Now here’s a little update on the kids and their behaviour.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
To start off positively, so far they’ve been quite okay. Well at least according to my standards (and especially when compared to their increasingly negative attitudes towards the end of our Jakarta trip recently!)
When we’re out or when we’re at home, the rate at which they whine, cry, sulk, frown, reject, roll their eyes, talk back and reply in a (very) rude and unappreciative manner has pretty much gone lower.
But.
Having said that, there are times (of course) when their behaviour is simply put, challenging.
Like when the older one seems to forget how to speak like a normal person and chooses to sulk and be extra whiny.
In general, when it comes to Anya, I do have quite a few approaches, but lately I’ve been implementing this:
I tell her firmly (and sometimes casually, depending on her ‘frequency rate’), ‘if you choose to raise your voice and whine , you can go and stand near the wall or somewhere further, because I can’t hear nor respond to whiny or screamy voices. It’s only when you start speaking in an acceptable way that I can start listening to you’. At times, I’d just give her a firm look (that basically says ALL THAT above) and she knows what I mean. This method works quite alright so far. The results may not always be ‘immediate’ though. And sometimes by the time it works, my mind has already gone numb!
Now, the younger one. He’s a different sort.
He’s not really the emotional and whiny type, but he sure is more ‘experimental’. He may be curious with what a ball can do if thrown high up in the air NEAR our TV, and what a little nice stroke of a pen would look like on our sofa! He may insist on his wants and complain real loud when we don’t let him have it.
With him, I need to vary my approaches, and there’re several that I tend to implement. In general though, if he refuses something that he should be having, I’d talk to him calmly and give him a bit of time. But if that doesn’t work, I may go for the ‘B doesn’t happen, until A is completed’ (Dr. Kevin Leman in one of his books recommends this technique too), eg. he doesn’t get the (‘very’ diluted) Ribena he’s been wanting to drink UNTIL he stops crying and gets back to tidying up his mess and toys. Or he doesn’t get to play with his favourite truck (the one he’s been asking for), until he finishes up his milk.
For behaviours like scribbling on places he shouldn’t have, I’d usually give him a very serious and unhappy eye contact, point to what he’s done, ask him in a very firm voice what he just did, whether it is right and whether he can do it again in the future (I squat down to his level, hold both his hands, ask him to look at me in the eye, and talk to him). I would then explain why what he did was unacceptable, and depending on the level of his ‘misbehaviour’, I may just talk to him seriously, OR I may need to give him some time-out, away from everyone (eg. in his room, or at a corner somewhere).
…
Now, life would be pretty dull without such ‘colourful incidents’, wouldn’t it? *smile*
No but really, other than THOSE challenging moments – which thankfully don’t occur ALL the time – I do notice how my kids’ behaviour has improved.
And I guess, that is what’s more important, isn’t it?
To learn and be less stressed-out over ‘small things’, to be thankful to God for the strengths given that have helped us get through the day, and to focus on the improvements rather than the mistakes.
After all, we parents are learning too.
Yes, it’s all easier said than done. But I tell myself, it really is not impossible for anyone to do. With God’s help, of course.
