Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

Anya,

We thank God for entrusting you in our care over the past seven years.

We thank God for we have learned a lot about being a parent (and how we’re full of flaws) as we raise you up.

We thank God for caring and watching over you over these years.

And we thank God for loving you.

…

May you grow to be the kind of person God wants you to be, and may all the God-given talents you have bring glory back to your Creator.

We love you.

And we never stop praying for you.

[Note: Photos were taken on Sunday. And by today, March 8th, that wobbly top front tooth is already gone =)]

Gee. I have SO many things to blog about, BUT minus the time!

Here’s a quick update from me anyway.

Since Thursday, I’ve gradually started working on Anya’s birthday cake (yes, the fondant preparation part, which needs to be done a few days before D-Day if you want it to ‘dry up’).

Then we attended a full-day parenting seminar on Saturday (which was EXCELLENT, btw!).

[I was reminded again of SO many important parenting values. I was encouraged to move forward towards the many ‘unknown challenges and difficulties’ I know we’ll face ahead of us. I was rebuked. And, I was completely BLESSED by the sharing of God’s Word and principles that day!]

And, we celebrated Anya’s 7th birthday today!

She ‘officially’ turns seven on Tuesday, March 8th, but since we’d like to share the special day with her Sunday School friends as well, she had this simple gathering two days early =)

Anyway.

I will share her birthday photos as well as the ‘ups and downs’ I went through when preparing for her birthday cake REAL soon!

For now, here’re some shots of the kids being all silly and giggly while on our bus ride home! =)

Hope you had a great weekend!

I have a confession to make.

I hardly ever exercise.

I do stay active by going out and about (read: walk) a lot. Everyday.

But I don’t go to the gym, I don’t jog, swim, do stretches, nor play any other sports regularly. I don’t quite like running / jogging too (I somehow haven’t found the ‘fun’ in those two last ones)

[I’m the total OPPOSITE to my hubby. He can’t stand a week without playing tennis. He says his body and muscles feel uncomfortable if he doesn’t exercise every few days or so. Good on him!]

But hey, I DO ‘like’ sports. Believe it or not, I used to play basketball and volleyball for my school team (ie. when I was in my teens!).

I can also rollerblade, ice-skate, play badminton and table tennis (I don’t MASTER the sports but at least I can do them, hehe).

…

Since I started working fulltime and all, I always came up with excuses for NOT exercising though.

And usually, it’s about NOT having ‘the time’ to exercise. Or, feeling ‘too tired’ to exercise, when I did have the time.

And, when I became a Mom, the excuse of NOT having any time to exercise became even more ‘legitimate’. I then tell myself that ‘walking a lot everyday’ / ‘looking after the kids’ IS a form of exercise, and it’s sufficient, hehe. Excuses. Excuses.

…

Anyway. A few days ago, I finally managed to get in the pool when the kids had their swimming lesson though!

*YAY* SO happy!

[I actually swam and did a few laps, and I felt SO good afterwards!]

You see, I know I really, REALLY should be exercising, especially now that I’m 6 months pregnant. Swimming, especially, will do me good! But, I’ve just been too ‘lazy’ to push myself and actually DO it! So bad, huh.

But hey, I’m glad I did it once this week! And I hope I’ll manage to go for a swim again next week. And the week after. And the week after that. All the way till the baby decides to say HELLO to the world.

Hmm. We shall see =)

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Just wondering, do YOU (or don’t you) exercise regularly?

And if you do, WHEN do you normally exercise?

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Here are some useful links on Pregnancy and Exercises. Happy reading!

– Great Pregnancy Exercise : Swimming, by Babycenter

– Seven Great Benefits of Pregnancy Exercise, by Babycenter

– The Best Kinds of Exercise for Pregnancy, by Babycenter

– Exercising during Pregnancy, by Kidshealth

Yep, that’s US close to TEN years ago!

It was when we were at the Registry of Marriage in 2001. I was twenty five, and Wilson was twenty six =)

It’s a little hard to believe at times that we’ll be celebrating our TENTH wedding anniversary this July. I mean, it’s been TEN years? Already?

Because frankly, it doesn’t feel like we’ve been married for THAT long. Really.

(They say, time flies when you’re happy and enjoying life? =)

Anyway.

Over the years I’ve sometimes been asked questions on how we ‘work’ on our relationship.

As we all know, getting into a relationship is easy, but keeping a marriage going and fresh for years and years? Well, THAT is not as easy. It involves a lot of hard work and commitment from both parties, I must say. Especially when we include some other factors into the equation, like children, bills, work/career, housework, personal goals, etc.

[Taken in 2002, … that’s one year after our wedding]

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Sharing a life with another individual all these years has its ups and downs. My life , I must say, is better with him around though.

