Parenting: It’s one of those ‘Impossible’ Days
If you are a parent, I’m sure you’d agree with me when I say our days can be full of … mmm, adventures.
Yes, there are happy and funny adventures.
But as much as we love them and treasure their growing up moments, there ARE far-from-fun adventures too!
I had ‘those’ draining days last week and this week.
[I shared some of the incidents on my Facebook. Yep, ‘more updates’ on daily happenings on my Facebook, and you’re most welcome to add me]
Let’s see.
Here’s one of those days.
[Get ready for it’s going to be a long post]
…
Vai was in the mood to ‘not listen’ to Mommy (and this mood lasts for very long and for many days!). And so, after a series of ‘ignoring-Mommy’ episodes, instead of sitting down and picking up his full glass of milk properly, he chose to:
… get down from his chair, skip around, climb a sofa, jump down, go back to the dining table
… tiptoe, reach for the glass and, … that was when the glass slipped and the whole glass of milk went all over my dining table! Onto some of our CD, DVDs and books!
AND, some milk also went under his place mat and into this little tiny gap between our nearly-impossible-to-lift glass top and wooden dining table.
I. Was. So. MAD.
I literally went to close the windows and main door before I let out my thunderous voice!
I kept thinking at the back of my mind, ‘Don’t say anything that you’ll regret later! Don’t do anything that you’ll regret later!’ But at the same time, I was really REALLY mad at him!
It was like a ‘IF ONLY YOU HAD LISTENNNNEDDDDDD!!!!’ kind of impatience!
Yes, after being ignored and rudely back-talked frequently in recent weeks, my patience level seemed to have reached its maximum capacity that morning.
I pinched his ears for not listening after being told again and again. And I (very VERY loudly) scolded him for a good 2 minutes or so.
I had to literally restrain myself from doing more than that (physical things) because I know it’d be just ME venting it out at him.
It was SO not easy.
My throat was a little sore after that thunderous episode. And I had a bit of a headache too (I get this whenever I had to control my emotion/impatience so that I don’t explode ‘more than I probably should’ towards the kids whenever ‘something’ happens]
[Mmmm btw, the episode of ‘full-glass-of-milk-getting-spilled-completely-due-to-Vai-not-listening-to Mommy’ happened THREE times over three days!]
And that very same day, Vai flung his shorts all over the place (instead of putting them on after his shower), and they got stuck on the ceiling fan (again!).
When he came to tell me about it, in my head I was like, ‘WHATTT?’
I know it could probably be a ‘funny incident’ and I ‘should just laugh it off’. But I was already SO not in the mood to laugh or talk that day, and I still had a slight headache from the morning incident.
So I closed my eyes for a good few seconds, ‘swallowed’ the urge to scold (by thinking that it’s not a serious thing, and it’s nothing like this morning’s milk episode), and I told him to figure out a way to get the pants down himself.
[In the end, Anya swung her bath towel and got the pants down from the ceiling fan before Vai’s back with a laundry stick]
…
Every night I pray for my children. I pray for their safety, for them to personally experience God’s goodness and love everyday, for them to have a personal faith in Jesus Christ one day (not just a ‘parental faith’, ie. faith that’s there simply because WE parents believe in God]
But every night, I also pray that God gives me the much needed patience and wisdom to be the kind of parent He wants me to be. And, to forgive me for the kinds of things that I’ve said and done that I probably shouldn’t.
Because really, the reality of being a parent and being faced with challenging situations (where our emotion and patience often get tested within 24 hours) is … hard.
It’d be easier to explode and vent out our anger towards our kids, than to control our emotions, think clearly and verbally teach them the kinds of lessons / values that they’re supposed to learn.
Wilson and I always have a good heart-to-heart talk with the kids after each episode (when everyone and everything has already calmed down).
We practise this since the kids were little, because we really believe these little ones need to know how we love them very much, what they did wrong, why we have to discipline them earlier, and what areas that they need to learn and change.
We’d also pray together and let the kids say (on their own and in their own words) what they’ve done and ask for God’s forgiveness (as they need to learn to be accountable for their own actions).
…
Being a parent is an honour. To be able to actively be involved in their growing up days and years is a privilege. But the journey of being a parent IS full of ups and downs too, and WE need to learn and change for the better ourselves, just as much as they do.
And that’s why I know, I have to cling onto God’s grace and mercy even more.
Hi all,
So sorry that I haven’t replied to each and every comment left on this post.
Thank you so much for sharing your stories, and for dropping a note or two here. Thanks for the encouragements too!
Anyway, … to me, it’s a phase that children AND parents go through. It’s a way for us who’re the adults, the parents, to be more patient, more wise and more in control of ourselves and our emotions in dealing with challenging situations too. And I myself am learning too everyday.
aww… Claire is so sweet, admitting that she cant stop being naughty.
