Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

Bringing along a close-to-13kg toddler (without a pram) who loves to roam around, while waiting for the older one to finish school can be rather tiring. Physically, I mean.

During those three hours, Vai naps in my sling, checks out every equipment at the playground, snacks and plays with the school’s kiddy bikes and scooters. At one point, he also goes up and down the overhead bridge’s steps near the school’s bus stop!

Hmm.

I’ve got to agree. Caring for a toddler does burn your calories and help tone your muscles somehow.

Anya gave us all a HUGE surprise during our Jakarta trip last December.

Let me share with you the story.

Together with Wilson’s family, we stayed at a resort and apparently it has a flying fox facility by the sea. And it’s free for all guests.

Basically, if you dare to give it a try, they’d put the gear on you and you’d need to climb a tall ladder up a tree. Once you’re up there, the instructor will then ‘hook’ you to a ‘wire’ that stretches all the way down. You’d then need to jump off the tree while holding onto the strap.

After I finished my breakfast, I walked towards the flying fox area, just to check things out. And to my surprise, Anya was in the queue! (accompanied by Daddy). I couldn’t believe what I saw. I then asked her if she knew what she’s queuing up for, and she actually answered casually that yes she wanted to try it out.

I mean, if it was Vai (at her age), I guess I’d be less surprised, considering his more daring and physically active character.

But hey this is ANYA! The girl who froze and refused to walk down the aisle (on the D-day!) as a flowergirl because everyone’s eyes were on her. The girl who prefers to stand at one side and watch all other kids run around the playground because she’s afraid she’d accidentally get knocked over by them.

As I stood next to her, my thoughts were running wild. Does she realise how tall the ladder is. Can she manage to go up those ladder steps. What if she goes up half way and freaks out. What if she reaches the top, cries her lungs out, and asks Mom or Dad to bring her down!

I kept these thoughts to myself.

Now. When it comes to our kids – especially Anya who often needs more encouragements when it comes to trying out new things (ie. adventure / sports / activity related), I guess I can say that Wilson and I are quite ‘open-minded’.

I mean, we prefer to let our kids explore their own limits and capabilities, with us standing by their side, ensuring that they’re of course safe, giving the needed support and encouragements (err … for Vai’s case, so far he likes to go beyond the ‘usual limit’ anyway!)

We also prefer to not ‘overly limit’ and ‘instill fear’ unnecessarily to our kids (eg. excessively saying ‘no’), as generally such an approach results in the child becoming less willing to explore beyond their ‘comfort level’ in the long run.

ANYWAY.

We let her go for the flying fox experience, and the instructor got her prepared with the gear and stuff. She was (obviously) the youngest and smallest participant there (still in her pyjamas too!).

And when it was her turn, she calmly climbed up the ladder. And she didn’t even stop nor pause!

At the time I was mentally prepared (and sort of ‘expected’) if she freaked out. I mean, the tree was very high compared to her height!

But you know what, she made it all the way to the top! And I had to hold back my tears of disbelief and pride! Really. Knowing her character (and age!), this is WAY beyond what I’ve ever imagined she would ever ever do!

Next challenge: the big jump.

The instructor got her securely hooked and asked her to hold onto the two straps. Then she sat at the edge of the plank, AND, she actually went for it!!

(if I were not videotaping at the time, I’d be cheering for her REAL loud for being so brave!)

Oh btw, the image below was taken from the video clip. Click HERE to watch it.

(note: as usual, please wait till the clip is fully downloaded before you click ‘play’)

I’m not sure if Anya realised how big an accomplishment it was. But we all sure were amazed.

She showed us (especially me!) how courage comes from within. And it can even unexpectedly come from someone who complains so much about how ‘painful’ her little scratch on the knee is.

