Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

 
Some parents wonder, ‘Should we force our kids to pick up music or certain sports?’
 
For our family, these are some principles we apply:
 
🚩 Kids should be inspired and exposed first (through watching games/performances live, watching video clips of people playing certain musical instruments or sports, etc)
 
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🚩 We take into account the child’s interest and observe it over a period of time
 
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🚩 If the child ‘asks’ for lessons (eg. ‘Can I please learn how to play tennis/the piano?’), we will WAIT and give some time for the child to ‘test’ own interest and pray about it.

Is the interest still there after a few months, or is it gone in just 3 months? Help the child ask himself questions like ‘WHY am I keen to learn it? Will I regularly practice?’
 
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🚩 Kids need to know that IF they finally get to have lessons (eg. Music lessons or sports, etc), it is a BLESSING, and it must not be taken for granted.

They need to know how some other people need to do THINGS FOR THEM in order for them to have the opportunity (eg. Mommy&Daddy have to work and pay the fees, send them to lessons, wait around during lessons, etc)
 
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🚩 Kids need to know that despite all the efforts Mommy & Daddy make in order for them to have lessons, we are totally OK with it, because we gladly support and we will do our part to provide and encourage.

The child must do his part and responsibility though, ie. To learn and practice their best (ie. No need to be ‘forced’, no complaining, etc)
 
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🚩 Carefully choose the right teacher/coach who can inspire (because genuine interests can slowly ‘fade & die’ because of teachers, too.

Carefully choose the right teacher/coach who can inspireI made that mistake when Anya learned ballet at 4yo at a Community Centre back in Singapore. Ballet was something she’s keen to do since she was 2yo.
 
I thought at the time, ‘any’ ballet lessons will do since she’s only 4yo and at a beginner’s stage anyway. When she’s a little older then she can go to a proper ballet school, I thought.

The teacher was apparently cold to the kids and just did ‘her job’. By the time Anya was 6yo, she really wanted to stop😬 The interest never came back 😬
 
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While taking into account that every child is indeed unique, we apply the above principles to all our 3 kids till today.

By God’s grace.

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Any thoughts? Feel welcome to share! =)

 
Someone is clearly excited about picking up tennis more regularly! =)
 
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Here are photos of Brie, … when she’s ONE and a more recent one, when she’s SEVEN!
 

 

 
And here are some videos:
 

 
Living in Jakarta comes with ups and downs.

One of the things that we need to face everyday is, traffic jams.

On some days, the traffic jam is worse than others.

Today was one of those days.

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This afternoon many were stuck in traffic due to a road block near the Asian Games’ athletes village.

And at times like this, squeezing in between vehicles on a motorbike taxi seriously saved time.

(So glad Wilson used the car today and so I got on a motorbike taxi instead to pick up Brie from school)

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From a motorbike taxi, I got the ‘opportunity’ to view the much talked about ‘Kali Item’, too. Haha.

(If you don’t what ‘Kali Item’ refers to, just google ‘Kali Item Jakarta governor’, and you’ll find loads of news about it =)

Thoughts:

When kids ask questions, often we’re too tired to entertain their genuine curiosity.

They ask about every little detail. Again and again.

They ask ‘out of this world’ questions.

They ask ‘too personal’ questions.

They ask ‘the same old questions’.

They ask ‘at the wrong time’.

As the result, well … insensitive remarks may be uttered.

And soon, some choose to be quiet instead, for fear of getting negative responses from us (parents, teachers, educators).

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Reminder to self:

Let’s not shut their curiosity down if we wish for them to be critical thinkers who make a positive difference.

Instead of raising children who passively ‘swallow’ information and blindly memorise data, let’s encourage them to critically think and ask themselves questions like:

‘Why did it happen?
‘What does it mean?’
‘How is it relevant to me?’
‘How can it be done better?’
‘What lessons can I gain from it?’

And, we can encourage critical thinking by throwing questions to them, too.

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Often I’m just too tired to entertain questions, and I simply prefer to just be quietSome say,

‘What if we don’t know the answer to their questions?’

‘What if we feel the questions are too personal and we don’t want to reveal the answer to them?’

Well, to me, it’s fine.

Because, we may not have the answers, and it’s okay.

Sometimes, little kids just ask without really wanting to know the real details anyway.

What they need are listening ears and positive responses from us. 

So, the real challenge actually lies with us:

Can WE stay positive when the same questions are asked again and again? 

Can WE stay cool as we teach them to wait for answers or to not interrupt when Mommy or Daddy is in the middle of a conversation with someone else?

Can we put down our phone and just ‘listen’ to their curious minds?

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I personally need extra wisdom and patience from above, on so many occasions, because often, I’m just too tired to entertain questions, and I simply prefer to just be quiet.

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Too many things in life that are beyond what we can understand.

But we really should keep asking and wondering, learning and exploring.

And we should encourage our children to do the same.

Food for thought.

 
Children have wants, don’t they?

And they all express themselves in ‘different’ ways.

‘I want ice cream!’

‘I want to leave now!’