He’s the one who goes all out to catch the lizards at home (I have a terrible phobia for this animal!). He helps to get the grocery when I really am bogged down with work or the kids. He’s the one who reminds me of my flaws and encourages me to change and be a better person.

I remember too when I was VERY pregnant with my firstborn, he was OK with me needing to have LOTS of pillows in bed to support my body. Errr … apparently I had too many pillows at one particular night though, leaving so little space for him to sleep and he fell down on the floor in the middle of the night! Oops! =)

…

Like all other couples, Wilson and I go through the downs in our marriage too.

Times when we’re physically / mentally exhausted, and impatience towards each other set in. Times when words should’ve been uttered in a better tone. Times when I felt he’s not as helpful around the house and the kids as I had hoped. Times when I misunderstood his intentions and it led to unnecessary arguments.

There are a few things that we both did / do, that have helped us in making our marriage work through these years though. And I thought of sharing some of them with you today. Here goes:

> Communicate

a) Misunderstandings and arguments tend to take place when we ASSUME things. So instead of ‘making assumptions’, I personally prefer to actually ask, ‘What do you mean when you said … ?’ And, I also tell him my feelings, my thoughts, my hopes, my disappointments, etc.

We try to always communicate. Like good friends do.

[Note: Obviously, it doesn’t mean problems automatically disappear when we ‘communicate’. But it sure allows us to understand each other better]

b) Someone once said, ‘Know when to talk and when to shut up’. This ‘motto’ has helped her and her husband make their marriage work. And I so agree with her on this too!

> Still do things together as a COUPLE, even when we have become PARENTS.

– We send text messages to each other when we’re not together, just to share how things are going

– We chat about things OTHER than kids-related stuff

We do this when all kids are asleep, and at times it may mean less sleeping hours for us and chatting well into the night in bed.

– We watch movies together!

Again this is done when the kids are asleep at night. We’d watch DVDs together at home (Sometimes we both are exhausted – or the movie is rather boring – and we’d fall asleep on the sofa, heh)

Btw, now that the kids are both at school, we do schedule ‘movie dates’ from time to time (ie. We’d go after dropping them to school and before picking them up again)

– We do fun stuff together!

When we were in Bali and had our grandparents with us, we took a 3-hour break from the kids and went scuba diving! We were both new at it and it was SO nice and refreshing! We loved our time together!

We went go-karting (while the kids watched and took photos of us!)

And sometimes, we do fun stuff together with the kids too, like going for Flying Fox rides, during our trip to Indonesia last year!

– We pray and serve together

As both Wilson and I share the same faith, we truly find praying together, attending Bible classes, serving and being in the ministry together strengthen our relationship as husband and wife too!

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Personally, if you ask me, there are HEAPS of things that can help make a marriage work. But, they can’t stay as a ‘List of Things to Do and Know’. They can’t just be ‘theories’.

I learn that BOTH the husband and the wife need to work on the relationship everyday. Self-denials and sacrifices need to be made and love needs to constantly be ‘worked on’.

I’m glad that Singapore actively encourages couples to strengthen their marriages, through annual events and campaigns, as well as regular activities too! [I don’t know how many other countries in the world actually do this. Not many, I think]

They even have a website called MARRIAGE CENTRAL for this!

And, their annual campaign is called REAL LOVE WORKS.

Here are the key highlights for Real Love Works 2011 that I’d like to bring your attention to:

a) Marriage Convention 2011

When:
Saturday – Sunday, 26 – 27 March 2011

What it’s about:
A series of public seminars for couples to gain enriching insights in building a strong and happy marriage.

Price:
$12 per pax or $16 per couple for each session, available through all SISTIC outlets.

Click on the link above to read the details.

Now that Anya is in Primary One, she has weekly spelling tests. Usually one for English and another one for Chinese. Prior to each test, she’d learn and prepare herself at least a day before and she usually does really well for English and makes one or two mistakes in her Chinese tests.

Now.

Sometime last month, Anya said to me, ‘Mommy, why do I find English spelling tests easy? It’s so much easier than Chinese spelling tests.’

And I said to her, ‘It’s because you’re so much more comfortable with English and it’s something that we’ve taught you since you’re little. As for Chinese, we can’t speak Chinese with you, and so you need to learn the language yourself from school and your Chinese teacher.’

I didn’t stop there though because I feel she needs to learn about being responsible with her God-given talents.

You see, Anya has this love for learning and writing. She looks forward to our bedtime story and book-reading time. She knows how to read before she was five. She loves to read and write stories.

…

So that day (and at other instances when I feel the timing is right), I share with her and remind her of these:

– You find reading and writing ‘easy’ because it’s your strength. It’s a God-given talent. And if we’ve been given something extra compared to other people, we have to use it for God’s glory and as a blessing to others. Not to ‘glorify’ self.

– If writing is your strength, then perhaps you can inspire others through your writing and reach out to many. Pray too that those who read your writing will be blessed by this God-given talent that you have.

