Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

Recently I posted this ‘Food for Thought’ on my Facebook :

Instilling integrity and righteousness is far more difficult than merely teaching a child academic knowledge. Ironically though, parents in general focus more on filling the mind than shaping the soul / characters ?

Question is:
Are we raising the next generation to be intellectuals / skilled / smart, but people with little integrity and compassion towards others ?

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And here are some of the comments left by others :

Christine:
That’s the problem with the 21st century education system, our society as well as us the parents. It’s time to reflect upon ourselves, what we are doing to our children if you ask me. Are our intentions always good for them – really? We cannot ‘teach’ integrity and righteousness – but we can show them by being that.

Magasvari:
I still feel that teaching compassion, integrity, respect and more are so necessary than sending them to top schools!

Thomas:
Character building is a hard thing to do, you cannot pay someone to do it, and you got to do it everyday by observing your child and teaching them the right thing…. and you got to connect to them emotionally. Lots of time and efforts spend here but I can guarantee you that this is one of the best investments in life you can ever get!

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I just published another video on my OUR CHANNEL to share my personal thoughts on this particular parenting topic.

Check it out, and do share your thoughts too?

Here’s a shot of Vai on the tennis court. When he was only TWO years and TEN months old! =)

That was in June 2009!

Both Anya and Vai joined a Tennis Camp at the time, and had their first tennis lessons.

It was at that camp when we noticed how Vai – although still very little and was the youngest in the group – was a determined little guy whose hand-eye coordination was, pretty good for his age.

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Today, Vai is 5 years and 9 months, and he has tennis lessons every Wednesday morning, since April.

He used to have random ‘tennis lessons’ from Daddy just below our apartment block back in Singapore, but now he goes to the tennis court WITH Daddy and spends a good one hour, sometimes more, with a tennis coach.

So far, we can tell how he’s passionate about tennis.

He’d wake up early on Wednesdays for his lessons.

He’d play with tennis balls when he’s at home, bouncing the ball against the wall and trying to catch it.

He’d sometimes ask me what day it is today, so he can count how many more days to Wednesday there are.

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If you ask us, well … we don’t know if he will continue ‘loving tennis’. For now, we’ll encourage and support this little guy, and … we’ll wait and see how it goes.

Here’s one thing to share though :

After he had his first tennis lessons back in 2009, he showed some interest in tennis, BUT, we didn’t  feel it’s necessary to send him immediately for tennis lessons.

Other than the fact that tennis lessons are quite pricey in Singapore, Wilson and I also wanted to see if  Vai truly was interested in tennis.

To us, ‘time’ is always a great ‘tester’ for situations like this: Is he still interested 6 months after the tennis camp? How about a year later? How’s his attitude and interest during lessons with Daddy? 

To us, if a kid is truly into something and needs to wait before he gets it, he’ll most likely appreciate it better when he finally gets to what he’s been waiting for.

On the other hand, if a kid needs to be ‘forced’ to do a sport and doesn’t seem to enjoy doing the sport, then it’s actually pointless to send him/her for paid lessons.

Because, the kid will most likely waste his time during lessons. Or worse, find excuses to NOT be there.

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Finding the ‘right sport’ for our kids, one that our kids truly enjoy, can be challenging. 

Sometimes we may even need to start and stop along the way.

What’s your view when it comes to kids and sports?

Any thoughts or tips on spotting / finding the ‘right sport’ for your child? 

One of the many things we parents treasure a LOT is our children’s health, isn’t it?

We want to see smiles and hear giggles, not little ones feeling cranky and irritable.

We want to see them gobbling up their food, and not vomits or loss of appetite.

We want to see them sleeping all comfortably, not feeling feverish and all.

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Good health is something that I particularly treasure, even more so now that I’m here in Jakarta.

Because compared to when we lived in Singapore, all my kids fall sick much more often now.

Fever. Runny nose. Cough. Phlegms. Diarrhea. Vomiting.

Runny nose *again*.

Fever *again*.

(And they say, it’s very most likely caused by the higher level of pollution, viral and bacterial infections that are going around here?)

[Feverish and cranky]

Now, the thing with Brie and her health?

She’s been the one who’s most prone to being unwell so far. And I guess it’s because she’s the littlest and is still building up her body immune system?

And the interesting thing is, EVERY TIME she’s about to fall sick, she’ll have double eyelids!

Really!

And the double eyelids would go away when she’s all well again!

Just very recently, Brie had this condition known as false measles.

(Also commonly referred to as Roseola Infantum or Sixth Disease)

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These were the symptoms she had:

– Runny nose
– Vomiting during mealtimes (seems like she’s coughing out the phlegms too)
– Diarrhea (more like, watery stools around 5-6x a day)
– High fever throughout the day, for 4 days.
– Temperature was around 39 deg on average, and on the fourth day, it was close to 40 deg at around 3am!
– On day 4 : pink dots that looked like rashes started to appear on her chest and back. Fever was gone.
– On day 5 : MORE pink dots!  On the arms, face, chest, neck, back, abdomen!
– On day 6 : Rashes started to slowly go away.
– On day 7 : Nearly all rashes were gone. All clear, finally!

