Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

The only time we can be
husband and wife, parent and child,
is right here on earth.

Let’s treasure and nurture
the relationship.

Mend broken ties.

Learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness.

Brie has been experimenting with food rather frequently in the past weeks.

I’ve made short clips of the process and shared them on Youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/user/oureverydaythings

Now.

Has it always been smooth and easy for her?

Of course not.

Other than those successful few, there are many failed attempts, too.

Too much apple cider vinegar, yeasts not ‘working’, dough not rising, flat whipping cream, etc.

Oh, also the many moody days when Brie wanted to make something but refused to get the flour (because she somehow can’t find them), feeling too lazy to read the recipe in detail (which led to failed result), etc.

…

“When that happened, did you get the flour for her?”, you may ask.

The answer is no.

I’d usually share with her these reminders (some or all, depending on the situation)

– Part and parcel of baking is preparing the ingredients well and reading the recipe thoroughly.

– Grumbling does not help, and if you are tired, you can get some rest first, wake up and continue baking if you wish.

– Cleaning up the kitchen top and sink afterwards also need to be done by the baker. Do not “expect” others to wash everything for you.

– Make small portions first. If it turns out nice, then you can always make them again.-

If you fail, it is okay. Try again.

…

Guiding and encouraging her, appreciating her efforts, directing and correcting her attitude of the heart, need loads of patience on my side, which does not come “naturally” every day (God, help me)

But.I must say I feel grateful, that as Brie embarks on her learning journey, I too learn a lot along the way.

Shaped and corrected.

In some families, the kitchen is meant for moms and helpers.

Not even for daughters.

What more, sons and dads.

Here’s the reality though:

– our daughters and sons will probably become someone’s wife, someone’s husband.

– At the very least, they will be someone’s friend and colleague.

– We won’t be living with them under the same roof, forever.

The question is,
Are our children trained to get involved and offer help proactively?

Or are they raised to be people who expect to be served? (who have no idea on what to do if the helpers are not around)

…

“It’s lunch time. How come there is no food on the table?'”

“Why are we starting dinner late today? I am hungry.”

“Oh, my dirty plate is on my desk.” *and walks away*

Here’s another reality:
not all children welcome the idea of being involved in the kitchen on a regular basis.

If it’s to make something fun once in a while, well, yes, they’ll be excited.

But if it is a daily thing, … chopping, washing, cooking, … errr … that gets kinda, boring.

Not a surprise if they would prefer to do something else/resist/challenge/complain about the idea of being involved again and again (or question why it’s not done by their siblings instead)

I don’t know what it’s like at your home, but the above ‘response’ happens at OUR home.

I feel it’s simply not easy for them to see that as parents, we are simply trying to equip them with necessary skills and good habits, qualities they all need in the future.

Having said that though, I must say, things are much better today than, say, before they started their online school.

When the 3 kids are at home ALL THE TIME, there’s plenty of time to relate, rebuke and chat, which makes involving them in the kitchen regularly more possible.

Over the past year especially, I also notice how there’s a drop in resistance and complaints. *sigh of relief*

Anyway.

Am I saying that I have successfully trained my kids?

Haha. Far from it.

The journey is still very long.

I’m just glad our kids have started, I guess.

PS: This is the kitchen at Villa TWT where we stayed for 2 nights at Sukabumi. Not too clean, but the tap water is drinkable!

PPS: Not having any helper living with us also makes it more possible for the kids to be more involved in the kitchen and chores.

Brie made whipped cream pound cake today and it was a success!

She was SO happy!!

…

As they say, that feeling of satisfaction is so much greater when success (finally) comes after going through several failed attempts.

“Keep trying. Keep experimenting. Keep learning.”, we often say to all three kids.

A good chat with our kids can take place anywhere.

At home, in the car, while we have our meals.

To us, it’s a great way of instilling values, sharing experiences and exchanging knowledge.

(Yes, our kids can share something that we do not know, too!)

…

It sure is our way of building and nurturing relationships.