Anyway. Two things I personally learned from this experience:

>> Give our children opportunities to explore
We wouldn’t have known that Anya could go through it all if we had said stuff that unnecessarily scared her off or stopped her from going for it in the beginning

>> Do not underestimate little children’s potentials and capabilities. Everyone of us is created by God with potentials, and young children can surprise us too when they surpass the parents’ initial ‘expectations’ of them.

Examples of sentences that I feel we parents should avoid saying to our kids:
– My son has always been the timid type, he sure won’t be able to do THAT!
– No, she can’t take photos! She’s never held a camera before!

Ah It’s not easy being a parent.

But really, I guess what we parents should at least try to do is to help our little ones continually discover pleasant surprises ABOUT themselves and FOR themselves, by providing them the exposure and encouragements.

Out of all the things we need to survive in life, I believe we all agree that the top three will be: air, water and food. Air being the most important, water is second, and food is third in line.

We all need air. We rely on air, BUT interestingly, the water we drink is ‘more expensive’ than air. AND, food – though being third in line in terms of what we all need in order to survive in life – is more expensive than water and air!

Air, being the MOST important thing we need in life, is in fact, free!

How interesting.

And THIS is what we call: God’s grace.

Note:
Yes, there’re oxygen tanks with price tags on them. But that’s applicable for special cases, isn’t it?

Additional note:
‘Sunday’s Food for Thought’ posts are inspired by the sermons delivered, at our church’s sunday service, by Rev. Stephen Tong (at times, by other pastors)

Since our recent trip to Jakarta, Vai somehow starts to nap twice a day, instead of just once in the afternoon together with Anya.

And so today while Wilson’s away, Vai napped for some 45 minutes at noon, and thus Anya and I got a bit of one-on-one time. Something nice that we somehow can’t really have too often. Especially now that she’s started school.

I feel our days have become so much ‘shorter’ too now that she goes to school. It’s like: wake up, eat, get ready for school, school time, come home, eat, nap, a bit of playtime, dinner, get ready for bedtime! And frankly I kinda miss having her around for ‘much longer’.

Anyway.

We did some simple activities together when Vai napped away.

She made sunflowers. We talked about flowers in general and I showed her some photos of sunflowers too from our laptop.

What we used:

– Yellow coloured paper for the petals
– Some used carton from Vai’s snack for the middle part
– Glue, scissors and crayons

It’s a simple activity for the kid and we get to chitchat with no ‘interruptions’ too. And oh, it’s also a great way for Anya to practice her ‘shape cutting’ skills, I think.

Shortly after, Anya asked if she could nap for a while, and so while she dozed off, I then had some one-on-one time with the well rested little guy too, who’s now very much awake.

We cuddled up on the sofa and looked through some pictorial books together. We went through their names and Vai pointed at those he knows.

I’ve got to admit though, as I spent such a time with them, I didn’t get any housework, cooking, or cleaning up done.

But then again, I feel chores will always be there, and they can always wait for a while, but rare one-on-time with my kids doesn’t come by that often.

And given the options, I’d choose the latter.

Anya started attending her nursery last Wednesday, 2 Jan. Yes I know. Already! I really feel she’s growing up so fast!

Btw here in Singapore, pre-nursery (also known as ‘N1’) is for kids who turn 3 years old this year. And it’s optional. As for nursery (or ‘N2’) – the one Anya’s attending right now – it’s for kids who’ll be 4 years old this year. Now this is compulsory. Kids are to attend nursery (N2), then kindergarten 1 (K1) and kindergarten 2 (K2), before going to Primary 1.

So far, Anya’s been pretty okay when it comes to being left with someone else. Like whenever we’re in Jakarta, she’d willingly go and attend sunday school all by herself, though she doesn’t know anyone there. In fact, she’s been like this since really young (very unlike her brother who’ll completely refuse to be left alone with strangers)

And so when Vai and I sent her to attend school for the first time today, I sort of went with nothing much in mind. I sent her into her classroom and waited outside, looking in to see how she went through the tinted window.

