Thankfulness amidst Sadness
It’s amazing how much about life you can learn and reflect upon within just five days.
Especially when this is my first ever encounter with an ill-stricken close family member whom we love dearly.
I was by my grandpa’s side, stroking his hair, saying goodbye because I needed to fly back to Jakarta in a couple of hours.
And it was hard.
I guess, because deep down I know there’s a high probability that I won’t be able to hold on to his warm hands again.
The thing I found interesting was, while I wish I have more time to spend with my grandpa, I know that my time in Hong Kong is up, and it’s now time for me to be with my husband and children.
To continue with my life, my work, my family, my ministry, my responsibilities.
As I held on to his hands, wishing that he knew that we’re there, I asked myself, how should I feel now that I seem to be ‘torn’ between the two?
You see, I wish I could stay longer in Hong Kong, but then I know too that I need to be in Jakarta and with my young children.
I pondered and reflected upon this.
And these were my thoughts :
Yes, I am sad to see our dear grandpa in such a weak state.
But I AM thankful about many things.
I’m thankful that I could still see my grandpa, though only for a few days.
I’m thankful that although his health was deteriorating, and that although there were many moments when he simply was too sick to recognise anybody, too weak to understand what’s going on, I still had the chance to see him when he was awake and alert.
I’m thankful for the moments when he could still joke around and tease me in his weak voice.
I’m thankful for the times when we even took a few selfies together.
I’m thankful for the times when I saw him tried to smile.
I’m thankful for the chance to whisper simple prayers near his ear, everyday before we left for the evening.
I’m thankful for the chance to tell him how much we love him, how much God loves him, and how Jesus Christ loves him so much that HE died on the cross for him.
I’m thankful for everything that I still have today.
Just like many things in life, we all have a choice.
In this case, I can choose to be thankful, or I can choose to be bitter with life, and everything else that doesn’t go according to MY wants.
Well, I choose the former.
Because I know I am blessed.
And in everything, I must learn to always be thankful to God.
…
It’s interesting isn’t it, how one got to ponder deeper and think about life in this way, when this life-and-death situation happened to our own close family member?
I mean, we most likely would NOT think about the shortness of life (and how we should live our life right before God), when we’re all healthy, convenient and sufficient in everything we need and want ?
Anyway.
I still have so much to learn about life.
And as I go through this, I’ll write and share a little more.
Soon.
…
PS: Have you gone through such experiences / thoughts / feelings before? You’re most welcome to share.
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Le..i know how u feel..bokap gua barusan meninggal di sydney agustus kemaren,pas mereka lagi holiday kesana,gua lagi di singapore pas bokap gua mendadak stroke,within 3 hours my life is completely changes..dokter aussie blg bokap no hope begitu hasil ct scannya keluar,life support harus dicabut,klo life support dicabut bokap bs nafas sendiri,bokap survive..kalo ga yah lewat..
Gua baru bs dapet visa emergency dan tiket sydney 3 hari sesudahnya,its a goodbye trip..my mom and my brothers waiting for me to unplug the life support… kiss him and hold him for a last time,its the hardest thing ever..
tp lagu favorite bokap yang kita nyanyiin buat kita kuat le.. “tiap langkahku diatur oleh Tuhan” dan prinsip hidup bokap yang selalu bilang ke kita anak2nya untuk “bersyukur didalam segala hal” didalam kesedihan yang begitu hebat, gua berasa ada mujizat dan kasih Tuhan Yesus yang luar biasa dalam kedukaan. Gua bersyukur bokap serangan pas tgl 18, dia uda sempet rayain bday nyokap, trus as plan pembantu gua jg balik dari mudik lebaran tgl 19 nya, jadi gua bisa ninggalin jocelyn yang masih breastfeed,gua bersyukur visa emergency gua release dlm wkt kurang dr 24 jam dan tiket nya jg dapet untung kejadian nya bukan saat lebaran,klo ga embassy pasti tutup dan tiket sydney kemungkinan soldout ^^
Yang kuat yah le.. bersyukur,karena lu masih bs say a goodbye and take a good pic together biarpun di hospital.. i dont have that chance..*hugs*
Waduh Ne … thanks for sharing …
Ga bisa terbayang dlm keadaan lu yang semua terjadi begitu cepet bgt, dan harus unplug the life support dan say goodbye … duuhhhh …. =(
Tp satu hal yang menghibur pas baca sharing lu , bokap udah di dlm Tuhan , itu satu sukacita dan penghiburan yang terbesar ya… karena kita goodbye sama dia, tapi dia lsg ketemu Tuhan dan in a much better place forever and ever… Thanks Ne for leaving me an encouragement note …
Hugs to you Leonny. I hope your grandpa feels better soon. It’s hard to be in this sandwich generation, but I choose to see the good in it too: it means that I have parents to care for, and little ones to provide for, for which, I am blessed many times over!!
Adora recently posted..10 Things I Miss About Having a Newborn
Your story reminded me of how fragile life could be. It brought me back to the past few weeks when my younger boy suddenly developed a high fever which led to seizures twice. When we said bye, he was having his dinner and an hour later, my helper frantically called to say he suddenly fell very sick. Everything spiraled downwards from then on. For a week that seemed like eternity, the constant pricking for blood tests, lumbar puncture and putting on drips, it was too much of an ordeal for my 13 month old baby and even for us, as parents.
This episode constantly reminded me how life could change by a snap of fingers. We just have to make every day counts!
Joyce recently posted..He’s my brother ; He’s my son!
Hi Joyce,
Thanks for sharing your story about your son. Ah …to see a 13month old baby go through it all, it must’ve been heart-breaking for you =(
Indeed, we need to remember to make every day counts.
Hope you all are doing good …
Take care.
Hi Leonny,
thank you for sharing. I’m your silent reader actually :))
Your story reminds me of my own grandpa. He is 94 old years now and i just visited him two weeks ago. Unfortunately, in the past 2-3 years his condition is sick and drop.
Actually, he has a very special place in my heart and I really admire my grandpa. He was taking me to school when I was in kindergarten, he lives in simple way, have a good heart, always enthusiast to tell the story–especially about politics/history, love to have a discussion and until now still remember his grandson’s name, birthdays, and even my kid name :))
Her wife was passed away last year and my grandpa is also one example of true love. last year, when they were in sick condition, they were still holding hands
I am very thankful for every single time i spent with my grandpa and for everything that i can learn from him.
Sorry for ‘long’ story 😀 and thank you anyway…Hope our grandpas have a better condition in their age now.
Thank you Lulu for sharing.
Really nice to read about your grandpa.
(I don’t mind at all reading a long story. Keep on sharing .. you’re most welcome =)
Hope he is well.
Take care ya …