.

Make them disregard the holiness of their wedding vows and promises made to God and before God and His people.

Make husbands belittle and forget to appreciate and love their wives.

Make wives tired, physically and mentally.

Make wives disrespect their husbands.

Make them quarrel over matters, big and small.

Best, if they all happen IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!!

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How’s your relationship with your spouse?

Every family has their own personal struggles.

Obviously I know nothing of your issues, but may I humbly suggest a few things today?

Let’s try to forgive, because God had first forgiven us.

Let’s learn to love again, if you’ve lost that loving feeling over the years.

If you doubt your own capability, don’t doubt God’sAnd if you don’t think you can love again, … you can try and kneel and plead for help from above.

God who sent fire from heaven to burn the ‘wet offerings’ prepared by Elijah in front of the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel, is the same God who can send ‘fire’ into your heart, so that you can love again.

If you have hurt your spouse, STOP and repent.

If you have made mistakes that break your spouse’s heart and trust, STOP and humbly ask for forgiveness, and make amends.

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If you doubt your own capability to love and forgive, don’t doubt God’s.

Pray and ask for God’s help and strength.

Let’s build relationships. Not break them.

May God have mercy on us all, and guard our marriages as we learn to also depend on His grace, day by day.