Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

 
One recent incident that happened in Jakarta was, a teenager mocked and ridiculed the President of Indonesia, and the video went viral. In the end, the young man was taken by the police, and the parents were quoted by the media to have apologised for the incident.

This incident made me think about a person’s choice of actions and their consequences.

Here’s sharing with you some thoughts.

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When children make mistakes, let them bear the consequences and learn what ‘responsibility’ means.

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Here’s a list of potential incidents involving our children:

– Child physically hurt someone

– Child physically breaks / damages someone else’s belonging

– Child says / writes / does something that emotionally / psychologically hurt others

– Child potentially harms another (purposely/accidentally)

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Life is never just about one personWhen the above happens, some parents (feeling hurt / ashamed) often choose to do one or more of the following:

– Ignore / turn a blind eye (pretend not to notice)
eg. A child bullies another on the playground, the bully’s parent ignores the incident

– Apologise ON BEHALF of the child (child keeps quiet)

– Refuse to believe that the child does it on purpose (because as far as the parents know, the child ‘would never’ do such a thing), ie. The child must have been provoked and is the ‘victim’!

– Tell others how OTHER CHILDREN have done worse and they’re ‘never’ penalised!

– Cover the mistakes immediately
(eg. If a child steals a book from a store, the parent quickly goes in, pays for it, says ‘Sorry, he didn’t know. He’s just a child, hope you understand’, and walks away quickly. Child gets away with a verbal warning)

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Does any of the above sound familiar?

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Children DO NOT learn (NOT GIVEN the opportunity to learn) the importance of ‘being RESPONSIBLE for his/her choice of actions‘Sadly, this is often the issues in today’s families =(

ie. Children DO NOT learn (NOT GIVEN the opportunity to learn) the importance of ‘being RESPONSIBLE for his/her choice of actions’.

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When parents choose to respond in one or more ways I shared above, the child (unfortunately) learns that:

– It is okay to BLAME others (‘It must’ve been other people’s fault that it happens!’)

– His/her mistake is ‘justifiable’ and should always be ‘understood’ by others

– The parents (or someone else) will always be there to ‘settle’ or ‘fix’ things

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For every choice of action (purposely / accidentally done), there are consequencesOf course, we all know (and I hope agree) that that is NOT how life works.

Because.

Life is never just about one person.

And for every choice of action (purposely / accidentally done), there are consequences.

Consequences that the ‘doer’ MUST bear / face / settle / fix.

For example.

– If you spill your milk, you need wipe it AND apologise if the spilled milk damages someone’s property

– If you write on someone’s wall with crayons, you need to clean it up yourself (or if child is below 3yo, parent can help a bit). Child then MUST apologise to the owner himself (eg. Parent can accompany, but child must speak and apologise)

If you fall down on your own, it is your own fault, not the ground’s fault for being there!– If you fall down on your own, it is your own fault, not the ground’s fault for being there! Child needs to learn that it is normal to fall down, and he/she simply needs to get up, and keep going (no ‘hitting the floor for being naughty’!)

– If a child bullies someone / hurts a school friend, child needs to face the victim and apologise face to face (not via SnapChat, or Whatsapp!)

– If a child refuses to wake up in the morning for school (throws tantrums, etc), then let him/her face the consequences of coming to school late and getting punished / rebuked by teachers.

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Child needs to face the victim and apologise face to face (not via SnapChat, or Whatsapp!)Everyone makes mistakes, including our children.

And it is okay.

And when we let them face the consequences of their actions / mistakes, they will learn precious lessons, ie. The importance of:

– being responsible for own actions

– respecting other people (and their belongings/feelings/etc)

– being ‘brave’ for accepting own fault and apologising face to face

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And, our role as parents?

Let’s learn to continually guide, rebuke, communicate, instill values at all times (not only when mistakes are done), appreciate, discipline, support and most importantly, LOVE and PRAY with and for them.

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Yes. Being parents are never easy.

But here’s one thing I keep in mind whenever things get tough:
Being a parent is a calling that God gives to everyone of us who’s been entrusted with a child / children in the family.

Ask God for wisdom, patience, joy and mercy, and pray that God help us day by day, to be the kind of parents HE wants us to be.