Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

If you are a parent, I’m sure you’ve had days that are just … very,VERY mentally exhausting.

If you’re a non-parent, picture the following … perhaps this will help in better understanding what I mean :

You slept for just 4 hours last night. Your child no. 1 was rude and unappreciative before she left for school. Soon after, while rushing to shower, you knocked your little toe – HARD – on the bedside table. Child no. 2 woke up and yelled out, ‘MOMMYYYY … WHERE ARE YOUUU?’, waking up the littlest baby, who then started crying very loudly. You’re thirsty, hungry and just when you’re about pee, child no. 2 spilled all his milk, EVERYTHING, onto the dining table and floor, wetting your books and documents that happened to be on the table. And, your littlest baby threw her bowl of food onto the floor. And vomited.

TA DA!

Welcome to one of those challenging days of being a mother of three =)

(Disclaimer : Don’t want to scare you guys. Such episodes – or worse – don’t happen often. Really! =)

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Question is: What should we do when such things happen?

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Before we discuss it further, I’d like to share these thoughts with you: 

When misbehaviours or messy accidents take place, and we’re mad, we should be mad at the mess or the behaviours, NOT the child

> Kids are kids and they all are prone to making clumsy mistakes, disobedience and everything childish

> We parents are human beings whose patience level differs from one person to another. Plus, it comes with a limit

> We parents ARE the adults, and we’re called to have ‘love’, ‘self control’, ‘wisdom’ and perseverance

(To me, these are all God-given, and I need to ask God for them, every day. Simply not possible for me to be a parent without God’s help)

> When misbehaviours or messy accidents take place, and we’re mad, we should be mad at the mess or the behaviours, NOT the child (read: It’s not about attacking the child as a person, eg. ‘You are so useless / stupid, I’m so mad at you and I don’t care about you!’)

Actions, tones, and words that are uttered in the midst of anger / frustration / impatience / utter annoyance towards something, very most likely are not encouraging / constructive words

> Actions, tones, and words that are uttered in the midst of anger / frustration / impatience / utter annoyance towards something, very most likely are not encouraging / constructive words. They potentially are hurtful and destructive and these are also generally actions and words that we would otherwise not do or say when we’re in ‘normal circumstances’, ie. When we are ‘cool-headed’

> When destructive actions are done and hurtful words are said (by us to our children), although our apology may follow afterwards, they most likely leave an emotional scar on the child, however little, however big.

> And most important of all, children are blessings and gifts from God. They are not ‘commodities’ which we can ‘anyhow’ treat (or abuse, physically or verbally) according to our own emotional rollercoaster.

To me, having the above understanding and mindset to begin with, helps a lot in dealing with tough situations I encounter when raising my kids.

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So, having said all that:

Am I always cool-headed and in control of my emotions?

Err, no.

Have I scolded the older kids at the top of my lungs out of frustration and anger?

Yes.

Have I said hurtful words that personally attack the child as a person, eg. ‘You’re useless!’, ‘I wish you’re never my child’, ‘How can you be so stupid!’

No.

Have I gone on and on (longer than I should have) when complaining about a particular incident that a child did or when scolding a child?

Yes.

Have the thoughts to do something physical to a child (eg. Slap his/her head out of utter frustration over an incident / behaviour) ever crossed my mind?

Yes.

Have I actually done it to any of my children?

No.

(Confession: There’s a time though when I was very frustrated over some incidents that I have instead slapped the table or the wall really hard)

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Here’re two things that I personally hold strongly (since before I had kids) :

Children are blessings and gifts from God. They are not ‘commodities’ which we can ‘anyhow’ treat (or abuse, physically or verbally) according to our own emotional rollercoaster

– I choose to not use a cane, a stick, a belt or anything when disciplining my children
(Because I know myself and how I could potentially use it to just scare my kids into obedience, and how I could use it unnecessarily, out of anger)

– I told myself how I NEVER want to be physical towards my children out of anger and frustration. If my child is to be disciplined with a hard slap on his palm, for example, I want to do it with a clear mind, and after explaining to my child why I have to do what I have to do.

