Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

To start the week, here are some thoughts on parenting for us all, quoted from the book ‘Shepherding a Child’s Heart’ by Tedd Tripp – one book that I personally recommend.

Here goes.

…

Proverbs 4: 23

“Keep your heart pure for out of it are the important things of life.”

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

…

– Parents tend to focus on the externals of behaviour rather than the internal overflow of the heart. We tend to worry more about the ‘what’ of behaviour than the ‘why’.

[In other words, parents are often more concerned about changing just the behaviours, and NOT digging deeper to find out the ’cause’ of those behaviours]

– Most of us spend an enormous amount of energy in controlling and constraining behaviour. To  the degree and extend to which our focus is on the behaviour, we miss the heart.

– If the goal of parenting is no more profound that securing appropriate behaviour, we will never help our children understand the internal things, the heart issues, that produce their behaviours.

…

When we only change the external behaviours without changing the heart, it’s like pulling out all oranges from its tree and putting apples on it instead. Over time, orange fruits will grow back again, because it IS an orange tree. For it to produce apples, we need to remove the orange tree to the very root, and plant an apple tree.

Transformation of one’s life must start from the inside. From the heart.

To close, here’s a statement from Tripp’s book:

Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life and died as an infinite sacrifice so that children (and their parents) can be forgiven, transformed, liberated and empowered to love God and to love others.

…

May we all be transformed from the inside, so that we can bear good fruits, and be positive living examples for everyone, including our children too.

Have a wonderful week, everyone!

To an adult, it’s a simple action of getting oneself to a sitting position.

To a baby however, it takes SO much effort and practice!

Brie is 5 months and 3 weeks now, and she’s been practising and doing that ‘half-sitting’ position in the past two weeks or so (bottom right photo in the above collage)

And a couple of days ago, she suddenly managed to sit on her own. Her back was still a little bent, and her two hands supported her body.

I know I know, it’s my THIRD baby, and it’s not all that new to us. I mean, I’ve seen it all happen with Anya and Vai when they were babies, but HEY … it was still too cute! It was Brie’s big milestone and I’m excited for her! =)

And, I took HEAPS of photos. Haha.

Anya and Vai, being old enough to appreciate another member in the family, were even more excited than me, I think! haha.

The day Brie could sit on her own, they were like, ‘MOMMY! MOMMY! LOOK! LOOK! Brie is sitting on her own! Brie is sitting up!!’ And they MADE me come and watch.

And some few minutes later after Brie’s back on her tummy again, I’d hear them go, ‘LOOK! LOOK! MOMMYYYY come overrrrr hereeee! Brie is sitting up on her own again!! Comeeeeee!! Quiiiickkkkkk!!’

Out of respect to these little ones, I left my half-chopped vegetables, went to them, checked Brie out, smiled and tried to look consistently excited =)

…

Someone left a comment on my Facebook the other day and said, ‘To babies, the world is full of wonders. Somehow, this is lost as we grow up.’

How true.

And not just to babies, I think. It applies to young children too.

These little ones are EXCITED over many things in life.

Simple things in life.

And sadly, it is something that many of us have generally lost.

Time to learn from these little ones, I say.

…

EXTRA READING :

– Developmental Milestones : Sitting (Babycenter.com)

– Movement, Coordination and your 4 to 7 Month Old (Kidshealth.org)

Brie and I were hanging out by the poolside at a friend’s condo, enjoying the nice late afternoon breeze, while the two older ones had fun in the waters.

I sat back, looked up and saw two condo buildings towering right above me.

And right at that moment, I thought ‘Hmm, how nice it’d be if I can get a shot of Brie high up in the air with those buildings in the background!’

But then, there’s no one around to help me take the shot!

So I experimented with my Canon Powershot S90 and its timer, and hey hey hey … I GOT THEM!

Well, sort of.

It would’ve been perfect if Brie’s full legs are in the frame too! Haha.
(A wider lens would definitely help!)

Anyway, if you happen to be in a similar situation and you’re thinking of experimenting with this kind of shot, this was what I did:

1) Set the timer and no. of shots

On my Canon S90, I set the timer to 5 seconds and for it to fire 5 shots. This way, I could get 5 shots each time I lifted Brie up in the air (Trust me, it helps when you have this feature because it means you don’t have to keep lifting the heavy baby up for every single shot!)

2) Lean back, bend knees, put baby against bended thighs

3) Use one hand to press the shutter half way down while it focuses on baby, then press the shutter all the way, quickly put the camera down facing up (I placed my camera on my tummy)




4) Then lift baby up with both hands as fast as you can and position baby above the camera (well, you need to roughly guess where you should position the baby =)

5) Check results, and take the shots again (hopefully better ones the next time round =)

…

I must say, it was quite tricky getting those two shots!

