Parenting Tips and Thoughts – 7 Tips to handling tantrums in public
Anya – being close to 4.5 years old – still has her grumpy days where she whines, cries and screams when her demands are not met.
Vai – who’s turning two in less than a month – also has his own way of asserting what he wants and his unhappiness when he doesn’t get it (vocally and physically), although I must say he is less ‘hormonal’ (read : emotional) than his sister.
Anyway, here’s a good article for us all on this topic (I’ve shortened some parts of it).
Have a good read!
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From : Parenthood.com
We’ve all experienced it – the dreaded tantrum in a public place. Little Susie Q is screaming at the top of her lungs while an assortment of disapproving eyes are all focused on you. The pressure is on.
Fear not, you are not alone. There is no foolproof method that works for everyone every single time. There are, however, a few tips for handling a tantrum with a little decorum.
1. Put your child’s needs first. It is tempting to worry about what “everyone else is thinking,” but make eye contact with your child and let her know you are “present” to the situation.
2. Don’t make jokes. This is not the time to try and cajole her back to a calm state. If she is shrieking and thrashing around on the floor, put your grocery basket in reverse, tell the checker you will return another time, and physically walk out of the store with Susie in tow. Sometimes a different environment is all it takes to calm a child down. If she doesn’t calm down, leave … quickly.
3. Don’t make empty threats. If you say, “Susie, if you don’t stop screaming, we will not go to the park,” you must follow through. You must be consistent with your words.
4. Apologize to bystanders while you attempt to gingerly make your way out the door. You need not gush, simply say, “I’m sorry, we are having a difficult morning.”
5. Refrain from trying to act like the tantrum isn’t happening. Nothing is more maddening to bystanders than witnessing a mother attempting (and tragically failing) to ignore her child’s defiant behavior.
6. If a tantrum occurs in church, immediately whisk your child out the nearest exit.
7. Movie theaters are not the place to try and negotiate good behavior. If a tantrum begins in the middle of a movie, it is your unfortunate job to remove your child. This may mean that your other children have to miss the movie too, but the other moviegoers will appreciate your good manners.
Children are not mini adults and their expression of anger through an occasional tantrum is inevitable. How we, as parents, handle the situation is what makes the difference.
Although we mustn’t reward a child after a tantrum by giving in and allowing her to have her way, we can praise the child for regaining control by hugging her and letting her know that our love is unconditional
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If you’ve encountered tantrums in public, hope you can share your experience with us at the comments section (click on the link, right below the blog title).
How was it, how was the reaction of the people around you at the time, and what did you do to ‘control’ the situation?
Hear from you…
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Yeah! more or less make some sense!
am working REAL REAL hard on these now…
Oh yah, i think your boy’s bday falls on the same as my boy too? 20th Aug?
Hi Sze Yi,
Thanks for dropping a comment …
The way I see things, patience comes with ‘practice’ somehow to most of us. Some of us may be born with ‘more’ patience, but most of us need to work on it a lot (or at least learn how to not easily ‘explode’ when tough times come).
Just like being ‘faithful’ to our hubbies, I think 🙂 Some may wonder/worry if they can remain faithful (and loving) to one man for years and years before they decide on getting married. But then again, being ‘faithful’ and loving itself needs lots of ‘work’ and effort, I think. And after some time, we may become more ‘naturally’ faithful to our spouse, without much ‘effort’. And even then, we still need to keep ‘working on it’. Hmm, am I making sense ? 🙂
Anyway, I’m glad if the site can somewhat be useful to you 🙂 Thanks for sharing ya!
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Sam:
Hehe … With 3 kids to care for, I’m sure it’d feel like you’ve lost it … 😀 And hey, handling older girls and boys like yours are somewhat tougher, I think (compared to handling my two little ones).