On day one, she quietly joined in the activities, but refused to participate. She also insisted that I stayed in the same room with her. Good thing Vai was fast asleep in my sling at the time and so I sat at the back of the classroom throughout the two-hour session (note: starting next Monday, it’ll be three hours each day, from Monday to Friday).

On day two, things were better. She quietly joined the class, ate her lunch, listened to stories, played in the playground and all that. Though she’s very quiet, I know it’s completely fine because kids have their own way of adjusting to new environments. In fact, I thought she did pretty good.

Today’s her third session and I’ve planned to read a book while sipping my cup of tea at a nearby food court, carrying Vai sleeping in my sling, while waiting for her two-hour class to end.

But what do you know. Things turned out very differently.

We took a public bus today (took a taxi in the past 2 days!), stopped at the nearest bus stop and walked for 5 minutes to school. As we walked, Anya then started crying, telling me how she felt prickly and itchy all over her body (which I think is because of the switch between being inside the air-conditioned bus to walking under the scorching sun at 12.30pm in the afternoon!).

She cried all the way to school. Even as we entered the school gate. She stopped crying as we walked towards her classroom, but when it was time for her to go in, she gave me a desperate look, shook her head, REFUSED to go in and started crying again. Real loud.

I was totally unprepared for this. Her teachers then told me that it’s completely normal, that I should just leave her with them, how she’d be okay soon. I took a few moments to convince her of how much I love her, how I’ll have to go and how I’ll surely pick her up again after school, just like we usually do after sunday school.

It was all unsuccessful. She cried. In fact, she screamed out a very sad ‘NOOOOO …’ while holding onto me very tightly. Her teacher then carried her away from me while she cried out “MOMMYYY… MOMMY …. NOOOOO….” with her hands still reaching out for me.

Oooh I felt so bad and heart broken. So quilty. Like I’ve rejected and deserted her.

I was torn between two options. On one hand I know Anya is the type of child who needs to be talked and explained to. But on the other, I somehow feel I should respect the teachers’ way of handling a situation too.

I found an empty classroom, sat down and breastfed super sleepy Vai. Throughout I could hear Anya crying, constantly calling out ‘MOMMYYYYY….’. Her voice echoed through the corridors. Oh how my heart ached. I so wanted to go and comfort her, but I know I should wait for a few minutes. Perhaps her teachers would manage to calm her down in just a while longer, like they usually did with other kids.

Fifteen minutes ticked away very slowly and I could still hear her crying and calling out for me and so I decided to quickly go to her. Poor little Anya. She hugged me tight and sobbed as I whispered reassuring words to her. And for the rest of today’s session, I stayed close by, where she could see me, just as she requested.

Sigh.

Now that I’ve gone through the experience, I recall how people say the first few days (or weeks!) of school can be VERY tough.

The ‘separation anxiety’ phase for the kid can be pretty intense. But it’ll sure get better. And soon, these little ones will love school and their friends so much that they can’t wait for us parents to leave them there.

Ah anyway.

For now, I’ll continue to reassure her of how much we love her, sharing with her the interesting things she’ll get to learn and find out from school, and how she may need to ‘teach’ me about them when she gets home. How she’s the one who goes to school and not Vai because she’s the older sister who’s now ‘big enough’ to learn stuff like reading and counting.

[And oh, to make the topic of ‘being at school without mom’ less serious, we joke around too and say things like, if I do stay inside the classroom then everyone needs to call me ‘Teacher Leonny’ *smile*]

Oh well. It’s a new phase that she and I will learn to sail through. And in my heart I know she’ll be okay and happy with school one day.

…

How did your kids cope with their very first day of school? And how did YOU help them cope? I’d love to hear from you.

[added – 2 Mar 2009]
I recently found out that apparently N1, N2, K1, K2 are not compulsory. You can always choose to home-school your children prior to them entering Primary One. And as far as I understand, if you choose to continue home-schooling your kids when they’re supposed to be in Primary One, then you’d need to write to the Ministry of Education about your home-schooling plans.

