Dangling a Carrot to Change Behaviour
“If you clean up your room, I’ll give you $2.”
“If you don’t fight with your siblings for the whole week, everyone gets an ice cream each on Sunday!”
“Each time you get 90 and above in your exams, you can choose a toy from a store.”
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I know there are families who choose to do the above, i.e. giving rewards (money/something that the children would want to have) in return of good behaviour/improvements on grades/completion of housework, etc.
Our family chooses to avoid such approach, however.
Here are some thoughts to share:
Our children need to know that each of them is a precious member of the family, one who needs to be involved and contribute. i.e. They help out with housework, NOT because they’re “paid” to do it, but because they are a responsible member of the family. It is not about how much money the parents have, or how little a value we think a certain amount of money is.
e.g. If parents happen to have the money, then when a 12yo asks for the latest iPhone in the market, purchasing it is not an issue?
“Oh, it’s only $2, anyway. What’s $2 for us? It’s nothing. Giving out $2 to our son, and he then happily washes the dishes should do no harm.”
When we dangle such a carrot in order to get a child to do what we ask them to (which should’ve been their responsibility, e.g.), then we are indirectly “contaminating” the child’s motivation (and, encouraging them to be materialistic, too.)
i.e. “If the reward is discontinued, if I’m not paid, if I don’t get a toy at the end of the work, then there’s no reason for me to do it.” Rev. Tong once said, “We need to be stewards of the money entrusted by God.”
Just because we “can” buy something, it doesn’t mean we “need to buy it”.
We are called to carefully and wisely use our money, including for ministry and for the good of others.
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Having said that, it doesn’t mean that we avoid rewards altogether. e.g. our kids know that Daddy will cook some yummy steak for dinner after their week-long exams are over.
It’s something nice for the family to look forward to, but it’s not a carrot we dangle in front of our kids “in order for them” to perform or do something beforehand.
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Food for thought.