The first five shots I got were of Brie’s legs. Yes, only her legs up in the air!

I got Brie’s head and body in the next five, BUT not all her legs were in the frame. So I wasn’t thoroughly satisfied.

In the next five shots, she’s out of focus. Gee.

By then, I decided to stop with the experiments.

(Any more ‘baby lifting while adjusting the camera’ could result in muscle and wrist pain for my case, you see, haha)

…

Will probably do it again with a DSLR and a wider lens next time!

Um, actually, getting SOMEONE ELSE to shoot while I lift Brie up would be a better option =)

“Oh, she’s very naughty!’

“He’s very shy”

“He’s very bad in chinese. Always very lazy when it comes to doing his homework!”

“Oh, she’s taken swimming lessons, but she’s always scared one!”

…

How do we generally describe our children?

What words do we tend to use when we describe them to our friends, WHILE they’re near enough to listen to what we say about them?

The reality is, when negative words are used to describe these little ones, they (consciously or unconsciously) will behave according to the label and box that we ourselves have created for them.

For example:

1) Someone gives a birthday gift to a child, and upon receiving, the child does not say anything. No ‘Thank you’, nothing. Parent asks the child, ‘What do you say?’, but the child remains silent. And so two seconds later, the parent says to the gift-giver, ‘Oh, my son is always very shy. Thank you for the present!’

When such a situation arises and the parents takes this approach most of the time (ie. since the time the child is big enough to sort of say ‘Thank you’, or even do a ‘sign’ to say thanks), consciously or unconsciously, the parent is encouraging the child to continue with the ‘shy behaviour’, ie. “If I don’t say anything, my parent will do it on my behalf anyway.”

…

2) When talking about Chinese lessons with fellow parents, one parent tends to always describe the younger child as being the one who can do Chinese really well, and describe the older child as the one who is weak in Chinese and lazy when doing her Chinese homework.

When such a situation happens (AND the kids get to hear about what’s been said about them too), there are at least two potential impacts :

– The older sibling (who’s weaker in Chinese) may grow to dislike the younger sibling for being better in Chinese and for having been compared often (and described as the ‘weaker’ one) by the parent

– The older sibling – if she’s not the ambitious type who wants to prove people wrong – may choose to conveniently stay ‘lazy’, unwilling to give any extra effort to learn the language, especially ‘since my parent thinks I’m lazy and can’t do Chinese well anyway!’

…

Well, whether we like it not, there is a strong tendency for children to behave according to how they’re described by their parents.

…

Now, many may assume that I don’t face this issue as a Mom since I’m writing about this topic, ie. I always know how to control what I say about my kids.

But you know what. I AM prone to making this kind of mistake myself.

(Which actually is the reason why I’m sharing this topic)

As much as I consciously do NOT want to emphasise one kid’s weakness, I sometimes unintentionally talk about their negative side while they may still be able to listen in (only to realise what I have done and how I shouldn’t do it AFTERWARDS)

This is why, I tell myself that I MUST always make a conscious effort to watch what I say about my kids – in front of them – when describing them to others.

(And, when I do share about my parenting struggles with a friend for inputs, eg., I should do it when the kids are NOT around)

…

The reality is, our kids may not listen to our instructions, but they DO LISTEN to what we say about them.

(Yes, although they may be playing on their own somewhere not too far away)

Somehow, they just like to listen to adults’ conversation, especially when the adults are talking about THEM.

…

There’s still so much that I need to learn (and change) as a Mom.

I’m still far from the standards that God expects of me.

And so as I go through this learning journey myself, my hope and prayer is that as I share what I observe and learn, these sharings can somehow be helpful and insightful to others too.

Have a wonderful week ahead, everyone!

…

PS: Here’s a related post that I wrote some two years ago titled “Parenting : When Our Reaction Affects Our Child’s Confidence”

I came across this article the other day and I felt I really should share it here with you.

It has LOTS of good points on how today’s parents NEED to re-examine their parenting style.

Because ultimately, it’s the children who are being greatly affected by our parenting style, ie. What we let them watch and play, what we buy for them, how we discipline their misbehaviours, what information is given to them, how hectic or simple our children’s day to day routine is, etc.

Click HERE to read the article.

And here are some excerpts of the article that I’d like to highlight.

– “Many of today’s behavioral issues come from children having too much stuff and living a life that is too fast”

– “The children in the developing world often have had negative sensory overwhelm, and we give our children sensory overwhelm here — too many trinkets, too many choices, too much information — and this causes a cumulative stress issue in kids”

– Parents [are asked to] see childhood as an unfolding experience, not an enrichment opportunity. “If it is an enrichment opportunity, then we’re in an arms race, trying to get the most for our child. This is fundamentally a con, and not healthy.”