And to do that, it’s SO NOT easy.

(Read: I could really get a headache during my attempts to ‘swallow’ my ‘so-very-ready-to-erupt emotions’!)

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So, when things with the kids seem ‘too much to handle’, when I feel like ‘exploding’, these are some of the things I usually do (before going back to the child and addressing the situation, hopefully with a cleared mind) :

> Close my eyes and take a REALLY deep breath

(basically I’m trying to swallow any potentially hurtful words that will otherwise happily flow out of my mouth out of anger and frustration)

> Look at the child in the eyes, take a really deep breath, and go to another room for a while to cool myself down (I feel it’s better to remove myself from the child, giving myself a little ‘time-out’)

> Get a cold drink or much on my fave snacks
(eg. A handful of M&M’s, or drink a nice and soothing sweet tea)

> Grab some bubble milk tea with pearls when out and about with the kids

(Yes, on such tough days, sweet stuff helps me keep going and errr, sane =)

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When things get super tough at home, I do the above (especially the munching on sweet things!), and it does help me to calm down.

(When hubby is around, having his support – taking over the kids / talking to them about their misbehaviour, eg. – helps a LOT too!)

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We can’t use ‘I’m human, I can be impatient, and it’s just me!’ as our excuse for not wanting to be a better parent, a better person

Realistically, handling our own anger and frustration when challenging moments with our children take place is tough. Very tough.

But I guess, we also can’t use ‘I’m human, I can be impatient, and it’s just me!’ as our excuse for not wanting to be a better parent, a better person?

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Ah. I don’t know about you, but I truly feel being a parent can really do a lot to one’s character.

I for one can very well say that I’m constantly being ‘shaped’ after I became a Mom. Often, it’s a painful process too. Right now, I’m still far from becoming the kind of Mom God wants me to be, but I know I’m constantly learning.

Yes, the journey is still very long, but I’m willing to learn, with God’s help.

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What say you?

What do YOU do to keep COOL and SANE when tough times with the kids happen?

I think as parents, we naturally will capture moments spent with the children.

Especially their precious growing up moments.

All this while I have always captured them ON LAND though.

Until recently, when we got ourselves this waterproof camera!

SO EXCITED!

You see, I’ve always wanted to take photos UNDERWATER!

I want to capture the happenings, faces and moments that many generally can’t capture (simply because our cameras are mostly not waterproof ones)

(Psst … I even thought of the possibility of putting my Canon Powershot S90 into a plastic bag and just slowly dip it in the swimming pool or something! Haha. Good thing I never actually got around to testing it out!)

So anyway.

I’ve been experimenting with this camera – Nikon Coolpix AW100!

(Read its review HERE)

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Here are a few things I discover about taking photos underwater : 

– It’s harder! Especially when you’re taking photos of kids, because they obviously can’t stay still and hold their breath underwater for too long

– It’s best if I go underwater myself when taking the photos =)  All the shots in this post were taken by me, squatting by the poolside!

And here are two things I want to experiment on soon: 

– Taking photos on bright afternoons so I get lots of sunlight in the water. I’m sure it’ll give a different kind of look and feel

(photo above was taken one late afternoon. No direct sunlight)

– Get more close up shots! Faces somehow just look ‘funny’ underwater, I must admit =) So, it’ll be even more precious to capture those looks!

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Have you ever taken photos underwater? Any photos or links to share? 

Little children grow way too fast!

So here are some quick updates on our littlest little one, while I still can have them all recorded =)

Brie has been the cheerful and friendly type of baby.

She’d smile and scrunch up her nose, even to people she meets on the street.

She’s generally not afraid of strangers.

