Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

Today I’d like to share with you a little extract from an interview Paul Bradshaw had with Rick Warren, ‘Purpose Driven Life ‘ author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California. Rick’s wife, Kay, now has cancer and his view on life has changed after going through life’s super highs and lows.

I’m sure it’ll be an insightful and inspirational read.

Enjoy.

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This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.

I used to think that life was hills and valleys – you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don’t believe that anymore.

Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it’s kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.

No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.

And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:

If you focus on your problems, you’re going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.’ But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?

Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God’s purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don’t get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn’t put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He’s more interested in what I am than what I do.

That’s why we’re called human beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.

Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.

Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.

Painful moments, TRUST GOD.

Every moment, THANK GOD.

Me and my family last week at Vivo City.

And I love how one particular shot can tell quite a bit of a story.

See if you can spot,

Vai in Wilson’s arms.
The rest of my families behind them.
The ‘still-under-construction’ Sentosa Integrated Resort.
People working out in the gym.
And, me.

*smile*

It’s been FIVE months since Anya first started her ballet class.

There were days when she looked forward to her classes. And (of course) there were days too when she told me she ‘didn’t feel like going to ballet’ (more specifically, because she didn’t want to stop playing with her play-doh at the time!)

Kids change their minds about things, easily (read : they can easily give conflicting opinions about something within a short span of time)

And so yes, I do sometimes wonder if Anya really does like ballet.

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The other day, as we walked home together from her ballet class, we had this conversation:

Mommy : Anya, today is your last ballet class ya …

Anya : (puzzled) Why won’t there be any more ballet class next week?

Mommy : Oh it’s because you’re already at the end of the term, and if you’d like to continue doing ballet, I would need to register and spend some money to pay for the new class …

Anya : (still puzzled) You have to pay for the class ?

Mommy : Your ballet class is not free. Somebody had to work, spare some money and pay for each of the session you go to so that you can learn ballet.

Anya : (quiet for about 5 seconds, then she looked at me) Mommy, can you please spare some money to pay for my next class then? I like my ballet class and I want to continue, Mommy …

Mommy : … Let’s talk to Daddy later about it, okay … and we’ll then see how it goes …

…

Even before I had that conversation with Anya, we planned to extend her ballet class in a few days time anyway.

I intentionally started the conversation though, to introduce the concept of ‘someone needing to pay for her classes, etc’. And I intentionally didn’t immediately say ‘yes’ to her request (ie. letting her wait for a decision after a talk with Daddy), so that she went through a ‘waiting period’ as well before she got her answer.

[My belief is that, when one waits for some time to find out if she’s going to get what she requested earlier, it’ll increase the rate of appreciation towards what you finally get. I mean, as compared to always getting things ‘immediately’]

Anyway.

I didn’t quite know how the conversation would go when we first started talking about it. But really, to actually hear it genuinely requested by the child herself (who has started to slowly understand how many many things in life are apparently not free) was … nice.

And yes. It was encouraging too.

At least to her mommy who sends, waits and picks her up from class every time.

We parents are full of faults. We all make mistakes.

But one of the things I’d tell myself is, the fact that no parents are perfect should never be my excuse for not wanting to always change for the better.

I shared the other day about Dr Kevin Leman’s book ‘Making Children Mind without Losing Yours’ and in that book he shares his thoughts on this topic too:

Mistakes are part of the journey called parenting. But the good news is that you can learn from them. You can improve your parenting, building responsible kids and building joyful relationships with them.

Today I’d like to share with you an extract from Dr Leman’s book ‘Making Children Mind without Losing Yours‘, ie. the part where he shared some of Larry Tomczak’s practical suggestions on how to make a child feel loved (especially since I think sometimes we parents unintentionally do or say things that make our children feel ‘the opposite’).

Anyway.

Happy reading, and hope today’s parenting tips encourage us all to be a better parent to the little ones whom God has lovingly entrusted in our care.

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Here are a few practical suggestions for making a child feel loved :

1. Make sure you see your children as God sees them – as a ‘gift’ and a ‘reward’, not as an interruption or an accident

2. Cultivate a childlike attitude.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Rediscover play. Walk barefoot together across the wet grass. Ride a merry-go-round. Act out a story instead of merely reading it.

3. Give your children direct eye contact
A child has a critical need for focused attention that enables him to feel respective, important and loved.  “Daddy (or Mommy) really cares about me … what I say … what I do.”

4. Physically express your love
Regular hugging, kissing, sitting close together, tousling hair, tickling, rubbing backs … putting an arm on the shoulder .. are all absolutely essential to assure a child’s emotional security and to nurture his self-esteem. They communicate this thought : “I like you and enjoy being with you.” These are the building blocks of a strong , healthy love bond.

5. Train yourself to be a good listener
Listening requires discipline, especially with children who can tell you the same Winnie the Pooh story a hundred times. It involves the eyes, ears, mind and heart. It means kneeling at times so as to be on their level and to communicate eye to eye. it’s important that as parents we respond to our child’s feelings. Such statements as ‘Not now, I’m busy” or “Tell me later” say to a child I guess I’m not as important to Mommy and Daddy as other things are.

