School : Day two without Mom
I know the day will need to come. And Anya and I have been having seemingly endless talks on how Mom will wait at home while she’s in class and go to pick her up again after school.
From our super long conversations with each other on this topic (and her endless pleas), I start to see her biggest worry: what if Mom leaves school, goes home AND ‘forgets’ to pick me up, leaving me stranded at school!
So frequently she goes: Mommy, pick me up from school okay? Please don’t be late. Please come early. Please pick me up when I’m done. Please don’t forget. Why don’t you stay at school anyway. Mommy, pleaseeee pick me up later.
The insecured feeling (read: separation anxiety) from being left at a foreign place and to be physically away for a few hours (from those you feel most comfortable with) must be really intense for someone like her (many other kids will feel the same too, I believe).
I know this feeling will slowly go away as days go by, but for now, to make her feel better and less anxious, these are some of things I do:
>> Continual reassurance
I repeatedly tell her how I love her, how I can’t stay because the school doesn’t allow parents to stay, how all her other friends’ parents also wait for them at home, and how I will surely pick her up after school.
I firmly tell her too that when I say I’ll leave, I’d really really go. And this means if she happens to cry again, she’ll be with her teacher and I won’t be there. After saying so, I assure her that I’d however pick her up afterwards.
[This exercise is pretty verbally exhausting, and I’m so learning to be persistent and patient]
>> Physical ‘reminder’
I wrote on her doodle board ‘Pick up Anya’ and place it prominently in our living room.
Seeing such an obvious reminder I believe somewhat helps her in feeling more secure about the whole ‘Mommy forgets to pick me up’ worry.
>> Special handshake
We now have this special handshake – that involves a few moves, hehe – that only the two of us share. We do it before we part and when we meet again after school (and at any other time, really).
With this I hope she can feel a stronger bond between us, and learn to trust Mom’s promise and love for her.
>> Reminder of her previous brave moments
I reminded her of the time when she stood in front of hundreds of audience and conducted the orchestra at Babies Prom (post: 8 Dec 07). Or the time when she chose to go for the flying fox experience in Jakarta!
I told her how she’s done those brave things, and she sure is brave enough to go and attend school too.
>> Keep our words and deliver our promise
If we say we’ll leave and only return after school, then I trust we have to keep our words, so that our little ones can see that we mean what we say (read: and not play us out)
>> Keep goodbyes as least emotional as possible
The time when we parents have to leave the child is possibly one of the worst moments.
For my case, I try to keep my cool and avoid ‘prolonged’ good-byes (that generally will make the child feel worse about the whole ‘parting’ bit).
I give her a quick hug, kiss and smile, and firmly reassure her of my love for her and my promise (that I’ll not forget about her nor picking her up afterwards).
…
And so, yesterday and today, after we said good bye, she cried real loud, clinging onto me and was carried away and comforted by her teacher.
Yes I felt my heart ached, but it wasn’t like last Friday’s kind of feeling though.
This time, I felt okay in away, and I guess it’s because I know I’ve done my best in preparing Anya for the situation (unlike last week). I’m mentally more prepared too after reading more about such separation anxieties in kids and lots of other parents’ stories.
[Btw, thanks heaps to those who’ve emailed and shared your stories!]
Anyway.
Anya did cry for a good five minutes or so (for these two days). Her teachers did well in comforting her too, I think. After those initial sad minutes, she’s all okay for the rest of the day!
I’m a happy and relieved Mom!
