Not Pursuing a Career Outside the Home – Have I made the Right Decision?
If you have chosen a life as a Mom who does not pursue a career outside the home, and instead, fully look after and raise your child or children, I’m sure this thought ever crossed your mind – even for a second :
‘Have I made the right decision?‘
Now, why am I so sure that this question most possibly has crossed your mind?
the convenience of having more income from having a careerBecause, probably, your family or friends may have asked you (if not again and again) WHY you have chosen to NOT have a career outside the home (ie. Despite your university degrees, the ease of leaving your child in the care of a nanny or grandparent, the convenience of having more income from having a career, etc)
Because, probably, your children may have been acting so HORRIBLY that day, and you’re just soooooo exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically, that you thought it’s probably better for someone else to raise your children instead! (you know, because you’ve become a ‘monster mom’ from all the rebuking, yelling and threatening)
…
Everyone / every family has unique situations, I’m sure.
To those who chose to not pursue a career outside the home, here’s a passage I’d like to share with you today.
It’s taken from a book called “Lies Women Believe, and the Truth that Sets Them Free’, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
(A GREAT book btw, and I highly recommend it!)
…
I have a number of close friends with six, seven, eight and nine children who have chosen for the mother to stay at home with the children. No, it’s not easy; they don’t have a lot of material things many people consider necessities today. Yes, they make sacrifices – in a sense, but the sacrifices pale beside what they are gaining in exchange. In virtually every case,
> these families are content and have joy;
> they have a better sense about values and the things that really matter
> they have learned how to pray and depend on God for everything from ‘daily bread’ to college tuition;
> the parents know where their children are and are able to monitor and direct their activities;
> they are actively involved in serving others in practical ways that many families don’t have time (or energy) to do when both parents are working outside the home
…
My refrigerator serves as a backdrop for photographs of my friends and their families.
I sat back to review some of the highlights these families had experienced over the past year. Eight had been blessed with the birth of a new baby. At least seven had a grandchild born. Seven had a son or daughter get married.
If things aren’t well at home, every other area of life is affected.Nearly all the faces in these photos were smiling. But behind some of the near-perfect poses, I know there is more. Several individuals have confided a burden in relation to the physical or spiritual condition of specific family members. Three have recently buried a member of their immediate family.
I was struck with the wonder and significance of the family – for better or worse. The family is at the heart of what really matters to all of us. If things aren’t well at home, every other area of life is affected.
I looked at those scores of women sitting like mother hens surrounded by their brood of young ones, and I felt an enormous sense of gratitude for the willingness of those women to be givers and nurturers of life.
I can’t turn back time, and the time lost today is lost forever.These women have chosen life by bearing children and they are choosing life everyday …
> with every meal they prepare;
> with every load of dirty clothes they wash;
> with every trip they make to the grocery store, to school, to the dentist, to piano lessons, to soccer practice, or to the shoe store;
> with every scraped knee they bandaged;
> with every encouraging word they speak;
> with every night hour they spend rocking a sick or scared child;
> with every dispute they arbitrate;
> with every moment they spend building Legos, colouring, helping with math problems, reading a Bible story, or listening to a husband or child describe his day;
> with every moment they spend interceding for the spiritual growth and protection of their family.
Day in and day out, they are building a home.
They are being life-givers.
They are laying a foundation and building a memorial that will outlive them for generations to come; they are honouring their Creator in the greatest possible way.
…
we ARE guiding and training and loving the very souls God has entrusted into our handsNow we all agree, raising children and handling them day in and day out is NOT easy!
The kids won’t appreciate your decision to stay home with them (till perhaps, decades later?)
And gee, it sure can get very draining too!
But, the passage from the book above reminded me (and hopefully you too), that we ARE building a home.
Despite all the challenges, we ARE being life-givers. We ARE laying a foundation.
It’s all a process that will take years (and no, there won’t be all sweet moments).
…
Now, some of us may wonder:
With this decision to stay home and raise our children fully, won’t our kids surely turn out better than other kids because we spend more time raising and looking after them ourselves everyday?
Well, … of course we couldn’t know for sure.
I mean, it’s not like we’re ‘producing boxed children’ from factories.
I do not wish to look back and regret NOT building a closer relationship with the kids during their super fast growing-up yearsTo me though, there’s this one thing I know for sure, that is … I simply do not wish to look back and regret NOT building a closer relationship with the kids / spending ‘more time’ with them during their super fast growing-up years.
I can’t turn back time, and the time lost today is lost forever.
I simply do not wish to lose the opportunities I have right now, while I still can.
It’s a personal choice, and, although I know I’m far from perfect, I know I’d try my best, while God will do the rest.
May God have mercy on my family and yours, and shower us with the strength and wisdom we parents need everyday.
Have a wonderful week ahead, everyone!
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thank you for sharing this.
it made me want to quit my job right away..
but don’t have the courage to do it..
i have tried being a stay at home wife (before having kids), and i didn’t like it. I didn’t like not having income on my own, and i felt uncomfortable when people asking me what i do right now, etc etc..
but maybe the situation will be different now that i have two kids..
we’ll see..
ps: I think i will read every post in your blog.. thanks for sharing!
Hi Bonnita …
Oh btw, I too don’t quite like it when I ‘only’ look after the kids and not have / do other things … =)
But then again, as I shared in my posts, … one needs to totally know and believe in the reason / the calling, so that she will not be easily swayed by people who disagree with her final decision (if she chose to leave her 9-5 career).