I’m somewhat glad that this is our THIRD baby because I’m no longer shocked when I saw all this happening.

Both Anya and Vai had false measles too when they were close to turning one year old.

(We’re most worried when it happened to Anya! Being first-time parents faced with a baby with such a high temperature, we took her to KK Hospital at 3am!)

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Note:
– I knew this is NOT measles for sure because Brie was feverish BEFORE the rashes appeared, and the fever was gone AFTER the rashes appeared)
– Compared to Anya and Vai, Brie had the most rashes appearing all over her body though!

[Day 4 : Rashes started to appear on the chest]

So, we chose to treat her at home.

– When the fever was high, we gave her paracetamol and kept her cool (especially at night time) by dabbing her forehead and body with a towel (soaked in slightly cool water)

– We kept her hydrated as best as we can (ie. Water and frequent breastfeeding)

Oh, those were tough days when she’s down with false measles

She’d cry a lot throughout the day.

She’d wake up frequently (like, more than 10 times!) at night and would ask to be breastfed (well, at least she’s hydrated this way)

She refused to eat, and even when she managed to eat something soft (eg. Porridge), she’d most likely vomit it all out.

She lost quite a lot of weight.

(And during the week when Brie was unwell, it was Anya’s exam week! Man. Thank God for the strength He gave to me everyday. It was tough!)

By now, she still has runny nose … but neh, to me what’s more important is that she’s eating well again, and is back to being a giggly and happy baby! =)

(Note: She STILL wakes up 2-3x at night)

Anyway, for more info on false measles (ie. What it is, What’s the cause, How to Treat, etc), check out these useful links :

– Childhood infection : Roseola Infantum, by betterhealth.vic.gov.au

– Roseola, by DrGreene

– Roseola, by patient.co.uk

Here’s to good health for the whole family and an even better appreciation for the many blessings we’ve received all this time!

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How’s your family experience with false measles? 

My day had particularly been mentally draining.

Cranky children. Whiny. Moody.

I think it was around 6pm,

when I went to the balcony to take a breather.

It was an amazing sight I saw.

And I took a photo of it almost immediately.

I was reminded,

how my day’s struggles are actually not at all that big a deal,

when compared to the greatness of the almighty God who watches my day.

And how for parents, the days may sometimes be long,

but the years are definitely short.

God always provides the needed strength, that’s enough for the day.

We simply need to ask for it, learn to trust and depend on Him every single day.

And things will be fine.

Not just fine actually,

because in Him,

things will be beautiful.

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Am learning to trust and obey, everyday.

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How Great Thou Art

O Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works Thy hand hath made.
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Refrain:
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee;
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee:
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

When through the woods and forest glades I wander
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze:

And when I think that God, His Son not sparing,
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin:

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration,
And there proclaim, my God, how great Thou art!

(Original lyrics by Carl Gustav Boberg, 1859–1940)

When kids get difficult and display troubling behaviour, many families resort to seeking professional help these days.

In many of those cases however, the children actually don’t need to see a psychologist; what they need to see more often is actually, ‘us’, their mommies and daddies …

The question is, do we make ourselves available for the kids?

The reality is, for a lot of Daddies especially, it IS tough to juggle between work and family time. But as much as it is a struggle for all of us, I guess in the end, what’s more important is the realisation (by both Mommy and Daddy) of the positive impact and significance of being actively present and involved in a child’s life since day 1?

Because, we need to firstly realise the utter importance and urgency of something before we can act and be driven (and willing) to make a necessary change to the existing situation, for the better and for the sake of the family – the children in particular.

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Anyway.

Here’s an article (from Focus on the Family) on Dads and Work that I feel is worth our time to read and reflect upon.

Something to ponder upon, for both Mommies and Daddies.

Happy reading, everyone, and have a wonderful weekend with your loved ones!

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When my son Dakota was 8, he began exhibiting some troubling behavior. He seemed anxious and easily upset. Did he have anger issues? Why was he so agitated and ornery?

My wife and I sought professional help. The child psychologist listened, asked questions and then offered some insight.

“It is pretty obvious that Dakota misses his daddy,” she said. “You are extremely busy, John. And now you’re seeing the external signs of the internal stress your son is experiencing.”

I was stunned by the revelation.

I was pursuing my master’s degree and logging 45 to 50 hours a week at my job, but I hadn’t realized how large a price my kids were paying for my absence. From that day on, I made an extra effort to verbalize my love for my son and made myself available for him until he went to bed, leaving my schoolwork for later in the evening. The emotional healing took years, but I’m grateful I had the opportunity to correct my mistake while my kids were still young.

For many fathers, the task of balancing work and home life poses the greatest of all challenges. Men typically begin establishing their careers just as they’re becoming fathers. They feel an immense pressure to perform on the job even while they should be turning their attention to their home. All too often, work wins.

What is it that makes the pull of work so irresistible? There are many reasons why a father will trade work for time with his kids. Sadly, very high on the list is a fear of being deemed insignificant.