‘I don’t want to finish my lunch!’

‘Don’t touch my book!’

‘Quiet!! Can’t you play somewhere else?’

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How children communicate their wants and thoughts MATTERS.

Some children ‘naturally’ speak in a rude tone, commanding manner, or irritated mood MOST-OF-THE-TIME.

Personally, I strongly believe it is our duty/responsibility as parents to raise our children to respect others.

Often it means ‘self-denials’ at first, but at the same time, we hope to NOT raise ‘hypocrites’Respect towards others (older and younger) is conveyed through their attitudes, tone of voice, actions, AND they need to learn to convey it from the heart (ie. Often it means ‘self-denials’ at first, but at the same time, we hope to NOT raise ‘hypocrites’).

In reality, the whole ‘exercise’ is ‘exhausting’, because it requires us to walk the talk, give loads of reminders and repetitions, corrections and rebukes.

And, amidst our occasional scolding, we ourselves need to learn what self-control means, and know when to show grace and forgiveness (Tough. May God help us!)

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And, there are no instant results.

(If we could see a genuine, gradual positive change in our children, that’s purely God’s grace)

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A few ‘rules’ that we apply in our family:

 
> If you want to say something, or if you have a request, say it PROPERLY, ie. No screaming, no whining, no sulking, no tantrums. And, no ‘playing victim’ (read: speak in ways as if she is the saddest, most unfortunate child in the world if she doesn’t get that ice cream cone)

> Such behaviours above will immediately get a ‘NO’ from us.

(read: Rewarding bad behaviours with ‘child getting what he/she asks’ will encourage child to repeat attitudes / behaviours in the future)

> Sometimes we ask the child (who asks for something in ‘a rude manner’) to repeat the request in a ‘proper way’.

Rude attitude / tone of voice is not accepted / tolerated, ‘just because’ the child is: sleepy, unhappy about something, not feeling well> If the child does it (realises his wrong, learns to change his tone of voice and speaks with respect) then we may say OK to the request (again, it depends on what he/she is requesting. If it’s a ‘no’, it will still be a no, even when requested in a polite manner )

> If the child throws a bigger tantrum (which sometimes is the case), then: it is definitely a ‘no’ to the request, and another talk / discipline for the tantrum.

> The same rule applies when the child talks to his/her siblings (ie. We would rebuke the child who speaks rudely to another sibling)

> Rude attitude / tone of voice is not accepted / tolerated, ‘just because’ the child is: sleepy, unhappy about something, not feeling well.

> Pray together as a family daily

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If anyone wonders if we do the above a lot, the answer is, YES. Every single day.

It’s not about fixing the outside behaviour, but more about addressing the heartThe issue of the ‘heart’ is something that we hope to address in our family. And we all have issues

It’s not about fixing the outside behaviour, but more about addressing the heart, because:

“For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness.”
(Mark 7:21-22)

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Food for thought.

 
Some kids love to read without being encouraged.

Some others – like our 2nd and 3rd kids – may choose ‘play’ over sitting down and reading.

Which type ares are your kids, btw? =)

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While we don’t force our 2 kids to read A LOT, we do instill in them the importance of reading, imagining, thinking, gaining new insights and … simply being still.

And, they are not book lovers just yet.

But simple, regular activities (and we start small) do become habits in the long run.

We hope.

 
Once a while, we simply feel like escaping the busy city of Jakarta, and … do something different.

Recently, we decided to go fishing with friends and their families, and … enjoy some ‘bamboo bridge walk’ =)

It’s near the Soekarno-Hatta airport, btw!

To reach this place, simply google ‘Bakoel Desa Teluk Naga’.

TIPS:
If you’re taking the toll, make sure you head towards the airport!

If you see a sign pointing to the right with ‘Bakoel Desa’ on it, you’re on the right track!

 

 
We  purposely came at around 8.30am and parked our cars at Bakoel Desa’s parking area.

Then we walked over to the bamboo bridge (before it got too glary and hot).
 

 
The bamboo bridge is called ‘Bagan Fajar’.
 
And right below the sign, it says ‘Rp15,000 / person’.

(Someone most likely will approach you to pay up if you’re near the area)

We had a little over 50 people in our group (adults and kids), and so we negotiated a lump sum of Rp200,000 for everyone.
 

 
If you’re wondering, ‘Is the bridge safe?’, well … haha … let’s just say that the people who built it were not engineers with certificates.

The bridge has been there quite a while and fishermen have walked on it and they’re fine.

So.

Walk in good faith.
 

 
Yes, the bridge creaks as you step on it.

And, the bamboos are not always close together.

But I guess that’s the fun part of living in Indonesia.

No ‘safety procedures’, but everything’s fine! =)
 

 
 
Anyway.

Parents often wonder and ask, ‘Where can we go? There’s nothing much that we can do except for going to malls!’

Well, actually there ARE interesting spots to visit and activities to do with the family if you live in Jakarta.

The question is, do you want to make the time and visit them? =)

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Have fun with your loved ones, everyone!