Domestic Helpers : Fulltime versus Part-Time Help
Before we all moved to Jakarta, one of the things that I get asked quite often is whether we’ll engage a fulltime domestic helper in Jakarta (because we never had one back in Singapore, and we stopped engaging our part-time helper who came once a week since Vai was about 2.5yo)
You see, here in Jakarta, it is common for homes to have at least one domestic helper.
(Coming from a rather big family, I grew up in a home where there’re at least 2 helpers)
But.
For our case, now that we have our OWN family, I don’t feel we need to engage any fulltime helper.
Here are five of my personal reasons:
It would’ve been a little different if we lived in a ‘house’, where the helper could be ‘elsewhere’ around the house and not ‘in the know’ of everything that happened and discussed.
1. We live in an apartment, and with such a confined space (like our home in Singapore), I value our privacy more than an always-clean and less-mess home.
It would’ve been a little different if we lived in a ‘house’, where the helper could be ‘elsewhere’ around the house and not ‘in the know’ of everything that happened and discussed.
Plus, houses are generally bigger than apartment units, which means MORE areas to clean (homes do get dirty and dusty very easily, due to the high pollution level here)
[Daily heavy traffic leads to higher level of pollution level, which leads to homes getting dirty much easier everyday]
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2. Part-time helpers charge affordable fees here (some are moms themselves working part-time to earn extra income for the family). They can even be engaged to come in the morning and leave at about 5pm, 6 days a week, if you wish. For our case, we engage one who comes for 3x a week, and about 2.5 hours each time. And I’m happy with the help she’s given to us.
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3. I’m a stay at home mom, and realistically I’d need to watch over our family expenses. I’d rather allocate our funds to something else that’s more necessary for the family (eg. School fees, swimming lessons, etc), than spending it on engaging a fulltime helper.
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I’m a stay at home mom, and realistically I’d need to watch over our family expenses.
4. I notice the older kids are more willing to learn to contribute, be more responsible and help out around the house when there’s no helper around. Of course you can still teach them to help out etc when there’s a fulltime helper, but we all know how it’s still … different.
(eg. It’s different when they see Mommy sweeps / washes the dishes / bends down to clean up the mess baby makes after her mealtime, than seeing a fulltime helper do the work around the house everyday)
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Well, those are my 4 main reasons.
And, I’d like to add a fifth one (which confirmed my decision to not engage a fulltime helper):
5. I ever engaged my Mom’s helper to stay with us and help for a week (when I was physically unwell), and here’s what happened:
Our home was cleaner, the dishes were always washed immediately, the laundry basket was always empty, and although I was home, somehow Brie spent ‘most’ of her time with the helper while I did ‘work on the computer’. Once, I asked the helper to also watch over the 2 older ones when they played at the playground downstairs, while I ‘did some work on the computer’.
How strange. Having a helper was supposed to free up MY time so that I could spend MORE time with the 3 kids, but somehow that did NOT happen. Not to me anyway.
After a week, I looked at myself and thought, I’ve become the kind of mom I didn’t want to be. How strange. Having a helper was supposed to free up MY time so that I could spend MORE time with the 3 kids, but somehow that did NOT happen. Not to me anyway.
I don’t know. I somehow was drawn MORE towards clearing more work and spending time on the computer than spending time with my kids when the helper was around.
A natural tendency, I guess?
Whatever it is, it’s not something I’d like to happen in my family.
(Of course I could always remind myself constantly to spend time with the kids while the fulltime helper is around, etc … but then, I’ll go back to my 4 reasons above, and would still choose to have a part-time helper anyway)
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Yes, here in Jakarta, things get dustier faster. It takes an extra effort to keep the home clean too (I need to sweep at least 2x a day), and with the scattered toys, cooking and endless dirty dishes in the kitchen, there’s so much to do and tidy up everyday.
Having a fulltime helper is a GREAT help to many homes, most definitely.
But, to NOT engage one, … it’s just my personal preference, I guess.
