Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

I think parents of more than 1 child would agree when I say that however much two siblings love each other, there are moments when they bicker, irritate, disagree and get on each other’s nerves.

Yes, they may play nicely with each other, but there are times too when negative words about each other are uttered. Times when they dislike each other’s presence and behaviour.

To me, although they are still little, they are just like me, a sinner, and so it’s not a surprise if they have a strong tendency to occasionally be negative than to be positive, to dislike than to like, to be rude than to say kind words.

To do what they most likely already know as wrong than to do what’s right.

To me, it’s part and parcel of growing up, understanding their sinful selves and learning to change for the better, with God’s help, everyday.

Anyway.

In my daily effort to help nurture positive relationships between the two siblings (who have a 2.5 year age gap), I implement a few approaches since they’re little.

Here are some of the principles I always emphasise to them:

1. I always tell them both something along this line,

“God gives you a brother so you can learn to share and to care. To give and receive and to be cared by another family member other than Mommy and Daddy.”

“God gives you a brother who may not always agree with you, who may annoy you, so that you can learn to be patient, to control your emotions and the words you say, even though you’re not happy about something. It’s a constant training that God gives to you, just like how God wants me to learn and be a more patient Mom as I deal with you and your misbehaviour too.’

“God gives you a sister and a brother so that you can learn to love and care. If we can’t love and care for our own family, how can we love and care for others out there?”

…

2. We always remind them to NOT say bad comments or use discouraging words when talking to and about each other.

Comments like: “Oh, you’re so useless!” or “Stupid boy!”, for example, will never go ‘unnoticed’ in our eyes as their parents.

They both know this ‘rule’ and they know they need to apologise to each other if they happen to not be in control of their words.

…

3. When they argue and are not nice towards each other (and continue to behave like that towards each other after I’ve asked them to stop), I’d ask them to go to a room to sort things out amongst themselves, to settle their differences/conflict on their own. They can only come out if they’ve come to an agreement.

And here are the possible scenarios:

– They both settle their differences soon after I’ve asked if they need to go to a room to settle the conflict elsewhere on their own (ie. They don’t end up going to a room)

– They do (often unwillingly) go to a room, and in a few minutes (usually less than 5 mins), they’ll both say “We’ve agreed, Mommy”. They’d then come out and while they stand in front of me, I’ll ask them what it is that they’ve agreed on.

They’ll then need to do 2 things :
– Apologise to each other
– Give each other a hug

I implement this ‘apologise and hug’ approach since they’re little, as I’d like them to always be in good terms again soon after they’ve badly argued and treated each other unnicely.

Note:
– If they apologise / hug each other insincerely (eg. Bumping each other’s body or hugging each other quickly with an unhappy face), I’d ask them to repeat and hug again until they do mean it, and can smile to each other. And in the end, they’d usually giggle and smile, realising how they’ve been acting silly to each other to begin with =)

– No, I don’t separate them into 2 different rooms because when they’re in conflict, they’ll be happy to be alone and not deal with each other. For siblings who prefer to play and be each other but are in conflict / big arguments with each other, putting them in separate rooms will work better, I guess.

…

So, having done all of the above (and a few more other approaches), does it mean Anya and Vai are always loving towards each other?

Errr … no, of course not =) Because after all, they ARE siblings, and they ARE sinners.

But yes, I know they are constantly learning.

I think siblings (whose age gaps are relatively close to each other) naturally have this kind of relationship. They love, but they also annoy each other at times. They argue, but they also hug each other silly.

And I strongly feel as parents, we do play a strong role in encouraging / nurturing positive relationships between siblings in the family.

What we say and how we respond to situations at home affect how they treat / view / love / respect each other.

May God give us all the needed patience, consistency and wisdom in raising siblings in our family.

Have a great week ahead, everyone!

…

PS: Any other practical tips to share when it comes to encouraging love and positive relationship between siblings? Do share yeah =)