While other women cook and create dishes because they love cooking (they never fail to amaze me!), I admit I prepare dishes for my family because ‘I need to’.

I. Just. Cook.

No. Creativity.

(Thank God for a husband who never, yes never, criticises nor complains about what I’ve tried to cook, however super plain it is *love*)

Recently though, somehow there is this strange new interest in preparing healthier western food.

No cooking oil.

Salads. Potatoes. Chicken breast. Fish. Avocado.

Everyone was into the idea of more greens, too!

So there it is.

A good start in the new year.

Hope this new interest doesn’t go away too soon!

(I wouldn’t have explored this if we are not ‘home all the time’)

…

Photo credit: Anya, the eldest.

We lived in Singapore for 13 years, and spent a good 9 years in Australia before that.

Order and cleanliness are commonly found in those two countries.

Generally, people throw their rubbish into bins. They flush after toilet use. Public facilities are continually developed and relatively well maintained.

In Singapore, I especially appreciate their many, free and very nice playgrounds, including water playgrounds. Anya and Levi sure enjoyed lots of playtime outdoors.

Then.

We moved to Jakarta with 3 kids close to 9 years ago.
(Can’t believe it’s NINE years ago!)

Now.

Indonesia is one huge country with more than 250 millions of people.

So many beautiful natural landscapes here.

People in general do not pay much attention to order nor cleanlinessOne of the issues we face is, people in general do not pay much attention to order nor cleanliness.

Littering is common, and public facilities are either under-developed or not maintained well by the local government and locals.

We often share with our kids that despite all that, we must not be the ones ‘adding’ to existing problems.

Still throw rubbish into bins.
Leave things clean after use.
Do not damage public properties, etc.

The thing is, as much as we prefer order and cleanliness, they are, more often than not, hard to find.

Traffic rules are often NOT followed (and somehow most people accept it)

When we explore places across Indonesia, when we go to the beach, toilets are far from clean.

Cemented floors, spider webs, minimal lighting, rubbish at corners, etc.

If that’s what’s available, then we will adapt, use, and learn to tolerateSo, does it mean we STOP exploring, complain all the time, and yell at every other driver who break traffic rules?

Unfortunately, we cannot.

And we should not.

We tell ourselves that we must learn to … adapt.

Which basically means, if that’s what’s available, then we will adapt, use, and learn to tolerate.

More than once I share with the kids:
It is okay if you prefer things to be clean, but we must be able to adapt and survive if they are NOT clean.

And this means, we’d still go to the beach and use its ‘unclean’ toilets to shower, etc.

…

“We don’t have to like the condition, but we must learn to live with it, and survive if that is what’s available.

Real life is like that, too.

We can’t always have things the way we want.

We need to learn to adapt, though it’s not easy, and we must learn to NOT forget how these things should’ve been made / kept at high / higher standards to begin with.

And one day, if God is willing, we perhaps can be an agent of change, bringing positive impacts, making things better, for other people’s benefits.”

…

Food for thought.

We have very little time with our children.

Though our days may seem very long, especially when raising them gets tough (tantrums, breakdowns, etc), essentially there WILL be an ‘expiry date’.

What I mean is:
Precious opportunities to instill values, nurture positive communications, and truly bond with them comes with a ‘time limit’.

…

If we have been allowing our kids to yell at us and slam bedroom doors since they are 7yo, then it is almost impossible to teach them to NOT do it when they are 15yo.

Here is one thing I truly believe: we reap what we sowIf we have never had prayer times together with them as a family, it will be super hard for us to have a loving, bonding time, praying and sharing time together (that the kids themselves enjoy) when the kids are 16yo and 18yo.

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Family is a gift.

Being a parent is a calling.

Tears and frustrations are part and parcel of parenting journeys (because we ourselves are sinners and we deal with sinners)

But here is one thing I truly believe: we reap what we sow.

And if we give time and efforts to build positive relationships with spouse and children, with God’s grace, mercy and help, it will not be in vain.

…

May God help us all.