Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

‘… but Jie-Jie Anya, … I still want to ride the bikeeee …’

…

count your blessings, name them one by one

count your blessings see what God has done

count your blessings, name them one by one

count your many blessings, see what God has done

…

Singing the above song obviously is so much easier than putting it into practice. For us adults, and especially for little children.

[Get ready for a really long post]

In the past 2 weeks or so, Anya has somehow gotten into the habit of comparing what others have that she DOESN’T have.

Every single day, I’d hear sentences like,

‘Ugh. She has a drawing book with a Mickey Mouse cover on it. How nice. I don’t even have one!’

‘Vai gets to drink the juice first, how nice! And I have to wait!’

‘That boy gets to sit near the bus window. SO comfortable. I don’t even get a seat!’

[Btw, she speaks in Indonesian, and if you understand the language basically this is what she OFTEN says, ‘Enak amat dia … , Anya ajah ga ada …’]

And when she starts her ‘complaining mode’, I explain and emphasise these points to her :

– Everyone is special and we can’t expect everyone to be the same.

Other people have things that we don’t have. That’s for sure. And we also have things that other people may not have (I’d then give real examples of the things that she can be grateful about, things that she has that others may not have)

– If we compare ourselves with others AND complain about what we DON’T have, the list will be ENDLESS.

And everywhere we go and whatever we see, we’d think and say, ‘Ugh look, she has a car, how convenient, I don’t even have one. Ugh look, her pencil is so cute, how nice, I don’t even have one like that. Her birthday cake has nice candles, how lucky, I didn’t even have those for my birthday’ blah blah blah.

What kind of a life would we have if that’s how we think about everything that we see around us. It’s destructive and is so unappreciative of the many blessings we ALREADY have and receive.

– We should seriously change and reverse the way we think and see things, because really, when we utter words and maintain such a mindset it will do us NO good at all.

Instead of saying, ‘Ugh … look at her new bike! How lucky of her. She has a bike like that, and I don’t even have one like hers!’, we can say, ‘Look Mommy, her bike is so nice. I have one at home too!’

And, instead of saying, ‘They all went to Malaysia for their holiday. How nice! I didn’t even go anywhere!’, she can instead learn to say something like, ‘Oh they went to Malaysia… Mommy, can we perhaps go to Malaysia too one day?’ The first sentence is full of envy and complaints. The second is an observation of what other people experience and a pure request. Two completely different approach to a situation. And it all must start from a change in our mindset.

– We really need to count our blessings. We must not see (and complain about) what we don’t have, and we must be thankful for what we ALREADY have

…

Despite my reminders and explanations, Anya finds it hard to stop complaining.

Here’s one episode that I’d like to share with you.

Just three days ago, we were getting ready to go out, and as I placed the kids’ going-out clothes on my bed (for them to get changed by themselves), I heard her mumbled, ‘Vai gets to wear a new top. How nice! I don’t even have anything new!’

And I thought, this is it. She needs to ‘experience’ a lesson.

I walked back to the room (I was on my way out when I overheard her complaints) and casually asked,

You said you have NO new clothes?

No.

I gave you a new little top yesterday, the one you liked and immediately put on when we went out. But you just said you ‘never’ get anything new? As I always say to you, we need to be responsible with what we say and do, right? So, since you said you have nothing new, I’ll keep that top in the storeroom.

[I casually walked out to the kitchen, and she slowly followed]

She then said, “Mommy … err … I want that top’

I continued with what I was doing in the kitchen, giving little response to her plea. Then after a minute or so, I walked back into the bedroom, folded the new top I gave to Anya, and put it in the storeroom.

When she saw how I actually carried out what I said I would do, she started crying real loudly.

She pleaded and repeatedly asked for her top back. And I casually told her,

‘Anya, you know I always do what I say. And you really need to learn to be thankful with what you have, to stop complaining, and to be responsible with what you say. You complained about having no new clothes, and there is NO new top’.

She wailed even more loudly and kept on asking for her new top back. And so after asking her to listen carefully and stop screaming (because really, how can she listen to what I need to seriously say if she’s screaming and crying so loudly at the same time), I told her,

‘This is what will happen. The new top will still be kept in the storeroom. BUT, if I can see – over a period of a week or more – that you want to learn to stop complaining and change the way you think and see things, then you MAY get your top back. But if you keep on complaining about things, the top will need to be given to someone else, someone who will be THANKFUL for the top.

And eg. if you choose to complain about NOT having toys at all, you will have NO toys as you’ve said it yourself, and you’ll see your many toys and belongings going into the storeroom too.’

