Time for some Twosome Time
Anya is now in Kindergarten (K1), and Vai will start going to nursery school (N2) in January next year.
[Fyi, here in Singapore at four years of age, children can attend N2; at five years old, it’d be K1; at six years old, it’d be K2; and after that they’d be going to Primary School]
And when Anya’s at school, I have a total of 4 hours (inclusive of her school bus trip) to spend with Vai. Just the two of us.
The thing is, and I don’t know if any other stay at home moms out there feel the same way, while I personally enjoy having Vai to myself, I often find it tough juggling so many other responsibilities at the same time.
At the back of my mind, I know I need (and want) to just play, chat and spend those four hours totally with him. Especially since he’s starting nursery next year (read : no more of those hours spent alone with Vai).
But at the same time I have errands, work, deadlines, house chores, meal preparations, and so many other things to complete, and I try to do as many as things as possible during those four hours before Anya comes back home from school (to lessen the workload that needs to be done when they’re napping or are in bed at night).
And I often find myself being AT HOME, but not really spending ‘quality time’ with my little Vai. Well, at least not in the way I want it to be.
[When I catch up with work, usually for an hour or so after Anya leaves for school, Vai would play by himself – often by my side – or watch a DVD, eg. The Wiggles, for about 30 mins or so]
And I can’t help but feel guilty sometimes.
Especially when I need to extend my ‘working hours’ to more than an hour.
So the other day I decided, enough of work and the internet. I’m going out with my little boy.
I told myself, just get out of the house and have an ‘uninterrupted’ twosome time with him (while at the same time, use up my shopping vouchers, hehe)
And so, off we went to Orchard.
We took the bus, we played guessing games, we walked hand in hand, we had lunch together.
And he happily napped on the bus on our way back.
Ah it was a good day out.
And I think our little guy enjoyed mommy’s full attention too.
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hi leonny,
i so absolutely could identify with your thoughts! even when j comes back from school, i find myself trying to get her to finish her dinner quickly so i can wash up the dishes, clean up the place and her school bag, get her to bathe and settle in. so she actually spends a good one to two hours playing by herself while i eat my dinner and clean up. even when bathing, i seem to be more anxious to get it over and done with. sigh, we mums want to do so much and end up feeling guilty most of the time.
but just last week, i picked jodie up from school early, brought her for a nice haircut and a nice walk in the garden/parks we have in the city. it was such a refreshing change that made her day and mine too 🙂
Hi Sandra,
People say that when the kids are all at school, we’ll feel the ’empty nest’ syndrome … 🙂 we’re starting to feel bits of it now huh …
Sweet! i completely understand & know where u are coming from – i feel that way most of the time – but since we put him in daycare 2 yrs ago & now he’s in Kindi – i try very hard to get all the chores & errands done while he’s away at his activities – but even then i still don’t feel we have as much “fun” as i would like – i do try & keep this in mind when planning our week so i hope it gets better…
Angeline :
I guess it’s harder for me not to feel guilty when I’m busy with work for a few days in a row … But when we actually went out the other day, it sure was refreshing to both of us 😀
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Karen Yee :
Thanks Karen! I hope I can make it a weekly thing for me and Vai. mmm. Hope it’s something that’s ‘do-able’ for us!
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Elaine :
Oh wow .. so you manage? That’s great!!
It’s something that I think I should do, like once or twice a week.
I don’t think I can do it every single day though because if I do, I’d need to stay up really late every day too to clear my work. And if I get too little rest for a few days in a row, it’s harder for me (I’d be more grumpy, snappy and less patient) when it comes to handling my kids’ tantrums and behaviours … hmmm ..
I guess most other stay at home moms feel the same way? (esp. those who work from home too)
kuanglizhen :
Thank you for leaving a message and for sharing your site with us … 😀
Yin :
Memang susah ya (or perhaps impossible?) utk bisa get the best of both worlds. Pasti ada yang di sacrifice. Tinggal kitanya yang sambil lewatin, sambil cari apa yang works best and how … Gua masih belon nemu juga leh …
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Meina :
Kdg tuh kalo dua2nya lagi ‘susah’, gua can’t wait for them to nap or sleep. Biar gua less headache. Apalagi kalo gua lg byk deadline. Tp ya itu dia … at the same time gua feel guilty juga … Iya, twosome time gua sama Anya juga jauhhh lebih dikit … sigh
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Nancy :
iya ya di OZ masuk sekolah ga early gitu, itupun optional dan ortu ga ‘worried’ anaknya ‘ketinggalan’ karena sekolah pun lebih byk main2 juga and socialising. Beda bgt sama di SG. Kaya Anya sekarang kalo ikut ambil chinese enrichment after school 1x / week, udah pasti ketinggalan deh chinesenya krn guanya hopeless ga bisa ngajarin. Pas Primary 1 expectation utk languagenya udah tinggi pula …
And Vai juga thn depan sekolah … hwaaa ga kebayang deh udah masuk N2 pake seragam! happy that he’s growing tapi missing them at the same time … sigh …
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Henny :
ini dia, gw belon tau bakal gimana baiknya arrangement utk our family, pas nanti Anya masuk Primary 1 and Vai di K1. Lebih kebayang kalo udah deket waktunya …
Hi Leonny,
This is how I always felt too. On one hand, I wanted so much to spend time with the kids and on the other hand, I have so much work that needs to be completed. Now, I make it a point to stop work once the kids are awake and spend a whole good morning with them before heading out somewhere for a nice tea and work in the afternoon. It’s tough but you have done it so well!
How sweet! I can totally understand when how you feel. YOu are doing great!! Keep it up!
Oh Mommy, lower your expectation on yourself and you’ll not have that struggle in your head… *wink*
Still, I want to applaud you for taking the time off from that four walls and REALLY TRULY spend ‘fun’ time with him…
Well done Mommy.
he..he.. makanya gue masukin anak gue yang satu session pagi dan yang satu lagi afternoon session (yg ini sih no choice lah karna uda primary. jadi nya ada twosome time dehhh…. itu aja gue masih empty nest leh…. ha..ha…
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Memang susah bagi waktu ya?? tapi mungkin bedanya di aussie sekolah nursery engga tiap hari..gradually starts from 2 days a wk then 3 days a wk. Next yr Hans kindy baru everyday…n I feel I’m going to miss him!! hik..hik..
Vai udah mau sekolah ya??? cepeeeeeeettt ya..n you will feel empty nest! Jeremy mestinya jg udah bisa masuk preschool for 2 days a wk..tapi gw tunda sampe next year coz gw pikir kalo begitu dah sekolah udah ga punya wkt lagi sama jeremy. Disini preschool is not compulsory dan tendensi orang masukin anak setelat mungkin.
Sama jg ama g. Even though ada wkt buat sama Gabe wkt Elissa sekolah, tp itu jg jam tdr dia (12- 2). And what I miss most is the twosome with Elissa. So kalo dia ada nap hr itu and Rudy travelling, mlmnya g lbh bs spend time berdua. tp skrg jarang banget dia nap.
THAT exactly what I feel too, le.. 🙁 jdnya skrng g siang2 gak pernah ngapa2in lg… guilty bngt… akhirnya kerjanya malem2 pas dia dah tdr sampe jam 2-3 pagi… not a good move, of course.. so, now I’m thinking should I reduce my own work, not too perfectionist and idealist so I can have quality time with Rach and enough rest for myself… should just keep this ini mind: u can’t get best of both side?? maybe it just not my time.. yet… 🙂