Having a part-time helper here in Jakarta works best for our situation right now, and I’m happy with what we have =)
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What’s your view on fulltime versus part-time domestic helpers?
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I choose not to have a maid in Singapore where almost everyone has one for the same reasons, with privacy ranking high on the list.
Elaine recently posted..Lanterns – Made in Singapore
We’ve been having live-in maid for the past 12 years, but I have always entertained the idea of living without one.
I know that I would like to live without one, but couldn’t really put all the whys properly in words.
You have put so many of my unconscious thoughts about why I didn’t want to have a live-in maid into words.
Thanks for the article.
totally agreew ith you. after two years of having a live in maid and now finally rid of her, I don’t plan to have one again.
I was afraid that I would have less time to spend with the kids at first, but actually it isn’t so. and am so glad to have privacy back in the house!
mc recently posted..In August
Iya ci, enakan part time jadi ga pusing mikirin mo dikasih makan apa, trus kalo ke mall atau jalan2 juga ga ‘senep’ bayarin makannya haha…
Iya ya … Ga usa aturin urusan makanan sehari2 …
Sharing from CC:
I’m a mother of 3 n i have decided not to engage any helpers because i dun need and wan anymore headaches than i already have n yes partly i’m inspired by you and any mommies with 3 kids without helpers 😀
Actually it’s very tough but yes God gives us strength to pull thru and the immense joy to see them grow before my very eyes are priceless albeit the mess n my freedom hahaha
The funniest thing i’ve encountered so far is the people’s reaction, some look at me in disgrace n pity me as if i cannot afford one…very disturbing but i’m trying to cope with that issue for now
Sharing from Sofia T :
Few memories on my childhood with our maids:
1. I learnt about few lies/superstition from them. Eg. As a curious child, I like to move and play around the house. But my maids always discouraged me and told me that there is ghost in the dark rooms (our guest rooms), so that she can continue chit chat or watch TV. And I became so afraid of ghost, until I came to know Christ.
2. They introduce chili on my meals if I eat too slow. They said they need to do other chores and can’t wait for me to chew my food.
3. They taught me on how to get to heaven in Muslim’s believe when I was a child.
4. They asked me to look for their dandruff during their leisure time, until I’m so skillful at it now =D
5. They taught me about sex when I reached my teenage age.
6. Having said that, they ‘love’ me in their own ways and I am lucky to have care-takers who did not harm me physically.
Just few weeks ago, I over heard a maid told her employer’s son, who was throwing toys, “Don’t do that. Do you want God send His thunder and fire from heaven and burn you?” And the boy shake his head fearfully and said “No. No.” The maid’s intention was good, and she wanted to teach a good thing, but with wrong message.
I do believe that having good and kind maids can be very helpful and benefit our families, but we just need to take charge in parenting and aware of negative issues that can come along with having someone (a stranger with different belief and principle in life) in our house, who spend so much time with our kids, esp when nobody monitor/around at home.
Sharing from Natalia FS :
This is a complicated one. I’ve lived in a family with live in maids and most (if not all me relatives) also have them so am not really attuned to what it would be like without.
Having said that I have also lived ‘alone’ taking care of myself independently since I was 16.
Guess in my own family now with baby in tow, we choose to have a live in maid as we both work and need someone we could trust to take care of the little one. She is sometimes supervised by my mom or in laws or aunt when they are around.
The main benefit I see from this arrangement is that we (hubby & I) can maintain close interaction and communications more than simply freedom or convenience.
I see some parents/couples first hand who have become so distant in the name of raising children and are exhausted at the end of everyday.. esp if they have kids who need more attention. My own close relatives’ marriage broke down during a time they had to live abroad with no help. So I guess it really requires both party’s commitment to make it work (either way).
Views from Melia Octavia :
I had experience without or with full time/ part-time helper during my journey of rising my 3 boys.