[I know she LOVES that new top (which is an important key to making this approach more effective), and I know she knows I mean what I say, ie. I will surely carry out what I say I will do, and if I say I will give the top away, I WILL not hesitate in giving it away]

…

Since that day till today, she complains much LESS frequently. When she begins to say, ‘Ugh. How come he has … ‘, she’d stop her sentence, because I would’ve given her a ‘look’, and she knows what I mean. And at times, when she’s about to say something negative, I’d casually look at her and ask, ‘Yes? Do you wish to complain again?’

…

I really can’t imagine the kind of person Anya will become if I don’t nip this negative habit in the bud.

It was getting more and more serious and I knew I had to do something. And in the end, I decided that giving her a little taste of ‘reality discipline’ should (hopefully) be more effective than giving ‘mere talk and explanations’.

It’s a long process.

But I know she’s learning.

AND really, at the same time, I too am seriously reminded too, about how I really should be thankful to God for everything that I ALREADY have.

To not view things negatively. To avoid complaining about stuff. To use positive words, instead of negative ones.

I have SO many flaws and weaknesses myself that I need to change.

And in my heart, I thank my little girl, for reminding me of such precious lessons in life.

…

count your blessings, name them one by one

count your blessings see what God has done

count your blessings, name them one by one

count your many blessings, see what God has done

…

When I saw the pouring rain last Saturday morning, I thought to myself, UH-OH, what would happen to all the outdoor activities planned?

But then the rain was gone in an hour or so, and the scorching sun took over. And by the time we were by the Singapore River at around 2pm, it was indeed VERY VERY warm.

The crowd was pretty huge though, and it really was nice to see families everywhere, spending their Saturday together.

There I met up with the ladies from Asia PR Werkz who made all the arrangements for the discussion panel at 3pm, the one I shared about a few days ago.

Basically the topic was about children and their breakfast, and I was in this panel discussion together with two other moms, Ms Gladys Wong – the Chief Dietician from Alexandra Hospital, and Ms Lynn Heng – a family expert from NTUC First Campus.

It was more like a casual chat between all five of us and the two emcees from Gold 90.5FM.

Anyway.

Here’s a little summary of what we discussed which I thought may be useful to you all :

> Children need to have some breakfast in order for them to concentrate better at school (especially when they have to sit through topics like Maths, etc)

> Introduce VARIETY in our kids’ daily diet. The same old breakfast menu every single day is NOT good.

> Children’s eating habits tend to follow whatever that the parents and their ‘surrounding’ allow them to have since young (eg. a child may not like to eat vegetables if the Daddy also is not into vegies)

> Children do not need to be ’round and chubby’ (though grandparents may think they look ‘healthier’ this way).

> If you do feel like they should be ‘losing weight’, parents MUST NOT starve their kids. Instead, they should increase the amount of exercise so that MORE calories are burned

> Avoid sugary drinks which has zero goodness. It is much better to let our kids drink WATER instead.

> Avoid having the TV on during mealtimes. Make an effort to sit down with the kids and chat with them instead. Talk about how their day was like, their friends, what they learned at school, what they like about their friends, etc.

> Young children shouldn’t eat three large meals. Instead, they should have approx. six smaller meals throughout the day

…

Perhaps you can help and add more breakfast or mealtime-related tips to the list?

Really … there are SO many family-related activities going on this weekend!

Another one that I’d like to highlight to you is the big Family Day Out Carnival!

When : Saturday, 30 May, 10am – 6pm
Where : Singapore River (near Asian Civilisations Museum)
Admission : FREE

It is National Family Celebrations’ Launch Event for the year.

National Family Celebrations has been held since 1985, and it is an annual national campaign to celebrate the importance of the family.

And this year, the month-long celebration starts tomorrow (Saturday, 30 May) all the way till Sunday, 28 June (the end of our kids’ school holiday!).

Click HERE to read more about what it is.

And click HERE to check out the Event Calendar (ie. what’s happening when and where!)

…

For tomorrow’s Family Day Out carnival, heaps of activities happen by the Singapore River throughout the day.

Click HERE to see what you and your family can do for FREE at the Family Day Out Carnival!

One of happenings tomorrow is a talk by nutrition experts “Make Breakfast Time Family Time” (two sessions: 3pm in English; 4.30pm in Mandarin)

And I was invited to join the panel (to be part of the discussion, NOT to deliver the talk, hehe). Basically to also make the discussion more relevant to the challenges we parents face when it comes breakfast time.

I’ll be there at the 3pm panel discussion, and I hope to meet some of you there too!