6. Spend … time together
There simply is no substitute for regular, consistent time spent together doing ordinary things (eating, working, walking, praying, driving, swimming, shopping) or “making memories” by doing extraordinary things (visit to the zoo, pet shop, amusement park, or hospital; picnicking, biking, building a model plane, sight-seeing, etc)

[Riding the Luge together with Anya @ Sentosa Island]

Spending time with your children does create great memories.

A child’s life is so pliable during the formative years. Do your best to give your child a great gift every day: yourself! And be sure to listen.

All parents look back and realise how quickly time passes. Use your time wisely. Listen to your children when they are little. They are much more likely to talk to you when they are older!

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Personally I hope to remember and apply these points ‘consistently’ as a parent to my two little ones. But the fact is of course, I can’t.

There are (many many) times when I realise (usually afterwards!) how I didn’t listen well to what Anya was trying to tell me earlier on. How my eyes were more fixed on my mobile phone, replying text messages, and not really paying attention to what Vai was trying to show me.

And I do feel guilty afterwards. For not doing what I know I should be doing instead.

And when I do feel bad, I try to think how we parents should never stop at just feeling bad.

We should actually reflect, try our best to rectify what we’ve done wrong earlier if possible, and move forward towards the better.

For it IS possible for us to do so. With God’s help.

Vivo City.

Vai and his grandpa.

Sixty seven years apart.

Hand in hand.

Love the moment.

I found a ‘Chinese New Year Greeting’ video we recorded in 2007!

Anya was close to turning 3 years old, and Vai was only about 6 months old there!!

Click HERE to watch it!

And that sums up our greetings to you all!

Enjoy the clip!

[Vai : Sunset on Siloso Beach]

In the stars His handiwork I see,
On the wind He speaks with majesty,
Tho He ruleth over land and sea,
What is that to me?

I will celebrate Nativity,
for it has a place in history
Sure, He came to set His people free
What is that to me?

Till by faith I met Him face to face
and I felt the wonder of his grace
Then I knew that He was more
than just a God who didn’t care
That lived a way out there

And now He walks beside me day by day,
Ever watching over me lest I stray,
Helping me to find that narrow way
He’s Everything To Me.

…

Words and music by Ralph Carmichael

I’ve had people sharing with me how they find taking photos of their children … challenging.

And yes I must agree. Some kids are naturally camera shy. When these little ones realise that a camera is pointed at them, they’d run away, look away or come TOWARDS the camera. Some would cover their face with their hands too!

For my case however, I must say I’m blessed with kids who (so far!) are generally okay with the idea of being photographed (read: they’d smile towards the camera most of the time, though for Vai’s case he’d most likely make lots of silly faces too!)

[Left – Right : Noah, Nathan, Vai and Yuta]

Now. The challenge, I think, is doubled when it comes to taking photos of a GROUP of small kids!

Getting a decent photo of ALL of them looking at the camera (and we’re not even talking about them smiling away) is just plain HARD.

Say, in a group photo of four, three may look towards the camera, but one looks at his toy.

Or, if they’re all sitting down, one may somehow feel the urge to stand and walk away (err … or, cry).

And I usually end up taking AT LEAST five quick shots (while at the same time making all sorts of exaggerated noises and silly cheers to get the kids to look at the camera).

There’s this one general approach that ‘usually’ works though :

– Get the little kids to sit down against a wall (or a bench or a sofa, basically it’s good if you can have something behind their back so that they won’t lean back, etc)

– Get someone else (ie. NOT the photographer) to be the ‘joker’

– The photographer must be ready way before the kids are all seated down

– And as soon as ALL kids are seated, the joker then makes sudden (and different!) noises somewhere behind the photographer, eg. clapping hands, doing a silly dance, WHILE making a weird (yet loud enough) sound of a bird, hehe.

Or, it could be something like a toy that gives out a loud continuous squeak. Basically, strange loud noises work rather well!

Whatever it is, the kids may all look at the camera, at the same time, for only a second or two. And that’s your chance, before you need to do your various attention-grabbing tricks all over again.

[After six attempts, this is the most ‘decent’ shot of everyone that I managed to get, hehe]

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For my case, lots of the shots I took of Anya and Vai together were candid ones. Taken without going ‘one … two … three …’

But it’s not always the case.

If I set out to get shots of them with a specific ‘theme’ (like when I took the shots used on our Christmas card last December, and our Chinese New Year’s card last year), I usually make fun of myself BIG TIME! Haha. Really, you should’ve seen how our session went!

I made super silly faces, noises and moves, and played silly games of catch (and many others!) to get the kind of shot I want (eg. of them hugging each other and smiling naturally to the camera).

[As for that Chinese New Year’s card, we had quite a few ‘squashed’ oranges too as Vai kept tossing them to the floor!]

Yes, in most cases a whole lot of efforts is needed when it comes to taking photos of our little ones.

And sometimes, even after all that, we just make do with whatever shots we manage to capture at the time (read : of most of the kids looking everywhere else BUT the camera!)

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How about you and your experience in taking photos of little kids?