Parenting: Do We Aim to Make our Kids Happy?
I don’t think my kids are ‘happy’ everyday. In fact, my husband and I don’t aim to make our kids happy.
That’s weird, some say. Bad parenting, others say.
I know. Our beliefs, as stated in my opening sentences, actually are AGAINST many parents’ beliefs, ie. Parents who say, ‘All we want to do is to make our children happy.’
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Most likely, there are things that we need to say to them, decisions that we need to make for them, that they don’t likeSo why don’t we aim to make our children happy?
Because most likely, there are things that we need to say to them, decisions that we need to make for them, that they don’t like.
There will be attitudes that we need to rebuke constantly.
There will be perceptions or thinking that we need to correct.
And, there will be habits that we need to build.
Yes, all that, despite their rejection and display of unhappiness.
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We do want to be fun parents. Parents whom our children can happily say to their friends, ‘My Mom and Dad are like a friend, our best friend!!’
But.
If becoming ‘their best friend’ means we agree and support everything that they say, do and decide … well, then it’s okay if our children don’t see ‘best friend qualities’ in us.
It’s part and parcel of being a parent, if you ask me.
(Our children are now 12, 10 and 5yo, btw)
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Many parents choose to avoid getting in uncomfortable conflicts / disagreement with their children
This morning, when alone with son in the car, after staying quiet for 10 minutes while driving, I said:
Today is October 4th 2016 and you’re 10. When you’re 20 or 30yo, you most likely won’t remember what’s happened today and many other days when you’re growing up.
I just want you to know that, things we say when you’re growing up WILL shape how you’ll be and the kind of person you’ll become when you are 20 or 30yo.
We do what we do, we say what we say, because we love you.
Many parents choose to avoid getting in uncomfortable conflicts / disagreement with their children, because:
– They’re busy with work
– They’re tired
– It’s mentally very exhausting
– They want to make their children happy
Mommy and Daddy choose to still say what we say, decide what we decide and do what we need to do because:
– We love you
– We need to be responsible to God when raising you, because HE has has entrusted you into our hands
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We share our thoughts and reasons for our decisions with our children, but frankly, I don’t ‘expect’ them to understand our position nor our decisions.
They are after all, children.
But, if they DO understand, that’s awesome.
And really, that’s pure grace from above.
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Parenting is not easy.
May God help us to be consistent, wise and patient.
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Food for thought.
