Parenting : 5 Things to Avoid when Encouraging Better Sibling Relationships in the Family
I love seeing my children play with each other gently and kindly.
The thing is, it doesn’t always happen.
Especially between the two older ones.
(They say, siblings who are closer in age tend to get on each other’s nerves more often, yes?)
Having said that though, I strongly believe that, as parents we CAN proactively encourage better sibling relationships in the family when the children are taught to be loving, gentle and kind towards each other. Since young.
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Here are 5 things that I personally feel we should avoid when it comes to encouraging positive sibling relationships in the family:
1. No favouritism please
Because children CAN sense it when we favour one child over another.
2. Don’t encourage one child to go against another
This includes, not encouraging any ‘negative talks’ about another sibling.
3. Never ‘gang up’ with one child and go against another child
Wanting to prove one child wrong by pointing fingers at him together with another sibling? NOBODY likes that. Not even us ourselves.
4. Avoid negative talks about one child in front of another
This is kinda tricky because our kids may still be around to listen when we really want to share something that’s happened earlier (eg. a child’s bad behaviour) to our spouse. Need to learn to put a few things on hold, for the better. Not easy.
5. Avoid making comparisons between siblings
Because we all know, such remarks are damaging.
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How do YOU encourage loving relationships at home? Any other ‘encouraging good sibling relationships’ tips to share?
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Hi Leony,
I am one of your blog reader. I mostly read from rss.
I like this article. Do you mind if I translate (into Chinese/Mandarin) and put the five points in my blog?
I recently got my second baby, so this is something I want to let my relatives know (via my blog) the five points in this blog.
Of course, I will mention your blog as the originator of this five point and also Url pointing to this blog.
Thanks first.
HI Ah Jian,
Thanks for reading up my blog all this while … and sure, you’re most welcome to share the points on your blog!
Thanks for letting me know about it too …
Take care and hope everything is going well with you and the 2nd one yeah …
Hi Leony,
Well, my blog post had been so slow recently as I had very little time online.
Just an update to you. I posted a blog, that mentioned this post, at here. http://ahjianbaba.blogspot.com/2012/10/blog-post.html.
I’m not sure whether you can read Chinese but you can have a look. Well, even though Google can translate, but I tried it and it not really so accurate in translation.
If you have friend that can read Chinese, may be they can read it for you!
Cheers!
AhJian recently posted..育儿心得之兄弟姐妹的关系
Thanks for sharing the link to your blog! I went to check it out (and used Google Translate to help me with the translation hehe).
Keep on sharing and writing yeah … and hope you had a great weekend!
Lovely sharing..
Completely agree with your 5 points. But the application is tricky isn’t it? I only have one child but I can already so easily foresee so many opportunities for “going wrong” when I see Sophia interacting with other children. Like my friend was saying her niece likes to ride on a scooter with her nephew but her nephew dislikes it because its less comfortable with 2 on it. Does she tell the niece to come off (seen by niece as favouring nephew) or ask the nephew to share (seen by nephew as favouring niece). And neither of them are really right or wrong in this case objectively because niece thinks its ok to share but nephew legitimately wants to zoom around on his scooter. I really have so much to learn on this parenting thing. Glad to have people like you who freely share great advice like these!
Hi Leonny! Met you at one of the Disney events at the Science Centre 🙂
I agree with your five points, and find avoiding negative talk difficult in the case where one of them misbehaves and needs reprimanding. Sometimes my older boy then echos me.
I notice the 5 points are more on the ‘negative’ side in that they have to do with ‘avoid, do not, etc’. I think some ‘positive’ actions are helpful too. Before bed every night and the first thing every morning I make sure my boys give each other a good night/morning hug and kiss. I also get them to pray together at night. Lots of fun common activities and outings also help 🙂
Love your new blog design!! i have only 1… but i completely agree with you… even with one, it is a danger i sometimes fall into, not comparing him to a sibling but to his friends… which maybe worse?
yes.. sharing. my daughter is taught from young to share her favourite food.. especially when there is only one last bit left.. When she is willing to share, I will eat it and say thank you for sharing. I will not let her have the last bit just because I love her. Now, she will let each of us have half half of her favourite food when it comes to the last piece.
Lovely post Leonny! So much to learn as a new mum of 2! PS love your new blog look!
I encourage loving relationships at home by:
1) Sharing. Whenever I give my 2 years old girl food, I will request her to share. Now, whenever she have food on hand, she will say “give papa, give mama”.
2) Hug. When the girl has done something wrong, cried, being discipline and said sorry, we will give each other a hug!