Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

Remember how I shared this photo a few months back and how I was interviewed by Channel NewsAsia?

The programme is finally going on air! THIS WEEK!

Episode 1 of the programme ‘UnSeen Dollar’ will be on Channel NewsAsia this Thursday, 2 February 2012, at 9.30pm Singapore time.

It can also be watched in many other countries across the Asia Pacific. Like for example, if you have cable TV in Jakarta, the programme will air on the same day, at 8.30pm WIB!

You see, the society in general tends to value something based on its dollars and cents, ie. If something can’t be measured in dollars and cents, it therefore has ‘no value’.

Is that really so?

To me, being a mother is one of those things in life that CANNOT be measured in dollars and cents, nevertheless the role of a positively and actively involved mother in a child’s life is … invaluable.

Really, I feel very honoured to have been able to share my personal views on this topic.

[The production crew filmed how my day as a ‘mother’ was, from the moment I got Anya ready for school at 6am, how Wilson left for the airport, how the kids and I took a public bus, how we went to get the groceries, etc]

…

I did share more of my views on being a stay at home mother during the actual interview, but of course not all can be included =)

Still, I thought the production team did a great job in choosing the final interview footages that go into the final edited clip. My views on motherhood and its importance were put together well by the team.

Anyway.

This is specially dedicated to all precious mothers out there!

Please help spread the word?

May it be an encouragement and blessing to many!

PS: Thanks heaps for the encouraging comments and ‘likes’ left on my Facebook! Really appreciate it!

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Btw, I just realised that apparently the episode will be on air for a few days!

Here are the timings (SG time) yeah:

Thursday, 2 Feb, 9.30pm
Friday, 3 Feb, at 10.30am
Saturday, 4 Feb, at 3.30pm
Sunday, 5 Feb, at 5.30pm

[Brie at 3 weeks old]

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Okay. Here’s the reality.

Breastfeeding may be one of the most natural things in the world, but it’s not that easy to many.

We all know its goodness and how it’s something that’s worth doing, but there ARE challenges that all moms face when it comes to actually doing it.

*wave if you agree =)*

Many moms need to persevere and even ‘learn’ it, and through time (and effort!), it IS possible to breastfeed a baby for weeks and months.

I am one who completely supports breastfeeding babies. I breastfed Anya for 14 months, Vai for 22 months and I hope to breastfeed Brie for around 18 months or so.

I know many moms hope to breastfeed their babies too, but are often discouraged by the tough reality of breastfeeding, especially since they face so many challenges in the early weeks. So today I hope to put together my top 4 common challenges all moms face when it comes breastfeeding.

Hope this post can encourage struggling or breastfeeding moms, to not give up, and to not feel that they’re facing such situations alone (Feel free to share and forward this post to other new moms too)

[One-day-old Brie, still at the hospital. One tip from me: Do inform the hospital staff early if you’d like to go for ‘total breastfeeding’. This way, whenever baby is hungry, baby is brought to your room, instead of being given formula in the nursery]

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Here goes.

> My baby can’t latch on properly

To many, this leads to painful breastfeeding and sore nipples.

Breastfeeding really should not be like this, and I’d really REALLY suggest that before it gets worse and you’re completely discouraged, do seek help and info. From websites (where step-by-step pictures can help), lactation consultants or even friends who have successfully breastfed their babies.

Here are some helpful links:

– Video – Latch Positioning and Breastfeeding (about.com)

– Breastfeeding : Help for Latch-on Difficulties (ivillage.com)

– Proper Positioning and Latch-On Skills (askdrsears.com)

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> “Do I have enough milk or not?”

I had this doubt too, for all THREE babies. The thought of ‘Should I perhaps add formula feeding too?’ crossed my mind as well.

For my case, I didn’t introduce the formula, instead I continued to breastfeed as often as I could in those early days (first two weeks to be exact). Lots of waking up a very sleepy baby involved.

This is a real challenge, I feel, because if we pump, we’d get so little, and we wonder why our baby takes very long to feed and still cry after being breastfed.

