When words are unkind
Recently I posted some tips and thoughts on how to raise respectful children.
And one of the reasons why I put it up is because I too am faced with challenging attitudes from my 4.5yo girl, Anya.
Just like any other preschoolers, Anya’s going through a phase where her attitudes are often beyond what anyone will regard as respectful.
She’d yell, scream, talk back rudely, roll her eyes and look away, refuse to respond. You name them.
Thank goodness it doesn’t happen ‘all the time’, but on a particularly bad day, it can happen rather frequently, despite my consistently firm response.
[Yes, when such incidents happen, my mind does get very numb, and my brain feels like coming to a complete stop]
Really, although I’ve implemented almost all the tips mentioned in the article ever since she’s young, the reality is, it doesn’t stop Anya from being rude and disrespectful towards the closest people in her life.
And I learn a valuable lesson here.
That when parents give and do their best in teaching their children – regardless of who they are – it doesn’t mean the kids will automatically become ‘good’ kids, ie. kids who are always respectful, obedient, helpful, appreciative and kind.
Reasons being, children are sinners too. And they’re not robots that can be programmed.
Sigh.
But I know one thing is for sure though. If we parents sincerely bring our children up in the right way – or in our family’s case, in accordance to God’s way – our efforts will not totally be in vain.
And someday, perhaps in ten or twenty or even thirty years down the road – we’ll see the fruits of our efforts.
For our case, we pray for our children daily. For them to have a personal relationship with God; for them to grow and be the kinds of people God wants them to be; and for them to be a blessing to countless others as they grow up.
Because really, when it comes to being parents to our children, we know we are never capable of doing such a task without the grace, strength and wisdom from above.
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Hi Elaine!
Yes I agree with you … teaching ‘mannerism’ is not that straightforward …
And yes, another challenge is finding the balance between ‘reminding them’ of the right things they need to be doing, yet not sounding naggy / overly repetitive (that will eventually ‘numb’ the kids’ minds!)
hi leonny, reading this post of yours remind me of my going 3 year old son. The most headache issue is refusing to respond and refusing to greet the elders. But I guess, the hard part on parenting toddler is to be real patient with them and keep repeating what is required of them and hopefully one fine day, they will learn. 🙂
Hi everyone, and THANKS for the encouraging comments, thoughts and experiences shared too!
Yes it’s part of parenting that we all – as parents – will go through ya…
PS: A quick update:
I’m still in Jakarta right now. I got lots of huge mosquito bites, and Vai was down with a high fever since yesterday. It’s down after he takes his paracetamol, but his temperature goes up again when the ‘effectiveness’ of the paracetamol is gone. The kids’ cough still lingers …
So far we’re having a good time though! We especially enjoyed our Bali trip! 🙂 Took HEAPS of photos! hehe
I have not seen one parent who doesn’t struggle with children’s tantrums. And most adults that I know don’t throw tantrums the way the pre-schoolers do. As adults, we have other ways to let out our frustrations and we’re matured enough to handle whatever situation that might go against what we want.
From my observation, toddlers usually throw tantrums because they don’t get what they want (though that’s not always the case). the only way they know to handle that situation is by throwing tantrums
So, it definitely is a phase that humans go through because as they grow older, this throwing tantrum business will slowly disappear. And our child is not the only child who does it so at least we know that our children are considered as ‘normal’ when they throw their tantrums.
Like all the advices above, our role is to guide them cos tantrums somehow are inevitable.
Your post has reminded me that i really should not try so hard – need to learn to let go a little – i need to just do my best & let God do the rest.
as i re-read your posting, something else came to mind. i guess as mothers who chose to forgo their careers for their children, there is inevitably a certain pressure for us to “make” our kids right. that they should turn out as well-adjusted children who loves God, their parents, n the people around them. That they are model students in school who churn out excellent results year after year and whom every teacher praises.
but u r right. we may follow experts’ advice in our parenting styles n stil, sometimes we feel we r bringing up monsters. reason being, they r a separate individual n as they continue to grow, wil develop independent thoughts which may very much deviate from that inculcated by their parents, however well-meaning and intentioned. the marvellous thing about God is He gave us not just the gift of salvation, but the freedom of choice as to whether we want that gift. n i guess our job as earthly parents is to help guide our children to make the wise decisions in life, becos they have to decide at the end of the day, which path it is they choose to take.
hi leonny, be encouraged! the parenting journey is never easy, it’s likely one of the toughest job in the world! that’s y God put us in charge of it, cos as the earthly parents who brought our children into this world, who else but us would have the patience n the tenacity to see our kids thru their daily experiences, tantrums, trials n tribulations?
when it gets impossible, i tell myself it’s just a phase n it wil get better. removing myself from the situation helps clear my perspective too (of course this may not be practicable sometimes)
if i lose my patience n say things i regret, i apologise to J and ask for her forgiveness. at the end of the day, articles only serve as a guide, we stil need very much to rely on our own parental instincts (guided by biblical principles) to do the right thing.
Hi there. What I’ve learned is that when a child has a “bad attitude”, it is because their heart isn’t right. So, instead of telling them to “change their attitude” we need to get to the root of it, and change their hearts. Just like adults, when we get in a bad mood, it’s not just because we feel like it. There’s an issue, and once we change our hearts, our attitude will reflect that.