A couple of months back, the friendly editor of the magazine, Becky, wrote in and asked me to be interviewed for their ‘Mum’s Diary’ feature. They’re doing a topic on Indonesian mothers who live overseas for their January 2008 issue.

[Thanks again Becky and the all-girls editorial team!]

Frankly I’ve never read the magazine’s Indonesian edition though I’ve heard lots of good stuff about it from friends. And when I finally did, I’ve got to say it does have heaps of great tips and articles nicely laid out in it! Sure is worth reading…

Anyway, if you’re one of the magazine readers and are visiting this site for the first time, here’s a big hello and warm welcome to you! Most welcome to browse around, check out past archives or drop me an email here.

PS: Click here to read the article

Vai turned 16 months on the day we left for Jakarta. And at this age, he’s very much like what they usually say about 16 month old kids in general.

He’s not that worried about wandering off by himself or doing stuff that can be a bit ‘shocking’ to those who are NOT his parents. VERY into exploring EVERYTHING far and near, high and low, hidden and seen, dry and wet, dirty and grubby. Asserts his wants and does tricks that can either make us laugh or frown.

Anyway. Here are a few quick updates on our increasingly curious little man.

Different exposure

While we’re in Jakarta, he’s frequently exposed to things that are not ‘easily available’ here. Stuff like a pet dog, stairwells at home, even pebbles in the garden (other than always having family members around, of course)

And so yes, we let him explore. He climbed, played with pebbles, fed the fish, and played with my Dad’s friendly yet barkless dog (breed: Basenji).

Now, about the dog (her name is Dolly, btw).

This was the first time he ever encountered a dog for a long period of time (some five days in total). And when he first saw it coming and giving him a sniff, he immediately hid behind my legs and asked to be carried.

Wilson and I are into letting our kids be exposed to different experiences to learn and discover things for themselves, and so we slowly let him interact with the dog. And by day 2, Vai’s comfortable enough to touch and play with her.

And well, to cut the story short, by day 5, Vai insisted to play with the dog whenever we’re at home. He spent a LOT of time with the dog, throwing a tennis ball for her to fetch, patting her snout, even lying on the floor together with her! And errr… naturally he did smell very much like the dog too afterwards!

[To concerned clean readers: Vai always had his showers afterwards. Hehe]

Mealtimes

He still needs to be engaged in something during mealtimes, if we’re to get him to eat.

And letting him self-feed is (nearly always) a good solution to this. Yes it’s messy (and frankly, rather troublesome for the parents) but really, to me, at least this way the kid eats!

The interesting bit, whenever I feed him small cubes of fruits and he refuses, I let Anya do the feeding. And most of the time, he’d eat it up!

(read: one of the great things of having more than one kid!)

And oh, he loves noodles!

Dots and marks

Vai somehow was very attractive to mosquitoes! He got more than twenty huge red bites all in all. Insect repellent sprays and lotion somehow didn’t really help much for his case.

(Anya got bitten too, though not as much nor as swollen)

Vai’s somehow more accident prone too during his recent trip! Each day he’d trip over, fall or knock himself at least ten to twenty times (yes, I counted). It happened so often that we’re sort of quite casual about it. He too would just get up and continue what he’s doing earlier after a knock, like nothing really happened (unless it’s really painful).

Like the bruise on his face (photo below), he got it when he tripped and knocked his cheek on the leg of a baby chair at a restaurant. He cried for five seconds and was okay again afterwards. Oh well.

Ah anyway. I think he truly enjoyed his recent trip. Yes he did have a bit of cough and runny nose while we’re there, but overall it was a trip full of family interactions and new discoveries for him.

His ‘WOW’ expression below says it all. Heh.

We’re flying off today to enjoy a bit of a break together and will return in two weeks time!

And so in the mean time, you’re most welcome to browse through our past archives, search for specific topics by using the search box! The menu options are all on your right…

Enjoy the rest of the year 2007, everyone!