So yes, I did feel like a ‘milk machine’, having to breastfeed the baby throughout the day, for VERY often. And yes, I hardly got any sleep because newborn babies are naturally more awake at night and sleep more during the day (like when they’re still in the womb). But once you can pass the initial 3-4 weeks, it’ll be more predictable, and we should roughly be more used to the routine.

In the first few days and weeks, it’s more like a mind game, really.

If we think we CAN do it, we most likely will succeed. If we think we CANNOT do it, that you don’t have enough milk anyway and start to mix with formula, then most likely it’s tougher to breastfeed for very long too (because when we start mix feeding, baby is full for longer periods and is breastfed less, and our milk supply is consequently affected and we’ll have less and less produced)

So, how do I know my babies were getting enough milk? I based it on the baby’s increasing weight when we went to the doctor for baby’s regular check-ups and vaccinations =)

[In a changing room with Brie at 6 weeks. I knew Brie was getting enough milk from her weight gain]

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> My Confinement Lady and Mother In Law suggest that I also give baby some Formula

Errr … this is a tough one, because the last thing we need when we’re struggling with breastfeeding (and doubting ourselves if we have enough breastmilk for our baby) is people around us who discourage us from breastfeeding.

It’s frustrating. I mean, we are tired, sleep-deprived, wanting to succeed in breastfeeding the baby, but we keep on hearing remarks that confirm our doubts and worries? It can get really emotionally draining for moms.

Basically, we’ll most likely give up too (and start to mix with formula) when we don’t have people who are supportive of breastfeeding around us.

For this one, I say, surround yourself with people who SUPPORT breastfeeding. Chat and talk to friends who’ve managed to breastfeed successfully, and if you engage a confinement lady, then ensure that you’re getting one who supports breastfeeding. As for the MIL, errr … I pray that yours is a supportive one too. Having minimal ‘unsupportive of breastfeeding’ family members around too much in those first few weeks has its benefits somehow.

[For my case, my sisters, Mom and MIL didn’t breastfeed their children for more than three months. Their babies were given breastmilk mixed with formula from the start. Most nurses who helped them at the hospital also encouraged formula feeding. So I was the only one who managed to exclusively breastfeed for more than a year. Am grateful that I managed to overcome my doubts]

[Brie was about 7 weeks old here and we were in an outdoor food court in Jakarta when she’s breastfed]

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> Not feeling comfortable breastfeeding in public

Personally, I am quite casual when it comes to breastfeeding on the go.

When out and about, I’d wear a loose shirt, or a tight fitting top plus a cardigan, and breastfeed my babies covered with a sling or any piece of cloth. And I’d do this anywhere. On the bus, in a library, at a coffee shop, and I make sure it’s done discreetly and I don’t expose any ‘skin’ (It gets easier with practice =)

[Btw, in an Asian country like Singapore, some people still do ‘stare’ at moms when it’s obvious that they’re breastfeeding their baby in public. This reason, I assume, is one reason why some moms feel uncomfortable doing it in public, however discreet they already are]

[Breastfeeding Brie on the plane, during take-off and landing, helps to reduce the pressure on the baby’s ear]

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One thing that can help moms when breastfeeding in public is when they wear a nursing top, which most likely does not require any lifting of the shirt from below.

Like this top below from Earth, Mom and Baby, sold here in Singapore by LittleDreamer. You just have to lift the extra layer in front, and voila! =)

(Click HERE to read my review of this nursing top on Facebook)

[Wearing the Pika Bubi Nursing Top- Short Sleeved” by Earth, Mom and Baby]

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Did you encounter any breastfeeding challenges too? Did you manage to overcome them?

Hope to hear YOUR breastfeeding journey and any practical tips too yeah!

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Now, I really hope more moms are encouraged (and not give up) when their breastfeeding journey has its ups and downs.

And so I’m glad to host this ‘Post Chinese New Year’ giveaway today!

THREE PIKA BUBI NURSING TOPS (worth S$49.90 each), thanks to LittleDreamer!

Win it for yourself, or win it as a gift to another Mommy!

