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Home » Parenting

Parenting : Letting Children Do Their Own Stuff

20 September 20132 Comments

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen these in person:

… A maid putting on the socks, for a TEN-year-old child (and no, he’s not injured or anything)

… A Dad waiting by the tennis court side with a towel in hand, diligently wiping the forehead of an EIGHT-year-old child

… A Mom reaching out for the fried chicken, and de-boning it, for her TWELVE-year-old son’s lunch

… A Mom watching her SEVEN-year-old child go for soccer practice, and as he runs around the field, Mom screams out ‘Stay out of the sun! Careful! Don’t run too fast!’ (and no, the child is not sick or anything)

… A maid carrying the many school books and bags of a teenager, while he/she walks hand-free (oh, with a phone in hand, of course)

As parents wish to cling onto their children, … it’s not a surprise to see them treating and helping their bigger children – even teenagers – like they’re still below fiveWatching our child grow up so fast in front of our very eyes is not easy.

Feeling them drifting further away from us, needing less and less ‘help and care’ from us, is not easy for many parents too.

So as parents wish to cling onto their children, not quite willing to see them grow and be independent, it’s not a surprise to see them treating and helping their bigger children – even teenagers – like they’re still below five!

The thing is, when we don’t let them do their own stuff, we are actually:

– NOT teaching them what responsibility and problem-solving is

– robbing off their opportunities to grow and be independent

– taking away their ‘feeling of satisfaction’ from achieving something all on their own (yes, even if the result is not as ‘nice’ as we’d like it to be)

– implicitly telling them that they’re NOT capable of doing many things in life

– raising children to be adults who will tend to always depend on others for help

Well, it sure is not easy for parents to see our children grow up. I know it’s not easy for me.

But as much as we enjoy seeing them cling onto us and needing our help, our children do grow up, and there will come a time (no, don’t wait till they’re seventeen!) when we need to sit back, step away and watch/let them do their own stuff. Since they’re young.

For their own good.

What say you?

2 Comments »

  • Leonny says:

    Thanks for sharing, AhJian.

    Agree with what you shared … And yes, the issue with having a maid to help out with our home is real too. It’s great if they can help us keep the house clean and neat, but it’s unavoidable if they come in and help out with the kids unnecessarily. Not to mention when they indirectly instill their own values to our kids.

    (One reason why we also go with a part time maid who comes for 2-3 hours every other day. She helps us with the house and we appreciate her help a lot, but that’s all ..she’s off to help out with other homes and go back to her own family at night =) )

  • AhJIan says:

    Ya, suppose.
    I read a book on how Japanese mothers grow their children.
    When the toddler is going to pre-school (2.5yo~3yo), the class is 1.5hour/day, the toddler will need to take care all of his belonging, including begs, different clothing for different classes, wash his hand after playground. Mother and teacher will observed only and won’t help.

    The children has his book/pens/socks/shoe, all marked with his names or some stickers/symbols so that he knows those things are belong to him and he has to take care of it.

    When he grow, around 4~5yo, he will learn the responsibilites with the other people around him. Some examples like queueing, take care of self-behavior so that not causing trouble to others in the class or in public area.

    I definately against maid in the house or parents that helped too much on the children, making nowadays the children’s only living skill is playing phone/games.

    In face, when my son can walk around the school, we’re having fun by asking him to do something, like get the rubbish to the dustbin. Its fun to look at them walking and also happy to have them to help. (Of course, sometimes they help and sometimes not).
    AhJIan recently posted..举手之劳之投诉吉隆坡市政厅DBKL路不平My Profile

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