Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

Up until today, Anya’s mealtimes have (nearly) always taken more than an hour (ie. breakfast, lunch, afternoon snacks and dinner!). And it’s been more than 8 months now!

There are of course times when she’s faster than usual, but basically … her mealtime speed is really … below average (and just for your info, the TV is not on and she’s on her high chair).

And over the past 8 months, I’ve gone through soo many different emotional states trying to find out how to tackle and handle this … daily situation.

In the beginning when it all kinda started, I got very mad at her for taking what seemed like forever. And there’s a period when I became a VERY grumpy Mommy at every single mealtime (ie. four times a day!), for one whole week. I got very exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally in the end.

But really, I have to say it’s not worth it. It’s not doing any good at all, to me or Anya.

And so from then on I decided I won’t be (and shouldn’t be) too mad about it, and that I should learn to keep my cool and think of ways and methods to get her to finish her meal faster (read: less than an hour)

Here’re two methods I’ve tried:

>> ‘Clock & face the wall’ method

As she knows her numbers by now, I give her a reasonable time limit as to when she needs to finish her meal by, eg. when the clock’s long hand is on six. If she’s still not done by that time, she’ll be moved further away from the dining area (away from everyone), face the wall and finish her meal there. Alone.

As she’s still a toddler, I do need to frequently remind her of the time. I’d say something like, ‘I know you can finish your meal real fast. I don’t want to see you face the wall … so please eat your meal quickly and finish it before the long hand is on six’.

I’d then ask her, ‘What time do you have to finish your meal by?’, she’d then say, ‘by six’ (this way, she herself is reminded of our ‘deal’ and reconfirms the timing)

When this method is implemented, generally she’d finish her meal ‘in time’ or within 10-15 minutes after she’s made to face the wall (hmm, sometimes longer).

Note: when she’s past her given time and is made to face the wall, she’d give her saddest cries and pleas. When this happens, I do find it important for us to be firm and carry on with what’s been agreed upon earlier. This way, the kid learns to see that we’re serious and that we mean what we say.

After she’s moved, I’d usually tell her firmly again, ‘You know I don’t want to see you face the wall … finish your meal quickly now so we can do lots of other stuff together afterwards’.

>> Something to look forward to, straight after mealtime

It has to be something that she herself really wants and looks forward to, eg. read a book together, play-doh time, watercolour play or going to the library. And she needs to finish her meal first before her particular request / want is granted.

If she’s taking her time (eg. not chewing her food, playing with her soup), I’d say something like, ‘I’d like to play play-doh with you, make cakes and stuff, but if you don’t finish your meal, we can’t play … so it’s really up to you’. She’d usually go, “I want to plaaaayyy!’. Then I’d say, ‘Yes, we’ll play together right after your mealtime. Hurry and finish your meal, and we’ll play, okay…’.

Honestly, I usually take a different approach each time, as I do realise if a method is overly-used it’ll lose its effectiveness. Quite often I let her finish her meal in her own time. I do frequently need to remind her to quickly finish her meal though and I always praise her for eating ‘real fast’, emphasising the good and positive side of her.

Ah. Toddlerhood. A challenging yet interesting phase of life.

PS: I know I’ll look back and miss these moments in some 15 years time when by that age Anya would most likely eat out with friends more frequently than with us. And honestly, this thought usually helps me keep my ‘cool’ when faced with challenging situations with the kids. You know … to try and treasure my moments with the kids, however difficult they may be at the time.

These past few days Vai likes to get himself into this half-sitting-half-crawling position. And I do notice that sometimes he does manage to get himself to sit down in the end (he’s yet to figure out how to get back to his tummy though!)

His learning journey, however simple it may look to us adults, requires a lot of his energy and concentration. AND, he topples, falls and cries too along the way (and gets a hug from Mommy of course).

But the thing is, after what seems to be ‘failed attempts’, all babies get up and continue to learn again (and we know that they eventually master the skills).

A good reminder to us adults, I think.

That we should also never feel discouraged by life’s downs. That when we fail, we should continue to move on, learn, improve … and smile.

I learned SO much from today’s sermon. And I just have to share it with everyone.

>> Time is Life. How we make use of our life will depend on the length of lifetime on earth that God gives to each of us (ie. we can’t choose to live life longer than what’s been given to us).

>> When we’ve been given an extra year, what do we do with our life? What do we do with the extra time given?

>> We ourselves decide on how we live our lives and every single thing that we do in life will one day be judged by God. We will be held accountable and responsible for the way we live our own life.

>> Time is a Record. What we do during our lifetime is recorded and people DO get to know about our life, even if we no longer live.

>> Time is an Opportunity. We often don’t realise the importance of opportunity and time. We often put in more time and effort for something that’s of less importance and neglect things / aspects in life that actually have greater value.

Sometimes we hear people say, ‘Ah … if only I learned about it a few years ago’. Or, ‘How I wish I did it earlier…’

We often waste our time and opportunity presented to us, only to realise the importance of it later, when it’s already too late.

>> In order to see how dirty our face is (so that we can clean it), we need a reflective object, eg. a mirror. And this is the only way to see ourselves. Someone can tell us how dirty our face is, but we cannot see our own face unless we see our reflection in the mirror.

And it’s the same with our life. We need an ‘object’ so that we can ‘self-reflect’ and ‘clean up’.

God’s Word in the Bible is like a mirror. It lets us see our imperfections, our faults, our sins, and all aspects in our life that need changing and improving. It is only after we know more about ourselves that we know what to clean up and change.

My parents are here for a few days and both Anya and Vai get to enjoy some fun times with their grandparents.

And oh, this moment was captured by my Dad.

The kids had their photo shoot today! It’s for Motherhood magazine‘s annual BabyPlus edition. It was Vai’s first and Anya’s second time (she did her very first shoot in April 2005).

Somehow Anya and Vai were quite comfortable with the lightings and the people there. Hmm. Not sure if it’s because we take SO many photos of them since they’re born…

Well, anyway … I just thought it’d be good for them to have the experience of being in different situations and having to listen for instructions from strangers.

It all went pretty well today, I think.

They say a picture says a thousand words.

Well, here are three things I think the picture would’ve said:

>> Check out my ‘still all-gum’ grin!

>> I just had my yummy rice cereal (and it went all over my face!)

>> I just had a haircut!

Our lil’ guy turned 6 months old yesterday.

He’s still fully breastfed and eats his cereal once a day (will move on to twice a day very very soon).

Those who observe and see him at play usually would tell me that he’s quite an active and determined little guy (read: strong-willed). Like when he sets his eyes upon something, he’d persistently wriggle, push himself forward and creep towards the object.

We sometimes let him ‘exercise’ moving forward too by putting a toy, not just slightly out of reach but one to two metres away on our living room floor . The whole process may take a few minutes, but he always gets to it in the end.

Oh yeah btw he now plays on the living room floor with nothing underneath. No ABC foam mats. No blankets. I find it much easier this way now that he moves about a lot. This means more frequent sweeping and mopping for us though!

Anyway. I think he definitely has a much stronger temperament and character compared to his sister. Which makes educating and raising him a much more challenging task and responsibility for us too.

May God give us extra wisdom, patience and strength every day.

PS: Btw, just in case you’re wondering about the photo … Vai’s not walking yet. Hehe. He’s just dipping and wriggling his toes deep into the sand. Quite an experience for him, I guess.