Here’s what you need to do :

1. ‘LIKE’ Our Everyday Things Facebook Page, if you haven’t done so =)

2. ‘LIKE’ Little Dreamer Facebook Page

3. Share this giveaway post on Facebook or Twitter

4. Leave a comment here on this post, and share your breastfeeding story or tips!

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Please still do share your story / tips even if you’re not entering the giveaway yeah! Would love to hear from you! (Perhaps just indicate in your comment that you’re not going for the giveaway? =)

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Note:

– Open only to those who reside in Singapore
– Contest closes on Tuesday, 31 January, 11.59pm
– Three winners will be randomly selected and announced the next day. Please do check my blog for the winners’ names, as all winners are to email me their mailing address within 48 hours to claim their prizes.

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All the best!

And here’s to a smooth breastfeeding journey!!

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[added on 1 Feb 2012]

Hello all!

Thanks for participating in the giveaway and for sharing your breastfeeding journey and thoughts on this! Really insightful! Lots of informative and helpful tips and info too! THANKS!!

Now, as to the winners, LittleDreamer the sponsor has chosen three names!

They are:

1. Jane
2. Vicky
3. Homeschool@SG

CONGRATULATIONS, ladies!!

Do remember to email me your mailing addresses in 48 hours to claim your prizes yeah!

leonny[at]oureverydaythings[dot]com

Another giveaway coming up REAL soon! Hope you all are having fun, learning from each other and enjoying the little gifts too! =D

[Taken with iphone]

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Anya, our firstborn, is turning 8yo in less than 2 months.

Vai, our middle child, is 5.5yo now.

And Brie, our lastborn, is 8 months old.

For close to 5 years, we had only 2 kids in our family, which basically means Vai was the youngest in the family for quite some time. And through those years, he showed us how he’s an easy going, happy go lucky little guy =) The clown in the family. One who loves making silly faces. The affectionate one who likes to snuggle and cuddle up with us too.

The thing is, in the past 2 – 3 months, I do notice how Vai, our middleborn, is a little more … difficult to handle than usual.

I tried to observe his behaviours (and misbehaviours), and I noticed how the main ‘issue’ – the main cause of us needing to tell him off  – is his ‘poor listening skill’?

For example:

He’d play and ignore us who’s trying to tell him something.

He’d insist on what he wants (eg. A tickling game) and does not stop even when the other party tells him to stop.

He’d intentionally irritate his older sister.

He’d whine and cry very easily (and smile again easily too)

He’d do something again and again although I’ve clearly told him NOT to do it.

He’d get distracted easily, and instead of doing what he knows he should do (eg. Take a shower, complete his homework, finish his meals), he’d play, and play, and play, and play.

It’s been difficult.

Because I ended up doing what I really didn’t like to do. I had to really raise my voice at him on many occasions everyday, and resort to disciplining him, eg. Telling him to go to the other room for five minutes (ie. To separate him from the others, letting him calm down and speaking to him later when he can quiet down and listen to us talking to him).

Things are slightly better in the past few days *phew*, BUT on those difficult days, I found myself trying so hard to ‘swallow’ my impatience. Controlling my emotion so I don’t utter unnecessary words out of anger was SO difficult.

It’s mind numbing.

…

I feel so bad for needing to tell him off so frequently everyday. Because I know he’s a sweet heart. He’s good-natured at heart. He COULD listen, if he wanted to.

Plus, I really don’t want him to feel like he’s the one who ‘always’ get told off and end up ‘getting used’ to being scolded.

He wasn’t quite like this before, so I thought it probably is because he’s just seeking extra attention and is going through a ‘difficult growing up phase’.

Anyway.

I took out ‘The Birth Order Book’ (by Dr Kevin Leman) and read parts of it again. The part on middle children, especially.

Because I hope to understand Vai better (By understanding one’s situation/possibly his ‘birth order’ better, I believe we can understand the child and respond to the child’s behaviour better too)

I wanted to find out how we could make our relationships better with middle children.

So, here are some tips and thoughts – shared by the book – on parenting the middle child in the family that I’d like to share with you today.

– If there is one generalisation you can make about middle children, it’s that they feel squeezed and / or dominated.

The older sibling often tells the middle child what to do, and the youngest in the family usually still gets helped a lot by the parents (ie. Parent’s time). The middle child therefore often feels ‘trapped’.

The middle child is too young for the privileges received by the older sibling, and too old to follow what’s being allowed for the baby in the family. Everyone else seems to be making the decisions, while the middle children are asked to sit, watch and obey.