Patience????? Lost it! Wah haha .! 😉
Hi, thks for the info, but like u mentioned, i m really not sure if these works on both my kids. and yet this is the phrase which every parents might hv to get thru
I also hv two children, one aged at 5 on coming Oct and another 2 this month. now in a dilemna whether i shld quit my job and be a SAHM. cos i m worried that i may not be up to what i expected i m supposed to be as in one criteria is PATIENCE! but ur site really inspired me alot! as in all the behaviour which ur kids are gg thru and what u hv been gg thru, it can trully reflects on me! I really hope by of the day, i can come up with a decision!
Simple. Limit the tantrums you have to deal with, by having fewer children. Then when those phases are over, they are over.
Thanks Siska for sharing!
I have to say that based on my own experience (so far) here in Singapore, whenever my kids happen to throw tantrums in public, I do notice how people tend to stare more (rather than showing / giving their support to the parents).
Of course there are those make eye contacts with me and smile with understanding. But the percentage of those who seem to be more ‘bothered’ by the scene is somewhat higher, I must say.
I get the ‘I don’t really care’ looks, as well as frowns that seem to say ‘Kids are so troublesome’.
By now, whenever such tantrum episodes happen in public, I tend to just smile and keep on walking with my kid in tow (who’s most likely, kicking and screaming by then), walking away from the spot where the incident started.
I’d then give him / her a good talk at a corner somewhere, hoping to put an end to the whole episode.
It’s a tough phase all parents must go through, I must say.
PS: Based on the general public’s ‘negative’ reaction to tantrums in public here, I personally can’t imagine leaving my kid kicking and screaming in the middle of supermarket for a good 10-15 mins 🙂 After some 3-4 minutes, I’d most likely bring the kid outside and away from the area. If the kid chooses to still cry and scream despite my attempt to stop the drama, then at least we’re at a corner somewhere, a little bit away from everybody else.
i don’t think there’s any parents who can escape this stage when their children are throwing tantrum in the public. it’s just a phase that every parent has to face.
I don’t know if ppl’s reactions towards tantrum throwing toddler (and the toddler’s parents) are different in Singapore, Indon, M’sia. because I realise that Asian are less tolerant ppl. Probably because majority of them can afford to have a nanny to do one on one with the child. But here most ppl are very understanding probably because they went through the phase themselves. They generally don’t get annoyed by screaming toddlers kicking away on the floor. They don’t give me ‘that’ look. I noticed when I was back home, when there’s toddler screaming, ppl threw ‘that’ look at the parents as if they failed their job as parents, not raising their kids properly. So, in a way, I’m lucky that ppl are not judgmental towards me. And for me that takes a huge pressure off my shoulder because sometimes (we can’t help it) we will always think about what other ppl think of me (or the situation)
when my kid threw tantrum, I couldn’t (physically) tow her out of the shop because she was kicking really hard and I just simply hasn’t got the strength to carry her or drag her. Yes, I felt my blood is boiling at this point. but have to keep reminding myself that I’m in a public place and that I have to keep my cool. I had no choice but to say to her, “if you don’t get up, I’m leaving” and like you said, I have to carry out my threats and yes, I’m the mean mother who left my daughter on the supermarket floor. And yes, she’s so stubborn that she wouldn’t care if I leave or not. she wouldn’t chase me. I know you guys probably think that I shouldn’t make my threat to that extent, but I did try to make my threat to the lesser extent, but it just didn’t work. I said we won’t go to the park, I said we won’t go on the rides, I said we won’t go out anymore if you continue to behave like this. I said a lot of threats but it just didn’t work on her. so I just have to leave her. Even that, didn’t work. I will usually walk away far enough for her not able to see me but close enough for me to be able to peek on her. Every 5 mins, I would walk back and ask if she’s ready to go home. usually by the 3rd or 4th time, she has subsided.
And of course for one whole week after that, we didn’t go out at all. Not that I don’t want to. but because I feel that I need to carry out my threat. Remember before I said to her my last threat, in my previous threat, I said we won’t go out anymore. So during that one week, I explained to her daily why we were at home. And usually the following week, she will behave better and before we go out, I repeat my rules to her