Thanks for reading my blog ya … =D
Terima Kasih atas sharing tulisannya ci. ^^
Setiap Mama yang tinggal dirumah maupun terkondisikan untuk diluar, sama sama bekerja untuk yang terbaik, seharusnya.
Yang terpenting adalah menyadari bahwa mempunyai anak adalah salah satu anugerah yang Tuhan ijinkan dalam hidup kita.
Sehingga, dalam keadaan kondisi dimana Mama dirumah maupun diluar, tetap menyadari tanggung jawab menjadi perpanjangan Tangan Tuhan. Bagaimana sebagai Mama yang bisa mencerminkan gambar dan rupa Tuhan bagi anak kita, itu hal yang menjadi pekerjaan Mama (orang tua) yang terutama.
Sebagai Mama yang mempunyai kesempatan tinggal dirumah bersama anak, hendaknya tidak “take it for granted” waktu yang lebih banyak dilewatkan bersama anak. Kiranya Tuhan beri hikmat bijaksana dalam penggunaan waktu yang ada.
I think you (and other people as well) should stop judging between a fulltime-stay-at-home mom and a working mom.
I believe every mother will do what they think are the best for their children and family, so STOP REASONING that staying at home raising your children is better than working outside the house with phrases like “Despite all the challenges, we ARE being life-givers. We ARE laying a foundation.”
“NOT building a closer relationship with the kids / spending ‘more time’ with them during their super fast growing-up years.” — There is no guarantee that by staying at home and spending ‘more time’ with the children will build a closer relationship with the kids. In this case, I know for certain that quality time counts more than the quantity of time.
etc etc… there’s counter-arguments and proofs for every reasoning statement you made.
PLEASE STOP REASONING to make any kind of mother (including yourself) feel better about their decision between staying at home or working outside the house. When you are reasoning to feel better, you are cornering the other kind.
Hello Monika,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic.
Like what you wrote, so true … quality time counts more than the quantity of time.
(I’ve personally known some working moms who wonderfully juggle everything, and they are closer with their children than some other fulltime stay-at-home-moms I know).
The reality is, the society in general has this tendency to judge moms, all moms, whether or not they are working moms, or fulltime stay-at-home moms, whether or not they breastfeed or bottle-feed. The list is endless…
As for me, I personally believe that every family has their own unique situations. And I agree with you, every mom should and would make their own decisions based on what’s best for the children.
(Seems like, whatever is our decision as moms, unfortunately there’ll always be something that the society says about us, huh?)
Anyway, this post is to encourage moms who have chosen to not pursue a career outside the home AND have received / heard / told ‘to their faces’ that they have made the ‘wrong choice’. Unfortunately, it happens a lot =( And as what moms usually do – encourage one another when others are down – that’s what the post hopes to do =)
Oh btw, I work too and at the same time handle the kids fulltime. Mad and exhausting =) but anyway it’s a choice I’ve willingly made and I have my strong reasons for doing it too 🙂 Many may disagree with me, but neh .. like you said, we are doing what’s best for the children and what fits best for the family, ‘my’ family.
Anyway, you’re most welcome to visit my blog anytime yeah =)
Have a nice day …
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Leonny
Thank you for this article. Its like god answering me through you. I will appreciate this role as a stay at home mum and taking care of the soul god entrusted to us.
I cried reading this article because of god affirmation of what is the best for our children. Us nurturing them.
Beautifully written.now i know i have someone out there that understand whats going on in full time mum concern.
God bless you and family.
Dear Elisa,
Thank you for dropping me a note and sharing with me. You sure are not alone, and you’re most welcome to come by my blog anytime ya …
God bless …
Thanks for sharing. I do get that question quite a bit – why I chose not to work despite having a degree – even from strangers on the bus and taxi drivers! They often exclaim ‘oh so wasted not to work when you have a degree!’
While I’m convicted about this path I chose, the societal norms and perceptions do sometimes affect me and make me wonder if I’m making the right choice.
I thank God for encouraging me through posts like these and like minded friends! 🙂
Thanks for sharing too!
Yes, I got that too, from aunties at playgrounds or taxi drivers.
Interesting how many find it ‘more acceptable’ if children are accompanied and cared for by people OTHER than their own parents.
But then again, it’s a choice we make. Thank God for the strength given daily.
This is exactly what comes to my mind after deciding to be a stay at home mom from 4 days ago… thank you for sharing your thoughts and help me by giving a clue of the answer for “Have I made the right decision?”. Thank you for set it straight again. I do hope we make the right decision, well at least we have tried and may God help us through the rest.
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Thanks for sharing too ya.
Walking the days may prove to be hard for most of us, because children will not behave the way we ‘wish’ and that’s one of those times , I believe, when we need to really know why we have chosen this path and be a stay at home mom.
Yes, may God help us and strengthen us everyday ya …
Thank you so much for your words here 🙂 My tears flowed while I was reading 🙂 Hari2 ini sedang menghadapi banyak sekali hal yg membuat saya mempertanyakan keputusan saya utk menjadi SAHM. Thank you for being my fellow friend 🙂 Saya menyadari bahwa saya juga jauuuuh sekali dari perfect, but I thank God for this message; sebuah jawaban doa dari Tuhan 🙂 God bless you!
Ah, thank you for sharing … Am always encouraged and touched whenever I hear how the blog has somewhat touched those who read the posts.
Tuhan yang kuatkan dan kasih penghiburan yah dlm semua pergumulan yang sedang di hadapi.