She’d observe others (eg. How we stir a drink with our straw before drinking it, or how her sister plays with toys) and do exactly the same

(Note: A reminder to even be more careful with my actions and words, and to remind the big sister and brother to be good examples to their littlest sister)

She  generally prefers to eat ‘our food’, though these days she doesn’t reject her food as much as before (She can eat plain rice with soup, but not yet able to munch on meat or vegetables just yet, except for steamed carrots and broccoli, which she loves to self-feed)

She loves to play ‘peek a boo’!

She speaks a lot, but still in a ‘language’ we don’t quite understand =)

She generally tells us what she wants by pointing and mumbling something, except when she asks for food, she’d then say ‘Mumm mummm …’, and say ‘Baaa…’ when she waves good bye =)

She walks a lot these days, but still in a ‘baby learning to walk’ style (read: Not yet completely stable)

Just like her big brother Vai when he was first introduced to formula milk, she has her formula spoon-fed, while sitting near the kitchen sink, with hardly anything on, so when she’s done, I’d just pick her up and give her a shower right away

She drinks about 350 – 500ml of formula everyday.

She’s still breastfed and she rejects drinking formula from the bottle or from anything (she’s okay with sipping water from a straw cup). So, just like her big brother Vai when he was first introduced to formula milk, she has her formula spoon-fed, while sitting near the kitchen sink, with hardly anything on, so when she’s done, I’d just pick her up and give her a shower right away (because by then, she has drips of milk all over her face and body!). This seems to be method that works best for her so far.

She still puts things into her mouth (from pebbles, crayons, coins, dirt and our recent discovery, a little snail shell! *Eeewww!*)

I think by now she has developed a stronger body immune system (no wonder!), adapting herself quite well to Jakarta (and its not so clean environment). She’s been healthy for the past 6 weeks and is gaining weight well.

She had her MMR jab last week during our visit to Singapore (no fever afterwards).

She wears size 4 shoes.

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Our baby Brie has been a treasure in our family.

And we thank God for watching over her every single moment of her life.

Because we know, as much as we’d love to be there for her 24/7, we can’t.

Some moments in life are best shared in videos.

And so here’s a short clip on how the Singapore Blog Awards 2012 Ceremony went for all three of us at the Singapore Flyer last Saturday =)

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And here’s our little Brie, feeling kind of ‘SUPER’ … =)

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Have a wonderfully SUPERb weekend, everyone!

Joker : You know, Bat Baby, … I saw you picked up that rubbish bag! You’re good to the environment and I thought you’re cool! Let’s be friends?

Bat Baby Brie : Errr … I gotta go!

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[The theme was ‘Superhero’ at the Singapore Blog Awards 2012 ceremony! Brie came dressed as a ‘Bat Baby’ with us, her ‘Superman’ parents =) Here in this photo, she’s with ‘Joker’, the winner of the ‘Best Dressed Award’! Love her ‘natural reaction’ here, hehe]

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ….

Seriously.

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh …

That was my reaction (inside my head and heart!) when they called my name AND after I went down the stage with the trophy and certificate in my hands.

[Receiving the trophy from Mr Heng Swee Keat, Singapore’s Minister of Education. Photo courtesy of omy.sg]

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We’re all at the Singapore Food Trail (Singapore Flyer’s outdoor eating place) last saturday.

I was sitting next to June (A fellow finalist who’s a great mommy and writer at MamaWearPapaShirt!), sipping my sugar cane when they played the video, showcasing the finalists in the Best Family Blog awards.

Baby Brie was already fast asleep in the pram. It was about 2.30pm I think.

Frankly, I was ready to clap for Daphne because I predicted the trophy will go to her again this year, a great blogger and Mommy!

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Till today, I think the fact that Our Everyday Things actually won the Best Family Blog title this year in the Singapore Blog Awards 2012 hasn’t quite got to my head completely.

I was like, ‘Is this for REAL?’

It’s my first (ever) official trophy and award! And, to have received it for something that I love to do (and will continue to do regardless there’s a contest or not!) is just sooooo overwhelmingly … errr … can’t describe the feeling!

