Brie and Her Art of Passing Her Responsibilities to Others
Brie came along to my office during NRETC last week, and she left some toys on my desk (read: She didn’t put the toys back into her bag when we went home)
The next day:
Me: ‘Brie, when you drop by my office today, don’t forget to bring your toys back ya.’
‘YOU didn’t bring them back with you yesterday when you left?’
‘No. I put them all neatly on one side. You brought your toys along, you need to bring them back today, okay?’
*I reminded her once or twice about it that day,and … she forgot to bring her toys back*
The very next day.
Me (knowing she didn’t bring them home): ‘Did you get your toys from my desk?’
‘Mommy, why didn’t you last night?’
…
Now at this point, I know many parents could simply say, ‘Okay, I’ll bring them back for you later’, and case is closed.
One precious opportunity to rebuke, shape her character, and instill valuesBut Brie clearly was doing 2 things here:
– She left her belongings and forgot to bring them back on day 1 and day 2, despite being reminded about it (in our family, we emphasise the importance of looking after our own belongings, packing own stuff before leaving, etc)
– Instead of acknowledging what she should’ve done, Brie placed the responsibility (blame) on someone else for ‘forgetting to get the toys’ (and ordering another person to bring the toys back FOR her)
…
And so I replied:
‘Brie, … I reminded you about getting your toys from my desk, yes?’
‘Yes’
‘So who’s supposed to get the toys? Mommy or Brie?’
*Brie stayed quiet and then she said …*
‘If YOU had brought them with you, the toys wouldn’t have been left at the office.’
(Tsk. This girl ah.)
Simply say, ‘Oh no, I forgot. I’ll get them today!’ and I’ll be fine with that‘Brie, when you say, ‘MOMMY should’ve brought home the toys’, when you know YOU should be doing it, you are passing your neglected responsibility on someone else. We don’t pass blames on others. If we’ve forgotten to do something, we need to own up and simply say, ‘Oh no, I forgot. I’ll get them today!’ and I’ll be fine with that.’
…
Some probably assume that Brie at this point would realise what she had done and apologise?
Noooo
My conversation with Brie went on for another 5 mins. She insisted that ‘Mommy’ should’ve done the work for her (even though she sat at my desk every single day during NRETC) ♀️
…
It might seem to be a simple incident, but I saw it as one precious opportunity to rebuke, shape her character, and instill values, on the the importance of being responsible and NOT passing blames on others when she’s the one who neglects / forgets.
(That night when we’re in my office, I mentioned about her toys and she packed them all into her little bag)
…
The journey is still long ahead. And parenting often means ‘repeating ourselves’
But as what we always tell our kids, ‘It’s not just you who learn, Mommy and Daddy constantly need to learn, too. As long as we’re still alive, we never stop learning and changing towards the better.’
May God help us parents …
