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Thoughts: Dealing with Our Children’s Mistakes
14 September 20173 Comments
Name one parent, one educator, one teacher, who has NEVER made a mistake in life.
Everyone makes mistakes, including our children.
I remind myself daily, that my task is to guide their hearts whenever I need to rebuke or correct their mistakes.
I am NOT called to merely fix their behaviour
As their parent and educator, I am NOT called to merely fix their behaviour, nor vent my personal emotion, anger and impatience.
Not an easy task.
May God give me more wisdom, patience and love in dealing with our children and their ‘mistakes in life’.
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Interested to know more about what you meant by “guide their hearts”?
Hi May,
Basically, it’s the understanding that our behaviours/actions actually flow out of what’s happening in the heart.
eg.
What we see (behaviour):
A child who always refuses to share his cookies/toys with his brother/sister.
Child’s heart:
I only want this for MYSELF, ie. selfishness. I don’t care if you cry, I don’t care if you’re sad, as long as I get this all for myself, I’m happy. I am putting my happiness on ‘having this for myself’.
If we only want to fix/correct the behaviour (‘Share with your brother now, please), we are fixing the ‘outside’ only.
Instead, we need to help the child see how he doesn’t want to share because he wants things only for himself and not care about others. This is selfishness and it is not right.
(I’m a Christian, so I do say that being selfish, focusing only on self and not caring about hurting / making other people feel sad is a sin … and it makes God sad, too)
Another example would be:
A child who studies hard for her exams, and helps around the house.
From the outside, it looks like she’s doing well, ie. good behaviour.
As the parent who observes our own children however, we need to see further ‘inside’, more than the behaviour / the surface.
eg. The daughter studies hard for her exams because she wants to give her best, be responsible in her studies because it’s a blessing to be able to go to school, because she wants to use her God-given talents … OR, because in her heart, her true motivation is to show her parents that she’s BETTER than her siblings, to gain praises from her teachers and to look good in front of her friends (ie. Pride). So beyond the surface, we need to look within the heart, and what truly motivates the behaviour, and address/correct/guide the heart.
Hope I have somewhat explained it well, and not confuse you even more =D
…
Btw, a wonderful book on this that I highly recommend is titled “Shepherding a Child’s Heart’ by Tedd Tripp. Worth reading!
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