Gals are generally better, I think. At least it is in my case anyway. I find myself rarely having troubles nowadays with my daughter. Though I do sometimes question myself if she’s being too mature for her age. I would describe my relationship with her these days is more like between peers, she does sometimes refers me as her BFF. From morning when she wakes up & says good morning to me, she’ll continue by saying, I’ll be ur helper today, mum. And she IS carrying out what she says. She’ll say something like, mum, how about u go to sleep in ur room, I’ll look after JH and will keep the volume down. And nowadays I can nap from 9am til 11am is because of her. When I’m up, she’ll ask if I have a good sleep or if I need more sleep. Then she’ll report to me what happened during my nap. She’ll take phone calls for me too and ask the callers to leave message cos she wont disturb my nap. I do feel it’s a bit abnormal for a 4 yo not being naughty. I always thank her after my nap and tell her I appreciate what she’s done and I did asked her, why is she like that? (I know it sounds weird for a mother asking why her daughter is so well behaved). She’ll just reply, I’m just trying to be a good gal for u bcos I love u…. Simple answer.. But it’s enough to make me cry. And it’s not just a one off thing of her being good gal. She’s been taking the responsibility of looking after her di di (without me asking) since my mum’s gone back home this year after her 3 mths visit.. She saw how stressful & tired & sleepy I got after work and she offered help. I really thanked God for her. Dunno what I’ll be without her.
But her di di on the other hand…. what can I say, he’s the total opposite of his jie. Hope he’ll improve with time.
I stay very near to my kid’s school… but somehow everytime I pick them up in my car.. my daugther would immediate need to go wee wee.. Many times I asked her to go to the toilet in school before hopping in my car but she just dont. Often I had to drive really fast and let her pee in the garden.. cos she can’t wait anymore. One day.. it happened.. she peed in my car and I lost it. I found myself shouting at her and she is crying and wailing soaked in pee.
A day later she told me “Mummy.. I tried so hard but I cannot stop being naughty”.. I know she is referring to the “pee in my car” situation where she just cant control her bladder. It just dawned on me.. We too cannot stop sinning no matter how hard we try (unless u are a saint already). We need grace from our heavenly father and so do our kids.. who needs grace from us. I told my girl “It’s ok.. we’ll just have to try to be a little better everyday.”
Hi! I know what you mean, my son also threw milk into that place, but its the dinning table, the glass cannot be lifted and that table is so heavy to lift up for the milk to flow out. Hubby refused to help, so I have to slowly push a paper towel to get the milk out. Now its a terrible patch left. I did not really get mad at that boy but I was really blowing my tops over his sister where she should have watch over him while I was having a meeting with the gardener…
deep deep deep breaths!
is it a boy thingy to ignore the parent’s words? and my fear is the monkey-see-monkey-do, cos devan is picking up LOTS from his elder brother and man, the last thing i hope for is having 2 pairs of deaf ears… @_@
Ethan drove me MAD almost everyday from the VERY MOMENT he woke up everyday, after 1230pm till 2pm, after 6pm till late nites !!!
His EARS are blocked OR having hearing problems Or simply turning into DEAF EARS, I do wondered ???? My voice is exteme LOUD when screamed till my neighbours on high floors can hear as we met, they’ll ask ! Btw, I stay on 2nd floor !!!!
I really can’t stand his nonsense !! Can DIE leh !
Hmm i’ll be expecting my first kid next year so it looks like i’ll be in for a ride! But thanks for sharing it on your blog. At least by sharing it should help with letting off some steam!
hi, Le… To be honest, I’m always very impressed with your ability to control your anger when kids misbehave like that. I’m not able to do what you did, despite asking God to teach me to be more gracious. Everytime you share some of your kids’ misbehaviour, I’m always encouraged by your approach to handle the scene. If only I have a very small fraction of your patience. And everytime you share about incident like this, I learn… I learn from you, how to handle the situation better, I learn that my kids aren’t the only kids who misbehave. I learn that this is the age and phase that the kids do that kind of misbehaviour. I’m sure once they grow out of this kind of misbehaviour, a new challange will face us, parents. different ones, which require different approaches.
Thank you for sharing cos each time you share, I learn
i can totally empathize with you. sometimes my 6 months old boy is also making me real frustrated and angry. To the point when i have to actually slam the door behind me, leaving him to cry to sleep.
He can cry, scream for no good reasons when we prepare him for his sleep after taking in his cues of tiredness. What’s worst is, he is too young to understand what we are talking and too young to express his needs in words. These are the very frustrating nights with him.
Sometimes i also pray that heaven will make him more obedient and well- behaved. Eventually they might outgrow their behaviour, just matter of when.
If not the parents, who else? 🙂
be patient..children grow up fast..
hello Leonny, brace for more “impossible” days :p
Boys are (genetically) tuned to disobey.
Worse thing which can happen is when younger siblings monkey-see-monkey-do !!
haha… i know how that was, we have our days too. Sometimes, I do find things that happen funny (though I would control myself and not laugh), like the pants that got stuck on the fan – i’m not sure what the kid thinks. My little 3-yr-old would be covering his head with his blanket and letting himself fall on the bed several times during bedtime. I had to control my laughter, because it was bed time and he was just suppose to sleep.
Hi leonny,
i lose my temper oh so often these days. esp with my elder one.. who has attention deficit issues. Yes, i reminded myself i need to b VERY VERY patient before he reaches home everyday. Whenever i see his sloppy ways and bad attitude, i start again…nagging and shouting at him. He gets so defensive and argumentative which i really had difficulty with, trying to make him understand things.
I m also hanging on to GOD’s grace even more now. Im believing GOD for a breakthru this yr…