Anyway.

Hope you get to plan your very own family day out for the weekends (and throughout the school holiday!)

It’s a great time to bond with the kids!

When it comes to Singapore, one of the things I value is its effort in promoting family-related activities.

And this year, it has International Museum Day (IMD) celebrations running across 10 days from 23 – 31 May 2009!

And the theme this year is “Holiday Fun at Home!”

An excellent effort to promote a museum-going culture among families and their children from a very young age.

Heaps of activities available (eg. workshops for kids!), and today I’d like to highlight its OPEN HOUSE DAY this Sunday, 31 May, when museums are open to the public for FREE!

[Anya and Vai checking out Asian Civilisations Museum]

A friend of mine, Christine (a mom of two who’s also a very talented children book illustrator!) wrote a very good blog post on International Museum Day. Click HERE to have a read!

And btw, she’d also be doing a workshop with a few other authors as part of National Museum’s special event for kids. The event title is ‘Behind the Scene of Picture Books – From ideas to words and art’ on Saturday, 30 May and Sunday, 31 May, at 10am – 11.30am. She’d host the 31st May workshop! Click HERE to read more about it!

So there you go!

Not much excuse for NOT going out with the whole family and having fun this weekend, yes? *smile*

My 2-year-9-month-old son saw the really tall umpire’s chair on the badminton court near our place this morning. And he asked,

“Mommy, can I go up and sit on the chair?”

“Sure. You’d need to climb quite a bit there, just be sure to hold on tight, okay?”

“But Mommy, I want you to hold on to me while I climb”

“I’ll stand nearby and watch you go up, but you’d need to climb the steps by yourself”

“But Moommyyy … I want you to hold on to meeee …”

*smile* “I know you can climb it all by yourself. If you don’t want to, then you don’t have to climb it at all.”

(Note: I know of Vai’s climbing skill and how he had learned to always hold on real tight when climbing anything)

Anyway.

Vai thought to himself for a good 3 seconds, and he started climbing. He took giant steps while holding onto the two side poles.

And yes, he reached the top.

With a huge smile on his face. Hehe.

He sat up there for one minute (and told me how he’s so HIGH up!) before going down, by himself.

And after that, he went up and down that tall (and err, rusty) umpire’s chair two to three more times.

…

When he was up there, an old man happened to walk past the tall chair, looked up at him, smiled and (seriously) said to me, ‘He better be careful ya!’ and walked away.

And what I found interesting was Vai’s reaction upon hearing his comment.

He turned to me and said, “Mommyy… help me get downnnn. I don’t want to come down by myself. Please come over and helppp ….”

Of course I didn’t budge. Hehe. I still sat on a nearby bench and calmly told him how he just needed to turn around slowly and come down all by himself carefully.

And I guess the fact that I was quite casual about the whole thing made him feel better and secure.

And he did come down all by himself. With no problem.

…

A few thoughts and observations:

If I had helped him from the very beginning, I guess he wouldn’t have known about his own capability.

He wouldn’t have gripped those side poles extra tightly (because no one is there to ‘hold’ him)

He wouldn’t have pushed himself further beyond his usual comfort level.

He wouldn’t have felt the satisfaction of accomplishing something difficult, all by himself.

And he wouldn’t have gained that extra confidence.

And I was reminded again too how a child tends to view and treat HIS world according to OUR response.

If I had immediately brushed off his interest in climbing, if I had sounded anxious or worried, or if I hadn’t felt confident about him climbing the tall chair all by himself, he would’ve felt the same way too. Our child’s initial courage would most likely be dampened by our response and reaction.

As I sat on a nearby bench, I DID feel a little ‘tingly’ watching him climb up and down the really tall chair. I DID feel the adrenaline inside! The chair WAS high! (it’s just that I chose to keep my cool in front of him so that he kept his courage and confidence in what he was doing, hehe)

Hmm. Interesting, isn’t it, how our reaction and response as parents greatly affect our child’s courage, confidence and accomplishments.

…

Have you ever encountered such situations with your child? How did things go ?

Please do share. I’d love to hear stories from other parents!

*drums rolling*

Here are the names :

1. Clara
2. Grace Koay
3. Ky
4. Yi Huey
5. Helen Ng
6. Olivia
7. Henny
8. HL Ng

CONGRATULATIONS!!

I’ll be in touch with the lucky eight winners real soon, and they’ll receive their choice of Spring Kids items in the mail next week!!

Big thanks to everyone who left encouraging comments and who participated in the giveaway contest!

Thanks heaps for supporting Spring Kids!

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Happy browsing!