Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

Something happened yesterday and I feel I should write about the incident and share my thoughts after I reflected on it.

Here it goes.

I took the kids to the playground, and after Anya parked her bike she went straight to the play area. I sat on a nearby bench while Vai enjoyed the view from his pram.

I was half-checking my mails when I looked up and saw Anya at the top of the lowest level slide. In what felt like a split second I then saw Anya ‘half thrown’ off the equipment. Her little hand somehow managed to grab hold of the nearest pole though before she fell straight to the ground.

It was when I saw her looking at me and started crying that I came out of my ‘shock’.

A lady then told me that she saw someone pushed her.

Apparently a little boy (who looked like he’s about 2 years old) did it. The boy was still on the play equipment and so I approached him, asking him if he was the one who pushed. I told him in a matter-of-fact tone how Anya fell after he pushed her and that what he did wasn’t right.

I then asked, “Now do you have something to say to her?”

And this was what I got.

He yelled at me, gave me fingers and angrily flung his arms all over the place. Then his sister – about 4 or 5 years old I think – came to join him. She even wanted to give me a KICK on the face! [and I didn’t even raise my voice when I first spoke to them]

I. Was. Mad. And. In. Utter. Disbelief. Of. What’s. Just. Happened.

And to cut the story short(er), I found out that the grandpa was sitting on a nearby bench. I politely spoke to him in Malay, telling him what’s just happened. The grandpa called his grandson and asked him to apologise, but instead this little guy came towards me, yelled and left.

I asked the grandpa and found out that the 2 siblings are cared for by their maid most of the time and that both their parents work and are hardly around.

[Oh, btw, 10 minutes later, the boy pushed a little one year old girl. Luckily she held on to a pole and didn’t fall. He came back and shoved her till her forehead hit a pole. When nicely told by the little girl’s daddy that what he did was wrong, the little boy raised his right arm wanting to slap the grown up man. I just couldn’t believe my eyes!]

The three of us went back home soon after. And frankly, I was feeling emotionally distraught by the whole incident. I’ve never encountered ANYTHING like that before.

And to think that Anya could’ve fallen head first, pulled a muscle, or worse, break her leg.

I reflected on the incident throughout the night and here are some of my thoughts.

>> Firstly, I’m VERY thankful to God for watching over Anya. She’s not physically injured from the fall at all (it was twice her height). If she hadn’t managed to grab the pole before she fell to the ground, worse things would’ve happened for sure.

>> Many factors must’ve contributed to the kids’ behaviour. Perhaps they watch violent TV programmes. Perhaps their parents fight a lot and are very rude to the kids and to each other. Perhaps they long for love and attention, but never get them from the family. Perhaps their parents teach them well, but it’s just that they have ‘difficult’ characters.

The fact is, I know of kids who are very ‘difficult’ because their parents are hardly there for them.

And I know of parents who really love their kids, devote their time and efforts in educating and disciplining them themselves, but the kids are just somehow born with rather ‘challenging’ characters and temperament.

If I were to choose a better situation out of the two, I would choose the latter because at least the parents DO try their very best in loving, teaching, educating and disciplining the chidren.

>> I’m thankful to GOD for the privilege to raise my two kids myself, teaching them what’s right and showering them with the love and attention ALL children surely long for.

>> I realise that there’s a limit to how much I can teach my kids. I can educate, influence and teach them ‘more fully’ only in their first years. As they grow up, go to school and have their own circle of friends, I realise ‘bad company’ can ‘corrupt good characters‘.

I know my time with the kids is limited. And when they grow up, it’d be up to God’s mercy, guidance and grace.

As parents, we continually pray for Anya and Vai, for I can really say that the kind of persons they’ll become later on in life will rest in God’s hands.

As for the two kids in the playground, I do feel sympathetic towards them.

And perhaps, if I see them again at the playground, I’d frankly like to talk to them, get to know them a little better (after checking that Anya and Vai are safe and sound at all times of course).

After all, every child craves for love, understanding and attention.

>> Ten people may encounter one common experience, but very most likely not all ten will know and detect what is there to learn from that particular experience.

The impacts on each one will be different. And most likely, not everyone has the willingness to learn. One needs to grow and develop from reacting positively towards the experience.

>> God allows different kinds of experience – life’s ups and downs – to happen to us, so that we can learn from it and grow.

>> One’s character is ‘tested’ only when that person undergoes a challenging and tough situation. How far and how much he’ll compromise and walk away from the truth will also show in the end.

I don’t know if this happens to other little girls. All I know is that it happens – occasionally, not that frequently though (thank goodness!) – to Anya.

She can wake up crying in the morning, like … for 15 minutes, because I don’t give what she asks.

It can be about anything, really.

Like asking to watch one episode of her Dora the Explorer WHILE she eats her breakfast (I tell her that she can watch AFTER she finishes her breakfast, but she rejects that idea. Of course.)

Or wanting to eat some chocolate before her breakfast (I actually say she can have a bite AFTER her breakfast, but of course that option is not her preferred one)

Now the interesing bit.

When her Korean Drama episode gradually comes to an end, she often sort of continues on doing her usual stuff. Like nothing much really happen earlier on.

And I’d just be shaking my head, thinking that I perhaps was like that too when I was her age (… or worse).

…

PS: When Anya fusses like this, I’d try different approaches. From using calm and persuasive tone, to using firm and stern voice.

In the end sometimes I’d be leaving her alone in her room (where she can cry in front of zero audience). But before I actually leave, I’d always tell her that if she continues to cry and scream, I’d be leaving the room and she can only come out when she stops. Sometimes it works and she’d stop screaming. Sometimes it doesn’t and I’d leave the room.

I’d then be going in and out of the room to check on her every 5 minutes or so.

Thank goodness such a day and moment doesn’t come TOO often.

Saw this short article in the Straits Times‘ Recruits.

[well actually it was AFTER Wilson first saw and told me about it that I read the whole thing. The newspaper was on our dining table because I used it as a ‘disposable placemat’ under Anya’s breakfast plate).

ANYWAY.

The article talked about how we all should ‘make time in your schedule to live a life‘.

If you haven’t read it, click HERE. I’ve scanned it.

Under the topic ‘bringing up kids’, it said:

“If you routinely work a 55- or 60-hour week, including travel times, you just won’t cut it as a Dad… Your sons will have problems in life and it will be down to you.’

I think the article’s worth our reading.

It made us reflect on our own busy ‘life schedule’ too.

Aaaah. So THIS is the stuff that Mommy drinks everyday.

Let me take a sip and test it out.

Just a liiiitttle bit …

Bwahahaha. Just kidding. Never opened the lid!

PS: Anyway. Mommy’s milk is still best for me right now. Fresh milk can wait till I’m at least one year old (as recommended by the ‘experts’).