Parenting : Do We Provide Our Children With What They Need ‘The Most’?
Parents today are generally busy.
Very busy if you have more than one child.
Extremely busy if you have more than two children, no domestic helper AND work and deadlines to clear.
…
Today I’d like to share this parenting thought with you :
As parents, we can always provide our children with food, toys, holiday trips, the best school and tuitions, gadgets, TV, computer games, and many more.
But.
The big question is, do we provide to them what they really need the most – that is, our time and affection?
How about our patience and love, especially when things get difficult with them?
It’s generally EASIER to keep the kids occupied with things that actually ‘keep them away’ from us, eg. TV, games, gadgets, tuitions, etc.
Realistically, it’s not easy to set aside time with our little ones when there are deadlines to clear and house mess to clean.
It’s tough to be cool-headed and loving when the kids seem to test our patience with their misbehaviour and attitude.
In fact, it’s generally EASIER to keep the kids occupied with things that actually ‘keep them away’ from us, eg. TV, games, gadgets, tuitions, etc.
(To some, … the longer, the better?)
Less interaction. Less energy used. Less whining heard. Less headaches.
And.
More work completed. More housework done. More ‘me time’. More ‘manageable parenting days’.
…
While I personally am not totally against those in the list (that can keep the kiddos occupied), the questions I tend to ask myself every now and then are:
– Am I using all these activities as the kids’ babysitter, to keep them occupied while I myself am immersed in my own daily busy-ness?
– Am I escaping from my responsibilities as their parent?
– Am I really playing my role as the parent the way I’m supposed to, and to my best capability?
…
Here are five important facts that I tell and remind myself over the years:
– The less I interact and address the relationship and behaviour issues, the less understanding, bond and connection I have with my kids
– The smaller the children, the better we can influence and teach them what’s right and good (so, our time is NOW)
– Children grow up REAL fast, and there’s no way we can turn back time. Once childhood years are over and lost, that’s it.
– Children NEED our presence, patience, love, guidance and our involvement in their day to day lives, even MORE than they need their games and toys (though they probably tell us that they prefer to watch TV, play games and own a mobile phone compared to having us around)
– When we are busy, it’s too easy to ‘sidetrack’ and lose our main parenting purpose, so it’s really important for us to introspect ourselves, review and re-evaluate our parenting values and approaches regularly, for our children’s sake.
…
Parenting is so not easy.
And to me, it’s simply not possible to be one without God’s help and mercy.
May God give us the strength to be the kind of parents God wants us to be.
9 Comments »
Leave a comment!
i’m a working mother with 3 kids… practically, both my hubb and myself dont have much of our times with our friends (meeting up once 1-2 month) .. we can only talk to each other after all the kids sleep.. but we are tired as well. u are very amazing juggling w/o a helper… i cant imagine myslef w/o… preparing daily meals take up a lot of the time.
Hi Serena, Thanks for the encouraging note for me …
I have to say that it doesn’t happen over night though, and that our days are not simple and easy everyday … Kids have their moody / grumpy days and that makes days tougher for me too …
Yes, hubby and I also talk more freely when the kids are asleep and often, we’re all so tired too, not to mention if I too have to write / edit videos etc
What helps is that we do stay in touch throughout the day, through whatsapp / phone calls … I think that helps in staying connected
As for juggling everything, … well I’m still learning everyday too =) Now that we’re in Jakarta, I really value my part-time helper! =D She went to her hometown for 2.5 weeks for Hari Raya, and man … that was tough! (she’s back though and I’m so happy =)
oh my! i read this post over and over again…Thank’s for reminding me! i tend to be a very selfish mom sometimes…i kept saying that i need more me time, sometimes i want the children to grow even faster… then i realize…i will miss their childhood, even worst i will loose the precious time seeing them grow, if i spend less time with them… *sigh*
it’s an eye opener post..really!
again, thank you!
Ade
Hello Mba … Thanks for sharing and leaving a comment on this post ya …
Glad that this blog post ‘speaks’ to you personally … Let us all continually learn to be better and better every day ya …
Mbak Leonny!
sudah di Jakarta…tapi kita belum sempat bertemu ya…
kapan bikin acara lagi?
yuk aku bantuin!
enaknya kapan bisa ketemu ya? atau bila sempat main ke tempatku… ke Cibubur yuk :)…banyak tempat seru buat anak-anak loh…
atau ada acara apa, dimana ya yang kita bisa ketemu…
anyway.. selamat malam..selamat berkarya ya!
ditunggu post selanjutnya 🙂
Ade Butet
Hi Leonny,
Greetings fm SG! Thks for the insightful sharing. Yes, we are constantly tired & often rattled by our kids. But time passes in an instant & the best opportunity to bond/guide them will be lost if we don’t keep our focus. Thks for the reminder 🙂
Hi Anna, thank you for reading my blog too and sharing your thought on this topic.
It’s a reminder to myself too … since we all are often ‘drowned’ by our daily busy-ness … often without us realising it …
nice sharing… betul sekali semua kebaikan harus diberikan saat ini kepada anak anak… kalau tidak akan terlambat.. masa nanti anak kita yang ngajarin baby sitter ya…
Thank you buat sharingnya juga … Sepertinya ini memang fenomena dan keadaan yang banyak di hadapi orangtua dan keluarga di jaman sekarang ya …
Semoga masyarakat bisa lebih kuat di bentuk dan di bina dari dalam ya ..