A father may also be drawn to the sense of accomplishment and completion that work provides. At the office, there’s usually some kind of checklist, even if it is only cleaning up the inbox or making some important phone calls. The workplace gives men opportunities to measure their output and to feel competent and significant.

So if we hope to fight the irresistible pull of work, we must take the long view of our parenting task.

The results of our engagement at home may not be immediate, but they are far more profound and lasting than anything we can accomplish at the office.

One reality that we must face when living in Jakarta is the fact that we’ll most likely be stuck in traffic jams.

We’ll face heavy traffics within Jakarta, when we’re going out of Jakarta and back into Jakarta.

Unfortunately, since complaining about it doesn’t change the reality (ie. It does worsen everyone’s mood), I feel it’s better to get ourselves ‘better prepared’ for such times.

(Especially necessary when we have little kids in tow!)

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So when it comes to surviving traffic jams here in Indonesia, here are some tips that I’d like to share:

1. Keep sufficient snacks and drinks in the car

It’s a must to have some food and drinks around, I think, because kids (and us!) do get hungry and thirsty, and a scheduled 12pm lunch may unexpectedly be pushed to 1.30pm.

[This bite-sized Mini Oreo is perfect for little hands and mouths. One whole Oreo goes straight into the mouth, leaving not as much crumbs around. The ‘Oreo cup’ can be placed in our car’s cup holder too] 

Note: 

– Avoid drinking too much water. You definitely want to minimise the need to find toilets while stuck in traffic.
– Avoid bringing chocolate bars. Melted chocolate and small kids in a car don’t quite go very well.

2. Wet wipes and tissues

When you have little ones in the car eating snacks and drinking something, having some wet wipes and tissues readily available in the car is really a must!

[Okay, keep at least 1-2 packets in stock, no need to stock up so many in one time like me lah, haha]

3. CDs

Listening to music really helps to set the mood. Kids can listen to children songs and sing along too.

4. Books and Toys

I’d usually let Anya and Vai pack their own little bags to bring along. They can fill it with books, toy cars, anything. And since the car hardly moves much during traffic jams, we feel (for their eyes) it’s fine if the kids occasionally read some books too.

Note:
When the traffic jams get ridiculously bad, they do get to play games on our ipad or iphone (we reserve this option as our very last though as we’d like to encourage the kids to interact with each other instead of fixing their eyes on gadgets)

5. Toilet emergencies

Now this is the question I sometimes get : WHAT IF the kids really, REALLY, need to pee?

Well, … keep a plastic bag /  bottle and diapers ready in the car, I’d usually say.

In emergency situations when the kids can ‘no longer’ wait and it’s simply impossible to find somewhere for them to relieve themselves, then we have no choice but to resort to a plastic bottle (for the boy) and (diapers) for the girl.

(And, in cases when they have diarrhea? Errr, diapers will help a lot too)

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I’m sure there are lots of other useful tips out there for families who are stuck in traffic jams here in Jakarta!

I’d like to learn from you too.

Please share YOUR tips?

The June school holiday is here!

Many of us are familiar with the beautiful island of Bali, but how about Lombok Island, that’s so closely located to it?

OUR CHANNEL will share videos on this beautiful island of Lombok, a trip that can be done with the family too (including little ones!). And, in these upcoming videos, we’ll take a look at how its International Airport looks like, check out Lombok’s authentic food, admire its beautiful scenery, find out its authentic souvenirs, as well as a visit to the Sasak Village, the last remaining traditional Village of the Lombok people.

Of course, we’ll also check out one of its beautiful Gilis (islands), called Gili Trawangan, the most visited one out of the three, according to the locals. We’ll go to the fishermen village, and explore the activities that can be done with the family, like Snorkeling and sand-play along its beautiful beach!

Videos will be up soon!

For now, here’s the trailer video for you! =)

Subscribe to OUR CHANNEL yeah!

Recently I read a eulogy written by a husband of a 39-year-old woman who died of cancer not too long ago. They had three small children.

As I read it, I couldn’t help but think,

how it could’ve happened to me too.

It could’ve happened to a good friend of ours.

It could’ve happened to anybody.

Because as much as we’d love to be in control of our lives, we can’t control how much time we have in life, can we?

We can’t control how our life will end, and we can’t know how long our ‘time’ will be.

Having said that though, I’m reminded of how we can however control how we’d want to live our lives, and how we’d like to contribute to our family, and be a blessing to the society.

Life is definitely short, but we all have 24 hours in a day.

Let’s use the time we have right now, for things that matter.

Even better, for things whose values are eternal.

[Shot by hubby, with iphone ] 

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Umm, I thought I should also share this …

In that eulogy, I read this quote below. It’s by Henri Nouwen.

Love and the Pain of Leaving

Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies … the pain of the leaving can tear us apart.

Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.

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Love the quote above, because I’m reminded of how Christ loved us first, even when we’re still sinners. Even when we’re still struggling with our sins today.

He loved, and he was willing to suffer for those whom He loved.

I’m unworthy, and yet loved.

I’m amazed.

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Let’s have a great week filled with love and thankfulness, shall we?