Thoughts : Do Rules RULE Our Lives?
I’ve lived in Singapore for more than a decade, and I can totally see how this country is very good at making sure everything is in order and its many rules are followed.
No littering. No smoking. No durians on the bus. No eating / drinking on the train.
There are ‘instructions’ nearly ‘everywhere’ you look too.
Queue Up. Give up your seat to those who need it more. Give Way. Only three taxis are allowed. Prams must be folded. Flush after use. Keep door closed at all times.
There’re even national campaigns to remind people to SMILE and BE COURTEOUS as well!
The thing is, I never quite realise how rules and regulations are introduced to the young generation at a very early stage until Anya started Primary One.
When I pick her up from school, we’d usually chat, and she’d share with me things like, how things go at school that day, how her friends are, and what her teachers did or said (if something in particular happened).
And from what she’s shared, I notice something.
There are apparently ‘school rules’ pasted on her classroom wall too.
Rules like,
Listen.
Sit properly.
Work quietly. Walk quietly.
Ask permission to leave your seat.
Think before you act.
Do not touch others during lesson.
…
If someone happens to NOT ‘follow the rule’, the kids (Anya included) would rebuke and point to the written rule on the wall and say, ‘Hey! You broke THE RULE!’ Or something like that.
Hmm. Interesting, I thought.
Anya shared with me how a particular friend ‘broke the rule’ when he shouted at his friends, and how another friend ‘broke the rule’ because he left class without asking for permission, etc.
There’s this one time when we’re about to get off a bus, two students happened to block the exit door. And as we (finally) managed to get off, Anya whispered to me how they were ‘supposed’ to give way and how they didn’t follow the rule.
Hmm. I can see how she’s really picked up this concept of obeying and following THE rules and regulations more strongly ever since she’s started Primary One.
[No wonder there’s a local movie made on this called ‘Just Follow Law‘!]
And so I had a casual chat with her (as soon as we got off that bus). And these are some of the points I brought up and highlighted during our conversation:
– Rules and regulations are necessary to keep things in order. To remind people of what they need to do (or NOT do).
– Singapore especially displays and enforces its rules ‘everywhere’. On buses, trains, in taxis, at coffee shops, in shopping malls, at schools, etc.
– As a result, people have a natural tendency to follow the rules. The question is, how about those UNWRITTEN things that we should and should NOT do? Does our mind become so ‘boxed-up’ in rules that we don’t bother to look beyond and do what’s needed – though there are NO rules on them?
Personally, I feel the downside of this situation is, people are somewhat ‘trained’ to follow the rules, so much so that when there’re NO written rules on some things, many choose to NOT care nor act on them too.
eg. ‘I don’t need to give up MY seat since it’s not the allocated / marked one for the elderly’.
[I’m concerned that as a result of living in a society where ‘rules’ govern our day to day lives, we obey the rules, but we’re losing our ‘heart’ and spontaneity to think of others]
…
I shared with Anya how while it’s good to observe the rules and regulations, we should also remember that we MUST act on what’s right, even when it’s NOT written anywhere that we should do it.
And, we should NOT do something that we know as wrong, even if there’s NO written rule against it.
I shared with her the values and importance of doing what’s right and necessary, and NOT doing things that we know as wrong, regardless of whether there are rules on them or not.
For example,
If someone needs our help, we should immediately offer or GET others to help too (instead of just ignoring the situation and waiting for SOMEONE ELSE to help that person)
If we see someone who needs our seat more, we should immediately get up and offer our seat.
We respect and greet others, because we need to, not because the rules tell us to do so.
…
Throughout my years of living in Singapore, unfortunately I’ve come across many, MANY people who simply don’t care about others (because there are no rules that tell them to, perhaps?)
Someone could be on the floor, in pain, and everyone just walked pass. A frail old lady might be staggering and slowly getting off the bus, and no one offered a hand to help her get down safely. A young mother could be carrying a little baby, a big baby bag and a heavy-looking pram, and the taxi driver could sit still in his car and not offer help to lift the pram into the trunk.
[And I wonder if this is the kind of society that metropolitan cities tend to ‘produce’ in general]
But.
Thank goodness, through the years, I’ve also seen some who DO show their care for others. Who think about others more than the convenience of oneself. Who offer help though it doesn’t ‘benefit’ the person who helps.
And I sincerely hope my family, including our little ones, can be amongst those people who DO care about other people.
Yes, although there are NO written rules to tell us to do so.
…
Btw, I’d love to hear your views and thoughts on this.
12 Comments »
Leave a comment!
Hi Florence,
Thanks for dropping by and sharing how things are with your MIL. It really is sad though that she’s never been offered help while here in Singapore. I mean, as much as I’ve encountered ‘ignorant people’ all these years, I have also encountered VERY nice people who willingly offered help (even insisting to help).
I hope one of these days, your MIL gets to meet kind and helpful people yeah ..
Hope you had a nice Sunday today!
Hi Shirley,
Thanks for sharing your views on this topic.
Yes, Singapore sure is a busy hub and has all sorts of people from all over the world in the city. Having the clear rules allow the country to remain in an orderly manner.
As you shared, in the end, it all comes down to what and how we teach our little ones (and how we practise our beliefs too), I guess, ie. instilling the values that our society doesn’t quite emphasise.
Have a nice week ahead! =)
My MIL is a Singaporean, our whole family still lives in Singapore although we have been working in KL for 5 years. She have a bad leg and often have difficulty walking up and down the stairs. At times when she visited us in KL, there have been lots of cases that people offered to help her up or down the stairs, sometimes even other old people. She would politely declined but the people would even made the effort to wait until she finished and made sure she is alright. She was amazed everytime… never was she offer any help while back in Singapore…
I think there are more benefits of having this overdose rules in Singapore, because Singapore is a melting pot of people who come from all over the world. It is easier for the authorities to manage (by posting rules on the walls) and foreigners to know how to “behave” in this country.