– If you know how to read / write / do something else much earlier than others, then God wants you to help other people, and not to be impatient or to look down on those who have yet to learn what you already know how to do.

– I shared with her how everyone is unique, how everyone has different strengths and how we need to share and use our strengths to help and bless others.

I then used the example of her and her little brother.

I told her how she could read and write better than Vai when she was at Vai’s age (ie. He’ s 4.5yo right now). BUT, Vai already knew how to ride a two-wheeled bike since he was around 3yo, while she is still NOT yet able to (and she’s 7yo next week!).

…

[Yes, that’s a washing machine box that we ‘converted’ into a ‘board’ before we threw it away. It stayed in our living room for a few days, but it was pretty ‘well-used’, which was the good thing about re-using recyclables =) ]

So you can see how glad I felt, when I saw Anya teaching Vai how to read the other day. She slowly went through simple 3-letter words with him, and taught him how read them in phonics. At other times, she’d also take out some simple chinese storybooks, and teach him how to read them =)

At times like this, I just feel … happy.

And I guess, it’s not really because I now have an ‘assistant teacher’ in teaching Vai how to read.

But it’s more about the joy of seeing our children gradually grow in their characters, in their understanding of what’s been ‘given’ to them, and in their love for each other.

And I hope and pray that they (me included!) continue to learn to be a blessing to others too.

[Other than brushing his own teeth most of the time, Vai also brings dirty clothes from the bathroom to the laundry]

Okay, finally, I managed to complete the second part of my blog post.

[Click HERE to read Part 1 of my earlier post : ‘Encouraging Kids to Help Out around the House’]

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As promised, here are some quick tips that I’d like to share on how we can encourage our kids to help out around the house :

> Begin early.

I believe teaching our kids about helping out around the house should start as early as possible (eg. from the simplest things, like joining us in putting their lego bricks back into the box after play could start as early as one year old). And, if you have one simple song that you sing along together every time you both tidy up the toys, it’ll even be better. It makes the routine more fun.

…

> Always try to say positive words to further encourage your child.

This helps in building their sense of responsibility and encourages them further in becoming a helpful member of the family.

[Btw, sometime ago I wrote a post on ‘HOW we utter our words of encouragement’. Click HERE to read it yeah]

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> Make sure WE do our chores too.

If our kids see us clean up the house or do all sorts of housework as well, they’ll be more keen to help out and do them too. After all, it’s always better if we set the example for the little ones and walk our talk too.

…

> Be specific in our instructions, and demonstrate.

This is especially necessary if the child is still young (eg. 2 years old).

Instead of saying, ‘Tidy up your toys, please’, I learn that kids will understand our instruction better when we tell them exactly what we ask them to do, eg. ‘Please pick up your crayons and books, and place them back into the box.’

For younger children, it works best if we do it together with them.

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[One of Anya’s responsibility at home is ensuring that the ‘shoe area’ is neat and tidy]

Oh btw, I feel I should share this one last thing.

In my personal opinion, I don’t think giving our children money for helping out around the house will do any good in the long run. I know some ‘experts’ do recommend such an approach, eg. ‘I’ll give you 20 cents each time you take out the trash’, or ‘If you keep your bedroom nice and tidy for one whole week, you’ll get $3 at the end of that week.’

I know I’m no parenting expert. I still have SO many things that I have yet to learn (and change).

But.

I strongly believe that when we use the approach of rewarding our children with money (however little) when they help out around the house:

… We are NOT teaching the child to look out for the interests of others, ie. The child does NOT learn what it means to be responsible, eg. To care for the neatness in one’s room.

… We are ‘training’ our child to be ‘greedy’, to look out for self interest and to simply obtain monetary rewards in what he/she does.

…  We are teaching our child to do things with improper motives, ie. If there’s a reward, I’ll do it. If there’s none, I’m not interested.

Really. Should a child be rewarded for fulfilling NORMAL responsibilities? ie. Tasks that a child ought to do / contribute as part of his responsibility, and as part of being a helpful and caring member of the family?

Anyway.

I’m sure there are HEAPS more tips out there, and if you can share your tips or thoughts on this, it’ll be awesome! I’d love to learn from you too!

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[Parts of this post is inspired by the book ‘Shepherding a Child’s Heart’ by Tedd Tripp. An excellent book btw, which has changed and influenced many of my thinking and approaches towards parenting my children. This book constantly reminds me too of how I’m so in need of God’s grace and wisdom to be a parent, because I’m still SO far from being the kind of parent God wants me to be]

[Tiny freckles here and there]

Hey everyone!

I’d like to share this exciting news with you! =)

Thanks to Estēe Lauder Singapore and omy.sg, I’ve been selected to be one of the 10 bloggers for the new Estēe Lauder CyberWhite Brilliant Cells product launch and campaign! =)

And errr, interestingly, I’m the most … ‘mature’ out of the 10 bloggers! =) The youngest blogger is 19 years old! Nice skin and complexion!