– Help the Middle Child feel special.

Ask middle children for their opinions and let them make their own decision whenever possible. Eg. Letting them choose which breakfast cereals to get for the whole family.

– Listen carefully to middle child’s answers or explanations for what is going on or what he/she thinks of certain situations.

Ask and let them freely share what they really feel about something.

Instead of just an occasional ‘How’s it going?’ remark, schedule a time for a walk, or take the child along on an errand so you can talk in the car.

– Make a special effort to give your child a new item of clothing once in a while too, rather than a hand-me-down all the time.

– Be sure the family photo album has its share of pictures and videos of your middle child

Don’t only have thousands of photos of the older brother / sister, and only a few of him or her! And be sure you take some of your middleborn alone, not always with big brother or little sister.

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Frankly, putting the above points to practice is easier said than done.

Especially when you have SO many things to do for all the other kids too.

But then again I came across this statement earlier:
Amidst our busy schedule, we may say, ‘I can’t find any time to do anything for my kids!’ You don’t FIND time, you MAKE time for it. Because it’s important. Because it’s necessary.

Sure is a nice little reminder for me.

And hopefully for you too.

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Dear Vai,

When you read this years from today, know that you are always very much loved. I love cuddling up with you and those ‘I love you very much’ whispers you hear so often just before you go to sleep, … yes, they are for you. We love you always.

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Do you have more than two children in your family? Have you encountered specific challenges with your middle child so far? Any inputs or tips that you can share with regards to building special relationships with the middle child?

We’ve been SO busy everyday over the past few days because our families are here for Chinese New Year, and we’ve been going out and about every single day.

It’s exhausting, but it’s nice to get together =)

And here’s wishing you a great Dragon Year ahead!

Gong xi, gong xi!!

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PS: I still regularly update my Facebook status and Twitter though. And you’re most welcome to add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, if you haven’t yeah!

[Laundry-folding time]

… possible.

As long as the little ones are trained, since very young, to be involved – in however small ways – and to help out around the house, I say.

(Of course our home is not as clean, tidy and neat as others who engage a live-in helper, but then in the end, it’s a choice, and our family chooses to not engage one, and involve our children as much as they can instead)

Some of the things that Anya and Vai do everyday that I personally find helpful because they somewhat lessen my ‘burden’ are:

– Return plates, glasses and cutlery back to the sink after mealtimes
– Shower, brush teeth, pick and put on home clothes all on their own
– Get ready when we’re going out (put on shoes, clothes, etc) on their own
– Babysit Brie
– Take out and throw rubbish bags out
– Tidy up the shoes area
– Bring dirty laundry from our bathroom and place it in the laundry basket
– Clear toys *more or less* after play
– Fold their own clothes after wearing them
– Tidy up our beds and fold the blankets (something they both need to do together)
– Help get selected groceries during our supermarket trips
– Occasionally help and fold our clean laundry (I’d put aside home clothes and baby clothes for them to fold)

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[Helping to clear and sort our plastic containers from the kitchen cabinets]

No, they’re not always willing to help ‘happily’.

And yes, they’d often prefer to delay or play elsewhere than to clean up their mess after playtime.

But anyway, I still thank God for our little helpers.

Their involvement around our home does make a difference.

And I always tell them too how I appreciate their help, … however big, however small.

One of the things that I’ve always wanted to do is to bring Anya and Vai to visit an orphanage.

I hope for them to see how there are different kinds of people, coming from different walks of life.

I’d like them to learn how to share with others too, others who may not have as many things as they do.

And I, well I’d like to meet these children as well. I’m sure I have a lot to learn from them too.

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A few weeks before we went to Jakarta last December, I did a bit of research and called up a Christian orphanage called Sanggar Kasih in Jakarta, to see if we could pay them a visit.

The lady in charge of the orphanage was very friendly and she even encouraged me to ‘just come’, and ‘not bring toys for the kids’. She said if we’d like to still bring something, please do bring books instead, as they’d like to encourage the children to read and learn. I was like wow, okay, I really liked that.

[Photo taken by Maja]

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So together with another friend, her sister and kids, we all went to Sanggar Kasih, just before Christmas.