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Brie is 14 months old tomorrow!

And I’ve been seeing more and more of her stronger ‘temperament’ in the past two months!

In the past two weeks especially, she’s been particularly more fussy than usual.

I assume it’s because she’s probably teething.

She’s been more picky when it comes to mealtimes. She’d push the spoon away with her hands. She’d spew the food out.

She’d often ‘speak’ really, REALLY, loudly.

Like, half screaming.

At home and in public.

And, when she’s not allowed to hold  something that she wants (eg. A pencil or a chopstick), she’d sit on the floor, cry a very sad and loud cry, lean forward till her face touches the floor. A few seconds later, she’d then cover her face with one hand.

Dramatic. I know.

(On a different note though, I can tell how she’s enjoying her older sister and brother’s company. She understands more and more of what we say to her and ask her to do. She walks a lot all on her own these days and is not too scared of trying new activities)

I find it interesting how babies ‘change’ as they grow.

Looking at the two older ones, some ‘baby days’ traits do stay the same, but many others do change and get better (err, some do get worse =)

As for Brie, I know she can get less loud or less fussy too as time goes by.

Looking at the two older ones, some traits do stay the same, but many others do change and get better

For now, I’m just finding it ‘amusing’ when dealing with her temperament, at 14 month old =)

Anyway.

I’d like to share what this website wrote about a baby’s temperament.

A little ‘check list’ that can perhaps help you when observing your own little ones.

Here goes:

– Calm or active?
Does she wiggle and jiggle all day, or is she content to sit back and relax, taking in the world around her? More active babies don’t sleep as much and they become restless when they’re supposed to be eating. They are curious, alert, and quick to pick up new skills.

Brie: I think she is definitely more of an active baby now. She’s very curious and she likes to observe and copy what she sees.

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– Happy or sad?

Some babies are smiley, giggly, and sunny — and some just aren’t.

Brie: She’s definitely the happy type. She’d playfully initiate a smile and wave good bye to strangers.

– Predictable or not?
Some babies are very “regular” babies — waking, sleeping, eating, and playing at the same time, in the same way each day. Some others are more unpredictable, and need to be eased into a more regular pattern whenever possible.

Brie: She’s more towards the predictable type, but not ‘so regular’

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Calm or Active? Happy or Sad? Predictable or Not? Adaptable or Cautious? Intense or Easygoing? 

– Adaptable or cautious?
When faced with a new person, place, or even plaything, does your baby carry on as if nothing’s changed, or does she need plenty of time to warm up?

Brie: So far, she’d most likely carry on like nothing has changed

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– Intense or easygoing?
Babies who are sensitive to sensory stimulation may react strongly to loud noises, bright lights, even strong smells. Other babies may be oblivious. Knowing what upsets the baby goes a long way toward helping her avoid the troubling triggers.

Brie: She’s more of the easygoing type. So far, she’d tag along and is fine whenever we bring her to new places.

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Although our baby Brie sometimes is challenging lately, I’m still loving her presence in our little family.

Although our baby Brie sometimes is challenging lately, I’m still loving her presence in our little family.

And, I feel blessed to have been able to watch her grow every day, be involved and be a part of her growing up years.

Btw, so how’s YOUR baby’s temperament? =)

Have fun discovering and observing your little one yeah!

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PS:  We’re off to Singapore today to attend the Singapore Blog Awards 2012! (To be held at the Singapore Flyer tomorrow afternoon). So EXCITED to be in Singapore again, though just for the weekend! =)

… It allows the older siblings play the ‘siblings role’ to the little one, allowing them to interact with one another too

… Books let the reader wind down, imagine, think and process what they’re reading slowly and according to the reader’s level of thinking and development

… Reading a book encourages a child’s love for learning and reading better than passively and idly sitting in front of the TV

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Any more good reasons that you can add to the list?