So.

Here I am, a thirty-something soon-to-be Mommy of THREE, going against the other 9 ‘much younger’ bloggers!

But hey, I know I’m representing many of you out there!

I personally believe ‘beauty’ does not equal to 100% spotless and taut skin. THAT is just unrealistic, if you ask me. Age WILL catch up on us, but it’s OKAY.

And, ‘to feel good and beautiful’ is not just for the teens or early twenties, but it’s also for the late twenties, the early thirties, the mid thirties, the forties, for EVERYONE!

If you’re beautiful on the inside, the outside will shine too!

And, such ‘external beauty’ is just a added plus to what’s actually MORE important in a person (Btw, this was what my hubby said to me me the other day)

[Are you with me on this one?]

…

ANYWAY.

I’ll be writing blog posts on the omy.sg blog and Estēe Lauder blog for the campaign.

And.

They need you to VOTE for me! Yep, I’d really need YOUR support yeah!

I’ve written my first blog post HERE (on omy.sg’s Estēe Lauder blog site)

And, to vote for me, basically you simply need to :

> Go to the Estēe Lauder Singapore Facebook Page

> VOTE for me! (starting from Friday, 25 Feb!)

AND.

I plan to share up to $100 worth of Estēe Lauder products – that I’d be getting IF I won – with five randomly chosen voters!

YES, a total of about $500 will be shared with you! How’s that? =)

Hope you’re as excited about it as I am!

Will share more updates soon!

…

PS: Add me on Facebook and Twitter, if you haven’t already yeah. I share more updates there, and often, we discuss day-to-day topics too (eg. When I felt the pressure from school expectations, or when I asked if it’s normal for Vai to feel hungry again just 30 mins after finishing his meal =)

[Anya’s washing the rice grains and Vai’s rinsing the vegies]

Recently someone asked if our kids help out around the house. And when I said, ‘Yes, they do help with some simple chores everyday’, the next two questions were, ‘Including the boy?’ and ‘When did they start helping out?’

I feel this is something that families face everyday. And so I thought of writing a little bit on this topic (I’ll split it into two blog posts).

For today, I’d like to share with you these related blog posts which I wrote in the past:

> December 2005 – Getting Kids to Help Out

[Anya was 21 months old at the time, ie. 3 months away from turning 2yo]

Blog extract :

Someone once said, ‘A spoiled son makes a terrible husband.’

Many parents unconsciously ‘train’ their children to become ’spoiled ones’ by doing everything for the kids, giving in to all their requests and wants and failing to rebuke their misbehaviours.

One way of introducing a sense of responsibility to kids, I think, is by getting them involved in our day to day chores and tasks.

> May 2008 – Getting Kids involved Around the House

[Anya was 4yo and Vai was 21 months old, similar to Anya’s age in the post above]

Blog extract :

Now that we have two kids in the house, it’s nearly impossible for us to keep the house nice and tidy.
Look under the sofa, and you’ll find a crayon, a piece of paper or a toy car. Storybooks can sometimes be found in the kitchen, or under the kids’ beds too!

As much as possible though, when it comes to helping out, we always try to get the kids involved around the house.

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> May 2009 – When Kids can Help Moms Stay Sane

[Anya was 5yo and Vai was 33 months old here. He was basically 3 months away from turning 3yo]

Blog extract:

When kids are actively involved in helping around the house, moms will end up having ‘more time’ to do other things (or, more time to relax and read the papers, eg.)

For our case, we try to get our kids involved as much as possible since they’re young.

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> January 2010 – Parenting : Kids in the Kitchen

[Anya was 2 months away from turning 6yo, and Vai was about 3.5yo]

Blog extract:

When I grew up in Indonesia, we had maids to cook and clean the house for us. And so as a little girl, I didn’t spend much time in the kitchen, I must say.

Boys generally are not expected to be in the kitchen too.

Things are run rather differently at our home though.

…

Before I end today’s post, I thought I should say that in reality, both Anya and Vai don’t ALWAYS welcome the idea of helping out.

I mean, they don’t always go, ‘YIPEE! I now get to tidy up the shoe rack and take out the dirty laundry!!’

Kids are kids. Even us adults (at least, I do!) often feel like NOT doing any chores =)

There were times when Vai, for example, said, ‘Urgh, why do I need to bring the dirty clothes to the laundry?’

[But usually after he sees that Mommy does so much more, and EVERYONE ELSE helps out and contributes in different ways too, he’s happy to help out again, ie. Doesn’t see any reason for complaining and not helping =)]

Well, anyway.

I’ll share some tips (that work in our family so far, at least =) in my next post yeah!

In the mean time, hope you all enjoy the rest of the week!