Communicating and Behaving in a Respectful Way
Children have wants, don’t they?
And they all express themselves in ‘different’ ways.
‘I want ice cream!’
‘I want to leave now!’
‘I don’t want to finish my lunch!’
‘Don’t touch my book!’
‘Quiet!! Can’t you play somewhere else?’
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How children communicate their wants and thoughts MATTERS.
Some children ‘naturally’ speak in a rude tone, commanding manner, or irritated mood MOST-OF-THE-TIME.
Personally, I strongly believe it is our duty/responsibility as parents to raise our children to respect others.
Often it means ‘self-denials’ at first, but at the same time, we hope to NOT raise ‘hypocrites’Respect towards others (older and younger) is conveyed through their attitudes, tone of voice, actions, AND they need to learn to convey it from the heart (ie. Often it means ‘self-denials’ at first, but at the same time, we hope to NOT raise ‘hypocrites’).
In reality, the whole ‘exercise’ is ‘exhausting’, because it requires us to walk the talk, give loads of reminders and repetitions, corrections and rebukes.
And, amidst our occasional scolding, we ourselves need to learn what self-control means, and know when to show grace and forgiveness (Tough. May God help us!)
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And, there are no instant results.
(If we could see a genuine, gradual positive change in our children, that’s purely God’s grace)
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A few ‘rules’ that we apply in our family:
> If you want to say something, or if you have a request, say it PROPERLY, ie. No screaming, no whining, no sulking, no tantrums. And, no ‘playing victim’ (read: speak in ways as if she is the saddest, most unfortunate child in the world if she doesn’t get that ice cream cone)
> Such behaviours above will immediately get a ‘NO’ from us.
(read: Rewarding bad behaviours with ‘child getting what he/she asks’ will encourage child to repeat attitudes / behaviours in the future)
> Sometimes we ask the child (who asks for something in ‘a rude manner’) to repeat the request in a ‘proper way’.
Rude attitude / tone of voice is not accepted / tolerated, ‘just because’ the child is: sleepy, unhappy about something, not feeling well> If the child does it (realises his wrong, learns to change his tone of voice and speaks with respect) then we may say OK to the request (again, it depends on what he/she is requesting. If it’s a ‘no’, it will still be a no, even when requested in a polite manner )
> If the child throws a bigger tantrum (which sometimes is the case), then: it is definitely a ‘no’ to the request, and another talk / discipline for the tantrum.
> The same rule applies when the child talks to his/her siblings (ie. We would rebuke the child who speaks rudely to another sibling)
> Rude attitude / tone of voice is not accepted / tolerated, ‘just because’ the child is: sleepy, unhappy about something, not feeling well.
> Pray together as a family daily
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If anyone wonders if we do the above a lot, the answer is, YES. Every single day.
It’s not about fixing the outside behaviour, but more about addressing the heartThe issue of the ‘heart’ is something that we hope to address in our family. And we all have issues
It’s not about fixing the outside behaviour, but more about addressing the heart, because:
“For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness.”
(Mark 7:21-22)
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Food for thought.