There are 11 boys and girls there. They’re all 10 and 11 years old.

The caretakers shared how the pastor who adopted them was actually inspired by an orphanage he visited while here in Singapore. He saw one where the number was kept small, and the place was maintained well. He then aspired to build one too.

He did in the end.

He adopted a total of 11 babies from two small cities in Indonesia, and brought them all back to Jakarta.

Eleven babies.

My heart ached when I heard how they were all less than three months old, left behind by their parents at the hospital soon after birth. That’s how tough life can really be to many.

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[Special thanks to my sister and her son for these books]

After sharing with them the books we brought along for the children, I asked the caretaker if I could take photos of them.

Individual photos of the children.

And she said, yep sure, go ahead.

I could tell how they felt a little awkward as they stood against the wall. With my Canon S90 in hand, I chatted with them, while looking at them in the eye. I asked if they ever had their photos taken ‘alone’ like this (and they all said no.). I asked about their favourite food and drinks. They warmed up after a while, and I felt happy to have captured their smiles as we chatted away.

[The children playing with Brie – here carried by the main caretaker]

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Now, I should mention here that I was very much inspired by the idea behind ‘Help Portrait’ (when I read about it on Karen’s blog – storyofbing.com)

Help Portrait basically is a project where photographers around the world get together with many others, go to less privileged people, take their photos, print, return and deliver the photos back to them.

Check out this video here to find out more about the project.

I like this line written on the Help Portrait site – This is about GIVING the pictures, not taking them.

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I didn’t know if there’s any Help Portrait community in Jakarta at the time. All I know was that I had a camera and I could take photographs, and I wanted to do something similar to the Help Portrait project for these children.

The kids have always had group photos with each other. Since they were babies. But no portraits of their own.

I really wanted these children to know that each of them is special, and that they’re loved and regarded as ‘a unique individual’ in God’s eyes. That there’s hope in life, in God. That if they could belong to this group at Sanggar Kasih, out of millions of others out there, it’s a loving proof that God indeed has great plans for them, each of them.

[The final prints delivered to them. The children’s names are blocked for the purpose of this blog entry]

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Eight days later, the kids and I returned to Sanggar Kasih, with printed photos in our hands.

I was glad to have returned – with the kids – to give them back their photos. To chat with some of them again.

And to have shared this verse with them :

“For I know the plans I have for you, ” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

[Photo taken by our 5.5yo Vai]

No, Anya and Vai didn’t become ‘givers’ overnight. And what we did may not even be ‘life changing’ to these two. But hey, why should something be life changing ‘to us and our family’ for us to do something for others? Shouldn’t we sometimes do things where the benefits are actually ‘for others’ more than for ourselves?

Personally, I don’t think we have done anything much at all. It really was just a little something that we did for these children. But if we could do it again in the future, I’d LOVE to, hopefully bringing the kids along again, and together with more others.

Here’s another Help Portrait video made in 2011:

Note:
If you’re inspired by this Help Portrait project like I did, go ahead and go out there! Reach out to the less privileged community around you and make a difference, however small.

I was running errands with three kiddos in tow. We were at Tanjong Pagar.

Right after we crossed the road, I looked around and asked Anya and Vai to stay put while I go and take a panoramic shot of all three of them, using my Photosynth app on my iphone.

I just thought it’s nice to keep a shot of them against the Tanjong Pagar office buildings.

Because may be, decades from today they’ll be working in one of those buildings, and when they see this picture, they can then go, ‘AIYOH!! Look at how tiny we once were!!’ =)

Capturing everyday family moments. Precious.

Our family believes that learning through play IS possible, ie. NOT just through reading lots of books, attending lessons in class and doing assessment papers.

School for most of our little ones has started last week, and so I thought I should share this trip we had towards the end of last year, where the kids got to play, had fun and happened to learn too along the way!

[Yes, I truly believe in bringing the kids out to play and have fun too, though it’s NOT during school holiday]

Anyway, here’s what I wanted to share: We checked out Singapore Science Centre’s Make*Believe Programme!

I shared how the trip went and also more photos on my Facebook.

Click HERE to check it out!

Have a wonderful weekend with your loved ones, everyone!