We are Raising Adults, Not Kids
Someone once said,
We probably should not say that we are raising kids. We should say that we are raising ‘adults’.
Because with that mindset, we teach little ones to be adults one day, and not keeping them from growing up by ‘taking away’ responsibilities and skills which they could certainly learn since little.
I don’t know if you agree with me, but I feel the above is more common in Asian families.
Asian parents have this tendency to pamper / do things FOR their children.
Instead of letting the children learn certain skills since young, the tasks are completed FOR them.
…
A 1.5yo can learn to put on their own shoes, instead of having the parent or helper put the shoes on FOR them.
A 2yo can learn the importance of responsibility and consequences of own action by wiping his own accidental spills (perhaps with a little help from Mom too in the end), instead of having self-created mess cleaned by someone else all the time.
A 1.5yo can learn to put on their own shoes, instead of having the parent or helper put the shoes on FOR themA 5yo can already learn about the need to return her plates/bowls/spoon back to the sink after use, instead of leaving everything on the dining table and having someone else clean up after her.
An 8yo can learn how to be a helpful member of the family by helping to chop some garlic / onion / carrots for the family dinner, instead of always having his meals prepared for him and placed on the table.
Often, without realising the potentially negative impact of their deeds (done in the name of love), parents ‘take away’ their children’s ability to do many things, ie. When they do things FOR the children.
…
What do you think?
Anyway.
All I can say is, may God help us allThe above principle is something that we hope to apply in our family, ie. Teaching our children since young on the importance of being responsible and learning to accomplish different tasks all on their own. The joy of being a helpful member of the family and society.
It’s a long process.
And, parents’ consistency, patience and perseverance are needed all the time.
Well, all I can say is, may God help us all.
Because it sure is not easy.
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Okay, here I go.
I do agree with you to raise the kids and teach them the suppose responsibility of daily life. The responsibility should be more and more as they grow.
Just like recent vacation, where I let my 5yo son to go out and get himself carrot at the salad bar of the restaurant. The restaurant was full and he was confident that he can managed to pass through those people.
At the same time, I do feel more ‘raise another human being’ instead of just only adult. From infant, to baby, to children and to teenager, we as a parent need to accept the stage that the children is in, i.e. to accept them as baby, as children.
As children (before primary school, or even primary school children), they always fascinating by toys, or many new elements to their life. I seen some parents just not happy when the children asking a balloon from the clown, or shout ‘childish’ to children when they wanted to play marry-go-round, etc. They are also many parent that push children to stage performing, singing competition etc in order to say build confident of the children. Well, these are just some of the scenario which I can’t accept.
I guess you understand my point of view. Thanks for reading this.
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Hello,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Yes, I totally agree with you. When we say ‘we are raising adults, not kids’, it is in relation to ‘responsibility’ which often is not given to kids, because they are treated as kids all the time who are thought of not being able to do much for themselves.
But, kids being kids, they need their play time, they need to be ‘kids’. This is in relation to play and enjoying one’s childhood, and us treasuring and making efforts to spend our time together with them during their growing up years …
Hmm … I hope to share my thoughts on this a little bit more one day in a blog post =)