Growing up
We all grow up. Even as adults, we should never stop growing.
In our general knowledge of things. In our characters and mindset. In our spirituality. In our love for God. In our relationship with our spouse, children and other people. In all other aspects in life.
Every one of us regardless of our age must continue to grow. It’s part of life. And it’s part of living.
As a parent, we naturally want to see our children grow and develop too. And we teach them how to slowly become independent individuals.
From self-feeding, putting on their own clothes, going diaperless, playing with friends, expressing their wants and communicating their feelings.
The thing is, seeing our kids grow up and develop – though truly a wonderful privilege – also means having to go through the ‘necessary phase’ that naturally comes with the process of growing up itself.
And I’ve got to say it hasn’t been easy.
In the past two weeks for example, Anya’s been displaying a lot of her ‘growing independence’.
She’d challenge our authority, refuse our requests, ignore our questions, assert her wants and test our limits.
And when her wants are not met, she’d show her unhappiness there and then (read: whine, scream, cry, sit on the floor). Even in public.
Frankly it’s been emotionally and mentally draining for me (as it’s been for her too, I guess).
And there was a time when the kids were asleep and I laid in bed, thinking and feeling so awfully bad for having disciplined and raised my voice to Anya so very often in the past few days. It’s like … if only I could be more patient and loving. Or … if only I could wait a bit longer before I snapped and yelled at her.
Sigh.
Ah whatever it is, two things are for sure though. I’m VERY thankful for the strength GOD’s been giving me till today. And, I never for a second regret my decision on being a fulltime Mom.
Because I know that even IF I myself – her own Mommy who really loves her – struggle so much in finding better ways to deal with her tantrums and am often feel so close to losing my control, I can’t imagine how her misbehaviours would be dealt with if she’s being cared for by someone else.
So yes, it’s a tough phase that she has to go through as part of growing up.
It’s teaching me so much lessons too. And in the end, I too am growing and learning a lot on how to become a better parent to my kids.
PS: Things are looking a bit better this past couple of days. Hope I’m getting so much nearer to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Having felt bad and emotionally low that one night helped a lot in making me more mindful of my tone of voice when I talk to her and how I should show even more love during this period (which I feel is what she really longs for these days)