– As you decrease the quantity of your child’s toys and clutter, you increase their attention and their capacity for deep play. Too much stuff leads to too little time and too little depth in the way kids see and explore their worlds.”

…

We live in an era where everyone is loaded with information. Too much of it.

The problem is, while we adults have the maturity (well, most of us anyway) to discern, discard or ignore whatever information that we feel we should ignore, little ones have yet to have that level of maturity.

They accept whatever we parents give them.

They go with whatever routine that we’ve created for them.

They even demand for things that potentially are not good for them.

…

Anyway.

Do take a look at the article. And let’s re-examine ourselves, our style of parenting, and our family.

For our children’s sake.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

[Kids prepared some breakfast for me – Waffle, Toast and Pancake!]

Today I’d like to share with you a different kind of dough for kids to play with.

It’s called Moon Dough.

And what’s most special about it is that it never dries out!

Click HERE and HERE to read my reviews of Moon Dough on Facebook!

And click HERE to watch what Moon Dough playtime fun is like!

…

Thanks to Moon Dough, they’re giving away THREE sets to three Our Everyday Things readers!

*YAY. SO happy to be sharing goodies with you all!*

The three cute sets to be won are:

1) Small Theme Pack (worth S$24.90)
2) Large Theme Pack (worth S$34.90)
3) Magic Barnyard (worth S$49.90)

[Checking out the ‘Grocery’ Moon Dough set! Vai was ‘creating’ coins here!]

…

Here’s how to join the Giveaway :

1) ‘LIKE’ the Our Everyday Things Facebook Page, if you haven’t already =)

http://www.facebook.com/oureverydaythings

2) SHARE this giveaway on your Facebook, Twitter or via email to friends

3) Leave a comment (here on this blog post) and share with us :

Your preferred choice (and why) if you’re to win one of the sets under ‘Small Theme Pack’ category and ‘Large Theme Pack’ category. Click on the image below to see the enlarged version!

(Maximum of two entries per family please)

…

…

Giveaway contest ends Monday, 7 November 2011, 11.59pm (Singapore time)

Three winners will be announced the next very next day on this blog post, chosen by random number generator.

Open to those with Singapore local addresses.

…

Moon Dough is available in most major toy stores!

AND.

If you’d like to grab some Moon Dough as gifts, Moon Dough is giving everyone a $5 OFF coupon to buy Magic Barnyard at Isetan stores! Just write in to me (leonny{at]oureverydaythings[dot]com) to get your coupon!

…

Anyway!

Have fun with your little ones!

Have fun with this giveaway!

…

[added: 9 Nov 2011]

Thank you everyone for participating! As always, I REALLY wish I could give everyone who participated this good stuff! But, there could only be 3 winners here …

So after some random selection, here are the three winners!!

1) Henny Lee – – Breakfast Set

2) Hanny — Grocery Set

3) CT Chooi — Magic Barnyard

Congratulations to all three winners!

Please email me within 48 hours to let me know your mailing address yeah!
Hope your families enjoy your Moon Dough sets!!

[To everyone: If you’d like to have your $5 OFF coupon, to buy Magic Barnyard at Isetan Stores, just email me!]

PS: There are more giveaways in store for everyone, EVERY WEEK in the coming weeks! Join in again yeah!

…

[12 Nov 2011]

As one winner did not claim the prize within 48 hours, another winner has been randomly selected, and the winner is : Jane!

Congrats Jane! You’ve won yourself a Breakfast Set! Please email me with your address in 48 hours to claim the prize! =)

… do add me @MomLeonny yeah!

I’ll be tweeting and sharing parenting tips and quotes etc in ‘Bahasa Indonesia’ there! =)

[Our 5-month-old Brie, wearing a headband to look very obviously girlish =) ]

While we know every baby is uniquely created, I guess most of us will agree too that it’s sometimes difficult to tell for sure the gender of a baby that you happen to see.

A baby may look like a boy, but oops, apparently it’s a baby girl!

=)

I get this a LOT.

In fact, it happened so often that I was so used to smiling and replying, ‘Oh, she’s a girl’.

Without feeling offended whatsoever, I mean =)

…

I got this ‘mistaken gender guesses’ frequently when I had Anya, and also now that I have Brie with me.

‘Your baby boy, ah?’

‘Oh look! Baby! Baby! A boy, is it?’

‘Oh! Baby boy or baby girl?’ *and Brie was wearing a pink romper and pink socks at the time*

=)

I guess it’s basically because babies generally look the ‘same’?

Short hair. No hair. Neutral coloured clothes. Neutral coloured prams?

Anyway, I wonder if you also have had this kind of experience before.

Ever got mistaken gender guesses by strangers? Hope to hear your stories!