Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

[A photo-shoot we did with Jipaban.com in November last year!]

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Whenever my kids give me a hard time, I usually tell myself how it’ll most likely be more complicated and emotionally draining when they are teenagers.

Because, with little children, however disrespectful or disobedient they are, they’ll most likely still come looking for us in the end.

They value our presence.

They still want to be with us.

As we all know, things are most probably very different when they are teenagers.

If they don’t care, they just … don’t care.

If our teenage children can’t see us as positive and wise role models, as people who truly love and care for them since they’re little,  … well, there’s nothing much we can do to ‘force’ them to obey and listen.

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Frankly, the thought of parenting a teenager is a rather scary thing for me.

I totally have NO idea what my kids will be like in years to come, how difficult (or manageable) things will be, how challenging dealing with raging teenage hormones will be, too.

Not to mention dealing with boyfriends and girlfriends episodes?

*weak in the knees*

(Especially when I very well know how my husband and I gave our parents a hard time when we were teenagers ourselves *yikes*)

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Children know when they have a relationship with people who are wise and discerning, who know and understand them, who love and are committed to them. 

With that in mind, I’d like to share this passage from the book ‘Shepherding a Child’s Heart’ by Tedd Tripp. Something that’s relevant to me as a parent of young children who will soon be teenagers themselves.

It’s about building relationships and open communication with our children since they’re little. And how it’ll affect their relationships with us later on when they are in their teens.

Here’s an extract from the book.

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Rich communication is the cement that holds a parent and a child together. 

Communication will provide the context for a growing unity with your children.

Children know when they have a relationship with people who are wise and discerning, who know and understand them, who love and are committed to them. 

They will know if you know the ways of God, understand life and people in the world, and are prepared to carry on a relationship of integrity and security. 

There will be times of disagreement or conflict, but disagreement can be resolved in a relationship of open communication.

Teens look for relationships in which someone knows, understands, and loves them.

Pressures of the teen years pull children away from home. This is the time they develop friendships with those who ‘understand’ them.

Teens look for relationships in which someone knows, understands, and loves them. Your children should NOT leave home for that. Because YOU should provide family relationships in which your children are understood and embraced.

Children long to be understood, known, discipled and loved.

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When it comes to building our parent-child relationship, these are some of the lessons and reminders I get from the book.

Communicate and bond with your children since they’re little. Relationships based on trust, respect and open communication don’t happen overnight.

And this means:

– Setting aside time to be with them everyday, and to genuinely know them one by one

– Switching off gadgets and putting away work to actually interact and be with them

– Letting them share what they feel and listening without commenting immediately, yes … although we may disagree with what they think / say (now this may be a tough one, especially for moms?)

(You’re most welcome to add more to the list)

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Relationships based on trust, respect and open communication don’t happen overnight

Anyway.

As I realise how things may be tougher later when my children are teenagers, it does make me pray for them (more fervently) today.

I pray for their growing faith and personal relationship with God as they grow up.

For God’s mercy on our family.

For strength, patience and consistency in being their living examples who ‘walk our talk’.

And, for wisdom to be the kind of parents God wants us to be.

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Parenting is tough.

May God help us.