Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

Most people who know Anya in person would say that she’s relatively good-natured and obedient. The type of kid who won’t cause much hassles to others.

And looking at my friends’ comments so far and my own observation of the kid, I guess I have to agree that she is not a ‘difficult’ child.

The thing is, this usually leads to the common assumption that she’s good-natured ALL THE TIME.  And interestingly, quite a few friends say that they can’t imagine Anya making a scene, doing stuff like: screaming and throwing a tantrum, refusing to eat and spitting out her meals, etc. And how I may actually need to (and actually) discipline Anya.

When it comes to raising and educating my kids, I do have a few principles that I implement without fail, like:

1) If I’ve strongly said ‘No’ to something that Anya wanted, I seriously mean it and nothing that she does will change my mind (I always give my reasons for saying ‘No’ though. Be it because I love her and I don’t want her to get hurt. Because what she wanted is dangerous. Because it’s disrespectful. Etc. Etc.)

2) If it’s something that’s not too crucial, I will let Anya know my preference, but if she insists on what she wants, I let her do it her way.

3) I will not tolerate any disrespectful behaviour, like: pulling my hair when she’s angry about something, hitting Wilson for not allowing her to do something, throwing her toys around to show she’s unhappy or spitting out her food out of anger (yes, the list can get quite long here).

If she does it, even when she’s still very young (like, at the age of 10 months), I’ll look at her in the eyes and seriously tell her that it’s not the way to do it. That it’s disrespectful, etc.

If she’s thrown something to the floor, she’ll then have to pick it up and give it back to me properly (even when she’s in a restaurant or on a bus!). She’ll then have to say ‘Sorry’. (Again, after each incident, I always explain to her why what she just did was not right, etc).

Of course, as Anya gets older, like any other normal toddlers, her misbehaviour comes in many different forms. And to each and every one, I deal with it there and then.

Like the time she refused to pray and give thanks before her meals (something that I won’t tolerate). I spoke to her in different tones (from ‘nice’ to ‘really serious’) and she still refused and screamed her lungs out. And so I picked her up and took her to my bedroom. I told her she’d be in the room alone until she’s ready to pray and give thanks. She still refused and screamed, and so I closed the door. Crying continued. I went in after 30 seconds, asking her if she’s ready to pray and give thanks before her meals, and when she still refused, I closed the door, and there she cried and screamed. Again.

After another 30 seconds, I went in and talked to her calmly (while she’s still sobbing away). I told Anya about the many wonderful birthday presents she received from her friends, and how she thanked them one by one for the gifts. I then explained how Jesus cares for us and provides us with our food, a Mommy and Daddy who can provide for her, and how we therefore need to give thanks to Jesus too, just like when she needs to give thanks to anyone who’s given her a birthday gift. Anya (finally) understood the whole ‘being-thankful’ concept, prayed, gave thanks to God and ate her meals without any fuss. And I praised her for that.

There are many different incidents we all face with our kids everyday. But one of the most important things I always remember and continually learn is: finding out when to compromise and when to strongly hold on to our principles and the values we’re trying to teach our kids. It’s all for the kid’s own good and learning.

Each kid is unique, and each person may need a different approach, but I really believe that when we try, give our best and continually ask for God’s wisdom in teaching and disciplining our children, no matter how ‘difficult’ our kids are, God will give us the needed strength to go through the challenges and struggles we face each day.