When it comes to teach our children, we need to instill the need to care for others. It does not matter whether there are written rules or not. I am a Christian mother and I tell my son that there are set of rules that God wants us to follow in which include help others who need.
@Michelle:
Yeah, that’s the sad ‘after-effect’ that can happen, especially to the younger generation, as the result of having too many rules without much explanations given.
If the younger generation is ‘valued’ by the kinds of scores they get at school and the no. of achievements they gain … and at the same time, they’re expected to ‘follow the many rules’ too … somehow as you shared, it is highly possible many will grow tired of the whole ‘expectations and social pressures’. It’ll be highly probable that the after effect of all this is negative in years to come.
Let’s hope it won’t be, of course.
@J.S. Liem
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
Definitely Singapore is a SO much better country to live in compared to many, MANY other countries around the world. The city is clean and relatively safe and orderly too. The public transport system and many other aspects of the country are exemplary as well.
I guess I simply hope that the society in general here doesn’t become absorbed in ‘rules’ so much that they forget about thoughtfulness towards others and kindness, … things that may not be written in black and white for people to follow and obey.
Because somehow, the tendency to become one can be strong, given the kinds of upbringing and exposure that we get here everyday.
@Siska:
Thanks for sharing for others to read and ponder ya!
I agree with you, if such situations were to happen in Jakarta, eg. (a person getting mugged / robbed), it’ll be hard for anyone else to help out, unless there’s a big group of you at the time, and you can ‘defend yourself’ well. I definitely wouldn’t get ‘involved’ if I were alone (worse, with the kids!)
ie. Our kids need to also be taught some basic ‘personal safety’ measures.
The point I’d like to share here is, many people nowadays (perhaps not really in Australia, which is a good thing) tend to be less ‘bothered’ with others. It’s ‘If you don’t give me problems, I won’t be in your life’ philosophy. Which is just sad, I think. And I don’t wish for my kids to grow up adopting such approach to life.
As for the tissue packet thing, hehe … I know it’s such a shock to many who’ve just arrived here. I choose to not go with this approach though.
And btw, did you know that a company even produced tissue packets with the texts ‘This seat is taken’ on the packet’s cover?
@enenmon
Hi there! Thanks for sharing!
It’s so sad that some people do abuse other people’s kindness and as the result, many others become skeptical about the whole idea of helping others. But then, it’s the reality, and many of such cases happen (like the case of the gambler you shared).
For ‘personal safety’ reasons, I too would be hesitant about helping someone in a deserted alley, eg. I feel it’d better when there is more than 1 person around to help when such situations happen (ie. get another person to help too)
Well… Primary students are generally still very guai, following the rules, cos they know they have no power over the authority i.e. principal, discipline master, form teacher, etc. U shd see secondary & JC students, uda tambah gede tambah berani to break the ‘law’ and can argue with authority, twisting words and sentences, school values posted on the class wall are ‘my foot’ (u noe what this means right? =P). I guess this is the after-effect of the ‘just follow the rule’ attitude imposed on students since young age, so when they grow up they grow tired of it and want to break free.
When I went for training as intern teacher in early 2010, the teacher facilitator also told us that indeed Singapore edu system focuses more on academic excellence rather than character building. Jadi begitulah… Just follow the rules – literally, blindly – if not punishment awaits, tapi the meaning behind follow-the-rule itu not inculcated in the students’ hearts and minds. >.<
Singapore = ultimately RATIONAL (=Modern in philosophic sense) country – therefore the Weberian claustrophobic taste of the ‘Disneyland with death penalty’. But, still. it’s offer much better living than many (marginalized) other corners of the planet :p
wow… the extent of some desperate ppl do to rip ppl off. unbelievable!!!!
ppl here usually are pretty good in lending a helping hand, because it’s quite ‘safe’ to help ppl
in jkt however, you see someone being robbed and called out for help, it’s not that we do not want to help out, but who DARES to go and help? cos we can end up being the victim for helping
so i guess it depends on the culture of each country as well.
as for singaporeans… the kiasu and bo chap culture is so strong, that’s why there are such rules like smiling and be courteous… come on!!! that should come naturally as being humans. but if a country needs a written rule just so that its citizens can be more courteous, that is soooo sad. but what can the gov’t do. its ppl are very lacking of this. my indon friends who moved to sgp from USA had a culture shock. how can a piece of tissue paper mark a territory that the table has been taken???? shocking!!!!
I read this news from somewhere (I vague remember it to be chinasmack.com or perhaps some other china related english news websites) about a young man who saw an injured old uncle on the floor. nobody knows how the latter got injured so the young man being kind hearted went forward and brought him to the hospital and he even paid for the medical bills etc for the old uncle. however, later the old uncle went to the police and reported that young man for assault that’s why he had sustained the injuries. as it turns out, that old uncle is a gambler who owed loansharks money and the young man had no witness plus the crappy police system, the uncle managed to rip some more money from the young man. i’m not sure what happened to the young man after that but he sure is suay…
the thing is, not long after this news came out in china… there was another new about an old lady who accidentally tripped and fell down on a busy street. guess what? nobody went forward to help her despite pleas to passers-by to help her up. it was only until she declared, “i fell down myself, nobody pushed me down. I am not here to 招摇撞骗 or report to the police for assault or anything. will somebody help me pls” that ppl came by to help her.
what an irony huh…