I had no helper at all when I only had 1 boy and when I had my 2nd one was born, my first son is only 2 years +, I had no helper too until my 2nd one was 6 months old then we hired a full time helper again. I had no helper again when my boys were 4 years old and 2 years old and pregnant with my 3rd one. We only hired a full time helper again when we were moving to our new place (bigger) and my boys were 6 months old, 3 years old and 5 years old.
I remember those days that I needed to take care of 3 small boys alone when hubby were at work, it was really tough but possible. I remember I was really physically tired and draining every day.
However after we get a good full time helper at our new place, I can spend more time with my boys as I no need to worry much about housework and cooking. Our helper is a great help to do housework for us only. Our boys will feed themselves and clean up their toys as much as possible by themselves.
Thus in my personal humble opinion, we shouldn’t judge family with or without full time helper at home because every family have different situation at different time.
In the long run though, once my boys are bigger and be more independent (at least the youngest one go to kindergarten), I will try just to get a part-time helper.
One more thing, our family motto is even when you have a full time helper, when you are going for a family holiday, please don’t bring your helper, those holiday is really a time for just family only! :))
kalau saya tidak punya pembantu,… saya lebih suka konsep full time mother… kalau sibuk ya suami bantu.. gitu aja..
Saya juga setuju sekali dengan konsep fulltime mother … tapi hal ini / peran fulltime mother ini sering sepertinya jadi ‘terlupakan’ di jaman sekarang di banyak keluarga ya …
Setuju cik….udk kapok pake full time helper krn pembantu skrg banyak bgt mau nya ini itu,sdh dikasi kerjaan,gaji cukup,makan ditanggung tp ada aja kejadian yang curi brg majikan nya lah,boongin majikan nya dll….udh 2x dapet pembantu full time tp ngga ada yg cocok,akhirnya ak puruskan utk pake half time helper aja yg dtg 3 x seminggu,kerja bersihin rmh,cuci,nyapu,ngepel udh beres pulang deh jd ga nanggung makan dan tidurnya dibayarnya per hari aja….rasanya hati lebih tenang dan tentram,ngga emosi….hehehehe
ada yang bilang kalau pakai part-time, akan lebih ada kemungkinan mereka ‘curi’ barang, karena mereka ambil dan lsg bisa pulang, … lebih ga ketauan.
Ya, utk semuanya, selalu ada 2 kemungkinan sih yah. Bersyukur bgt aja kalau bisa dapet yang kerjanya bener, walaupun mungkin agak slow, eg.
Agree with u… would v much prefer to get a part time cleaner than a live-in maid. In
Sgp, it’s common for household to hv a maid even with one kid. Am expecting my 3rd child & everyone suggesting that I MUST get a full time maid again. (Bad experience bef as previous fil maid was moonlighting on her off day at hotel81.) So hope to stay maid free for as long as I can. Hope to hear more from mummies with 2 or more kids & who can do without a live-in maid. I don’t mind a messier apartment, then a big clean house. I want to train my kids to pick up their clothes, clean up their mess on their own. With a live-in maid, we hv a tendency to call for the maid’s help & even our kids at such young age will know they can “manipulate” the maid to clean up their mess.
=) same as me … when I was pregnant with Brie, I had countless advice on getting a helper too , esp. now that there’ll be 3 kids …
Even if the finance part is not an issue, I’d still prefer to engage part time helper 1-2x a week, definitely not a live-in maid for me …
In the end, throughout our stay in SG (even after Brie was born), we didn’t engage any . It’s tough, but I sure prefer to spend the $$ on other things that’re more needed … so we had no complaints =)
PS: true, kids can ‘manipulate’ the helper …
Definitely agree with all your points, especially #4… and #5 is an interesting perspective. I have a feeling I would revert to a similar behaviour if I was in your situation. Somehow keeping busy instead of idleness keeps us more on our toes on the preciousness of time and maximising the time we have with what’s important.
Some parents may be able to really spend time with the kids while the helper does everything else , but somehow I find it tempting to do other things now that I have more time in hand … it’s just me, I guess …